Cc: RoyalRoy, lalasticlala

[size=16pt]Smartphones; Mortal Enemies Of The Latter-Day Family[/size]

The night it really hit me was on a get-together dinner party, which was graced by members of both my immediate and extended family.

Midway into an occasion meant for revivification of espirit de corps, I could not help but notice how entirely aloof my cousin was.
And how she seemed to be more interested in what she was reading on the 5.0 inch screen of her phone, than in sharing in that wholesome moment of camaraderie.

Out of curiosity, I sallied forth to steal a sneak peek at what so commanded her respectful attention, and lo and behold, upon the dainty shores of Facebook did I find my beloved cousin: combing through feeds with the thoroughness of a surgeon, attending to inboxes, and belting out comments with an earnestness that'd make you wonder if she earned a million naira for doing so.

That instant, all I wanted to do was prise the phone from her, and give a lengthy big-brotherly lecture on the importance of family time.
But that unsettling inward conclamation, that strident unsilenceable rasp of guilt, was balls-out prodding me in my superego.

And then I thought to myself, "How dare I claim a high moral ground when I too in my social media heydays, had been culpable of what I was about to upbraid my cousin for?"

I was in between the Egyptian host and the Red Sea for some minutes; deliberating on whether to admonish her or not, but eventually, I decided to abase my lance of admonition so as to avoid falling into the mortal sin of hypocrisy...besides, my cousin takes Karate classes, and a part of me was not particularly keen on getting my āss beat. (O)_(O)

That episode with my cousin happened a fortnight ago. And since that hour, I have mulled over and sought to discern the reasons, as to why the trappings of social media have disintegrated with centrifugal force, the bond and cohesion of many 21st century families.

Many of these reasons are quite patent to us all.

[...]

The easy accessibility and relatively cheap cost of the internet is obviously magnum opus in the ouevre of causalities.

Let's also not forget how we have grown to love the anonymity afforded by the internet. An attendant corollary of which is getting to talk, write, and act as we want without compuction or the faintest angst over ramifications — this is known as the "Bystander effect".

The addictiveness that comes with internet-surfing is arguably the mother of all causes. It is about as addictive as cocaine is.
Did you know that the average phone-user touches his-her cell phone more than 2,000 times in a day?
How many of us — myself included — can live without social media for a month?

We have invested an importance verging on obsession in our phones that any attempt to go Cold Turkey, or even the slightest hint of withdrawal makes us as neurotic as a border Collie.

Let's cast a sepia tone onto the year 48 BC: This was the year the Library Of Alexandria was reduced to a pile of ashes — an event which gut-punched the whole world into a squalid pool of gloom, and which has endured throughout the course of history as a symbolism for the "destruction of knowledge and culture".

Yet, in this modern times, you could with a baptism of fire, combust all the libraries on the planet and probably won't elicit as much as an eyebrow-raise of recognition.
This is so because we can read on just about anything, simply by sauntering the hallowed halls of our e-libraries and e-forums.
This bushel of information that is obtainable on the internet explains for its alluring appeal to the ones among us whom we call bookworms; and by extension, for the addiction of those of us with a predilection toward keeping our toenails on the pulse of things.

There are also those of us who get sucked into the vortex of social media because of the exciting Twitter spats, dialectic arguments on politics and sports, puerile e-wars, and witty one-liners and repartees which are a commonplace in many online circles.
This also qualifies as a cause for our worrisome addiction.

And there are some of us whose sole raison d'être is but the sheer romance that the internet promises.
We, in this category, have darkened the thresholds of virtually every dating site with our venturesome shadows, all in quest for that storied Holy Grail of love..."I hate to disappoint, Sir Lancelot...but the princess you seek is not in this castle".

[...]

And lastly, there are those of us to whom the internet is an escapism from stress and/or an unfulfilled life.
Maybe we have applied for job openings in several organizations and have been declined repeatedly, or maybe we are stuck in the limbo of an unhappy marriage or relationship.

Maybe we are who society would call socially-awkward...maybe we have tried to secure admission into the higher institution but have failed decidedly so in that regard.

Maybe it is attention that we crave, and maybe social media is the one platform that accords us the mirage of a celebrity status, and that much needed validation of our self-worth in equal facility.

Maybe our wings are clipped money-wise, and maybe Isaac Newton's law of "BUHARINOMICS" has made it impossible to soar above the lowlands of our financial insufficiencies.

Maybe the siamese twin of boredom and listlessness have dug their stakes into the earth of our lives...maybe our regimented lives which runs like clockwork have grown particularly stale on our taste buds.

