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Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by missyge(f): 7:15pm On Oct 18, 2016
Contact17:

Agree.
Sure
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by BekeeBuAgbara: 7:18pm On Oct 18, 2016
realityone:
That is not scriptural. Don't accept the wrong thing because of emotions so that you don't blame yourself in the future. Let her stay with her own husband in the village and take care of him while my wife also take care of me.
Is it scriptural to comment on Nairaland?
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Jokerman(m): 7:18pm On Oct 18, 2016
AfroKnight:
Just look at these ladies. They have forgotten that they will become mothers in law one day. Just look at the nonsense they are saying. Na somebody marry these ones o.

You cannot stop his mother from moving in unless you are evil. She is his mother and they are related by blood and genes. You on the other hand were married.

You can divorce a wife but not a mother. Better respect the bond between a man and his family before marrying him.

The good woman raised him to be a good catch for you but now you want to relegate her.

The man will decide not you. Nonsense.



As expected, a couple of wicked jezebels have quoted me. You have no choice. The mother raised the man and you will not have authority over her unless you want your daughters in law to dictate when you visit your own sons. Make una go siddon. Nonsense.

For this purpose shall a man leave father and mother and cling unto his wife, and dey twain shall become one... wat therefore God has joined together, let no man/MIL/woman/FIL etc... put assunder...

Don't go against God's words. .... I will never allow my mum come live with me except on visitations. ..

I built a house for her, let her stay with her husband (my Dad)... she has no business to meddle in my marriage life except I ask for her input. ..

I love my mother buh my love for my wife must be greater....

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Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by 2mNaira: 7:21pm On Oct 18, 2016
smh
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by floragregs(f): 7:23pm On Oct 18, 2016
AfroKnight:
Just look at these ladies. They have forgotten that they will become mothers in law one day. Just look at the nonsense they are saying. Na somebody marry these ones o.

You cannot stop his mother from moving in unless you are evil. She is his mother and they are related by blood and genes. You on the other hand were married.

You can divorce a wife but not a mother. Better respect the bond between a man and his family before marrying him.

The good woman raised him to be a good catch for you but now you want to relegate her.

The man will decide not you. Nonsense.



As expected, a couple of wicked jezebels have quoted me. You have no choice. The mother raised the man and you will not have authority over her unless you want your daughters in law to dictate when you visit your own sons. Make una go siddon. Nonsense.
let ur wife's mother move in with you and see if u will like it. Or quietly ask ur own mother if she would have liked ur father's mum to live with them as a young couple. U just came in here to type like a big hypocrite. Go and ask ur mum about her own mother inlaw then come back and bash women.

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Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by kingphilip(m): 7:24pm On Oct 18, 2016
BekeeBuAgbara:
Is it scriptural to comment on Nairaland?
help me ask am o

Even the scripture he's trying to bank on says live peaceably with all men and the daughter in law isn't obeying that and he's here quoting scriptures

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by 2mNaira: 7:25pm On Oct 18, 2016
Jokerman:


For this purpose shall a man leave father and mother and cling unto his wife, and dey twain shall become one... wat therefore God has joined together, let no man/MIL/woman/FIL etc... put assunder...

Don't go against God's words. .... I will never allow my mum come live with me except on visitations. ..

I built a house for her, let her stay with her husband (my Dad)... she has no business to meddle in my marriage life except I ask for her input. ..

I love my mother buh my love for my wife must be greater....

Suppose u can't afford to build a house for.her and your father is dead and she is aged and needs care and attention.What will you do. I hope you know the same bible says children should take care of their aged mum.

2 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Benbobola(m): 7:25pm On Oct 18, 2016
I really would not advice the MIL moving in. A couple should be made to grow their home by themselves. She moving in would obstruct that. The bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, not that his mother will be moving with him to his home. When d mother was with her husband, did she allow her own MIL to join her home? When there would be misunderstandings in the home (definitely), the MIL would definitely interfere and be biased on her son. Everybody should learn to maintain their lane in life. She has run her own family by herself. She should allow his wife to run hers by not moving in with them. Am surprised some men are saying it is cool for her to move in. Seems u don't know anything about women at all. They keep the worst malice and they are your worst enemies. The moment one does sth wrong to the other in that house (definitely unavoidable), the other would seek out justice. Its in their blood. To avoid this terrible danger, allow her to visit as many times as possible or rent an apartment close for her. But never let your mother call your place HER HOME! Its for the good of the family o.... A word is enough for the wise!
#mytwocents #ozokworloading

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Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 7:26pm On Oct 18, 2016
FreeWorld23:
that's if you are the one that build the house. If its your own mum, you will reject her too?

