MizMyColi:

Ffewara then.

Lol. Which one be ffewara again?
By the way, what's up with this your font size?

Timbuktou:


Lol. Which one be ffewara again?

By the way, what's up with this your font size?

That is how I have always typed since 19kokoro.
Lately, I have been posting without the font.

I only feel compelled to use it when I want to sound very serious and coli-like.

I wouldn't have used it again on this thread, but as you decide to find my trouble, I said let me continue, I have free pair of medicated goggles here.

MizMyColi:


That is how I have always typed since 19kokoro.
Lately, I have been posting without the font.

I only feel compelled to use it when I want to sound very serious and coli-like.

I wouldn't have used it again on this thread, but as you decide to find my trouble, I said let me continue, I have free pair of medicated goggles here.

Hehehe. It's comforting to know I made you stick to it. I have influenced somebody today.

Timbuktou:


Hehehe. It's comforting to know I made you stick to it. I have influenced somebody today.

Smh.
And he calls this one influencing.

You should give me credit for playing along though.

Can you two get a room and do the needful?

MizMyColi:


Smh.
And he calls this one influencing.

You should give me credit for playing along though.

You no know say influence get spectrum? See this one. Didn't you *ignore* me before

cococandy:
What has your location or heritage got to do with your issues? Not necessary IMO.

If you don't want your marriage to end, don't threaten your wife with it. Why did you bring that up if you still want the marriage? Except you wanted her to panic and start begging you because you threatened divorce. Is that why you were hurt when she called your bluff?

Both of you are immature. She gives silent treatment, you reject meals.
Fix yourself too. I don't believe it's all her fault.

Nairaland feminist numero uno

OP, thrash this post!

raumdeuter:
Can you two get a room and do the needful?

Not unless you come join us and make it a nairaland "party"

Timbuktou:


You no know say influence get spectrum? See this one. Didn't you *ignore* me before

Be careful. This woman you're tit tatting is doubled and have a bulging stomach due to the overnight meal she had some past few months.

Me & Mrs Jones ...

An honest sounding - almost heart on shirtsleeve type post - great start.

The little back story you've provided sounds somewhat odd. A late 20's - still relatively young - couple, one raised in the West and the other in Nigeria. That's serious culture clashing right there; no matter how Africanised your upbringing was or butterish hers.

It also begs tons of questions, from your basic maturity, to your inherent compatibility, along with quite a few others actually. So for example, your thinking she should "go home for a few months", are you sponsoring her stay? How much a part of the "bargain" is that? How do you think that would help?

Sounds like a relatively short - or long distance - courtship, where everything went swimmingly, then straight after the wedding, gbam, a kaleidoscope of true colours .

This basically boils down to two things, how committed you are to making this work and your wife' real motive. If you are both committed regardless, but simply "acting up" it will probably hold, even if not very lovingly for a time.

If she indeed had an undisclosed agenda which involves ditching you at some point, you need God - not one of his lower ranking serfs - to intervene . In any event, a deep faith - if you possess it - can only help!

If it's the former, simply take a long-term view. Be the leader of your home, demonstrate maturity, sensitivity and the committed husband like qualities that will, over time, bring her to a place of respecting you, your union, and being secure in it.

Model exactly what you would like her to reciprocate. But do not pander or fawn over her. Do not be be swayed by, or respond to, her every emotional gambit

If it's the latter, my Boss is always available .


All the best

TV

Jonesy1:
Hi All,

Not sure where to even start so I guess its best just to jump right in.

I have been married for a year or so now. My wife was born and raised in Nigeria (Lagos). We both are in our late 20s. I was born and raised in the Canada, but currently am in the US (Consider myself Nigerian-Canadian-American lol). Since our marriage ceremony I have found many issues with my wife. I am by no means perfect, however the majority of problems we have had over the last year have been numerous and all are instigated by her. At this very moment she is in the other room and we have not spoken for a few days now because of a quarrel. Due to her immaturity she uses the cold shoulder tactic. Every few weeks, like a cycle, a petty, needless argument will lead to my wife to not speak to me for 2, 3, 4 days. Some times even a week of not speaking or barely speaking to me (she did this right before Christmas!). When I say petty I mean really useless arguments over getting her hair braided, forgetting to do something in the kitchen, etc.

Anyways, this past week I made it known during our most recent argument about her behavior that this habit of shutting herself off for days at a time over nonsense matters was poisonous to our marriage and that it, along with other immature habits I won't name, will lead to the end of our marriage. In response she says, "Good! I want it to end. I want it to burn to the fucking ground!" As you can imagine I was hurt by this comment to say the least. I told her if thats the way she feels she can return to her father house.

I am seriously considering a separation. Maybe she should return home for some months? At this moment in time I have refused to eat the meals she prepares for 2 days now. She has begged for forgiveness and I have forgiven her, but the damage has already been done. Its hard to get past hearing that someone you have sacrificed so much for can say such a thing. Even if she is angry.

