I've been suspicious of my husband for years, but never had a concrete proof that he's cheating on me. His nightclub djing work gives him ample excuse to be out almost every night and he does not come back home till the early hours of the next day.
A few times i've seen strands of blonde, oyinbo hair on his clothing even on his beard a few times, lipstick stains and even braided attachment was once in his car.

And every time i confront him, he manages to wriggle out of it with one excuse or the other, to the point i started doubting myself and feeling maybe i was just overdramatising things,

About 2yrs into our marriage, i got hold of his mobile phone itemised bill and saw a nos he calls ever so often, called the nos, turned out to be a girl he's been seeing, that one insulted the living day light out of me, said my poor prayer life led my husband astray, i cried for days and of cos my husband managed to wriggle out of it saying the girl was a disgruntled ex who wanted to wreck his marriage,
Well after that episode, everything went under lock and key, no itemised bills was sent, all his phones were passworded, same for laptop and he even put a lock on his study door, i can hear you ladies taking in deep breaths and omging, lol , things we do for love, peace and harmony,

Anyways to cut a long story short, a few wks back, his phone rang and someone left a msg on it, despite the phone being passworded, for some strange reason i manage to listen to the msg and call the girl back. It was a young girl who said she met him at a night club,where he was all over her grinding into her etc. I told her we've been married for 7yrs, have a 6yr son etc. She said she would help me catch him in the act so i could at least have the proof i wanted.

True to her promise she text her address and my husband left the house for the barber(or so i thot). Got to the address( other side of London) and my husband was in her bed room telling her how much he likes her and all the toasting lines, i walked in on him lying across her bed with their legs entwined, i was as calm as could be , my husband a true player did not even blink, he just smiled this shame faced smile and listen to me tell the girl who i was etc.

How i got home safely dat day was purely by the grace of God. All thots of divorce and destryoing all his property was in my head i was going to destroy his convertible BMW( the pulling machine). But after speaking to my mum, i'm still married to the bastard, but even then i all i see is him draped all over that girl an all i hear is the seduction in his voice that night.

Now i can't be bothered with anything anymore, but if i leave i will be worse of, i'll have to live in a rented apartment, a single mum bringing up a boy all alone in this country, where children have no regards or respect for elders. My life stlye will change, i have even thot of having a boyfriend myself, my husband is lousy in bed anyways, i might as well avail myself of the pleasures i've been denied for so long, but i can't bring myself to comitting adultery, no one is worth losing your salvation for,

I'm so sorry this is so lengthy, but there's really no one to talk to,true friends in London are like gold dust, rare

Gosh my dear I wish I could give you a hug .

Have you guys sat down to discuss things? have you told him how you feel?

sad, pls take heart oo

Yes we have, after a few days of me seeing red, i eventually let him say wat eva he had to say, but it was all opata! lies over lies. The funny thing is, i know he loves me and i love him, in fact that is one of the reasons i'm still here, i can't imagine living without him really. But he still did not own up, said the girl set him up.
And he's marching up and down the house like the lord of the manor, unrepentant, no remorse and he wonders why i'm not the all lovey dovey dutiful wife i used to be.

He promised to give up the nightcubbing, but i can't believe him, in fact nothing he says rings true to me. He's now turned the table round and blames me of pushing him away with my cold today, hot tmr attitude( cold is when i rem that night), He gone out now since 6pm and still not back, all i see are images of him with someone else while i'm here chatting with strangers online, and i'm the good one. It truly is a man's world

hmm, take a deep breath, and calm down.
first you sound like a person of faith so know first and foremost that whatever happens God's got your back.
second you have AMAZING self control which has served you well cos you have nothing to gain by destroying his property or by running your car into a tree.
third it is natural to fall into a lethargic/depressed state given what you're going through;give yourself time.you'll get up again.
fourth divorce is a serious step to consider and it seems you have already counted the cost in material comfort to yourself and your son.
fifth any decision taken in the heat of emotion is most often times the wrong one wait till this present storm calms down before deciding on what to do you know you have your son also to think about.
sixth know that faith in God is not a denial of your circumstances but hope for a brighter future inspite of present circumstances; he could change.
seven other marriages have been through similar if not worse upheavals and survived it.
eight how large is your capacity for forgiveness?
nine do you have hope that he could change and treat you right?
ten learn the art of self consolation
eleven surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally (your mum and son is a good place to start)
twelve as they give you love, try to open your heart to receive their love even if your heart is bruised. remember that the balm that is applied to a wound may smart it but given time, it will heal it too.
thirteen get out more find a hobby find other interests that will take your attention away from your husband. you sound like you spend all your time watching and waiting for him
sincerely, trekkie

wow! this is serious.
pls, is ur husband a Nigerian?

I think the trust has been broken in this relationship and the worst thing is he is unrepentant because he knows you will take him back in due time. I think you both need to have a crisis talk and tell him exactly how you feel.

Eyaaa this is sad

First  and foremost thing to do is : GO AND GET CHECKED.
At this point, think about your health.

FL Gators:

First  and foremost thing to do is : GO AND GET CHECKED.
At this point, think about your health.

I know! She needs to make sure she is disease free

there are a lot of things i would love to say but, most of them are probably illegal in london so i wont mention them. Nne im truly sorry for what you are going through.

one of the reasons why i cannot and will not fully love any man, even my husband, cuz when he messes up, its not something i will forget (i will forgive, cuz God wants me to forgive), and i wanna be able to leave without looking back.