And just maybe the burden of expectations set by family members, friends, work colleagues, and even our children, have made us recourse to the patronage of the internet; and have forced us to see it as an outlet to vent our pent-up frustrations; and hopefully, in flourishing us with that which springs forth from the fountains of happiness, however illusory and transient it might be.

[...]

What's not to like about the internet anyway?
It is where we can be the Alaafin Of Oyo, or the Queen Of England, or the Duke Of Edinburgh, or live in goldplated mansions where a retinue of imaginary servants dance attendance upon us.
It is where we can claim to weigh the equivalent of a Warren Buffet on the money scale without getting met with squawks of reprobation, and where we can act as we wish without fear of incurring the sempieternally judgmental ire of societal convention(s).

Let's tell ourselves the Gospel truth: We simply cannot do without the internet, especially in this era which many would agree is an inextricably linked Venn diagram of man and machine.
But, what we can do is modulate our usage of it, by sweat of equity in our determination and self-discipline.

So, when we cannot do without stealing cursory glances at our BBM feeds while our parents are trying to connect emotionally with us.
When we are more concerned about analysing Paul Pogba's move to the Old Trafford with that online banter-mate of ours, rather than in giving even a soundbite of our attention to our significant other.
And when we cannot help but sift through DMs on Twitter while assisting our kids with their homework, we should also bear this in mind:

"The day the sun rays of reality dawns on our side of the hedge; the day we realise how much we have invested in immaterial things that really may not matter; the day Karma comes to serve us our just deserts, only then would our blinkered sight be unblind to the magnitude of our folly".

In passing, I would leave you to these two quotations — the first is a restatement of Benjamin Franklin's and the second is creation of mine:

"A family that bonds is a continual Christmas"

"When social media's got you in a crisscross... switch into Airplane mode" (O)_(O)

RoyalRoy, when you see this, kindly help in moving this to the general section. I should have checked for traffic first.
Thank you as you comply.

It's just pure selfishness from the part of the person punching his or her own phones even with dates or hang outs.. That the trick of knowing someone who is selfish..and thinks of him or herself alone..sucb people, I simply stop hanging out with them. How much more to be married to such person... Yuck!

Amelian:
]b]It's just pure selfishness from the part of the person punching his or her own phones even with dates or hang outs[/b]. That the trick of knowing someone who is selfish..and thinks of him or herself alone..sucb people, I simply stop hanging out with them. How much more to be married to such person... Yuck!

The person(s) may not be able to help it. It could be an addiction that they find very difficult in breaking away from.
Perhaps you've got solutions to counteract this addiction? For the purpose of this thread is to proffer practical solutions, and not to condemn.

Adeboyewareez, I see you're here.

Darkenedrebel, this, is a very good write-up. So good, I've saved it up on Evernote. By the way, I think that this problem is inevitable. We are social animals, and the social media is out there to exploit that weakness to the fullest.
Except you've lived in the mountains far from civilization all your entire life, its pretty difficult not to find confirmation, approval, commendation, affection from other humans.

darkenedrebel:
Adeboyewareez, I see you're here.

Yeah, albeit late

Pdizzle:
It's funny how these gadgets make far people closer and close people farther. Its a curse of development we have to bear, it's a virtual world, a haven for so many.
Most people don't appreciate the value of living in the moment, it's either we are weighed down into the past or thinking distant into the future. The best part of our lives are lived when we are in the moment, that time you're climbing a mountain, swimming or just even being attentive to your partner. Thanks to Robin Sharma i learnt a lot from his bestseller.

This reminds me of the news online sometime about a phoneless old woman from a film premier picture that taught us to live in the moment.

Nice.

The photograph sure makes a poignant statement.

Did you hear the news about the 13 year old Vietnamese girl? The one who burnt herself badly after making a dare on Facebook that she would set her school on fire if she got up to 1000 likes? No?

adeboyewareez:

Yeah, albeit late

You're just in time.

darkenedrebel:

You're just in time.

Really? that's great then! So, can we discuss on the topic?

darkenedrebel:


The person(s) may not be able to help it. It could be an addiction that they find very difficult in breaking away from.
Perhaps you've got solutions to counteract this addiction? For the purpose of this thread is to proffer practical solutions, and not to condemn.

OK the solution is this.. We should try as much as possible to balance everything we bring into our lives.. And place yourself on the other person's shoes seeking for your attention.. How will u feel the role is reversed.? And u are ignored..


