Gosh m so frustrated dis morning.my mom is a divorcee and i had to drop out of varsity coz we did not have cash and i also had to help out,coz i m de oldest of 2 kids. My mom has always lived a very comfortable life as a house wife of my late dad and of my ex step father,now i am de one who is expected to cary on providing dat life n i dnt mind. But recently she is getting to me and blocking my future. I spend 82000 naira on her monthly n my sister who just started working spends 23000 naira.al dis money we give it to her cash n yet she is never ever satisfied. On her own, my mom runs a small loan shacking business of which she makes a minimum of 46000 naira. Bt dis woman is never ever satisfied. She always sees how my aunts r making their childrens life hard,by expecting dem to provide for them de way i provide for her, but she never sees how she is making my own life difficult. She always wants, wants n wants, takes, takes, takes n now i am sorry to say, but she is starting to annoy me. She now irritates me ohh Gosh. She is such a liability n she thinks she is entittled to all dat she is getting, n even thinks dat it is not enough. If i cud, i wud have divorced her a long time ago, but unfortunatly blood is thicker dan water. De main reason my step dad even left her was bcoz of money.its like she thinks dat her own problems r better dan others. Ohh my word dis woman is such a life sucker. She just sucks life out of me. Wen she sees me spending my cash on things i shud be spending on,coz i work damn hard for my money,she complains n says m wasting money. Ohh my God, its is mine after all is it not. She is de main reason i hate asking men for cash, coz i turn to think dat dey will hate me de way i sometimes hate her. She takes advantage of my love for her. At times i even try to go for a day without calling her on de fone,but i cant. My heart wil be feeling so empty if i do dat. Now she is even angry coz i dnt go home as often as i used to. I used to go monthly but now i take my own time, coz i also have my own life to live. Just now,i just shouted at her n i feel so bad.she wanted me to increase her salary coz she needs to take care of my sisters daughter, who she got out of wedlock, n i ended up shouting n saying i never gabe birth to anyone,so y must i always sacrifies. I knw my sister is giving her best,coz she doesnt earn much, bt for pete's sake, i shud b saving for my own future kids. Damn dis woman.she makes me say things i dnt wana say,coz i always regret being rude to anyone in my life, especialy her.if i was a terrorist,i wud kidnap her n making sure dat she never eats for a month. Gosh m i de only one facing dis? How do u guys handle such? How can i handle such, ohh my God.dis woman is a real liability and a frustration.she even always likes to emotionaly blackmail me and says i promised to help wit my sisters university but i never did. She says she did it al by herself,but she seems to forget dat dat damn salary which allowed her to do all dat was from me. I hate dis woman sometimes. She is sooo selfish.m done crying becoz of her

Like seriously Place her on a monthly allowance and dont do more than that. I can relate ur ordeal with my friend's mum. Just dont listen to watever she says. Send her d allowance every month, call her like thrice in a week, wen u are going to visit her, buy things like wrappers, provisions, fruits and supplements for her. Tell her bluntly that u cant do more than what u are doing for her.

I advice you find out the amount she actually needs for herself and d child monthly and dont give her more than that. As long as you've done that right, you are free from blame from God and man. The only part I know would be a challenge to you is the emotional attachment you have to her. But you have to dare it. She doesnt want you to settle for marriage and if you struggle to marry, your husband will tire of you and her in less than a year. He may divorce you too.

So God help you dear

Slimmos:
Like seriously Place her on a monthly allowance and dont do more than that. I can relate ur ordeal with my friend's mum. Just dont listen to watever she says. Send her d allowance every month, call her like thrice in a week, wen u are going to visit her, buy things like wrappers, provisions, fruits and supplements for her. Tell her bluntly that u cant do more than what u are doing for her.

Simple!

Sweetie, you are part of those spoiling her. My sis and I do same with our mom. In our case, she's not as selfish but always want more. We have recently reduced her allowance. She subtly kicked and screamed, we no look face. She even reported to a family friend who was shocked to hear the original amount from us and eventually praised us for giving her the reduced amount sef. This comes from us despite the fact our jobs aren't so grand. Now she's adjusted herself and managing just well. Put your feet down on any amount you want to give her. She's not as entitled as she lets on. Good luck.