Build which house? How many Nigerian men build houses very early in life? Abeg shift well...most houses were built by the couple together, especially when they both earn. Typical Nigerian patriarchal society will say it's the 'man's house'.

Don't try the emotional blackmail with me. I repeat, it extends to everyone. That's inclusive of my mum wink...

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 7:26pm On Oct 18, 2016
Loisemm:
How many of you would not mind your mother Inlaw who just retired and is not sick or needing medical attention come and live with you and hubby permanently?!
My friend's mother Inlaw is planning to do this. My friend is not comfortable with it at all but has resigned her mind to it.

The mother Inlaw often visits them and spends weeks and months with them even though she does not get along with the wife. The wife told me the mama never wanted her first son to marry and would have preferred he continues to bear children outside wedlock. He had a child before marriage. They have children of theirs now.

Sincerely, I can't undastand the rationale behind a mother moving into her son's house without invitation or permission. Is it fair?

Note -she has a married daughter o. Is it not better for her to live with her daughter if her and her daughter in-law dont get along? This lady now has strong cause to believe the mama is out to break her home. Would she now be receptive to her coming to live with them permanently?

If she is Ngozi Ezeonu no problem but if she's Patience Ozokwor, lol. Wahala dey o.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by kingphilip(m): 7:29pm On Oct 18, 2016
Jokerman:


For this purpose shall a man leave father and mother and cling unto his wife, and dey twain shall become one... wat therefore God has joined together, let no man/MIL/woman/FIL etc... put assunder...

Don't go against God's words. .... I will never allow my mum come live with me except on visitations. ..

I built a house for her, let her stay with her husband (my Dad)... she has no business to meddle in my marriage life except I ask for her input. ..

I love my mother buh my love for my wife must be greater....
and because the op hid under the guise of a friend to say she wants to stay permanently that's why you are saying all these??

Are you sure the so called husband built a house for his mother?? You just jumped into conclusion here I must say

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Benbobola(m): 7:30pm On Oct 18, 2016
mnairaland:


Suppose u can't afford to build a house for.her and your father is dead and she is aged and needs care and attention.What will you do. I hope you know the same bible says children should take care of their aged mum.
In that case, run the option through your wife first. If she says yes, fine. If she says no, find another way. Its her home and she is the mother and caretaker of the home so her opinion counts. Am sure she will help you think of another option.

2 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by kingphilip(m): 7:32pm On Oct 18, 2016
mnairaland:


Suppose u can't afford to build a house for.her and your father is dead and she is aged and needs care and attention.What will you do. I hope you know the same bible says children should take care of their aged mum.
don't mind that guy who just jumped into conclusion just to comment on half baked stories of the op
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by 2mNaira: 7:34pm On Oct 18, 2016
BekeeBuAgbara:
Is it scriptural to comment on Nairaland?

O you haven't read where the bible verse that says you should take care of you aged parents.

Bible says to leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife.Meaning cease to be under their tutlelage.

If however they become aged it is your respinsibility to take care of them. If you can do that without they living with you then fine.

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by floragregs(f): 7:36pm On Oct 18, 2016
Jokerman:


For this purpose shall a man leave father and mother and cling unto his wife, and dey twain shall become one... wat therefore God has joined together, let no man/MIL/woman/FIL etc... put assunder...

Don't go against God's words. .... I will never allow my mum come live with me except on visitations. ..

I built a house for her, let her stay with her husband (my Dad)... she has no business to meddle in my marriage life except I ask for her input. ..

I love my mother buh my love for my wife must be greater....
thank you! You are a man! Don't mind that mummy's boy
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 7:47pm On Oct 18, 2016
I created this thread for you,https://www.nairaland.com/3415656/issue-mother-inlaws-staying-sons-daughters
Loisemm:
How many of you would not mind your mother Inlaw who just retired and is not sick or needing medical attention come and live with you and hubby permanently?!
My friend's mother Inlaw is planning to do this. My friend is not comfortable with it at all but has resigned her mind to it.

The mother Inlaw often visits them and spends weeks and months with them even though she does not get along with the wife. The wife told me the mama never wanted her first son to marry and would have preferred he continues to bear children outside wedlock. He had a child before marriage. They have children of theirs now.

