Jarizod's Book Of Jokes - Jokes Etc (6)

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Jarizod's Book Of Jokes - Jokes Etc (6) - Nairaland

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Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:19pm On Nov 07, 2016

[b]
A guy mistakenly transferred N200k (out of N210k balance in his account) to a wrong account number via mobile money transfer. After thinking of a way to stop the person from withdrawing the money, he came up with an idea of sending a text message to the person's phone number saying:
"Hello dark and worthy initiate, I hope you're OK. I believe you have received the money I sent to you. It's for your
initiation into the eternal mystical order of glorious satanism in the Ogboni fraternity scheduled to take place tomorrow at 12 midnight. That money is only for your transport. I'll send you more for shopping. There are riches awaiting you in this kingdom. Two weeks after the initiation, a family member
very close to your heart will die, this will unlock your ticket to wealth and you will have the ability to fly at night to any part
of the world. Thanks in advance. But in case you're not ready to join, please send back the money immediately to avoid ur sudden death."
Five minutes later, he got an SMS saying:
"Please send another N200k, my friend is also interested. Nigerian economy has frustrated us too much."
The man fainted...... cheesy

[/b]

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:32pm On Nov 09, 2016

I was invited to a wedding,, when i reached the hotel i found
two doors written
1 . bride relatives
2. Groom relatives
I entered the one written groom relatives and found two more
doors
1 . ladies
2. men
I went through the one for ladies only to find two more doors
1 . people with gifts
2. people without gift
I went through the one written people without gifts and found
myself outside the hotel through the back door.
At the door it was written "so in this time of recession you
want to just come, eat and drink without any gift, No Way" ole
oloju kokoro

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 8:17am On Nov 10, 2016

Bro jarizod i dey feel you, continue......

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:40am On Nov 10, 2016

lhawarl1:
Bro jarizo.d i dey feel you, continue......

thanks bro..

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by heavenlychy: 3:21pm On Nov 10, 2016

I'm loving your jokes..my eyes are so wet with laughter.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:40pm On Nov 11, 2016

heavenlychy:
I'm loving your jokes..my eyes are so wet with laughter.

Thanks dear

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 7:48pm On Nov 13, 2016

*A South African tweeted " MY PRESIDENT IS THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER*! *WHY SHOULD THERE BE ELECTRICITY FOR 23 HOURS OUT OF 24 HOURS? HOW CAN CITIZENS BE IN DARKNESS FOR ONE WHOLE HOUR*? *I'M SO UPSET RIGHT NOW*!"
And then a Nigerian man quoted and retweeted. *_"Come to my country, you won't even have battery to type this nonsense*

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:29pm On Nov 15, 2016

A monkey and a baboon were seated next to each other during a service in church ...........the pastor said; turn to your neighbor and say they are beautiful and adorably created by God. Monkey looks at the baboon for a moment , then laughs out loud and tells the pastor.....tell him yourself, I don't want to lie in church .............

3 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:12am On Nov 17, 2016

Jarizod:

A monkey and a baboon were seated next to each other during a service in church ...........the pastor said; turn to your neighbor and say they are beautiful and adorably created by God. Monkey looks at the baboon for a moment , then laughs out loud and tells the pastor.....tell him yourself, I don't want to lie in church .............

lol

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:05pm On Nov 17, 2016

[b]

Oya laugh small jare.

I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.

Policeman: (Shaking)
Ah! You carry dog?

Me: (I bone face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?

Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable)
Na where una dey come from?

Me: From hospital.

Policeman: Ehen! you sick?

Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.

Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now)
Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?

Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.

Policeman: The dog know you?

Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?

Policeman: (Sweating)
This your door, how you dey open am?

Me: How you take enter?

Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).

Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anythin from you.

Me: How much you go pay me?

Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.

Me: You neva ready.
(I looked back at the dog).

Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!

Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)

Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
cheesy

[/b]

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Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:19am On Nov 18, 2016

Jarizod:

Abeg where Idris? Make e come sing Nigeria jaga jaga remix. How will someone put garden egg inside egg-roll. And when I complained she boldly told me "egg na egg"

hahahahahahaa, help me tell dat woman say, thunder fire am

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:05pm On Nov 18, 2016

Smallville10:
hahahahahahaa, help me tell dat woman say, thunder fire am

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by darbeelicous(f): 12:45pm On Nov 18, 2016

Wow........ I've been laughing so loud my colleagues think I'm nuts, good job guys.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:45pm On Nov 18, 2016

When your mum is trying to call your sibling and you go and do high service and help her to echo the name...the next thing you'd hear is...Oh you are even there.
#Oya_come ...

