iI used to think that this view was Myopic, and Educated and Enlightened men don't fall into this category.
but over time it sadens me to say Nigerian Men are afraid of Successful Women. (with the exception of a few men), even where they met this women, when they were not successful, once the accolades start coming in, they become paranoid,suffer from complex and at the end of the day lash out.

I know some Women don't help matters, flaunting their money and success in front of this men and treating them like second class citizens. but majority of the women i know,friends, peers and family do not have attitude, but are the same down to earth chicks they were before but the changes come from their men and boy friends, and for most the relationships break down.who cares if the woman earns more than you do,it's all about mutual respect and Love abi.

for some the men are too afraid to even approach them, the ones that approach them are usually Gold diggers coming to dupe them out of their money and the few good ones that come around, come with the intention of sub duing this women.Know your place and keep your education outside this house, here i am King. the issue makes me curious Men why are you afraid of successful women does it make your balls shrink? na wa o

Poster

Dont generalise pls. Who gives a f cuk about successfl women? If you are successful yourself as a man, then why will you be afraid of another human being, talkless of a woman?

did you not see when i wrote Except for a few, stop writting fibs jare that is what you all say,
you guys should stop saying one thing and doing another. you guys can talk the talk but when the chips are down most of you act like your woman's success has affected your balls.

A man, successful or not, who is afraid of a woman, is not fit to be a man, he is better not to have been born. Do you know the meaning of the word "afraid" or you want to use another word?

Afraid,Frightened,Terrified all the same i know exactly what word i used.
ok would you rather i used Intimidated is that a better Adjective to use.
the meaning is still clear, i had a boyfriend once who was so Intimidated by me after a while that we would have never ending arguments over everything.
at the end of the day he ran to mummy for advise and she wrecked everything,I can understand a man's need to dominate (sometimes) and i can even tolerate it and some times appreciate it, but how do you want to do one thing and run to your mummy a woman for advise.
Men should understand that when you are a couple , the success of one is the Success of another and not the Castration of another gosh.

@ OP, its the same reason why men like younger women.

Men like and normally prefer women who they can "TAKE CARE OF" a woman whom they can bully and ride and doesn't know her rights----it takes a strong, mature and experienced man to do other wise.

@poster,
Successful women are bossy,arrogant and stubborn. They are full of themselves. They never marry in time because of their attitude.
Who would want a bossy,arrogant & stubborn wife?
I'd rather live in a desert!
@posakosa,
I agree with ur TAKE CARE OF' but bully, thats a big no.
Men love honour,respect and care. If your woman cannot give you these things, what glory would there be left for you?

Inferiority complex.

@cantell you are exactly the Class of men i am talking about. what do you even understand by the term Successful?
or are you with the class of Men that believe all women should be house wives.
what makes you feel that a woman who makes enough money cannot be taken care of? haven't you heard of splitting the bill 50/50.
it's men like you that give your Sex a bad name or did you not read Obama's Biography and understand that at some point earlier in their relationship Michelle was making more money than he was.
did it make her Arrogant, bossy or full of herself. haba.

@dakkylove, keep tellin urself that!

my sis is not that men are scared of successful women, but do  you know how successful women treat their husband, i have witness many even before i got married, and this women am talking of are my family. before they got  married i never believed they would behaved the way they do, they treat their as if he has no say in the house and they have brain wash the kids to the extend that the kids don't even respect their father. honestly after witnessing all this, i prayed to God not to allow me marry a woman that is more successful than me. since my own family that i Thor will never behave like this are doing same. my conclusion is a general woman behavior with success

@poster

You gave example of your timid boyfriend and you conclude all men are like that? hmmm - what a boyfriend he was? and whats wrong in a man running to seek advice from the woman who brought him to this world? if i have one, i will seek advice from her on all matters till i cant seek advice from her anymore. and beside, what is your definition of successful? that is a very very relative term, what is successful to you may not be successful to another person, my take.

@Dakkylove,
I never said anything about women being housewives only. I would want my partner to work even to the highest level, if it doesn't affect our family. Some bankers leave their home before 6:00am and return late at night. How would a woman in such position take care of her family? The husband will end up playin the role of a father and a mother. Is that right? Definitely not! Their jobs require too much time from them and they barely have time for their family. So you see, thats the one of the reasons why most men avoid this.
The whites can go thru this because they can decide not to have children because of their work. But we are Africans and we're different. Thats all i'm saying.

EVERYONE LOVES SUCCESS, AND IF FOR ANY REASON A MAN IS SCARED OF THAT SUCCESS THEN THAT SUCCESS HAS A LOT TO EXPLAIN?

WHY IS IT THAT WOMEN ARE NOT SCARED OF SUCCESSFUL MEN, INFACT THEY FLOCK AROUND THEM?

