I have this neighbour, lady, married, no child. Her flat is next to mine. We in fact share a common wall. She moved in a few months ago though we’ve been in the same church  for sometime.  I have a 7month old baby after 5yrs of marriage.

This lady has a pushful and forceful attitude that I don’t like. In fact she’s suffocating me but I don’t know how to tell her without offending her. She comes in countless times during waking hours to ‘play with baby’ and she has no respect for my bedroom! Many times I would tell her the baby is sleeping and she would walk past me into the bedroom(until I fixed curtains  at the bedroom door), carry the baby and make sure she wakes him with an excuse that she wants to go out and we might be out or sleeping by the time she comes back!  Other times she would insist on taking the baby to church  for a mid-week service when I cannot go. If I said the weather is cold she would urge me to wear thick cloth and that she would ‘back him’. The day I said I needed to be close to him after having left him in the crèche all day, she took offence and the next day she said she did not want to carry him so I wouldn’t say ‘I needed to be close to him’ . 

In short, she wakes the baby from sleep at will despite my mild pleas not to disturb his sleep .  I’ve  been careful the way I handled it so she wouldn’t feel its because I have a baby and she does not. She should be in her mid-30s and I expect her to be mature and sensitive enough to know those acts don’t go down well with me.  Oftentimes she would take the baby from me and when she needed to be busy she would give him to another woman next house (also a church member) to hold for her. When baby cries she prefers to come and take his formula and feed him rather than bring him for breastmilk even when my breasts are full and dripping!!!  So many things that I can’t say all!

SECONDLY, She has no respect for my privacy. On my own part I’ve NEVER for once gone beyond her living room and don’t even know what her kitchen looks like let alone her bedroom (am not interested anyway).  When am not in the living room she would not wait for me, rather before I move towards her, like a wind she would rush to meet me in the kitchen which I don’t like. And when she’s there she’d start offering to help me wash or do one thing or the other. Sometimes she would offer to join me in washing my baby’s clothes which I usually decline  because sometimes my undies are there. Few days ago she insisted on washing my dirty dishes and she wouldn’t take ‘No’ until I almost got angry. This was the same person who earlier told me she was busy cooking in her own kitchen!!!  You see, sometimes am tempted to think she’s up to some mischief!(Could be she likes sizing me up, as in let’s me see what she has or how neat/organised she is or whatever but a once-for all assessment is ok if that’s it, abi? )


Thirdly, she’s too inquisitive for my liking! She asks for every detail and I don’t find it funny. She likes knowing everything and she’s not smart enough to sense it when you don’t want to tell her what she’s asking for. I love her and I wish she's just  like me, minding my  own busines, shikenah!

Abeg, how can I tell her in clear times to respect my privacy and let the baby be? I honestly don’t want to hurt/offend her but am not comfortable with the way she thrusts herself on me. Someone should please respond to this plea.

my dear, dont ur doors have locks? how can someone just barge in2 ur bedroom? pls b careful o. even if she's not up 2 anythin, u gotta avoid her. if u've been visitin her apartment too, u need 2 stop now. if u cant put ur foot down & let her know how u feel, then stick 2 urself. if she notices dat u've withdrawn 2 urself, she should back off. dis is wat i did 2 a VERY nosey inlaw of mine, believe me, it worked.

UM u need to tell her, woman get lost, i dont like u. stop invading my privacy. or lock ur door.,

I understand the need to be gentle with her but get the hell out of town. Why is she walking into your bedroom and asking to take your baby out of the house. My mother does not even walk into my bedroom and even when she does when my husband is at work she would usually knock and is never there when I am not. If the woman cannot understand then it is too bad. As for your child be careful. Children have gone missing this way. I can tell you stories upon stories. If she is this emotionally attached to your family then she might start wishing that it were hers. I am not saying sh eis bad but she is too attached for you not to be firm.

Lock ur doors,wen she knocks answer her thru the door n tell her u r preparing 2 go out,she will get d message after a while,u shd NEVER I REPEAT NEVER leave ur baby alone wit her,u can never know wat a person like is planning.

Dont tolerate this woman's unhealthy behavior for the sake of your baby's well-being. No matter what, put your foot down firmly and say the baby needs to rest. If she becomes aggressive, you can file a police report against her.

Let me teach you a method I learnt yesterday. On my way to work yesterday morning on the ever quiet C2C train, A Nigerian lady was sitting next to me.

Her phone rings

She picks it and starts shouting mama so, so and so?? I have told you to stop calling my phone, what is it?? You called me on Sunday and now calling me on Wednesday?? what is the problem?? Leave me alone.
I think the woman was trying to explain, she said don't greet me, don't check on me, is it by force?? Can't I have peace?what is it that I owe you?? This woman kept on shouting and shouting.With her impeccable Nigerian accent, lol. I could hear people on the coach giggling (including whites). As for me, I almost burst into tears from laughing.
She told her the next time you call me, I would report you to your husband!!
so very blunt woman!


The point is, if u don't like something, don't be afraid to say it. Please don't care about her feelings because she doesn't care about yours!! Even if you have to stop talking to each other, it's not the end of the world!

she is using pyschological intimidation on you knowing fully well that maybe you are the quite type, woman take charge of your baby. Tell her to give you a call when next she is coming to make sure you are fine with her visit/you are home

Madam i dnt know if u re volatile thats y shes having an overbearing influence on u or u show some laxity in taking care of ur son making her to fill d gap for ur neglegence.Evrything is may be.So look at these areas&adjust to take full charge of d situation.Sorry to ask what about d father,if hes around she wouldnt dare

Hmmn, be careful with ur baby, ur neighbour is up to no good. When he grows warn him neva to visit her flat, she might take over ur responsibility as a mom. Be careful.

get the hell out of the apartment before it is too lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

lol

This is a tough one, you do not want to be to hard on her incase she is really lonely and in need of friendship, you also do not want to indulge her incase she is up to no good but you have not been able to decipher precisely what she is up to.

