Maaamaaa:


Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Good .

Does he give you allowance for food? If yes, I see no biggie,You need to live amicably with him so cook as usual(when you can) .

Maaamaaa:


Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Babe, you still think if you can just love him enough show him your wifely attributes, he will repent. This is a man eating your food, sleeping under your roof and treating you this way. Wake up and smell the burning akara. Why can't he feed himself? He should be paying for his bills and his feeding, so no money, no food. You and he are working, so where's his salary going?

Don't get married to him anymore and move on with your life. Try and be independent for your sake and your child sake. If you do all these things I just stated, trust me you would be happier but if you marry someone that doesn't love and respect you, your whole marriage life would be hell....and you would be sad and depressed for the rest of your life, you won't have peace and happiness. So it's up for you to choose..... Nobody can make you happy, only you can make you happy

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.

It was still fine at this point, as friends.

We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship

You should have respected him a lot more at this point cos not so many men will open up to you about their relationship status when there's a lady(you) giving them the green light somewhere

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me

.

This was you being very selfish and manipulative, the guy obviously did not see you as anything more than a friend, he was never in love with you but you allowed yourself to be blinded by your emotions and greed. Why on earth will you even ask him to choose between you who he just met and barely has feelings for and his long time girlfriend?

His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later)

He only told you what you wanted to hear, so what if she is an OND holder, did he tell you she has no plans to further her education?

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

You moved in with him because you wanted to keep a tab on him 24/7!!! Of course, why will he break up with her? The devil you know...

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

He asked you for an abortion because he is not genuinely in love with you! You practically shoved yourself down his throat. He is frustrated and angry that you messed up his plans. He agreed to live with you cos he wanted to use you as a house-help! Not cos he had any future plan to spend the rest of his life with you. Now you have an innocent baby on the way , deep sigh!!

Well, there is nothing prayer and counselling cannot do. Call for a family meeting and table everything . For the sake of the unborn, i hope things work out well for you.

Maaamaaa:


I also heard there is no maternity leave for women that are not married where I work.

Evil!!!

Ha.
But Shey they will allow you to be working till you are not strong to work again, right?

Have you certified this as a policy in the company, or its just hearsay?

[quote author=Maaamaaa post=50488400][/quote]

I saw this post earlier on the preggy thread but decided to ignore it cos I don't want to add insult to injury...

The truth is that you brought dis whole issue upon yourself. One, the guy told you the gospel truth frm the onset that he was in a relationship (distant), but still went ahead to date him (forced urself on him)... Two, you told him to choose btw the 2 of you (forced urself on him)... Three, when you discovered he was still with d first lady, why didn't u leave them in peace? (forced urself on him)... Four, why in the world will you move in with a man that you've not done any marital rite or introduction? (forced urself on him again)...

My sister, am not claiming holier than thou but we deserve little dignity abeg... Don't let him marry you out of pity... What happens after some months / years in marriage when the love and romance fade away...? The only thing that will keep you guys going is friendship... Now, u want to build a family where there is no love and friendship... Hmnnnn... It can't be easy o...

Save that innocent baby the pain of growing up in a hostile environment... Just put the wedding preparations on hold and don't force him to love or care for you... Devote more time to making urself happy... It is better to be called 'single' than tagged 'once married' or living a frustrated family life... Let him make his choice without any manipulation or influence...

Men are chasers, they get pissed off when u chase them... They are wired like that...

Peace be unto you... #hugs

First n foremost, I must say I feel for everyone involved even to the unborn baby. He told you he was dating in the first place before you decided to get involved with him(you should have left him immediately he told you he was dating).

He doesn't love you (that's the hard truth). Deliver your baby but don't get married if you know he doesn't love you. Love gets us going when the fine face n firm body is gone....

Let him be please

This is one of the solid reasons why I would NEVER ask a guy out

Ishilove:
Hmmmm, aunty, this your story dey somehow o... He never loved you, obviously, but you were too blinded by 'love' to see all the warning signs. That he asked you to abort shows he never had you in his long term plans.