Anyways sha. I know that was some long reading, but I needed somewhere to vent. Is refusing her meals petty? How do I recover from hearing something so terrible especially when we have been having ongoing issues since the beginning. Any feedback is appreciated. And please feel free to tease me as well. I could use a laugh in this moment

Coco, whats up? No where did he threaten to end his marriage, he merely - and rightly so - pointed out how it could end if they did not fix up. He did exactly the right thing, by having an honest state of the nation" talk with his wife. Haba, are we all so jaundiced now

cococandy:
If you don't want your marriage to end, don't threaten your wife with it. Why did you bring that up if you still want the marriage? Except you wanted her to panic and start begging you because you threatened divorce. Is that why you were hurt when she called your bluff?

Both of you are immature. She gives silent treatment, you reject meals.
Fix yourself too. I don't believe it's all her fault.

teemy:
jonesy1, you threatened separation

No he did not.

Cordis92:
I'm not trying to support her or you but why threaten her that her behaviour may sever the marriage?

He didn't threaten anything.


TV

Timbuktou:


You no know say influence get spectrum? See this one. Didn't you *ignore* me before

Lol
Okay you win o

You both need to do a lot of growing up.
Immaturity at its peak!
You guys said a lot of hurtful words to eachother so why are you holding on to what she said? she even apologised. Nawa

tv01 depends on interpretation when he said her actions could lead to the end of the marriage. he threatened her first. imagine someone telling you that your unfriendly act of not borrowing him money could lead to the end of your friendship.

teemy:
tv01 depends on interpretation when he said her actions could lead to the end of the marriage. he threatened her first. imagine someone telling you that your unfriendly act of not borrowing him money could lead to the end of your friendship.

...a very generous interpretation at best . The analogy is also somewhat skewed. A better one would be; Two friends in a car. The driver is being really reckless and his friend says "if you keep driving this way, you could get us killed".

A warning, a note of caution, an alarm. Not a threat, as the possible outcome is not what he - and neither his friend, one would suppose - actually desires.


TV

TV01:
...a very generous interpretation at best . The analogy is also somewhat skewed. A better one would be; Two friends in a car. The driver is being really reckless and his friend says "if you keep driving this way, you could get us killed".

A warning, a note of caution, an alarm. Not a threat, as the possible outcome is not what he - and neither his friend, one would suppose - actually desires.
TV

In the midst of conflict words are subject to multiemotional interpretation.

duplicate content

teemy:


In the midst of conflict words are subject to multiemotional interpretation.

...agreed, but we are not fighting ...although I guess OP and his missus were. Best. TV

freshvine:


Nairaland feminist numero uno

OP, thrash this post!

A feminist who succumbs to her husband's will wholeheartedly and cower before his very might and come online to sound tough...

Op, are you showing your wife real love?
Are you treating her like your jewel ?
Examine your self first.

sumborri:
Brothe impregnate her, when she has annoying cuties running amork in ur home, she would hve expended all her energy keeping malice with her children that seeing you will be a day's relief. Women are not complete whether mentally or emotionally and doing bad and annoying things is their second nature. It takes a good and mature man to understand the need to forgive them often.


Your wife haas a lot of growing up to do and unfortunately you hve to be the man to help her. Its not a hard chore really but try to ignore her rantings ..(I repeat her rantings). If she is tired can't she see and use the door as needed ? So am sure its just mere words uttered in anger which she has had the good sense to apologise for.

So biko forgive her, ignore her rants and get her pregenant nd fill ur home with nice kids so she can learn how truly annoying life can get let's see if she will shut off and keep malice with her kids. Behaviours a womn cnnot to in public to friend or to her boss at work she will gladly do to her husband who is the crown on her maiden head. N real wa . Sowi bro

impregnate fire. The worse set of women I HATE are those that run their mouth like tap. I waste no time with such people.

armyofone:
Op, are you showing your wife real love?
Are you treating her like your jewel ?
Examine your self first.

so it's the OP that does not deserve "real" love or is there anywhere it is written that only a man should give "real" love? Did your eyes miss where he said " all he has sacrificed for her"?

Flowerlady01:


I was like that because I didn't know how to air my feelings through proper communication. I am a reserved and quiet person and sometimes felt I would hurt him if I told him what was on my mind. So I would bottle it up instead. And boil inside me silently. We loved each other even then but that was just my personality. Now I don't hesitate to say what's on my mind and he appreciates it this way.

Thanks a lot for your response

@Jonesy1,

Could this be the case?

Does she express when you wrong her or does she say nothing and suddenly explodes when she is boiling over piled up grievances?

Suspect that because she does a lot of silent treatments.

Because as the said leader of the house, when the hands and tail are twisted, something is wrong with the head.

motherfucker:
so it's the OP that does not deserve "real" love or is there anywhere it is written that only a man should give "real" love? Did your eyes miss where he said " all he has sacrificed for her"?