Hehehehehehehe

.
R...I...P
Exactly 3years 2dae,I can neva 4get 29th of
march...it was all like a dream.it still hurt me till
date that I don't see u again.i blame myself 4
ur premature death, I can still remember how we
met at d computer village. U were strong and
full of energy, we accepted each other on our
first date,Aah this life is a mystery, u gave me
peace until that faithful day when the
un4getable happened. We were on a bike
heading to my house ,when u fell off d bike...I
wasn't so fast to catch u when a movin truck
chrused u b4 my eyes....ooh MY CHARGER,
there is nothing like a follow come CHARGER..i
miss u so greatly, thanks for using ur precious
time to read this..
come and beat me,i am in my house

My neighbour is cooking jollof rice
She's even frying plantain.
Let me go and play with her children.
I dont know why I love children so much

Pollination is the transfer of pollen grains from the anther to the stigma of a flower.

What good has this done to our lifes, and teachers were beating us like Goat's because of this?

nice one(s)

Help me, I met a girl and at our first appointment, when we separated, I gave her N5000. She looked at me from top to bottom and she gave me N10 000.

The next appointment I thought it was small and I spun N20 000 She did the same and gave me N40 000

The next appointment I wanted to make strong by giving N100 000 she gave me N200 000. She told me that she does not love me because of my money and that she gets more than enough from her parents. "I said OK.

I organized the last date and I took a loan of N4 MILLION from the bank. As soon as we wanted to separate I handed her the package while hoping to get N4 Million minimum. The girl took and Put it in her car. She left, and as it was a large sum, I thought she was going to her bank to bring N4 Million for me.

It's been a month since I started waiting. What should I do friends??

My Uncle Always Picks a Fight With Me Lyk He Doesn't Know How naughty I Can Be ....I Changed My Name On Instagram To...

"Your Village People "

When I Followed Him It Reads "Your Village People is Now Following U ".

Since Morning he has finished 5 bottles of Anointing Oil.....have started pitying him self.

Should I tell him?

Make e no b lyk say person stingy...Special thanks to those WHO stayed with me from JANUARY to present month of JUNE which is d month dat bisect dis year into two equal parts. Friendship is all about sharing what we have in half . That's why I'm sending you half of the recharge card I bought: 613375...(MTN), 1133747...(Glo), 3426453...(Etisalat), 546435...(airtel). And half of my ATM pin 21..(GTbank) stay tune till the other half of d year & get d complete card and pin.There's no need to thank me please! Habaaaa! What are friends for?

Pls can someone snap #1000 recharge card and send it to me then I will snap #1000 naira note and send it to d person.. They don't have #1000 card in dis area. God bless u

Every time the army is doing its recruitment exercise I remember my first and last attempt when we were told to run 200 metres and I did my best to run and became number 1. Only to b slapped and got disqualified as they claimed I was running like a thief and not a soldier.

English Language is not by force, if u can't speak correctly, kindly use pidgin or your mother Tongue. Today at GTBank, I told a girl " excuse me, pls move back I want to pass" and she said " PLEASE! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! I can't go backer than this, this is the backest I can go, can't you see there is somebody in front of my back?
I almost requested 4 toilet tissue, instead of withdrawal slip...

Copied
I think it is high time Mark Zuckerburg should remove
this TAGGING of a thing from Facebook.
The other time someone tagged me on his post
saying that he was smoking WEED with me and 27
others... when my Dad saw this he didn't allow me into
his house for almost 2weeks.
AGAIN a girl said she was in a hotel with me and my Gf
doesn't want to talk to me.
As if that was not enough, am just coming back from the
police station, because someone I don't even know
tagged me in his post saying that HE WAS ROBBING A
BANK with me and 3 others... I don tire for this thing o
Now! somebody just tagged me saying... RAPING
THINGS ON POINT
I think I have to report myself back to the police
station because I know they are coming back for me
again!!!
Pls incase you dont see me online again just know that
am somewhere getting punishment for offence I did not
committed ni oo

Aviation things

No one is more respectful than the person who wants to borrow money....​ ​he can even greet your dog....​
​Hello bingo how was your night?.....

She removed my shirt,I kept quiet..
Then she removed my trousers, still I kept quiet..
She then moved on to remove my boxers...It was then I shouted.. "haba!! Precious,are those spaces not enough for u to hang ur clothes on the rope?? Why are u removing d rest??""...


#ThinkPositive....

She removed my shirt,i kept quiet..
Then she removed my trousers, still I kept quiet..
She then moved on to remove my boxers...It was then I shouted.. "haba!! Precious,are those spaces not enough for u to hang ur clothes on the rope?? Why are u removing d rest??""...


#ThinkPositive....

Nairaland Comedy Skit of The Week

I Can't Stop Laughing After Watching Dis Comedy Skit.

*Mr fOOL*

Watch and Share, Thank You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNCUqApfEE4

ʞɔɐq əuoɥd ɹnoʎ uɹnʇ ʍou 'noʎ uɹəɔuoɔ ʇou səop ʇɐɥʍ pɐəɹ oʇ uʍop əpısdn əuoɥd ɹnoʎ pəuɹnʇ əʌɐɥ noʎ

ALERT... URGENT PLEASE!!!!
If you know anyone going to any of the following Northern states: for NYSC
*Kano
*Kaduna
*Katsina
*Gombe
*Maiduguri
*Yobe
*Zamfara
between now and next Saturday, if you care about that person or he or she is your loved one, Pls warn them very very well never to forget to bring kuli kuli for me.......
Thank you very much, I dey my house come beat me
Good evening

Interviewer -- Tell me something about yourself ??