Fact is, you pushed yourself on him and being a man, he saw the opportunity for free punny. Now the novelty of the said free punny has worn off and coupled with it, the said punny is pregnant for him, so he is feeling stifled and thus resents you for making him do all things he doesn't want to do.

He wants to marry you out of pity, which is why he said he doesn't want to bring shame to you and your family.

Sister, you are on your own. Better wake up seriously because deep down, you know the truth. Love, they say, is blind but na inside marriage eye dey clear. You are seeing all the signs but you still want to go ahead to marry, because you want to bear 'Mrs', or you want your child to have a normal family as you claim. Sister, you want your child to grow up seeing you unhappy because his or her daddy doesn't love mummy?

Sister, I repeat, You Are On Your Own.

you better start saving up if you like yasef.

No maternity leave for non married? Even better that you know now. Take your annual leave + 2 months unpaid leave and return to work afterwards.
Start applying for jobs elsewhere, preferably govt jobs and hopefully something might click after giving birth.
Start saving towards a business/trade to ease the financial restraints as this dude is clearly not going to support you financially.

You took someone else's man and you are now upset he doesnt love you? Dude NEVER loved you to start with so you cant start making him love you when he sees that you trapped him and deprived him of his love.

If you decide to marry this guy. You will live a very sad, lonely unhappy life because he will forever cheat on you with that girl as well as other girls.
Infact, do yourself, your unborn child and the dude a favour by taking a walk now.
People will talk about your for 2 months until the next gossip brews and they ll forget. Then they will talk some more when you give birth and then move on to the next gist afterwards.
Atleast he is being honest with you from DAY I, he doesnt love you, he no get money yet you carry belle, he is only marrying you because of your parents not even because of you. What other honesty do you want?

Marriage is difficult as it is being married to a man you love how much more to someone you dont love

ifyalways:

Good .

Does he give you allowance for food? If yes, I see no biggie,You need to live amicably with him so cook as usual(when you can) .

I always request for it.
Okay, fine... Thanks

Onegai:


Babe, you still think if you can just love him enough show him your wifely attributes, he will repent. This is a man eating your food, sleeping under your roof and treating you this way. Wake up and smell the burning akara. Why can't he feed himself? He should be paying for his bills and his feeding, so no money, no food. You and he are working, so where's his salary going?

He pays for his bills and provides money for his feeding... We share the expenses 50/50

His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names

Smh.
*goes back to reading.

Mimzyy:


It was still fine at this point, as friends.



You should have respected him a lot more at this point cos not so many men will open up to you about their relationship status when there's a lady(you) giving them the green light somewhere

.

This was you being very selfish and manipulative, the guy obviously did not see you as anything more than a friend, he was never in love with you but you allowed yourself to be blinded by your emotions and greed. Why on earth will you even ask him to choose between you who he just met and barely has feelings for and his long time girlfriend?




He only told you what you wanted to hear, so what if she is an OND holder, did he tell you she has no plans to further her education?



You moved in with him because you wanted to keep a tab on him 24/7!!! Of course, why will he break up with her? The devil you know...



He asked you for an abortion because he is not genuinely in love with you! You practically shoved yourself down his throat. He is frustrated and angry that you messed up his plans. He agreed to live with you cos he wanted to use you as a house-help! Not cos he had any future plan to spend the rest of his life with you. Now you have an innocent baby on the way , deep sigh!!

Well, there is nothing prayer and counselling cannot do. Call for a family meeting and table everything . For the sake of the unborn, i hope things work out well for you.

He said he met her September and then it was just an online relationship but they physically met December when he went home for Christmas last year.

I did not force myself on him, yes I was just stupidly in love. He will get drunk come to my place when I go out with another man, I never tried to make him jealous. I was just having other friends.

I did not move in with him to keep tabs on him, he was broke and could not afford his rent. So we planned to use my own rent to renew his.

He asked for an abortion because he was flat broke and had no money for the wedding (so he said) but we he got an option if taking a loan he agreed to it.. He is about to take the loan.

The OND case is that he said he still has a long way to go.

I believe he decided to date me because I was the convenient option.

SisiNini:


I saw this post earlier on the preggy thread but decided to ignore it cos I don't want to add insult to injury...

