sisisioge:


baddo

Cool you both have agreed to dream together, walk together and remain a team. With this couple of interest though, the guy let the team down. Surely , distant is a biatch on marriage but where is his esprit de corps nau. To make matters worse, he's doing commando with her. Chai, gone are the days of ladies and gentlemen! May God help us.

Gaggi:
My Friend Is Putting Me In A Tight Situation

My very close colleague and friend and I work in the same office. He relocated his family out of town almost a year ago, the wife traveled for further studies. He has a lovely wife, really good woman and two lovely kids. I also live with my family. We used to visit each other and our kids played together while they were around.

The issue now is he now keeps a steady girl. The girl cannot hold a light close to anywhere near his wife. The wife beats her in terms of beauty, class, intelligence, fashion, attitude, just name it.

At first i didn't talk when i saw them together. Felt it was a casual fling, he probably was lonely and needed a little company. However, he now takes her everywhere, friends houses, colleagues parties etc. I have warned him severally but he keeps telling me he'll look for the right time to let her go. He's been saying this for more than 6 months now. He even confessed that they do have unprotected sex occasionally, especially when they are both drunk and she has said she'll kill him and kill herself if he leaves her for another girl.

I hate to see my friend destroy a beautiful family. I don't know what to do to save him. I don't have his wife's number, even if i did, telling her might result to breaking the marriage instead of saving it. For now, all i do is just pray for him. Anybody with any brilliant ideas?

Bollinger:


I am not excusing infidelity. I have been married almost two decades so i know the value of it. You don't get involved in other people's marriages. You wouldn't understand till get married.

AuroraB:
Such a shame men are the ones trying to knock some sense into her medulla
To her; she's the one to wait out on her man to get a PhD
What a shame

MizzD:
I'm actually more pissed at the comments here than the cheating spouse right now.

On one hand we have the mind your business ignorant crew who clearly read that the man has been having unprotected sex with this side chic thats got nothing on the wife in all standards. Yet same people will dispute stories about an entire family wiping off from the face of the earth due to exposure to HIV and AIDS from a philandering husband. I mean how low can a married man go exposing your beautiful family to such. This man has no regard for his wife and kids.

On the second hand we have eediots with no future ambition who think it's okay for a woman To let go her dreams and aspirations because she has to be by her husband like a monitoring spirit to prevent him from philandering. And then we wonder why we have few female professors, engineers and professionals when in this century many, including women(to my surprise) believe once your married as a woman that is the end of your dreams and aspirations. Your purpose is to worship your husband and ensure he never cheats on you. Jokers

Do people really think at all on this forum.? How can I be reading ignorant and extremely myopic comments in this age. Since when did distance become a determining factor for cheating.? What if one's spouse becomes ill for months? What if it was the hubby that travelled to give his family a better life (which usually occurs at one point or the other in a couple's life) and the wife becomes the Unrepentant cheat. Are we all going to blame him for doing so and then excuse the wife's behaviour?

For someone like Op to post this, he really must feel sad about the situation and holds his friend's wife in high regard. It's really unfortunate as this new karashika is even a threat to the family's existence right now as she has been making threats already.

My advice is that you hint the wife about this even if it has to be anonymous so she can at least come home briefly to assess the situation of things and make he decisions. There's no point asking you to talk to your friend as it's obvious it's not working.

Lastly, you might want to distance yourself from such a friend as well and let him know you can't keep being a friend with his reckless lifestyle. I just hope he doesn't realise the harm he's doing too late.

merahki:



I really, honestly don't get why maaany people assume I am a man on NL
Is my username not red? Pls let me know, okay?

ElsonMorali:


Now you're the one going out of point here. The said woman isn't lying sick in the hospital.

Are you saying there isn't a university where she could go for her Masters here in the country?

Are you also implying that you could abandon your own husband and kids (I wonder how old they are) and go away for whatever reason for 2years?

I understand that sex is not food, but 2 good years of abstinence, when your wife ain't dead and you haven't taken a vow of continence is wickedness on the part of the woman.