Me -- Sir , Yourself is an 8 letter word


By the way.... A thread I stumbled upon today and fell in love with with, cos it explains me describes me...
https://www.nairaland.com/3147974/comics-only-introverts-understand

OYINBO HAS DONE IT AGAIN You can now check your weight on your phone; just dail *158#, put your phone on the ground then stand on it, if you want accurate reading, just jump on it and quickly check out the reading. No need to thank me for this info. Haba!!! What are friends for?

I saw this somewhere and I found it cool. I am sure you could feel same.
****************
Advice from an 80 year old man...

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Don't expect life to be fair.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for our convenience, not the caller's.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favourite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone's hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Share

My friend and I visited his girlfriend at her Crib, as usual I cracked a few jokes for her, suddenly a guy under the bed started laughing

If my Facebook profile says am in Dubai and you happen to see me around then you are also in Dubai let's not complicate things

Neymar to earn £3,547 per hour. And he doesn't even have WAEC. Continue boasting "I am a graduate" so...
Me teaching my kids ABC
A for Attack
B for Back pass
C for Crossing
D for Dribbling
E for Extra Time
F for Foul
G for Goal
H for Half Time
They must learn by fire by force how to play football

Cat fish barbecue is #2,700 and 1Bag of Cement is#2,700. And Your Girlfriend always prefer to eat cat fish barbecue everyday.
My brother Kneel down where ever you are let's pray.
Stretch Forth your hands To the direction of your Girlfriend And shout.
My father.. my father, Any girl that is eating my mansion in d form of catfish barbecue .
CATCH FIRE oyaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaa gba adura!!!!

..

.

Reminder: just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you should invite someone toxic back into your life.

.

*Know more about computer*
Ctrl+A - Select All Ctrl+B - Bold Ctrl+C - Copy Ctrl+D - Fill Down Ctrl+F - Find Ctrl+G - Goto Ctrl+H - Replace Ctrl+I - Italic Ctrl+K - Insert Hyperlink Ctrl+N - New Workbook Ctrl+O - Open Ctrl+P - Print Ctrl+R - Fill Right Ctrl+S - Save Ctrl+U - Underline Ctrl+V - Paste Ctrl W - Close Ctrl+X - Cut Ctrl+Y - Repeat Ctrl+Z - Undo F1 - Help F2 - Edit F3 - Paste Name F4 - Repeat last action F4 - While typing a formula, switch between absolute/relative refs F5 - Goto F6 - Next Pane F7 - Spell check F8 - Extend mode F9 - Recalculate all workbooks F10 - Activate Menubar F11 - New Chart F12 - Save As Ctrl+: - Insert Current Time Ctrl+; - Insert Current Date Ctrl+" - Copy Value from Cell Above Ctrl+’ - Copy Formula from Cell Above Shift - Hold down shift for additional functions in Excel’s menu Shift+F1 - What’s This? Shift+F2 - Edit cell comment Shift+F3 - Paste function into formula Shift+F4 - Find Next Shift+F5 - Find Shift+F6 - Previous Pane Shift+F8 - Add to selection Shift+F9 - Calculate active worksheet Shift+F10 - Display shortcut menu Shift+F11 - New worksheet Shift+F12 - Save Ctrl+F3 - Define name Ctrl+F4 - Close Ctrl+F5 - XL, Restore window size Ctrl+F6 - Next workbook window Shift+Ctrl+F6 - Previous workbook window Ctrl+F7 - Move window Ctrl+F8 - Resize window Ctrl+F9 - Minimize workbook Ctrl+F10 - Maximize or restore window Ctrl+F11 - Inset 4.0 Macro sheet Ctrl+F1 - File Open Alt+F1 - Insert Chart Alt+F2 - Save As Alt+F4 - Exit Alt+F8 - Macro dialog box Alt+F11 - Visual Basic Editor Ctrl+Shift+F3 - Create name by using names of row and column labels Ctrl+Shift+F6 - Previous Window Ctrl+Shift+F12 - Print Alt+Shift+F1 - New worksheet Alt+Shift+F2 - Save Alt+= - AutoSum Ctrl+` - Toggle Value/Formula display Ctrl+Shift+A - Insert argument names into formula Alt+Down arrow - Displayy AutoComplete list Alt+’ - Format Style dialog box Ctrl+Shift+~ - General format Ctrl+Shift+! - Comma format Ctrl+Shift+@ - Time format Ctrl+Shift+# - Date format Ctrl+Shift+$ - Currency format Ctrl+Shift+% - Percent format Ctrl+Shift+^ - Exponential format Ctrl+Shift+& - Place outline border around selected cells Ctrl+Shift+_ - Remove outline border Ctrl+Shift+* - Select current region Ctrl++ - Insert Ctrl+- - Delete Ctrl+1 - Format cells dialog box Ctrl+2 - Bold Ctrl+3 - Italic Ctrl+4 - Underline Ctrl+5 - Strikethrough Ctrl+6 - Show/Hide objects Ctrl+7 - Show/Hide Standard toolbar Ctrl+8 - Toggle Outline symbols Ctrl+9 - Hide rows Ctrl+0 - Hide columns Ctrl+Shift+( - Unhide rows Ctrl+Shift+) - Unhide columns Alt or F10 - Activate the menu Ctrl+Tab - In toolbar: next toolbar Shift+Ctrl+Tab - In toolbar: previous toolbar Ctrl+Tab - In a workbook: activate next workbook Shift+Ctrl+Tab - In a workbook: activate previous workbook Tab - Next tool Shift+Tab - Previous tool Enter - Do the command Shift+Ctrl+F - Font Drop Down List Shift+Ctrl+F+F - Font tab of Format Cell Dialog box Shift+Ctrl+P - Point size Drop Down List