Successful is relative to the particular category of persons and couples involved in a relationship and i agree that the idea of being successful to one person might be different to another. the term might be relative but the effect is more or less the same.
i agree as i wrote that some women allow their successes and their money get to their heads but i;m not referring to that scenario.

take this scenario for instance which is actually a true experience from a friend, two people have been dating from school, the guy is reading a 5yr course, so girlfriend graduates before him.soon after gets a job in a new generation Job, soon after gets promoted buys a car, rents a place ,boyfriend finishes service and gets a job.
by that time girlfriend has moved up in her organisation, soon enough boyfriend begins to accuse girlfriend of sleeping around to get promoted, of being ashamed to introduce him to her colleagues(that one i know was not true cos we met them several times). demands to be the one driving her car as it was the Manly thing to do ,at the end of the day the fighting becomes so much that engagement is called off.

Scenario 2 equally very very true, couple are born again christians and have been married for 20 sthing years. one is a Lecturer, the other is  a Director in an institute. Wife is Brilliant and continues to shine at her Job. eventually is made a professor,given a house by her University amongst other benefits.Husband becomes extremely jealous and accuses her of having an affair with her blood cousin(no eveidence to support this simply because she went to pick him from the airport when he came to naija) packs out of her house.

both Scenarios real, both women i know, humble,prayerful and respectful, terms of successful different in both. same effect.

my own case is not even relevant,ol boy had his own issues apart from complex and yes, there is nothing wrong with going to your mother for advise, but allowing your mother to dictate the terms of your relationship? abeg grow some balls.

Never knew that men are afraid of such women oh, show me one i beg

Dominance

yeswecan:

Dominance

how many have u seen?

well like u said is relative;i am presently partially dating a lady,she is much richer than me infact we both work for ngo's mine is a national while hers is international,she is bossy in the office and at times arrogant but when it comes to our relationship she pipes low,if i shout at her she starts crying that i talk to her anyhow,but i dnt always mean the things i say.
In a nutshell even if u are Serena Williams when we decide to date i will map out a strategy that will work for you,men that feel jealous are not REAL MEN

ummmmmmm^^^

@dakkylove,

Please see my contribution in a related post



An intelligent and successful single lady has a lot of bitterness coming her way, she is a constant reminder of how a failure the man is (for a man who wants to see it that way) she will have to be extra soft and extra quite for her not to be called a bitch, come to think about it, even her quietness would be regarded as arrogance!

From my experience in the office, guys like and are more comfortable with women who depend on them to deliver (although they are quick to call them dullards behind their backs)  more than those who know what to do and go ahead to do it.


But I just recently transacted a business with a man who was proud to tell me that he respected women because his wife made him who he is today, he even repeated it when the wife later joined us, I was shocked, such a proclamation from a Naija man ?

What he did made me to respect him more

what my old lecturer will call hasty generalization!

What irritates me are the Nigerian women who are successful but you can see that they are going above and beyond to make sure they do not step on their husbands toes. If you are successful and you cannot be happy about it because it will make your husband sad then you have serious issues. I don't see why a man feels all of a sudden that he cannot "take care" of a woman because she is succesful. That is so sexist. You are basically implying that for you to feel like a man the woman has to be unsuccessful. Go ahead and prove to the poster what she already knows. At least you were subtle unlike Cantell who just came out and said successful women intimidate him.

As for me this is my own personal belief. All men at one point or the other will feel intimidated by a successful wife. It is natural. The only difference is that in the Nigerian culture she is more likely going to be oppressed because of it. If she feels like she is being forced to feel small by her husband and pushes back then she is seen as being a bad person. It is different in the west where a woman can be successfull and not have to make excuses for it or tone it down so that people will not think that she is the one feeding him. In the west your money is his money at the end of the day. Our culture set the men up for failure because the only thing most men contribute to the family dynamic is the sperm and money for the upkeep. When the woman starts making the money and they man falls on hard times and realizes that he placed his worth in the wrong place he takes it out on the woman.

Outstrip:

What irritates me are the Nigerian women who are successful but you can see that they are going above and beyond to make sure they do not step on their husbands toes. If you are successful and you cannot be happy about it because it will make your husband sad then you have serious issues. I don't see why a man feels all of a sudden that he cannot "take care" of a woman because she is succesful. That is so sexist. You are basically implying that for you to feel like a man the woman has to be unsuccessful. Go ahead and prove to the poster what she already knows. At least you were subtle unlike Cantell who just came out and said successful women intimidate him.

As for me this is my own personal belief. All men at one point or the other will feel intimidated by a successful wife. It is natural. The only difference is that in the Nigerian culture she is more likely going to be oppressed because of it. If she feels like she is being forced to feel small by her husband and pushes back then she is seen as being a bad person. It is different in the west where a woman can be successfull and not have to make excuses for it or tone it down so that people will not think that she is the one feeding him. In the west your money is his money at the end of the day. Our culture set the men up for failure because the only thing most men contribute to the family dynamic is the sperm and money for the upkeep. When the woman starts making the money and they man falls on hard times and realizes that he placed his worth in the wrong place he takes it out on the woman.

