Ever gone on shopping with a lady?

Well,
Here is my experience.

It was on a Tuesday.
A day of the week I would never forget.

Her name is Deena,
And she is dear to my heart like a sister I never had.

University students, we were.
In total emptiness, my kitchen was.

For that period was the ending of the month when God had not yet picked my call.

Deena became my angel then.

Cooking sumptuous meals that could turn the devil's heart back towards God.
Sumptuous meals that made me say *YES* to her question, that day, without actually hearing the question.

*Okay. Let me get prepared*

These words, she said with a gleeful smile registered on her face.

*Get prepared for what nne?*
This question I asked in surprise.
For I had finished eating and was clear headed at the moment.

*The market na. The one you just accepted to go with me*
Deena replied.

Kaii!!

The term 'shocked' could only encapsulate my state of mind at that moment.

For I had heard tales of such 'shopping experiences'.
Tales, i most definitely did not want to experience.

Nevertheless,
I had to go.

For he who pays the piper dictates the tune.
And he who bites the hand he just ate from is not worthy to be called a human being.

Nay.
Such a person is a nasty, rabid dog donning a human skin.

*Okay*
*But you will be fast in preparation o*
These words I told her

Words which, I later realized, were empty sounds to a woman's ear.

*Give me five minutes*

These words she said as she went out of the room to start preparations.

One hour ten minutes later,
She was done

A time period, within which she changed her shoes ten times.
Citing the most baffling excuses for changing them.

Within ten minutes, we were off to the market.

*I just want to get about five things and we will be back*
These words, she said.
Sounds that ushered joy to my heart.

For I needed to come back early.

A need that stemmed from my constant reading habits.
For I had the keys to the faculty like Baba Hilary said.

We reached the market within thirty minutes.

First stop being the store of the fish seller.

*Mama, how much for this fish*

This question Deena asked while sampling its texture.

*Na One thousand five hundred naira (#1,500), my pikin*

The woman replied,
All the while flashing a smile with her teeth set that had three occupants missing.

*aah haaa. For wetin. Abeg na two hundred and fifty naira (#250) I go pay*

These words Deena said that shocked even me.

They kept on haggling.
Bartering the price back and forth for ten minutes.

*Na four hundred naira (#400) I go pay last*
These words Deena said with an air of finality.

*Oya bring am come. Na just sell I sell am for you o*
These words the fish seller uttered.

Her flashing smile gone.
Replaced by a savage look of someone ready to commit murder.

With increased steps,
I tried to nudge Deena away from the woman.

An action that got no reaction.

In slow graceful steps she kept moving.
Not a bit fazed with my increased steps.

All the while turning left and right,
Sampling everything that her eye could see.

Apparently this was normal to all women.
Having minds that can perform a million tasks at the same time.

Apparently, this is foreign to me.
Having a mind that is fully fixated on a thing at every time.

To the shoe store, we went.
A visit that lasted approximately two hours.

*Bring that one make I see am*
These words Deena kept repeating.

Constantly rejecting every one for the silliest reasons.

*The hook nor fine*
Deena said.

*As if anyone will stop and notice the hook*.
My mind uttered back.

*The colour nor gold reach*
These words she used, in reference to a gold coloured high heel.

*But, Deena, it is golden color na*
This observation, i uttered in growing frustration.

*No oo. Look at this left side eh, You will see it is beginning to turn silver*
These words she uttered back while she turned her attention to another shoe.
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