You're simply comparing a man's sexual urge with that of a woman. Very different.

truthsayer007:


Actually sir, I want to korrect you , Sex is food...this is not joking sturfs

Phunkyposh:






Very thoughtful of you
..i really Wonder if people borrow their brains out and think from their Anus.

Mindfulness:
Amelian,

there is nothing wrong with your decision to entirely focus on your family once you have a family of your own. I totally get that and I consider it a smart decision provided that this is what will make you happy in the short and long run. I thought it would be needless to say that people's preferences differ but since you asked why a woman - married or not - would decide to do her Master's Degree abroad, I will tell you. For the same reason that you decided to focus on your family 100%. It is her personal preference. You have discovered that your fulfillment is in the kitchen, the living room and the oda room , let others have it their own way too. You would not want to be criticized for the choices you have made so let others make theirs.

I know what you want to say now. Let them do whatever they want and deal with the consequences - in this context - a husband who sleeps and emotionally bonds with someone else. Yeah, that's true. We all have to come to terms with the consequences of our decisions. We sleep as we make our beds. However, there are men out there who support their wives in the pursuit of their dreams and who love their ambition and determination to achieve whatever goal they set for themselves. It may come as a surprise to you but some men cannot be with a woman whose life entirely revolves around her family so to each their own.

My question to you is:

How can anyone expect a wife to give up on her dream for her husband forever but not expect the husband to give up on his sexual gratification for his wife for two years?

And if this is too much to ask of some husbands, is it also too much to ask them to protect themselves instead of being grossly negligent by jeopardizing their family's life?

Amelian:



Smiles, well said dear... Anyone jare

Am tired..
Honestly my day was very stressful and am really tired.. Whichever one they want.. Please do as u wish Or whosoever wishes

Mindfulness:



Then have a nice, quiet and relaxing evening.

I hope you can answer my questions when you feel refreshed and replenished again:

How can anyone expect a wife to give up on her dream for her husband forever but not expect the husband to give up on his sexual gratification for his wife for two years?

And if this is too much to ask of some husbands, is it also too much to ask them to protect themselves instead of being grossly negligent by jeopardizing their family's life?

Amelian:
[b][/b]


Thanks dear. God bless you..
The thing is every one has dreams and aspirations to pursue. Some women want 2 further their degree and go further in their career in a space of 2years,thereby expecting their husbands to be celibate for 2years.
Well if their husbands agree with them? Why not? It's an agreement between the couples.
But personally for me, I cannot be celibate for 2years, not even for 1year and not even for 6months.. 3months sef, I try. That's why I can't have a spouse abroad while I remain in Nigeria. It won't work.. The 2nd year am filing for divorce if we are not in the same country, the same state and living in the same house. How much more if I were a man? My wife must have discussed such delicate issue with me before we get married.
Everybody has their limits when it comes to wants and sacrificing for the other in the aspect of companionship and se3x.

So If the husband agrees with his wife. So be it.. He should stay celibate like his wife too. It's all about communication and agreements.

Mindfulness:



It is good you know what you want and go for it. This is the attitude of a winner.

Stay blessed too.

Amelian:




You too. Much my dear
Thanks

Mindfulness:



Then have a nice, quiet and relaxing evening.

I hope you can answer my questions when you feel refreshed and replenished again:

How can anyone expect a wife to give up on her dream for her husband forever but not expect the husband to give up on his sexual gratification for his wife for two years?

And if this is too much to ask of some husbands, is it also too much to ask them to protect themselves instead of being grossly negligent by jeopardizing their family's life?

DarkRebel101:


It musn't necessarily be two years of absence.

Obviously the woman should be able to visit home during school breaks and holidays.

Mindfulness:


I was thinking the same and decided not to mention it because two years is nothing in comparison to a lifetime.

DarkRebel101:


Yup.

Besides, I hail your diplomacy.

Amëlian or whatever she calls herself represents everything that no woman should be, and is one of the reasons why male chauvism is having a field day. When a woman doesn't know her worth or considers herself inferior, it is only then she can even think to choose marriage over self-betterment. Such women have been groomed since childhood to aspire toward marriage. They are usually trophy wives and it has been indoctrinated in them that when a man asks them to jump, they shouldn't protest but rather ask how high they should jump.