Omg, I'm beginning to pity your husband-to-be...


My mom has not been paid for months, funny thing is she wouldn't accept anything from me. She believes I'm young and needs all the money I can lay my hands on for myself.


Please, it is not your responsibility to pay salary or anything of such to your mother. She is a human being like you; let her work and make her money! If I were you, I would establish a business for her, allow her make her money and spend the way she wants. If the business folds up, she should source for finds elsewhere.

Its high time we buried this notion that children must take financial responsibilities of their parents. Sorry to say, but only a f00lish parent will give birth solely for that reason. It is good to give gifts to our parents.. even Dangote as rich as he is would gladly receive gifts from his daughters, but he will never be soo f00lish to sit down, fold his arms and wait for his daughters to pay him salary.

Even the retired folks are receiving pension; those who don't get pension make money from one form of investment (rents, etc.) or business. It is very very wrong for your mom to depend on you for salary.
Majority of those women you see in the market selling yam, fish, garri, akara, etc, have children as well. Some mothers are working tirelessly to train their children, some of these wards are graduates and working with meagre pays. That's what it means to be a mother, not necessarily breast-feeding and sitting idle for stipends.

*NB: does not apply to aged parents; they are too old to work so they need all the help they can get.

Op I feel for you!
I'm not gonna mince words but your mum is hella selfish!

Like the first poster said, place her on a monthly salary.. She gets what she gets!
When you get strict with the way you throw money at her, she will cut down her costs and manage whatever comes her way!

*******sigh*****



This is part of the things that has been eating me up lately


Glad to know that I'm not alone.


May God help us all grown children.




But she still remains my first after God.



@op, do what you can, just make sure your conscience justifies you.

It is well!

Interesting, I will love to hear the views from male children... Seems this mind games only work on mother - daughter relationships.

@OP

It's really hard relating/associating with anyone with sense of entitlement complex. Well, in situations like this, all you need do is to remain kind as you are while at same time create some emotional and physical distance from her. These are very important to avoid steady altercations which usually result when an altruist is pushed to the wall.

The funny thing is that, most outsiders who has never walked your path would be quick to crucify you, should your squabbles with her becomes an open secret. Don't live your life to please anyone, yet never stop giving your best of support to anyone in need, especially your family.

ZeeAfrica:
Gosh m so frustrated dis morning.my mom is a divorcee and i had to drop out of varsity coz we did not have cash and i also had to help out,coz i m de oldest of 2 kids. My mom has always lived a very comfortable life as a house wife of my late dad and of my ex step father,now i am de one who is expected to cary on providing dat life n i dnt mind. But recently she is getting to me and blocking my future. I spend 82000 naira on her monthly n my sister who just started working spends 23000 naira.al dis money we give it to her cash n yet she is never ever satisfied. On her own, my mom runs a small loan shacking business of which she makes a minimum of 46000 naira. Bt dis woman is never ever satisfied. She always sees how my aunts r making their childrens life hard,by expecting dem to provide for them de way i provide for her, but she never sees how she is making my own life difficult. She always wants, wants n wants, takes, takes, takes n now i am sorry to say, but she is starting to annoy me. She now irritates me ohh Gosh. She is such a liability n she thinks she is entittled to all dat she is getting, n even thinks dat it is not enough. If i cud, i wud have divorced her a long time ago, but unfortunatly blood is thicker dan water. De main reason my step dad even left her was bcoz of money.its like she thinks dat her own problems r better dan others. Ohh my word dis woman is such a life sucker. She just sucks life out of me. Wen she sees me spending my cash on things i shud be spending on,coz i work damn hard for my money,she complains n says m wasting money. Ohh my God, its is mine after all is it not. She is de main reason i hate asking men for cash, coz i turn to think dat dey will hate me de way i sometimes hate her. She takes advantage of my love for her. At times i even try to go for a day without calling her on de fone,but i cant. My heart wil be feeling so empty if i do dat. Now she is even angry coz i dnt go home as often as i used to. I used to go monthly but now i take my own time, coz i also have my own life to live. Just now,i just shouted at her n i feel so bad.she wanted me to increase her salary coz she needs to take care of my sisters daughter, who she got out of wedlock, n i ended up shouting n saying i never gabe birth to anyone,so y must i always sacrifies. I knw my sister is giving her best,coz she doesnt earn much, bt for pete's sake, i shud b saving for my own future kids. Damn dis woman.she makes me say things i dnt wana say,coz i always regret being rude to anyone in my life, especialy her.if i was a terrorist,i wud kidnap her n making sure dat she never eats for a month. Gosh m i de only one facing dis? How do u guys handle such? How can i handle such, ohh my God.dis woman is a real liability and a frustration.she even always likes to emotionaly blackmail me and says i promised to help wit my sisters university but i never did. She says she did it al by herself,but she seems to forget dat dat damn salary which allowed her to do all dat was from me. I hate dis woman sometimes. She is sooo selfish.m done crying becoz of her