Sincerely, I can't undastand the rationale behind a mother moving into her son's house without invitation or permission. Is it fair?

Note -she has a married daughter o. Is it not better for her to live with her daughter if her and her daughter in-law dont get along? This lady now has strong cause to believe the mama is out to break her home. Would she now be receptive to her coming to live with them permanently?
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by comtem2011: 7:54pm On Oct 18, 2016
Ujoan:


What if he daughter's husband doesn't want her in their house.Its his house after all and we all know how Nigerian men think. The woman is afterall his wife's mother not his.

On the other hand, the woman wants to move into her SON's house, the son she bore and nurtured and made a man out of her loins. Abi your friend doesn't think she deserves to reap the fruit of her labour in her own son's house undecided

A lot of men get married and still live with their wives in their parents home, with their parents still alive. So why can't mama move into her son's house

As far as she's not causing any troubles for the couple, I don't see this as a big problem.

Your friend needs to be a little more receptive towards other people.
Easier said than done, so she cannot reap the fruit of her labour without staying with them. Does that mean u can do same thing in the future?

She should stay in her house biko, what is she looking for? As a woman self, I can't allow my mother to move in with me permanently so why will my mother in law do so, I can't turn to a pretender overnight all in the name of satisfying her. I cant even allow my mother to move in permanently into my brother's matrimonial home.

The couple should be allowed to have their privacy abeg.

5 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by dayowunmi(m): 7:54pm On Oct 18, 2016
It is WRONG. The Bible, talking about marriage says "and for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh". The man has left home to cleave to his wife, why should the woman go and cleave to the son? It is not proper in any way.

3 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Mayflowa(m): 7:55pm On Oct 18, 2016
kingphilip:
don't be offended by this simple question and I don't want to make you offended by it

Do you see your mom as someone like that??

I don't see anybody that I can't cope with

Atleast give me a week with such an individual and after that we've gotten along pretty well

This issue only arises because the so called daughter in law's brain has been set to think that mother-in-laws don't like them and they can construe an ordinary get me water please to drink to mean she's just riding them and making them look like a slave

To be harshly frank with you. My mother is an angel to many people but there are some people my mum don't just like. No matter how will talk her out of it. The look on her face when such people come near or do anything, u go believe. lol. So my wife would be dead duck if she would be one of such few persons. Anyway such coincidence won't even happen!

For sure, some people are really skilled in studying people and getting warm to them. You are lucky to be. That can't be spoken of the generality of people especially wives who think their position is threaten and facing imminent usurp. Like you, I too can live with anyone peacefully. But I understand the difference in people and can't hold them accountable to it.

2 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by intrepid: 7:56pm On Oct 18, 2016
I don't think it's the best thing to do. There may still be issues in the future unless the woman is one of a kind.
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by bilulu(m): 8:00pm On Oct 18, 2016
PaperLace:
Nobody can move into my house on permanent basis...nobody.

'but this isn't cast on stone_ it's in fact a very flexible rule. If push comes to shove, I can/will compromise.
This may be their chance to make-up, when you get to stay with someone long term, you'll see the good sides of the person you never knew (and the bad too).

So, she should relax. It might end well... grin
1. Don't forget one day u will become a mother in law too n u would want to move into ur son's house...... Expect same treatment
2. If she didn't took care of him he wouldn't be become d responsible gentleman u met n admired.
3. If she didn't pay ur bride price mind u, u won't call dat house ur home.......
I logged on Jux to respond to ur comment

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by iamharkinwaley: 8:01pm On Oct 18, 2016
hmmmm just dey observe
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by 2mNaira: 8:03pm On Oct 18, 2016
Benbobola:

In that case, run the option through your wife first. If she says yes, fine. If she says no, find another way. Its her home and she is the mother and caretaker of the home so her opinion counts. Am sure she will help you think of another option.

Which other way is there if you.can't afford to house her.[center][/center]

Most women who are good wives are bad daughter-in-laws. So, without having to spell it out, all bad wives are usually bad DIL.

Any woman who cannot accomodate her MIL,even if she is a witch, is a bad DIL.

To be honest, a lot of MIL are unreasonable, but the root of DIL/MIL problem is the fact that many DIL have their minds already prigrammed wrongly about MIL.

The truth is this, even if a woman's MIL is a witch the womsn can still disarm her and end up making her her best friend and ally.