Smart phones was never there years back.. How do people or couples relate back then.
I know smartphones are addictive.. I nearly got addicted to it, until I realise its telling on my biz and in my love relationship.. I had to seat back and draw Aline to balance it and not make it my whole life.
The decision to draw the line between u and the beloved smartphone must come from within you.
Because when we realise that the attention given to smart phone will ruin what we hold dear.. I think that should make some people think twice about it... And handle it sensibly.

People should just seat back and place themselves in the other person's shoes.
How will they feel?

adeboyewareez:
Darkenedrebel, this, is a very good write-up. So good, I've saved it up on Evernote. By the way, I think that this problem is inevitable. We are social animals, and the social media is out there to exploit that weakness to the fullest.
Except you've lived in the mountains far from civilization all your entire life, its pretty difficult not to find confirmation, approval, commendation, affection from other humans.

Thank you.

What do you mean by the problem is inevitable? By that do you mean that it cannot be cut down to its indispensable minimum?

Commendation, approval, and affection can all be given in abundance by the people who live around us – It hinges on your people skills and how well you can get along with others.
It can be accorded by real people and real things that have form and substance to them, people and things which we see and experience in four-dimensional form in our daily lives.
Why would we prefer the inferior two-dimensional universe that the screens of our phones can only afford to give us?

Don't you think that the inordinate soliciting of commendation, approval, and affection from people online – even if it means jeopardizing our relationships with the people we relate with and encounter in our day-to-day lives– is indicative of a psychological misfiring?

adeboyewareez:

Really? that's great then! So, can we discuss on the topic?

Sure. I'm here until it's time for kick-off.

darkenedrebel:

Sure. I'm here until it's time for kick-off.

OK then,

Amelian:



OK the solution is this.. We should try as much as possible to balance everything we bring into our lives.. And place yourself on the other person's shoes seeking for your attention.. How will u feel the role is reversed.? And u are ignored..


Smart phones was never there years back.. How do people or couples relate back then.
I know smartphones are addictive.. I nearly got addicted to it, until I realise its telling on my biz and in my love relationship.. I had to seat back and draw Aline to balance it and not make it my whole life.
The decision to draw the line between u and the beloved smartphone must come from within you.
Because when we realise that the attention given to smart phone will ruin what we hold dear.. I think that should make some people think twice about it... And handle it sensibly.

People should just seat back and place themselves in the other person's shoes.
How will they feel?

Good points raised. "Trying to put yourself in the shoes of others" sure does ring true to some level. In other words, a revamp of our capacity for empathy would have giant hand in salvaging the situation.

But you're making this a tad too couple-centric.
You're leaving out the children [I made mention of the case scenario of a 13 year old Vietnamese girl, and how social media drove her into self-immolation. You can read up on the full detail. This happened only 3 days old so there's still a lot of ongoing buzz]

You're also leaving out the single young adults, those who are not in a relationship, but cannot cultivate nor sustain any meaningful human relationship because of addiction to social media.

[...]

You say there were no smartphones back then? But I bet you dollars to donuts that there must have been something back then, a fad of some sort, which was also as, if not more addictive than smartphones.
Different times, different madness.

darkenedrebel:


Thank you.

What do you mean by the problem is inevitable? By that do you mean that it cannot be cut down to its indispensable minimum?

Commendation, approval, and affection can all be given in abundance by the people who live around us – It hinges on your people skills and how well you can get along with others.
It can be accorded by real people and real things that have form and substance to them, people and things which we see and experience in four-dimensional form in our daily lives.
Why would we prefer the inferior two-dimensional universe that the screens of our phones can only afford to give us?

Don't you think that the inordinate soliciting of commendation, approval, and affection from people online – even if it means jeopardizing our relationships with the people we relate with and encounter in our day-to-day lives– is indicative of a psychological misfiring?

I quite agree that real things are better, real relationships give better affection and gratification. However, humans have been known to always try to look for ways to use the least effort to get the maximum output possible. Machines are a testament to that fact, so also lies and falsification. It may interest you to know that we mostly tell lies so as to look positive in the eyes of others without breaking a honest sweat. The same story abounds for falsification.

You'll agree that it's quite easy to become famous online than in real life, a picture or video of mine could rack up a billion views online and I didn't move a muscle! That said, everyone wants to be popular, to have positive reviews from the other person, to be known by everyone. which is why the problem of social addiction is rather inevitable. the social media is a getaway to cheap popularity, which most humans want.

concerning its psychological side-effects, I think its pretty much the same story as every other human invention out there. Think of the pornography industry- its generating money based on man's sexual weakness. The social media is also generating money from man's social weakness regardless of the fact that we might soon become slaves to that very thing we created to improve our lives.