2 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:37pm On Nov 18, 2016

Lol nice job bro, i don laff tire

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:48am On Nov 20, 2016

lhawarl1:
Lol nice job bro, i don laff tire

Thanks bro

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:26pm On Nov 20, 2016

Jarizod:

When your mum is trying to call your sibling and you go and do high service and help her to echo the name...the next thing you'd hear is...Oh you are even there.
#Oya_come ...

hahahahahahahahaha... My mama no won know ur age o, as long as u dey leave for dat house, she can send u... "oya biko come and go and buy me tomato and ugwu with titus fish" So once she call one person name me quickly...

run away

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:49pm On Nov 20, 2016

Smallville10:
hahahahahahahahaha... My mama no won know ur age o, as long as u dey leave for dat house, she can send u... "oya biko come and go and buy me tomato and ugwu with titus fish" So once she call one person name me quickly...

run away

na so me sef dey do oh

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:33pm On Nov 22, 2016

#secondary school Days
That Awkward Moment when you go to visit
your
Friend in another class
and you suddenly heard
*"All of you should Kneel Down!"*

4 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by seunlly(m): 1:20pm On Nov 23, 2016

Jarizod:

#secondary school Days That Awkward Moment when you go to visit your Friend in another class and you suddenly heard *"All of you should Kneel Down!"*

Can't stop laughing grin

I feel u @jarizod more grease to ur elbow.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:13pm On Nov 23, 2016

seunlly:

Can't stop laughing

I feel u @jar.izod more grease to ur elbow.

Thanks boss

1 Like

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:06pm On Nov 23, 2016

Good job bro

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:50am On Nov 24, 2016

Jarizod:

#secondary school Days
That Awkward Moment when you go to visit
your
Friend in another class
and you suddenly heard
*"All of you should Kneel Down!"*

hahahahahaha dat moment u know if u enter den u must join dem... So u better disappear

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:03am On Nov 24, 2016

Jarizod:

#secondary school Days That Awkward Moment when you go to visit your Friend in another class and you suddenly heard *"All of you should Kneel Down!"*

You must join dem ni o

Dem no dey hear begging grin

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:02am On Nov 25, 2016

They will steal someone's phone that cost
almost 80k........
The person will now say "it's not the phone
that pain me it's the Sim Card" of 100 naira!
Iffa tear you slap ehn

3 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:56pm On Nov 26, 2016

Jarizod1:

They will steal someone's phone that cost
almost 80k........
The person will now say "it's not the phone
that pain me it's the Sim Card" of 100 naira!
Iffa tear you slap ehn

lol

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:33pm On Nov 28, 2016

IMAGINE... you are lying on your bed after a hefty lunch and suddenly hear a knock on the door.... So u get up bt the bed hits ur small toe and as u jump in pain, u fall on a bucket full of water and slide,...as u fall down , u knock over your TV and crushes down as the electric wire touches the water u slid on and instantly shocks u thrice.... As u head to the door in pain and anger , you open only to find a guy standing at the door and he tells you.......
Hey, I'm registering MTN simcards....
What will you do?

2 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:26pm On Dec 01, 2016

The day *MMM* will crash, the full meaning will change and its users will be like:

Moku Mogbe Modaran

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:27pm On Dec 01, 2016

I was watching Christmas drama rehearsal by my church's drama group today,nd I nearly burst into tears...Mary told Joseph she was pregnant,nd Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ" for who?
nd I became confused...

2 Likes

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 6:40pm On Dec 01, 2016

Jarizod:

I was watching Christmas drama rehearsal by my church's drama group today,nd I nearly burst into tears...Mary told Joseph she was pregnant,nd Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ" for who?
nd I became confused...

Lol

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:55pm On Dec 04, 2016

[b]
Laff Wan KILL Me ooh!!!! "I discovered something terrible with my neighbor. He was very sick and called a witch doctor to come to treat him at his house. The witch doctor said his case was critical and that he cannot be cured, but the sickness can be transferred to another person. My neighbor accepted. The witch doctor worked on him, and told him, as I am leaving, if anyone opens the door you must say 'tchaa'. And this person will die in your place. The witch doctor left, and my neighbor was waiting for the first unlucky person so as to say 'tchaa', and transfer his sickness to the person and be cured. But the witch doctor discovered that he didn't collect any money from my neighbor for his treatment, so he decided to take the risk to go back to my neighbor and ask. As soon as he opened the door, my neighbor said 'tchaa', the witch doctor said 'retchaa', my neighbor then said 'reretchaa', the witch doctor said 'rereretchaa'. As I am telling you now, the whole street are there watching the two shouting 'rererererereretchaa'." cheesy

[/b]

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 7:30pm On Dec 05, 2016

Everton 1 -Man U 1- *89 minutes*
Arsenal 1 - man u 1- *89 minutes*
Man u 1 - Stoke city 1- *89 minutes*

Pogba 89 million

2 Likes

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