Well said. Good morning.

toyeem:


Oh yes dear, there are lots of people having a blissful marriage. Marriage has its ups and downs. Unfortunately, we don't get to hear of the ups, just the downs. If you are married and you think your spouse is bad because your marriage is going thru it's down, take your time to write down three good things your spouse is doing/has done against one bad thing he is doing/has done. Go over it several times and you will learn to appreciate your spouse.

Times like this I wish I could hear from the other party and get their side of the story. It's so easy for one person to start relaying what the other is doing wrong/has done wrong, without stating their own faults.

That said, ignoring her is the last thing you should do. Something is definitely amiss somewhere. Recall when she started doing these things. Find out why she's doing them - either via communication with her or employing your own mental faculty of reasoning. With honesty, recall where you yourself have gone wrong and what you need to change. You've been married for 8 years, so you should know each other's characters by now.

hanked:
I need a matured contribution on how to go about this, my wife of 8 years now did something I believe was bad ( 1. she stopped giving me food . 2. secretly in contacts with most of her ex. 3. associating with pple I asked her not to) divorce is out of it cos of the children. she's so stubborn that she did not want to listen , what's the best solution to this?should I ignore her or talk to her pple?

This is a sad case but can be remedied.She has fallen out of love...and i don't know why she doesn't give u food anymore but u should do ur best to get close to her no matter how hard it may seem at first just keep trying and don't quit till she begins to warm up to u gradually and also begin to do the things that made her fall for u in the first place. when ur relationship becomes boring and uninteresting partners tend to look for what is missing outside instead of trying to fix what they have and ogbeni u gat to act swiftly b4 those bhad guys start to take advantage Seriously about the association with ppl u asked her not to and her being stubborn, as a man u got to be firm really firm but do it lovingly let her know how things should be done or how things would benefit the marriage if she see's it from ur view..talk to God too but if she's already lost just bon d matter and move on,u cant be married strangers forever na..or do u want to stay married to someone else's lover? Since u don't do divorce well... all the best

dairykidd:


This is a sad case but can be remedied.She has fallen out of love...and i don't know why she doesn't give u food anymore but u should do ur best to get close to her no matter how hard it may seem at first just keep trying and don't quit till she begins to warm up to u gradually and also begin to do the things that made her fall for u in the first place. when ur relationship becomes boring and uninteresting partners tend to look for what is missing outside instead of trying to fix what they have and ogbeni u gat to act swiftly b4 those bhad guys start to take advantage Seriously about the association with ppl u asked her not to and her being stubborn, as a man u got to be firm really firm but do it lovingly let her know how things should be done or how things would benefit the marriage if she see's it from ur view..talk to God too but if she's already lost just bon d matter and move on,u cant be married strangers forever na..or do u want to stay married to someone else's lover? Since u don't do divorce well... all the best

thanks for this contribution, it's exactly what I intend doing, to keep pressing and making her to see reasons, cos those pple are taking advantage of her cos I'm not around.

johnson232:

lots of broken homes has been saved by parents.
Reporting marital issues to one's parent still remains one of the most effective way of resolving marital disputes. from the post, u can see the issue is beyond what both parties can control. ignoring it only means postponing the evil day, which the may not be able to contain when it eventually explodes.

it is best advise they report it to their parents or experienced relatives.... so the issues can be nipped in the bud before it escalates....

You are one funny dude,so if married couple cant save their marriage then they should crash and burn. why would i report issues to my parents anytime i am having issues with my wife? i can only seek their advice when i need it not run to them to help me resolve matters that are b/w us..Most of those couple whose marriage where supposedly "saved" by parents only make up because they feel they owe it as an obligation to respect the parents so they stay and that's when secret sh!t begins to happen cos they are not really happy there but are just in it out of duty. Every couple should be able to resolve their issues without bringing in a third party unless its totally out of hand its really funny sha u no help me toast am,u no help me propose,na me know how to make her happy,we've been thru good,bad and fckd up times together been to heaven and hell together who can know her better than me? i know the right buttons to touch to my advantage and all what not,then u say make i report wetin....na principal them be? i mean she's my best friend wtf!!being able to handle ur sh!t makes her even respect and love u more..I see some couples reporting themselves to their pastors which is even worse off than reporting to ur parents before u say hey! pastor don dey play husband role on and off pitch..Reporting the parents might make her stay in the marriage but doesn't always save it.