The truth is that you brought dis whole issue upon yourself. One, the guy told you the gospel truth frm the onset that he was in a relationship (distant), but still went ahead to date him (forced urself on him)... Two, you told him to choose btw the 2 of you (forced urself on him)... Three, when you discovered he was still with d first lady, why didn't u leave them in peace? (forced urself on him)... Four, why in the world will you move in with a man that you've not done any marital rite or introduction? (forced urself on him again)...

My sister, am not claiming holier than thou but we deserve little dignity abeg... Don't let him marry you out of pity... What happens after some months / years in marriage when the love and romance fade away...? The only thing that will keep you guys going is friendship... Now, u want to build a family where there is no love and friendship... Hmnnnn... It can't be easy o...

Save that innocent baby the pain of growing up in a hostile environment... Just put the wedding preparations on hold and don't force him to love or care for you... Devote more time to making urself happy... It is better to be called 'single' than tagged 'once married' or living a frustrated family life... Let him make his choice without any manipulation or influence...

Men are chasers, they get pissed off when u chase them... They are wired like that...

Peace be unto you... #hugs

I made to leave then when I found out but he begged me to stay. Although he said he did that because he could not afford his rent back then.

Maaamaaa:


He said he met her September and then it was just an online relationship but they physically met December when he went home for Christmas last year.

I did not force myself on him, yes I was just stupidly in love. He will get drunk come to my place when I go out with another man, I never tried to make him jealous. I was just having other friends.

I did not move in with him to keep tabs on him, he was broke and could not afford his rent. So we planned to use my own rent to renew his.

He asked for an abortion because he was flat broke and had no money for the wedding (so he said) but we he got an option if taking a loan he agreed to it.. He is about to take the loan.

The OND case is that he said he still has a long way to go.

I believe he decided to date me because I was the convenient option.

Nne you indeed made so many mistakes but done is done.

I hope you are not a signatory to any loan

Why is he always broke when hes working with you in same company?Obviously sends his money to the other girl.

You just brace up yourself,save every little thing you can and prepare to takke care of your self and child.

ifyalways:

Nne you indeed made so many mistakes but done is done.

I hope you are not a signatory to any loan

Why is he always broke when hes working with you in same company?Obviously sends his money to the other girl.

You just brace up yourself,save every little thing you can and prepare to takke care of your self and child.

No I'm not.

Our company pays us half of our salary now (that's why he is always broke) but I have the support of my parents. They help me out when I need.

But my dad threatened to cut me off if I have a child out of wedlock.

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

Sorry dear.

He never loved you.

The reason he had a relationship with you to begin with is because u were available and desperate for him(sorry, but its the truth).

Since you havent married yet i would strongly advice against u getting married to this man. This foundation is already faulty and marriage is for life. His feelings for you wont change o, no matter the amount of love you throw at him, he will always feel u trapped him with pregnancy and the other lady was 'perfect'. Men dont change in marriage o.

Don't marry him. Accept life as a single mother for now, your true love will come along, one that you will profess love for and who will love you back and not be irritated by your sight .
All the best.

Yes, it's totally my fault. I decided to stay because I was just stupidly in love.

I won't make this same mistakes again, I just thought there was a way I could make it work but I guess there is no way . I have decided to keep my head high and ride through the storm.

My baby and I is my priority.

Thank you for your harsh but loving words. GOD bless you all...

5minsmadness:


Sorry dear.

He never loved you.

The reason he had a relationship with you to begin with is because u were available and desperate for him(sorry, but its the truth).

Since you havent married yet i would strongly advice against u getting married to this man. This foundation is already faulty and marriage is for life. His feelings for you wont change o, no matter the amount of love you throw at him, he will always feel u trapped him with pregnancy and the other lady was 'perfect'. Men dont change in marriage o.

Don't marry him. Accept life as a single mother for now, your true love will come along, one that you will profess love for and who will love you back and not be irritated by your sight .
All the best.

Thank you

Maaamaaa:


No I'm not.

Our company pays us half of our salary now (that's why he is always broke) but I have the support of my parents. They help me out when I need.