when things like this happes

i can only ask you to PRAY

PRAY

&

Acidosis:
Omg, I'm beginning to pity your husband-to-be...


My mom has not been paid for months, funny thing is she wouldn't accept anything from me. She believes I'm young and needs all the money I can lay my hands on for myself.


Please, it is not your responsibility to pay salary or anything of such to your mother. She is a human being like you; let her work and make her money! If I were you, I would establish a business for her, allow her make her money and spend the way she wants. If the business folds up, she should source for finds elsewhere.

Its high time we buried this notion that children must take financial responsibilities of their parents. Sorry to say, but only a f00lish parent will give birth solely for that reason. It is good to give gifts to our parents.. even Dangote as rich as he is would gladly receive gifts from his daughters, but he will never be soo f00lish to sit down, fold his arms and wait for his daughters to pay him salary.

Even the retired folks are receiving pension; those who don't get pension make money from one form of investment (rents, etc.) or business. It is very very wrong for your mom to depend on you for salary.
Majority of those women you see in the market selling yam, fish, garri, akara, etc, have children as well. Some mothers are working tirelessly to train their children, some of these wards are graduates and working with meagre pays. That's what it means to be a mother, not necessarily breast-feeding and sitting idle for stipends.

*NB: does not apply to aged parents; they are too old to work so they need all the help they can get.

it is wrong for her mum to get a salary? nawa oooo. all the op needs to do is give a stipulated amount to her every month. me I dunno why I wld want my mum to even work if I can provide all she needs. she shld rest biko

Yieldings:
Set boundaries It's good to be generous but don't over-stretch yourself to the extent of having no savings for yourself. You said your ex step-Dad left your mom for this reason. She might be someone who just loves other people's money a bit too much, lol. She has a job and is doing okay, so it's not as if she's in dire need. Learn to start saying No, otherwise she will keep taking and taking.

You said your sister doesn't earn much but is your sister's baby daddy not contributing to his daughter's welfare? Is he in the picture?

nope. He neglected dem even before de baby was born

Tell her you lost your job.

cococandy:
Tell her you lost your job.

hehehe she wud know dat m lying coz i share n apartment with my half sister. N she wud die, coz i even help her mom n brothers. Lord so much load on my shoulders

ZeeAfrica:


hehehe she wud know dat m lying coz i share n apartment with my half sister. N she wud die, coz i even help her mom n brothers. Lord so much load on my shoulders

Sorry.

pweetixandy:
it is wrong for her mum to get a salary? nawa oooo. all the op needs to do is give a stipulated amount to her every month. me I dunno why I wld want my mum to even work if I can provide all she needs. she shld rest biko

blv me dis woman has rested all her life. After my dad died, she did try to work at a phamarcy, 2nd job was a sales person at a pharmacitical company, n she actualy likes to complain dat she was working hard even, but i have never ever known her to hold down a job for a year. My mom is a parasirte

ZeeAfrica:


blv me dis woman has rested all her life. After my dad died, she did try to work at a phamarcy, 2nd job was a sales person at a pharmacitical company, n she actualy likes to complain dat she was working hard even, but i have never ever known her to hold down a job for a year. My mom is a parasirte

Babes no kill yourself, give what you could monthly and wear headphones the rest of the month! By the way, why not get your own apartment, stay far from them with only money sent as postcards. Whew!

pweetixandy:
it is wrong for her mum to get a salary? nawa oooo. all the op needs to do is give a stipulated amount to her every month. me I dunno why I wld want my mum to even work if I can provide all she needs. she shld rest biko

Well, those tricks only work on mother - daughter relationships.

