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My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 9:39pm On Nov 12, 2016
Madam thewife306, u are trying o
If I were the one, first instinct.. I will shout back and warn him never to shout on me. With the first reaction he will. Calm down.. And rethink everything over.
What kind of rubbish is that? U are not a kid.
First action and counter reaction would have stopped him from doing it over again. Now only God knows how u can make him change.. U r trying

12 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 10:04pm On Nov 12, 2016
One thing I hate is public disgrace, I really can't stand it or tolerate an atom of it

I will just divorce him sharply, no wasting time angry

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by soonest(f): 10:05pm On Nov 12, 2016
baby124:
When something starts, if you don't stop it quickly, it will grow wings. Tell him right there in a calm voice not to ever raise his voice at you again. If he has something contrary to say to you, he can say that in private. And even in private it must be with a calm and rational voice.
I second this @ thewife306
Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by sisisioge: 10:18pm On Nov 12, 2016
Whew! Lubbish! Since u already expressed your feelings and he's still not yielding you really need to bring on the attitude too. It is not courteous one bit to shout at anyone at all let alone your spouse! Since the dude says that is how he expresses himself, pls follow in his footsteps. The next time he shouts at you, biko shout back! Of course, that would annoy him but it would encourage him to retake the talk with you. If it doesn't affect him, then you don enter one chance be that.

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by byvan03: 11:03pm On Nov 12, 2016
The next time he starts shouting, walk away so he can Shout alone.

Personally, i will do whatever it takes to fix this.

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 12:28am On Nov 13, 2016
Do not shout back at him like some people have suggested. You can speak up for yourself without stooping low to his level. Be firm in telling him you don't like his shouting at you and that it must stop because it's making you unhappy. You deserve respect just as much as he does.

6 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by oatzeal(m): 1:02am On Nov 13, 2016
thewife306:

You must be a selfish person. How about after you must have met your deadline, you lose your loved ones. See who's talking about doing assignment. You think life is all about you

Viking007:
grin True talk @bolded.
'.

Ishilove:

I noticed his comments but I didn't want to comment. Very one sided and unrealistic..
Once again , am here, ..... If u tell your pastor or tell his relative, it will make it worse.

There is no man a woman can't handle.. Study ur man and handle him. IF YOU TAKE TO SOME ADVICE HERE, IT WILL ONLY GET MESSIER.


he has reasons for shouting at u, if u can't detect the actual reason, play round it... That's why am giving u tips.

Possible reasons why he shouts at you... I used myself as an example.

Again... Some men don't like to be slowed down., They like it wen dey say ABCDE and u continued ..FGHI..

Only smart ladies can cope..

Another way is to always assist him not to be late. Wake him, help him pick what he may forget,
.

Help him to be faster at anything

... Am not saying you shud not do your own, but be involved in his own , at least for this time, please


......
Dont see it as selfishness on his own side... Or slavery on ur side. JUST DO IT , u will get amazing result.. You will ask for A, he will give you AAAAAAAA, he will notice it easily wen u re not happy, he ll listen to you and change completely.

PRAY TO GOD, WITH SINCERE HEART, ASK FOR WISDOM TO BE SMARTER.... GOD WILL GRANT IT UNTO YOU..

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by yuzedo: 2:32am On Nov 13, 2016
You CANNOT fight fire with fire.

I see some well-intentioned albeit ignorant advice being peddled here. Kindly recall the definition of the word "husband" --- it means LORD OF THE HOUSE.

Can you shout back at your boss in the office without a back-up plan? If no, please think up one before following this dangerous course of action.

Your husband's actions are pretty insensitive and immature. You married him with these qualities, you should try and "for better or worse" this situation, keeping in mind that preventing a degeneration to physical abuse will be a long-term win for all involved.

If I were ever as temporarily irrational as your husband, a short, hand-written letter to me would convict me like nothing else can. Not only will it be proof of your mental strength despite provocation, but will also be read one day by someone else who will see your attempt to salvage a potentially-dicey situation.

Husbands, love your wives. Your husband's antics are not consistent with 1st Cor 13. And that's a shame considering you guys probably married in a church (Forgive if my assumption is wrong). Still, the Bible you consult says wives should secure their homes with wisdom. Shouting back is the direct opposite of that.

15 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Berbierklaus(f): 3:41am On Nov 13, 2016
JeffreyJamez:
This is simple... I'm sure you have your own "craze"..since you have talked to him about it and he has refused to listen, show him that small "craze" ..if he shouts at you, shout at him back... He go calm down!
And when he panel beat her life for shouting at him,it Is still you that will ask what she did to get herself beaten.