Most people are not addicted, they lack awareness of etiquette.
In my circles it is considered rude to be browsing your phone in the presence of others and I am glad it is. People excuse themselves if they have to take a call or send a message.

Thanks for this thread. It's a great way to raise awareness.

A device of illusion yet it gives us a sense of false inclusion..
Time to draw the line.don't want to drown in delusion

Thanks for the awareness

You write very well darkenedrebel and I like your writing style. Just that, sometimes, the big big grammar can be off-putting. I hope you send your pieces to big blogs and newspapers and not leave them here on Nairaland to roast. NL won't add money to your pocket neither will it help your writing reputation much.

Kindly tag me when next you write pieces like this.

From a fan of your articles (not your overly worded rap lines)

calliope:
A device of illusion
yet it gives us a sense of false inclusion..
Time to draw the line.
Don't want to drown in delusion

Thanks for the awareness

Didn't know you rhyme?

SalomonKane:
Didn't know you rhyme?

You mentored me last night learnt from you

calliope:

You mentored me last night learnt from you

I did? I can't remember, was too busy getting high and nairalanding....

Still getting high on beer now. Perhaps you won't mind me teaching you the real deal?

darkenedrebel:



Good points raised. "Trying to put yourself in the shoes of others" sure does ring true to some level. In other words, a revamp of our capacity for empathy would have giant hand in salvaging the situation.

But you're making this a tad too couple-centric.
You're leaving out the children [I made mention of the case scenario of a 13 year old Vietnamese girl, and how social media drove her into self-immolation. You can read up on the full detail. This happened only 3 days old so there's still a lot of ongoing buzz]

You're also leaving out the single young adults, those who are not in a relationship, but cannot cultivate nor sustain any meaningful human relationship because of addiction to social media.

[...]

You say there were no smartphones back then? But I bet you dollars to donuts that there must have been something back then, a fad of some sort, which was also as, if not more addictive than smartphones.
Different times, different madness.

If young single adults want to make meaningful thing out their relationship, they should balance their addiction to smartphone when they are with their partners of friends who seeks their attention. Orelse they will just be jumping in and out off relationships like frogs.

Then the Vietnamese girl, she allowed social media and what people says to affect her and possible she has no guardian she could confide in.. That's why.

An0nimus:
You write very well darkenedrebel and I like your writing style. Just that, sometimes, the big big grammar can be off-putting. I hope you send your pieces to big blogs and newspapers and not leave them here on Nairaland to roast. NL won't add money to your pocket neither will it help your writing reputation much.

Kindly tag me when next you write pieces like this.

From a fan of your articles (not your overly worded rap lines)

Haha, and I tried my damnedest to have this tempered with modesty.

I function as a content writer for a newly-sprout blog in my pastime, although school and work do not make it a walk in the park. Thanks for the bit of advise.
And I will tag you when next I post something.

darkenedrebel:


Haha, and I tried my damnedest to have this tempered with modesty.

I function as a content writer for a newly-sprout blog in my pastime, although school and work do not make it a walk in the park. Thanks for the bit of advise.
And I will tag you when next I post something.

Hehehehe Hilarious.

SalomonKane:
I did? I can't remember, was too busy getting high and nairalanding....

Still getting high on beer now. Perhaps you won't mind me teaching you the real deal?

Hahaha.

I didn't mean literally Kane. Somebody cannot play with you again saw ur dope lines in rap section last night.Gerrit?

*scratch head* I would pass on that one

calliope:

Hahaha.

I didn't mean literally Kane. Somebody cannot play with you again saw ur dope lines in the rap section last night.Gerrit?

*scratch head* I would pass on that one

My dope lines? Come on, I'm just trying my hands on something new. So I decided to give some ding bag a taste of my shaggy skills.

Pass on that one? Come on gurl, don't tell me you're afraid of tasting something you just might like?

Pdizzle:

I didn't. I'm sure she has mental issues.

Maybe, maybe not. Lack of self-esteem, and an acute histrionic personality disorder lends logical symmetry, and best explains the tragedy.

I mean, when one's actions are driven by how much 'likes' she gets on Facebook, it does none than beggar comprehension. And to think she's only thirteen.

I'm a big fan of your articles. Do you mind to spare the materials you read online/offline?

radiokilla:
I'm a big fan of your articles. Do you mind to spare the materials you read online/offline?

You mean share, right?

That image on your profile is that of "Our Mother Of Perpetual Help".