WOW THIS IS DEEP!

dakkylove:

Successful is relative to the particular category of persons and couples involved in a relationship and i agree that the idea of being successful to one person might be different to another. the term might be relative but the effect is more or less the same.
i agree as i wrote that some women allow their successes and their money get to their heads but i;m not referring to that scenario.

take this scenario for instance which is actually a true experience from a friend, two people have been dating from school, the guy is reading a 5yr course, so girlfriend graduates before him.soon after gets a job in a new generation Job, soon after gets promoted buys a car, rents a place ,boyfriend finishes service and gets a job.
by that time girlfriend has moved up in her organisation, soon enough boyfriend begins to accuse girlfriend of sleeping around to get promoted, of being ashamed to introduce him to her colleagues(that one i know was not true cos we met them several times). demands to be the one driving her car as it was the Manly thing to do ,at the end of the day the fighting becomes so much that engagement is called off.

Scenario 2 equally very very true, couple are born again christians and have been married for 20 sthing years. one is a Lecturer, the other is  a Director in an institute. Wife is Brilliant and continues to shine at her Job. eventually is made a professor,given a house by her University amongst other benefits.Husband becomes extremely jealous and accuses her of having an affair with her blood cousin(no eveidence to support this simply because she went to pick him from the airport when he came to naija) packs out of her house.

both Scenarios real, both women i know, humble,prayerful and respectful, terms of successful different in both. same effect.

my own case is not even relevant,ol boy had his own issues apart from complex and yes, there is nothing wrong with going to your mother for advise, but allowing your mother to dictate the terms of your relationship? abeg grow some balls.

@ dakkylove

Not sure the guys you hang around, but my friends and I are def are not scared of successful women. If any thing its a big Turn on.
They are much better than all those air heads that have nothing to bring to the relationship apart from looking good and asking you to take care of them.

BoredAtWor:



@ dakkylove

Not sure the guys you hang around, but my friends and I are def are not scared of successful women. If any thing its a big Turn on.
They are much better than all those air heads that have nothing to bring to the relationship apart from looking good and asking you to take care of them.

She did not say all. She said some. I have seen Nigerian guys that are okay with a wife that kicks ass. We are not all imagining things. The other lady spoke of how impressed she was when another man said his wife is what made him who he is. If it was not so rare she would not have been so impressed

@Outstrip,
Stop misquoting me. Read thoroughly before you post. Don't just come out and pin something on me. Dakkylove asked for reasons and i gave it to her, thats all. I never said i was intimidated by successful women. I don't really know why you're trying to pick a fight with me.

They feel the women can use their money to destroy them.

Outstrip:

What irritates me are the Nigerian women who are successful but you can see that they are going above and beyond to make sure they do not step on their husbands toes. If you are successful and you cannot be happy about it because it will make your husband sad then you have serious issues. I don't see why a man feels all of a sudden that he cannot "take care" of a woman because she is succesful. That is so sexist. You are basically implying that for you to feel like a man the woman has to be unsuccessful. Go ahead and prove to the poster what she already knows. At least you were subtle unlike Cantell who just came out and said successful women intimidate him.

As for me this is my own personal belief. All men at one point or the other will feel intimidated by a successful wife. It is natural. The only difference is that in the Nigerian culture she is more likely going to be oppressed because of it. If she feels like she is being forced to feel small by her husband and pushes back then she is seen as being a bad person. It is different in the west where a woman can be successfull and not have to make excuses for it or tone it down so that people will not think that she is the one feeding him. In the west your money is his money at the end of the day. Our culture set the men up for failure because the only thing most men contribute to the family dynamic is the sperm and money for the upkeep. When the woman starts making the money and they man falls on hard times and realizes that he placed his worth in the wrong place he takes it out on the woman.

Exactly!
Many Nigerian man are brought up in a way that they become useless once they cannot provide financially, since they are not equipped to provide any other necessary support.
Women should stop bringing up their boys this way if they really want things to change.

I totally agree with the poster and outstrip on this one. A lot of men feel intimidated or inadequate by a woman's success and are not able to handle this properly.

A lot of women that happen to fall in this category now are being forced to always bend over backwards or keep walking on egg shells just because you don't want to offend the guy or you don't want people to keep chatting trash about you.Its very unfortunate and but its an offshoot of the negative reinforcement our culture has imbibed in the men & the society at large that successful women are arrogant etc,  and men should dine with them with a long spoon.

I have lots of friends experiences to back up my facts so i know this is common place in our society today. A working class girl that's earning well will always try to tone every thing she does down like 2 notches below just to please the Man and so most times, she's very vulnerable and easily falls into the hands of a gold-digging guy or her bf keeps taking advantage of her humility at her own detriment.

I think the aftermath of this recession should enlighten 'men' that more successful women will continue to appear on the scene. Recent survey by TIME magazine shows that during the recession, more men lost their jobs than the women. So we men should change our orientation about successful women and just let it be and learn to live with it!

i loooooooove successful women. Cos they will always help in times of trouble