dairykidd:

You are one funny dude,so if married couple cant save their marriage then they should crash and burn. why would i report issues to my parents anytime i am having issues with my wife? i can only seek their advice when i need it not run to them to help me resolve matters that are b/w us..Most of those couple whose marriage where supposedly "saved" by parents only make up because they feel they owe it as an obligation to respect the parents so they stay and that's when secret sh!t begins to happen cos they are not really happy there but are just in it out of duty. Every couple should be able to resolve their issues without bringing in a third party unless its totally out of hand its really funny sha u no help me toast am,u no help me propose,na me know how to make her happy,we've been thru good,bad and fckd up times together been to heaven and hell together who can know her better than me? i know the right buttons to touch to my advantage and all what not,then u say make i report wetin....na principal them be? i mean she's my best friend wtf!!being able to handle ur sh!t makes her even respect and love u more..I see some couples reporting themselves to their pastors which is even worse off than reporting to ur parents before u say hey! pastor don dey play husband role on and off pitch..Reporting the parents might make her stay in the marriage but doesn't always save it.

just pray u dont jam serious issue dat is beyond ur control in ur marriage....

johnson232:

just pray u dont jam serious issue dat is beyond ur control in ur marriage....

Lolss if it cant be beyond God then i cant be bothered

hanked:
I need a matured contribution on how to go about this, my wife of 8 years now did something I believe was bad ( 1. she stopped giving me food . 2. secretly in contacts with most of her ex. 3. associating with pple I asked her not to) divorce is out of it cos of the children. she's so stubborn that she did not want to listen , what's the best solution to this?should I ignore her or talk to her pple?

Which state is she from ?

hanked:
I need a matured contribution on how to go about this, my wife of 8 years now did something I believe was bad ( 1. she stopped giving me food . 2. secretly in contacts with most of her ex. 3. associating with pple I asked her not to) divorce is out of it cos of the children. she's so stubborn that she did not want to listen , what's the best solution to this?should I ignore her or talk to her pple?

1) She stopped giving you food suggests she used to give you food. Again, I'm sure you must have confronted her about this and I'm also sure she uttered something either in response or in reaction.

What is that response/reaction?

2 & 3) Marriage shouldn't be a bondage of setting rules for each other. She has a right to her friends despite the marriage formula 1+1=1

But, being in contact with her Ex can be either;

...she wants to make you jealous because there's attention she isn't getting from you

or

....she derives some joy in keeping their contacts.

As a man of the house, don't ignore but take charge. Find her soft spot and hit her there, she will come around to open up on why her attitude changed.

...and your food will be served as and when needed thenceforth.

dairykidd:

You are one funny dude,so if married couple cant save their marriage then they should crash and burn. why would i report issues to my parents anytime i am having issues with my wife? i can only seek their advice when i need it not run to them to help me resolve matters that are b/w us..Most of those couple whose marriage where supposedly "saved" by parents only make up because they feel they owe it as an obligation to respect the parents so they stay and that's when secret sh!t begins to happen cos they are not really happy there but are just in it out of duty. Every couple should be able to resolve their issues without bringing in a third party unless its totally out of hand its really funny sha u no help me toast am,u no help me propose,na me know how to make her happy,we've been thru good,bad and fckd up times together been to heaven and hell together who can know her better than me? i know the right buttons to touch to my advantage and all what not,then u say make i report wetin....na principal them be? i mean she's my best friend wtf!!being able to handle ur sh!t makes her even respect and love u more..I see some couples reporting themselves to their pastors which is even worse off than reporting to ur parents before u say hey! pastor don dey play husband role on and off pitch..Reporting the parents might make her stay in the marriage but doesn't always save it.