Always think about:
1. Both of your names in everything you both own
2. Have a separate acct where you save money. . . .for "Down time".

As much as i feel for u, marriage needs working at by both parties in order to work, u shld prayerfully commit his heart, and his ways to the Lord. Its not easy not to be lustful, but with much grace of God He can get over it if he wants to. please do not even consider divorce, because according to u-and very truly so- u will b worse off. Take care God is able to see u thru.

OMG you guys are awesome, i'm so touched i'm actually tearful, ( i'm soft like that ) Trekkie you can only be a lady cos meen i'm so blown away by your post, very deep, thanks. I've got a hobby/business but it's slow at the mo as per change in the weather. And yes i know the Lord has got my back but i'm hurting so bad it's so difficult to pray, i haven't said a heart felt prayer since the incident, despite the pull in my spirit, i guess i'm sulking!

FLGator thanks for your reply too, i do have my own acct but none of the properties he own has my name on the deeds,he simply refused to include my name, said it would affect the mortgage, but that i was not to worry we own everything jointly. I did speak with a legal adviser who said as long as we are legally married that shld not be a big deal. All i have in my name is my car. I've been thinking independent now, thinking of mine and my son's welfare.

Mjay and Chika98 thanks a lot too, i've take a day off work on Monday to go to the sexual health clinic.

Thanks Ebonyeyes, we been talking but it's difficult to express how i feel really i'm still too full of anger and hurt, i end up saying what really don't mean.

Thanks to you all once more really appreciate your advice, God bless you

Oh Yes Shola 2008 he is a Nigerian, Yoruba man, and i'm Yoruba too

I cannot give you candid advice on this as I am not married but I wil askl MC to come have a read and then tell you. ChairCover is another good one

vexedwife:

FLGator thanks for your reply too, i do have my own acct but none of the properties he own has my name on the deeds,he simply refused to include my name, said it would affect the mortgage, but that i was not to worry we own everything jointly. I did speak with a legal adviser who said as long as we are legally married that shld not be a big deal. All i have in my name is my car. I've been thinking independent now,  thinking of mine and my son's welfare.

Cheii!!! Some men can LIE!!!
He prolly paid the legal advisor to lie or maybe the legal advisor is uneducated himself.
As long as you're legally married, what happens? And when he legally divorces you or vise versa, who gets what?

I dont know about you, but I wouldnt take back a cheater who laughed in my face while I reprimand my antagonist. Esp when I'm unble to conclude how long his affair has been going on.

Well, nothing  to do now but to get checked, count your blessings and forget about your lost.

Some Nigerian men are more perfected than Satan himself.

ma'am im no where near being married
but a guy that would rather lie when caught red handed than apologise, doesn't ring true as a responsible person.

bluespice:

ma'am im no where near being married
but a guy that would rather lie when caught red handed than apologise, doesn't ring true as a responsible person.

To me, a DJ is NOT a responsible man.

actually, i've met a few really responsible ones
shoot one's even shy *drools*
i digress, but i beg to differ with u tho. . .

Negro takes his shoes off at the entrance. . .[

Salamolekun, .

Vex, pele o!

quote]A few times i've seen strands of blonde, oyinbo hair on his clothing even on his beard a few times[quote][/quote]

If he combed his beard immediately following its usage by a blond girl, yes that will result. Whose comb was it and why was he sharing comb?

@Poster

did you sign a prenup, if you didn't then you can end up getting half his stuff, if you have the right lawyer and as long as you can keep track of his money. and remember to go for child support if you decide to leave this man.

ima1:

@Poster

did you sign a prenup, if you didn't then you can end up getting half his stuff, if you have the right lawyer and as long as you can keep track of his money. and remember to go for child support if you decide to leave this man.

In Nigeria? Impossible! When we still have educated retards in power?

Vex, I have some questions for u. I will wait to ask later.

FL Gators:

In Nigeria? Impossible! When we still have educated retards in power?

i thought the poster was in UK / LONDON, cuz it wouldn't work in naija -- Naija is a Godforsaken lawless country that has no regards for anyone---

only solution in naija will be to save money. ask him for money and start saving up

did you sign a prenup, if you didn't then you can end up getting half his stuff, if you have the right lawyer and as long as you can keep track of his money. and remember to go for child support if you decide to leave this man.

You want to be her lawyer?  

I-n-D-e-P-e-N-d-E-n-T!!

She got her own house. . .
She got her own car. .

. . . if u ain't know sit down!

Negro_Ntns:

You want to be her lawyer?  

I-n-D-e-P-e-N-d-E-n-T!!

She got her own house. . .
She got her own car. .

. . . if u ain't know sit down!

does that even mean anything

SAY NO TO DIVORCE

BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 GOOD YRS IS NOT A JOKE

JUST TAKE HEART AND PRAY GOD INTERVENES IN YOUR MARRIAGE

ALSO WORK ON YOURSELF!!!!

ima1:

does that even mean anything

it means! wrong advise!

Wait a min, were did u meet d DJ in d first place?club i guez & u decided 2 marry him. Well u must finish wetin u start, take hart
@ima1
Why ar u soundn mean 2 9ja

I like the way you are handling it. Seriously many other girls would have messed up things and further complicate things. Don’t worry, it will soon be over. I don’t pray much but I will send my little prayer for you. Hopefully he will change for better. Please find a way to forgive him; it’s your best option. I know he doesn’t deserve it, but who deserves forgiveness anyway?