What if her husband died? What if by some stroke of fate the marriage gets unravelled? Yet it is for the same marriage that she sacrificed her academic aspirations.

Such servile persons can never be found around me. You ought to lay it on her without the soft landing of honey-coated words, because I know you are only trying to be diplomatic with her.

Mindfulness:

Me, too. It is so unlike me.

Well, she has a very healthy libido. She could not be in a long distance relationship and she doesn't have to so she does not expect her husband to go without s.exx because she herself couldn't.

Not every woman can be married to a soldier.

In order to sacrifice your academic aspirations, you need to have them in the first place.
She places top priority on family life, I guess. She should be free to do so.
There are men out there and on this thread who want to be married to a woman with her attitude. To each their own.

Amelian:
It's a pity, some married women are like that... They will leave their husband, travel abroad for further studies and I usually ask, this PHD or masters u are going for? Please enlighten me, what do u intend to do with it? They will say they just want to have higher degrees.
I shake head for those wives.. Later they will start crying wolf, saying can u imagine her husband has married another woman.. May the almighty God give them sense to see the havoc they are creating in their homes.

DarkRebel101:


I tell you, I was gobsmacked. One minute Mindy is Socrates – the gadfly always trying to make known the truth to the people of Athens, and without the luxury of diplomacy. And the next minute she is why Wole Soyinka said: “The man in him dies who tries to be diplomatic in the face of FUCKERY”.

Okay, Soyinka never said that; I only tweaked his words.

Of course, but such women should not revile the wives of soldiers either. They have no right to do so.

Go read her first comment on this thread. She was castigating married women who go abroad or have to study in Timbuktu. No one says she cannot prefer to forgo her academic aspirations or life dreams so she can be with her hubby – her business, her life –, but when she becomes overzealous by tanning the hides of women who would do otherwise, then someone needs to shove some hot coals down her throat. I'm certain I was able to do that on this thread.

To each his-her own, but just don't vilify or mock those who do not share your views.

It was this particular post of hers that got me talking. See, she was even asking God to give sense to the women who do not share her views. By that she's implying that they are unintelligent:

Mindfulness:



What is this?

You killed me now.

Which conversation is she less likely to 'castigate' other women after; the one with you or the one with me?
What people cannot give you, they need the most.

Oh God, I am beginning to feel like Mother Theresa after all. I prefer the bad azz image but I will say it anyway.
Don't we all feel some sort of smugness, arrogance, and even imperiousness in the view of comments that challenge our perception - especially on this site? And don't we all feel that we are on the right side all the time?

,
I am not going back to read her first comments. I care about now and tomorrow. I only go back if the memory pleases me.

DarkRebel101:


I haven't had sex with my girlfriend for four weeks now. It's not that our libidos have taken a minor detour or that the flames of intimacy have begun to wane; it's just that we are preoccupied with work and our relationship transcends sex.

She visits regularly and even sleeps over, but we usually just end up in a knotty cosset; learning the songs of each other's heart and singing it back to ourselves.

The point is: sex is not everything in life. Maybe it is to some people, maybe it is to some married couples; but it surely doesn't occupy a cardinal spot in my pyramid of priorities, nor is it something I would obsess over in a relationship given that the circumstances stymying me and my partner from having regular sex are beyond our control.

...

The quintessential human being should be able to abstain from sex for one year; but knowing how corseted we are by our unbridled sexual passions, then yes, I concede that it is almost impossible for a man-woman – more so a married man-woman –to abstain from sex for six months; unless he-she is engrossed in office work or in a hobby that he-she notices little of the arrows of time whizzing by.

...

The bone of contention here is that for the woman to be studying abroad, the man must have supported her decision and given her the go-ahead.

If the man knew that he couldn't keep to his promise and remain faithful, then why did he agree to the arrangement in the first place? Real men never welsh.

It seems to me that he backed up his wife's decision only because he knew it would give him ample leeway to prostitutë his loins without his wife getting in the way.

Phunkyposh:

What?