You think marriage is Telemundo?

You think marriage is one love story written in prose?

When the time comes, you'll even call village meeting

OreoPaschal:

Send her on suspension. Yes! Even though beating her would have gone a long wrong way. Send her to her parents for them to talk sense into her. If after the suspension she still not behaving as expected, You move to the other room.

Nobody should beat a woman in the 21st century. If you cant be d don by keeping calm and gathering all the information you need to pull up an ace off your sleeves, scare the bejesus out of her by 'pretending' not to care a bit when she tries to start her troubles. Keeping to yourself is the only way to be on a sabbatical all through marriage. Rest @OP, you need it

freshvine:


You think marriage is Telemundo?

You think marriage is one love story written in prose?

When the time comes, you'll even call village meeting

wtf are u saying

dairykidd:


wtf are u saying

Like your name, you're still a kid.

dairykidd:


Can u imagine!! See this dunce ....me a kid i grad since 2005 been working and paying my bills for over 8 yrs now since i left home and i am a kid ...u are just an empty nutcase who probably gets her kick from NL abeg i no dey ur category u hear me..u are probably still in ur parents house.Relate with me when u begin to face the real world frustrated baboon

Read what you just post now 10 times. Start fast and end slowly with the 10th pronouncing a word per 30th seconds apart, you'll understand why I called you a kid.

freshvine:


Read what you just post now 10 times. Start fast and end slowly with the 10th pronouncing a word per 30th seconds apart, you'll understand why I called you a kid.

And u just close ur eyes for 5 seconds and say nothing,do nothing but breathe in and out slowly a second a time just for5 seconds,u will definitely SEE why i called u a frustrated baboon it will come to u like a vision....mumu

dairykidd:


And u just close ur eyes for 5 seconds and say nothing,do nothing but breathe in and out slowly a second a time just for5 seconds,u will definitely SEE why i called u a frustrated baboon it will come to u like a vision....mumu

Freshvine is not far from the truth. There may be extreme cases were parents may come in to salvage the situation....

RollingFellas:


Freshvine is not far from the truth. There may be extreme cases were parents may come in to salvage the situation....

Yeah maybe but should learn to communicate properly without having to use insulting words...and she claims to be d mature one. I normally don't tend to such ppl anymore on NL but she really didn't have to....i get ur point bruv

@mimzy, Marriage can be so beautiful infact the best thing.
I realised most couples do not find time to really understand each other, hence the headaches in most marriages. couples need to learn to be more understanding. Embrace the flaws of the other person and try to overlook it most times.
I also don't like married peeps relating with exes. Abeg, wot is the sense in that esp if they had sex while they were dating.
@OP, Tolerance and talking things through are key. Have a closed in door discussion with your wife. Pray it ends well

Spot on...

Ganjababe:
@mimzy, Marriage can be so beautiful infact the best thing.
I realised most couples do not find time to really understand each other, hence the headaches in most marriages. couples need to learn to be more understanding. Embrace the flaws of the other person and try to overlook it most times.
I also don't like married peeps relating with exes. Abeg, wot is the sense in that esp if they had sex while they were dating.
@OP, Tolerance and talking things through are key. Have a closed in door discussion with your wife. Pray it ends well

Hmmm. Fighting everywhere.

hanked:




I accused her of unfaithfulness after going through her WhatsApp message with the ex's . one (married)out of them was telling her that he love her and miss her after 9 months, others was chatting about how she is ,most of other discussion was on voice call according to their messages.

She's been lonely and you've been absent.
Fill up the void.

And like Quinn said, she didn't say she loved him back. It doesn't mean you shouldn't confront her and tell her to cut off that communication though cos the guy is obviously not pure.

You've gotten some other good advice here too. Hope it all ends well.

Before I will contribute my opinion u will answer sum of my questions.1.are u sure u dont av exra-marital affairs to her knowledge, 2 . Having you been providing for the home faithfully, which is ur primary assignment ?. 3. Do both of You attend the same church ? 4. How old is dis new development?