But my dad threatened to cut me off if I have a child out of wedlock.

Babe forget that thing@bold. Will your father be there when u r living a miserable life and your by-force husband is scorning you and cheating on you? Is he bearing the sadness you are feeling now? You have to grow up fast and become your own individual. You can't rely on your father all your life. Dont condemn yourself to a lifetime of misery cos you want to please someone that wont be there when u cry to sleep at night.

Thank you for your words.

Yes, it's about me and my baby right now.

Maaamaaa:
Yes, it's totally my fault. I decided to stay because I was just stupidly in love.

I won't make this same mistakes again, I just thought there was a way I could make it work but I guess there is no way . I have decided to keep my head high and ride through the storm.

My baby and I is my priority.

Thank you for your harsh but loving words. GOD bless you all...

Okay let's move on.

Game plan:

1. How much can you be saving monthly? No buying lunch outside, gotta cut even small costs.

2. Has antenatal been paid for? He should do it

3. Start finding strength inside to face him and the whole world. Please don't bring this gist to anyone in your office before things get ugly and you end up losing your job.

4. Start sourcing for second-hand baby stuff (clothes, feeding bottles), there are a few tips to cut costs there.

Onegai:


Okay let's move on.

Game plan:

1. How much can you be saving monthly? No buying lunch outside, gotta cut even small costs.

2. Has antenatal been paid for? He should do it

3. Start finding strength inside to face him and the whole world. Please don't bring this gist to anyone in your office before things get ugly and you end up losing your job.

4. Start sourcing for second-hand baby stuff (clothes, feeding bottles), there are a few tips to cut costs there.

I earn 80,000naira monthly but my firm pays us 50,000naira this year and I did a contribution of 30,000naira earlier this year, so right now I get 20k a month and I use that for my upkeep... My contribution ends this month so by November salary I'll get it 50k and I'll register for my ante-natal then. I'll be four months plus then.

I have no savings for now...

I'll get my baby things from January next year because my EDD is may 2017..

Keep d marriage on hold.

Live your life as if u are single and always stay happy.

Don't wait for him to walk u to d office or to bring u back home.

Don't pretend to your Co workers that everything is fine, just live your normal life as a single sister that got pregnant and is moving on.

Stop regretting and think less about it cos too much thinking isn't good for your health now.

Always stay around people that makes you happy.

Seeing that u careless about him might want to make him start coming close and claiming ownership but maintain your distance.

Don't act as if u care about the other woman.

Give him space.

Who knows.....?

Time will tell.

Maaamaaa:


I earn 80,000naira monthly but my firm pays us 50,000naira this year and I did a contribution of 30,000naira earlier this year, so right now I get 20k a month and I use that for my upkeep... My contribution ends this month so by November salary I'll get it 50k and I'll register for my ante-natal then. I'll be four months plus then.

I have no savings for now...

I'll get my baby things from January next year because my EDD is may 2017..

Wow


The Lord is your strength

Excuse me ma, you guys want to obtain a loan to have your wedding?
Is that not a grave mistake?
What happens after the wedding when the multitudes that you have fed leave you to your fate?
What happens to the innocent unborn?
Any plans on getting your baby's stuffs? Shouldn't that be of topmost priority now?
Can't you pend the wedding?

Maaamaaa, please you guys need to set your priorities. How on earth is he even going to payback? It's going to put a further strain on the relationship when it's payback time and He's unable to make ends meet. As it is, it's already difficult to sustain you both. Well, the ball is in your court. We can only but proffer advice , it's up to you to make a final decision. All the best.

Maaamaaa:


He said he met her September and then it was just an online relationship but they physically met December when he went home for Christmas last year.

I did not force myself on him, yes I was just stupidly in love. He will get drunk come to my place when I go out with another man, I never tried to make him jealous. I was just having other friends.

I did not move in with him to keep tabs on him, he was broke and could not afford his rent. So we planned to use my own rent to renew his.

He asked for an abortion because he was flat broke and had no money for the wedding (so he said) but we he got an option if taking a loan he agreed to it.. He is about to take the loan.