My mom will not approach me for a salary. It is in my own discretion to offer whatever I have whenever I can. It is called gift, not salary.

ZeeAfrica:


blv me dis woman has rested all her life. After my dad died, she did try to work at a phamarcy, 2nd job was a sales person at a pharmacitical company, n she actualy likes to complain dat she was working hard even, but i have never ever known her to hold down a job for a year. My mom is a parasirte

like I said before, give her a stipulated amount every month. she is ur mother, good or bad.. a time will come when all she would want is your company and not your money. I know its not possible to just stop giving her money, u won't be able to sleep. and I feel u r very attached to your mum, hence not being able to ignore her sometimes. (God pls, bless this OP so that she will have much more money than her mum ever wants and stop complaining on Nairaland, amen)

Acidosis:


Well, those tricks only work on mother - daughter relationships.

My mom will not approach me for a salary. It is in my own discretion to offer whatever I have whenever I can. It is called gift, not salary.

gift ko, charity ni. if we only depended on gifts from our parents while growing up, I dunno how we wld all turn out

pweetixandy:
gift ko, charity ni. if we only depended on gifts from our parents while growing up, I dunno how we wld all turn out

I hope you won't come on Nairaland to complain when your husband decides and commands that his mom must live in his home forever?

There are one million ways I can show love to my parents. Paying monthly salary is the least of them all. I personally think it is an insult to pay my parents monthly salary. I can't imagine them sitting idle and expecting bank alert on the 25th of every month. What kind of insult is that? So the month they don't get it (since they now monitor my income), they will start fasting and praying, or even protest like government workers, as OP's mom does sometimes?

Nawa!

My Dear OP, life is give and take. You dropped out of school but you are lucky to make it the other way round.. What exactly has she equipped you with to face the up and downs of life. She never give you education nor she have a business, trade or skill which she taught you how to do, in other to establish your own life.
Support your mum OPs because you will be rewarded for that, your kind heart truly amaze me.

Mummy is using emotional blackmail and manipulation for you

Yo better man up before you become Mummys everlasting handbag and atm

Be loving and firm not rebellious and rude to deliver yourself from her clutches

Acidosis:
Omg, I'm beginning to pity your husband-to-be...


My mom has not been paid for months, funny thing is she wouldn't accept anything from me. She believes I'm young and needs all the money I can lay my hands on for myself.


Please, it is not your responsibility to pay salary or anything of such to your mother. She is a human being like you; let her work and make her money! If I were you, I would establish a business for her, allow her make her money and spend the way she wants. If the business folds up, she should source for finds elsewhere.

Its high time we buried this notion that children must take financial responsibilities of their parents. Sorry to say, but only a f00lish parent will give birth solely for that reason. It is good to give gifts to our parents.. even Dangote as rich as he is would gladly receive gifts from his daughters, but he will never be soo f00lish to sit down, fold his arms and wait for his daughters to pay him salary.

Even the retired folks are receiving pension; those who don't get pension make money from one form of investment (rents, etc.) or business. It is very very wrong for your mom to depend on you for salary.
Majority of those women you see in the market selling yam, fish, garri, akara, etc, have children as well. Some mothers are working tirelessly to train their children, some of these wards are graduates and working with meagre pays. That's what it means to be a mother, not necessarily breast-feeding and sitting idle for stipends.

*NB: does not apply to aged parents; they are too old to work so they need all the help they can get.

You are one of the person I respect and look forward to for his opinion on this forum. U always say things the way it ought to be.