Confused generation undecided

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by dangotesmummy: 5:32am On Nov 13, 2016
There are something's I'm beginning to see here.so in Nigeria Wife = slave that you can disgrace anyhow and anywhere and she should just continue being sweet.isokay

Solution @ Op the next time he does that crap walk out on him
Or

Don't go to public places with him and if he asks you why tell him to avoid disgrace

If you go to church sites separately. After church enter a cab and go back home. When you're with him in public avoid him as much as possible

37 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by dangotesmummy: 5:36am On Nov 13, 2016
Berbierklaus:

And when he panel beat her life for shouting at him,it Is still you that will ask what she did to get herself beaten.

Confused generation undecided
LMao. So when she gives him a taste of his medicine He should resort to violence.

Op just avoid him and stay on your lane because you married an emotional abuser and sociopath.At least if he has to disgrace you let it be at home but publicly that is too much.it kills self esteem very fast and causes depression undecided

I guess your husband thinks you don't have feelings and emotions

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by dangotesmummy: 5:47am On Nov 13, 2016
yuzedo:
You CANNOT fight fire with fire.

I see some well-intentioned albeit ignorant advice being peddled here. Kindly recall the definition of the word "husband" --- it means LORD OF THE HOUSE.

Can you shout back at your boss in the office without a back-up plan? If no, please think up one before following this dangerous course of action.

Your husband's actions are pretty insensitive and immature. You married him with these qualities, you should try and "for better or worse" this situation, keeping in mind that preventing a degeneration to physical abuse will be a long-term win for all involved.

If I were ever as temporarily irrational as your husband, a short, hand-written letter to me would convict me like nothing else can. Not only will it be proof of your mental strength despite provocation, but will also be read one day by someone else who will see your attempt to salvage a potentially-dicey situation.

Husbands, love your wives. Your husband's antics are not consistent with 1st Cor 13. And that's a shame considering you guys probably married in a church (Forgive if my assumption is wrong). Still, the Bible you consult says wives should secure their homes with wisdom. Shouting back is the direct opposite of that.
ok good but have you realised the negative consequences of emotional abuse? It's a scar that doesn't heal IN 2 days or a week I hope you realise that

Consequences include depression
insomnia
Paranoia
Psychotic disorder
loss of sex drive
feelings of worthlessness
suicidal tendencies
Loss of apetite and enthusiasm
She begins to depreciate e.g loss of physical beauty

Unfortunately your kids are at the receiving end of her tantrums. I'm now seeing why Nigerian women look like their husband's elder sister after marriage

Who will marry a narcissist and not age before her time. By the way what is the difference between her and a slave undecided

13 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 5:56am On Nov 13, 2016
thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party
cc lalasticlala

It has to do with psychology. It takes more courage to speak to a person privately and calmly than to angrily yell in public. I was reading something, the best way of confronting such people is not the way you put it. It should be privately and you don't put them on the spot. Instead of saying, " you are this and that. .." you say - I get hurt/humiliated when you do this... This should make him have a little consideration next time he feels irritated by you cheesy
Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by JeffreyJamez(m): 6:02am On Nov 13, 2016
Berbierklaus:

And when he panel beat her life for shouting at him,it Is still you that will ask what she did to get herself beaten.

Confused generation undecided



Excuse you? undecided...you can always make your point without sounding antagonistic.. Thank you.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by veave(f): 6:58am On Nov 13, 2016
oatzeal:




Once again , am here, ..... If u tell your pastor or tell his relative, it will make it worse.

There is no man a woman can't handle.. Study ur man and handle him. IF YOU TAKE TO SOME ADVICE HERE, IT WILL ONLY GET MESSIER.


he has reasons for shouting at u, if u can't detect the actual reason, play round it... That's why am giving u tips.

Possible reasons why he shouts at you... I used myself as an example.

Again... Some men don't like to be slowed down., They like it wen dey say ABCDE and u continued ..FGHI..

Only smart ladies can cope..

Another way is to always assist him not to be late. Wake him, help him pick what he may forget,
.

Help him to be faster at anything

... Am not saying you shud not do your own, but be involved in his own , at least for this time, please


......
Dont see it as selfishness on his own side... Or slavery on ur side. JUST DO IT , u will get amazing result.. You will ask for A, he will give you AAAAAAAA, he will notice it easily wen u re not happy, he ll listen to you and change completely.

PRAY TO GOD, WITH SINCERE HEART, ASK FOR WISDOM TO BE SMARTER.... GOD WILL GRANT IT UNTO YOU..




R you OK? You heard her say he has even asked the maid to flaunt her orders and you are here talking trash...

6 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by byvan03: 7:54am On Nov 13, 2016
They claim you dont fight fire with fire ,sometimes it is the best solution. The Old Things burn down once and for all and rebirth takes place.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 8:07am On Nov 13, 2016
This story is very one sided.

@op you say he shouts at you in public and it's becoming a frequent occurrence. What triggers this?

You need to get to the root of the problem and sort it out from there, rather than trying to treat the symptoms.