I felt so sorry for the woman after reading your post but the fact still remains that she is not a balanced woman (as a few people have pointed out) and it is dangerous to leave a baby with such a person.

I also suggest that you start to lock your doors, do not open when she knocks and when she later asks you about it, tell her the baby was sleeping and you did not want him disturbed. you can do this during the day and when your husband is around in the evening you can keep the doors open for her to visit so that she does not feel that you are keeping her away completely.

It is good to be in good terms with your neighbour in Nigeria, there is no 911 to call o!

@ poster

why pretending in the name of emotional feeling for your neighbour, let her know that your husband doesnot like it, or you open up ur feeling str8 to her, if anything negative happen to child is then you will be able to really voice out, pls act fast but do it in a polite manner, best wishes,

@poster
Some peeps are just like that and unless you speak up, then you will have to continue enduring her.
Except off course you move out of the house (that's the extreme case). I understand she is showing
affection and trying to 'call her own child to the world' as the yorubas say by being nice to children
around her and doing all that she can BUT you obviously are pissed. You need to have a heart-to-heart
with her. Tell her exactly what you want, how you want it and how important those things are to you.
If she is genuine, she will understand but if she has other things in mind, she might even stop saying
hello. Try as much as possible to be positive in your choice of words (thank , appreciate and thank her as
many times during the talk). That way, she will know that it's just that you need a lil of your private moments
and she'll respect that.

A stranger is giving your baby formula and you are so comfy? And does your husband know about this? If you are my wife, I am sure you'd be hiding all these from me, or I would have done something drastic. Instead of posting your anger here on nairaland, confront her or pack out of the neighborhood.

canuck:

@ Poster
You are dealing with a very needy person in dire want of emotional and social validation. Assuming she's not diabolical (you cannot know that until it's too late), it is still an unhealthy relationship.

People like her will NEVER heed indirect communication - "Haba, are you my husband's second wife?" - Lai lai!

No be fight - Make sure your husband is home; maybe in the bedroom, then tell her you dislike being choked like that; list examples. Set the rules of engagement. Fellow church member ko, fellow saint ni!
One last thing - Never, ever, absolutely never leave your baby with her; not for a second! Needy people are not balanced.

Seconded

Also, maybe you should start locking your doors as well. _{(what people will learn to keep others at bay only God knows)} I bet you are not used to locking doors like me.

The earlier you address this problem, the better for you and your household. By the way, what is your husband saying? My former neighbor's marriage was wrecked because of nosy neighbors and friends who wouldn't stay in the living room. Please do well to address the problem NOW!

@ Poster; Do you stay alone? where is your husband? Be careful before you lose your husband to this lady.

@poster your problem is love and pride,yes she disturbs you with her behaviour but if she is wicked she could have done something to the baby by now,your church member you said,let me ask what do you people do in church?all I can see hear is the believe that if she stays with the baby maybe her own will come.

Chaircover, your mum is one funny and very wise woman.

It is a serious matter and very difficult to handle. But what I can say is that you should visit her in her house before she comes into ur own apartment and explain diligently to her the disadvantages of what she has been doing. Its like she does not know it is a bad thing not to honour another person's privacy. If she refuse to stop that attitude then you have to show it to her diligently too that you are not happy with the way she behave in your matrominial home or may be you start going out every morning (may be you go out to your friends' places)and come back home at dusk.

@semid4lyfe
no she is facing the reality of life,she just told the daughter what this life is all about.VANITY

My dear you cant be confused oh. No body has a right walking into your bedroom. Thats your inner sanctum. You and your husband sleep there, plus your baby. Youre the woman, you should protect your home. From the sound of this woman, she's up to no good if she always wants to know whats happening with you and doesnt allow you go past her living room . . . . She's up to no good.

If you openely confront her, it might get ugly. Pray and move out. Inbetween, avoid her at all costs. LOCK YOUR DOOR!
Pray oh my dear. The Lord Almighty has given you a child and you are to see to his wellbeing, spiritually and physically. This woman is up to no good. Dont explain anything to her. Keep her quiet and avoid her, cos if she's diabolical and you confront her, you are at risk. If on the other hand, you pray and work in silence (please move out), she wont know what youre up to , and thats what you need right now.
I wish you well

Do not offend her just lock your door

Have you discussed this issue with your husband and what was his opinion or do you think this is a woman's affair.
Secondly, only a foolish woman allows untrusted person to feed her baby in her absence. Don't you know that babies are vulnerable to a lot of things (physically and spiritually). Have you not heard of Witchcraft? Have you not heard of babies sexually abused by persons they were entrusted to.

Be very careful with the baby issue especially for a childless woman who might be nursing jealousy inside. She is doing all that to annoy you thereby creating room to quarrel you .

My sister, the life of your baby is far more important than anything else regarding this matter.
please and please, under no circumstance should u ever leave ur baby alone with her.
Abi u dont forget how u tey push am now now, I am a mother too and I know wot am saying.


I have an extremely troublesome sister-inlaw that leaves with us, infact she was sent as a monitoring agent to my marraige and I sure know how to place her where she belong.

Be very diplomatic and with the help of God u will succeed.