The OND case is that he said he still has a long way to go.

I believe he decided to date me because I was the convenient option.

Mimzyy:
Excuse me ma, you guys want to obtain a loan to have your wedding?
Is that not a grave mistake?
What happens after the wedding when the multitudes that you have fed leave you to your fate?
What happens to the innocent unborn?
Any plans on getting your baby's stuffs? Shouldn't that be of topmost priority now?
Can't you pend the wedding?

Maaamaaa, please you guys need to set your priorities. How on earth is he even going to payback? It's going to put a further strain on the relationship when it's payback time and He's unable to make ends meet. As it is, it's already difficult to sustain you both. Well, the ball is in your court. We can only but proffer advice , it's up to you to make a final decision. All the best.

The loan is not for my wedding ceremony, it is to provide my bride price list things, pay his mother the money he took from her two years ago and renovate his family house.

We did not plan on having a wedding ceremony with that loan.

Maaamaaa:


I earn 80,000naira monthly but my firm pays us 50,000naira this year and I did a contribution of 30,000naira earlier this year, so right now I get 20k a month and I use that for my upkeep... My contribution ends this month so by November salary I'll get it 50k and I'll register for my ante-natal then. I'll be four months plus then.

I have no savings for now...

I'll get my baby things from January next year because my EDD is may 2017..

Since you know your way around Pregnancy thread, start by asking them which Govt Hospital you can use, how much to register, antenatal days, best markets to find cheap stuff etc. Please tell him to at least pay for antenatal, he owes his child that much. Since both of you are sharing bills, he takes care of antenatal, you take care of buying baby stuff.

Don't take a loan to finance a wedding, you're supposed to use your wedding to offset some bills. So that defeats the purpose if cash gifts go towards repaying your loans. Maybe shelve the wedding plans and just tell him to register you for antenatal. Forget bride price, forget traditional marriage for now and certainly he has more pressing issues than renovating his family home (I'm beginning to see why this guy is running mad and making idiootic mistakes). But let him pay off his mum's loan. That would take pressure off him. But no wedding of any sort till baby comes. Focus on getting that right. If he wants his child and you in the future, he can bring bride price and beg all the beggables.

This sister sure needs some strong minded e-friends to keep up with all these. Good luck Sis, I hope he won't emotionally blackmail you when he notices you are getting your senses back from being lovesick.

Onegai:


Since you know your way around Pregnancy thread, start by asking them which Govt Hospital you can use, how much to register, antenatal days, best markets to find cheap stuff etc. Please tell him to at least pay for antenatal, he owes his child that much. Since both of you are sharing bills, he takes care of antenatal, you take care of buying baby stuff.

Don't take a loan to finance a wedding, you're supposed to use your wedding to offset some bills. So that defeats the purpose if cash gifts go towards repaying your loans. Maybe shelve the wedding plans and just tell him to register you for antenatal. Forget bride price, forget traditional marriage for now and certainly he has more pressing issues than renovating his family home (I'm beginning to see why this guy is running mad and making idiootic mistakes). But let him pay off his mum's loan. That would take pressure off him. But no wedding of any sort till baby comes. Focus on getting that right. If he wants his child and you in the future, he can bring bride price and beg all the beggables.

Okay MA. I'll tell him about the ante-natal but I don't to call off the wedding if not he will use it against me to my parents and his parents. I want to focus on me and my baby and let him decide for himself what he wants.

people will watch movies on zee world and just move on,no common sense.

sis,i still believe the both of u can work it out,first hold off the wedding and wait till when u give birth and see what happens,he might comes around to finally love u or leave you,like he said he will only take responsibility once the baby arrive,so keeping doing yr thing till u give birth,give ur parents reasons why you want to hold off the wedding......

if you still love him and hope he will make a come back,just keep doing what the both of u are doing right now,dont run from converations with him.

Maaamaaa:


Okay MA. I'll tell him about the ante-natal but I don't to call off the wedding if not he will use it against me to my parents and his parents. I want to focus on me and my baby and let him decide for himself what he wants.

Not a bad decision. . I think you should do just that. ..
wish you the best. ..