Unpleasant as this may sound, you might need to do a self assessment of yourself.

And this is why I say your write up is one sided. I'm quite certain your husband would have a very different version of events to what you're telling us.

7 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by thewife306: 8:55am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:
This story is very one sided.

@op you say he shouts at you in public and it's becoming a frequent occurrence. What triggers this?

You need to get to the root of the problem and sort it out from there, rather than trying to treat the symptoms.

Unpleasant as this may sound, you might need to do a self assessment of yourself.

And this is why I say your write up is one sided. I'm quite certain your husband would have a very different version of events to what you're telling us.

And what if its not one sided. i posted thevreasons. What do i stand to gain posting one-sided story. i would be doing myself

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by thewife306: 8:57am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:
This story is very one sided.

@op you say he shouts at you in public and it's becoming a frequent occurrence. What triggers this?

You need to get to the root of the problem and sort it out from there, rather than trying to treat the symptoms.

Unpleasant as this may sound, you might need to do a self assessment of yourself.

And this is why I say your write up is one sided. I'm quite certain your husband would have a very different version of events to what you're telling us.
What self assessment? Dat you cannot caution your spouse in private except when you're outside. or in the presence of other people.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 9:14am On Nov 13, 2016
thewife306:

What self assessment? Dat you cannot caution your spouse in private except when you're outside. or in the presence of other people.

Madam, stop getting defensive and answer the question I asked you. What do you do to get him so riled up? What exactly does he keep cautioning you over to the point where he feels shouting at you in public is the only way you get his message??

That's what I meant by saying you need to do a self-assessment on yourself.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 9:36am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Madam, stop getting defensive and answer the question I asked you. What do you do to get him so riled up? What exactly does he keep cautioning you over to the point where he feels shouting at you in public is the only way you get his message??

That's what I meant by saying you need to do a self-assessment on yourself.



The husband might be the choleric type. These people are crazy. I have an uncle like this. I remember my cousin spilling a few drops of milk and he would go off shouting. You never knew when it would happen again, you just knew that it would and it was best for you to run and hide because whether you were innocent or not, did not really matter. grin He would shout and curse and it looked like his head would explode. And it could all happen suddenly and for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes he would provoke it as to let off some steam that he did not knew how else to.

6 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 9:43am On Nov 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


The husband might be the choleric type. These people are crazy. I have an uncle like this. I remember my cousin spilling a few drops of milk and he would go off shouting. You never knew when it would happen again, you just knew that it would and it was best for you to run and hide because whether you were innocent or not, did not really matter. grin He would shout and curse and it looked like his head would explode. And it could all happen suddenly and for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes he would provoke it as to let off some steam that he did not knew how else to.

Yes, but she claims it's a recent development. Now that, I find hard to believe if her husband is as you described your uncle - meaning she knew he had this trait but chose to ignore it for reasons best known to her.

If that isn't the case and she really is sincere with her write up, then she needs to find out what's triggering this "new" development of his.

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 9:49am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Yes, but she claims it's a recent development. Now that, I find hard to believe if her husband is as you described your uncle - meaning she knew he had this trait but chose to ignore it for reasons best known to her.

If that isn't the case and she really is sincere with her write up, then she needs to find out what's triggering this "new" development of his.

I do not know her entire story but I know that people are in for a big surprise when they marry a person they have dated for a short period of time. People are different when newly in love and once the hormones jump back to their normal level, that is when you see their true persona, the good and the ugly side of it.

thewife306

How long have you been married and for how long were you dating prior to marriage?
Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 9:55am On Nov 13, 2016
^^ I don't dispute that, but let's look at this from another angle.

If she isn't anywhere by him, would he curse, shout, and yell in public?

So what is it about her presence that makes him compelled to scream obscenities at her ALWAYS? undecided

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 10:07am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:
^^ I don't dispute that, but let's look at this from another angle.

If she isn't anywhere by him, would he curse, shout, and yell in public?

So what is it about her presence that makes him compelled to scream obscenities at her ALWAYS? undecided

Maybe he does it to her because he can. Even choleric personalities can control themselves if lashing out has severe consequences (job loss, broken nose grin etc). I am not saying I know that he is a choleric, I only have the impression that he may be.

I mean, come on, he is even yelling in the church. Even if you hate your spouse, you will respect yourself in the church and control your anger in this place.

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 10:13am On Nov 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


Maybe he does it to her because he can. Even choleric personalities can control themselves if lashing out has severe consequences (job loss, broken nose grin etc). I am not saying I know that he is a choleric, I only have the impression that he may be.

I mean, come on, he is even yelling in the church. Even if you hate your spouse, you will respect yourself in the church and control your anger in this place.

Lol @ broken nose / church.