The real primary reason why MIL's have issues with their DIL's is because they have fears and the primary reason DIL's have issues with their MIL is because they
have fears.

There are certain basic things that can be done to to disarm a bad MIL.

1.Identify her fears.
2. Allay her fears.
3.Recipricate love for hatred, kindness for unkindness.
4. Take her as your mother.
5.Treat her as you wouod treat your mother(that is if you treat your mother well otherwise, treat her right right.
6.Confront you fears.
7.Get rid of you fears.
8.Re-program your mind to be pisitively dispossed towards her.
9.Pray
10.Watch her change.

cc: Loisemm, sisisioge

3 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by figure007(m): 8:06pm On Oct 18, 2016
Ujoan:


What if he daughter's husband doesn't want her in their house.Its his house after all and we all know how Nigerian men think. The woman is afterall his wife's mother not his.

On the other hand, the woman wants to move into her SON's house, the son she bore and nurtured and made a man out of her loins. Abi your friend doesn't think she deserves to reap the fruit of her labour in her own son's house undecided

A lot of men get married and still live with their wives in their parents home, with their parents still alive. So why can't mama move into her son's house

As far as she's not causing any troubles for the couple, I don't see this as a big problem.

Your friend needs to be a little more receptive towards other people.
let me tell you something ..it's a good thing to have ur mother in law or whatever with you provided she is not coming to cause havoc BUT literally it doesn't make sense at times to decide to go and stay with ur son or daughter who is married for crying out loud they have their own life to live ... they should be left alone to their private life... do you know immediately some mother in law enters a home the home suffers setback cos of lack of privacy and confidence ...the daughter in law will start living under pressure just to satisfy both man and mother inlaw

4 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by MRBODMAS(m): 8:06pm On Oct 18, 2016
It is a law of gravity, what goes must come down. Young shall grow and become old. This life is cyclical. When u hate ur mother in law based on the mentality that "Me and My Husband". All well and good, you are still coming to that position. Since she is not a troublesome woman, why can't u accommodate her? But if she is trouble maker, then u can do other wise.
I thank God that I av best mom in the world, she is easy going. I av made my wife to av a very strong cordial relationship with her so that d love will continue flowing.
Please to scatter ur home because what people are saying abt the mother in law, yours can be differ, create ur personal world.

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by HBIAFRA1: 8:09pm On Oct 18, 2016
If you reject your mother inlaw, one day ur son will get married and his wife will reject u also,, then u will be old mother inlaw too, if ur hands and heart is clean then commit ur case to God, mama inlaw will come and no evil will happen !

1 Like

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Jokerman(m): 8:11pm On Oct 18, 2016
mnairaland:


Suppose u can't afford to build a house for.her and your father is dead and she is aged and needs care and attention.What will you do. I hope you know the same bible says children should take care of their aged mum.

That's if she's aged... at this stage, my wife will understand and we will both give her a room and make sure we attend to her needs. .....

Although I will never allow her suffer....
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Cutehector(m): 8:12pm On Oct 18, 2016
Lol personally my mum knws I won't tolerate her staying for weeks in my house..
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by donshady(m): 8:20pm On Oct 18, 2016
I made up my mind my mother will not live with me but her husband's house. that's where she belongs. I have my family now. she had hers. gonna leave alone with my wife and children. She can come visiting if she wants but not to come live with me. for no reason.

2 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by DEBJOCH1(m): 8:20pm On Oct 18, 2016
End time mother inlaws every where, you will discover that 90% of those in support of the mother inlaw parking into the sobs house with wife are yorubads. It is morally wrong for a healthy mother unlawful to park and move her things and start living with her don and wife. The mother for kukuma marry her son. During my wedding the officiating minister drew the ear of my parent and my wife patent clearly stay at distance from us, that's if our parents want the marriage to last. Trust my mother when ever she go to any of her son's or daughters house for Omugwo, after her usual 2 months she will complaining that she want to go back to my late fathers house, she will tell us that grass had coveted her farm she need to go and tend to it. As for your friend concerned, if her mother unlawful insist on parking in, she should also invite her own mother in too si that the equation will balance.

2 Likes

Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by byvan03: 8:24pm On Oct 18, 2016
OP what is your friend scared of? Let her do what is right, MIL is the one that needs to watch her bp if she stirs trouble, so why worry over nothing? You might end up enjoying her stay.

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