Oh well, maybe he doesn't love her/ never really did and it's got to the point he can't stand her presence without experiencing the uncontrollable urge to scream at her. grin

@op, sorry o!

1 Like

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by zeb04(f): 10:14am On Nov 13, 2016
RadicallyBlunt:
Op be cautious of the way you follow the advises above me o. You just said ur hubby wasn't like this before but now he's showing his color at d slightest provocation. Who knows...you may think taking the above steps will calm him down but turn out to make things worse and these so called advicers would not be there to help your marriage. A man with a child can still remarry o but an after-one woman may find it difficult.

Even if you're young blooded with radicality i still advice you to use a better approach not because ur husband is d head blabla but because you dont want to go thru a long marriage palava so early in life. Because if he takes d matter to his family he will not say he started it first. And your own family have received your total bride price...eaten it sef. So

Calm your anger, talk to him heart-to-heart first, if that doesnt work, you can talk to your pastor or snr in-laws that have good sense of reasoning too...this is essential. Let them know you told them first so that when you take action, it will have deep effect and impression. Don't be deceived with the "no 3rd party" advice for new couples. There are some things you may actually need some one for. what matters is the kinda 3rd person you involve and of course not always.

Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon
IT is not normal, stop telling people trash. if your marriage was like that,then that is your marriage,not a norm

7 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 10:16am On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Lol @ broken nose / church.

Oh well, maybe he doesn't love her/ never really did and it's got to the point he can't stand her presence without experiencing the uncontrollable urge to scream at her. grin

@op, sorry o!

Then he is a mumu of the highest mumuish order and immature on top of that. Why marry, why have children if you do not love the person?
And if you fall out of love, why take it out on the other person, the mother of your child?

People need to learn to take responsibility for their feelings instead of blaming others for the way they feel. Mumuish mumus. grin grin grin

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by missjo(f): 10:17am On Nov 13, 2016
oatzeal:


There are different kinds of people, when you compare Mr A to B , you will miss it.

Just like I said earlier. May be he has more things bothering his mind now.

MAY BE.

I don't know ur husband, but am like dat.

Wen i have deadline for something, late for work... I can't give anybody 1sec to waste . I naturally become more aggressive. I can shout at anybody.



Immediately, am done, get to my destination. I can play and smile with anyone. Just the opposite.


Then I hate rhetorical questions.


Now, its not 24/7 your husband shouts at you, at least you still do have time for romance. Use style to talk to him,
Get to know him more.

I believe he loves you
Errrrmmmm, I don't mean to interfere but I'm sensing you just described yourself this way with the opinion that it might be a good thing. IT CERTAILY ISN'T.

There's a clinical term in psychology used to describe people like this,cant remember the term right now.
In a world where one has very little control over every other thing, it's VERY IMPORTANT for one to have SELF-CONTROL, this is the only type of control we humans are 100% responsible for.

14 Likes

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by yuzedo: 10:18am On Nov 13, 2016
dangotesmummy:
ok good but have you realised the negative consequences of emotional abuse? It's a scar that doesn't heal IN 2 days or a week I hope you realise that

Consequences include depression
insomnia
Paranoia
Psychotic disorder
loss of sex drive
feelings of worthlessness
suicidal tendencies
Loss of apetite and enthusiasm
She begins to depreciate e.g loss of physical beauty

Unfortunately your kids are at the receiving end of her tantrums. I'm now seeing why Nigerian women look like their husband's elder sister after marriage

Who will marry a narcissist and not age before her time. By the way what is the difference between her and a slave undecided
Why you dey face me? I resembu OP horseband ni?? undecided

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by EfemenaXY: 10:20am On Nov 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


Then he is a mumu of the highest mumuish order and immature on top of that. Why marry, why have children if you do not love the person?
And if you fall out of love, why take it out on the other person, the mother of your child?


People need to learn to take responsibility for their feelings instead of blaming others for the way they feel. Mumuish mumus. grin grin grin

The urge to procreate might transcend normal reasoning, perhaps?

Who knows?

1 Like

Re: My Husband Always Shouts At Me In Public by Nobody: 10:23am On Nov 13, 2016
missjo:

Errrrmmmm, I don't mean to interfere but I'm sensing you just described yourself this way with the opinion that it might be a good thing. IT CERTAILY ISN'T.

There's a clinical term in psychology used to describe people like this,cant remember the term right now.
In a world where one has very little control over every other thing, it's VERY IMPORTANT for one to have SELF-CONTROL, this is the only type of control humans are 100% responsible for.

Just imagine everyone would freak out and lash out in a moment of stress like an infant throwing tantrums only with greater ferocity. I hope he is also able to take what he dishes out. There are better ways to cope with stress.

The discussion reminds me of Donald Trump. Let us hope he will not use his nuclear codes in a stressful moment. All these babies in grown bodies. gringrin

5 Likes

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