1. Learners without learning sign: by the way they apply brake, u shall know them. They don't apply brake, they match it. If you are driving behind them, you have to be careful because they apply the brake meters away from a bump. You also know them by the way they grip the steering firmly, as if they are afraid someone will snatch it away from them

2. Drunk drivers: this category is spotted mostly at nights or evenings. By their speed u shall know them. After haven soaked themselves in free bottles of Gulder, they race like they have just heard that their MMM account has been unfrozen. They overtake from every side, left, right and center.

3. The next category comprises those who drove last on Nigerian roads in the 50's. They have been away for a long time and have just returned for the festive period. You know how to identify this group? They complain at every driving mistake made by road users. They also speak too much of the English language, with many bombastic lexical items. This is their regular line "you can't drive this way in the US", as if there are no crazy drivers down there.

4. The other group consist of those who borrowed a friends car. Its easy to identify them. They jump into potholes and fly over bumps like they are on set in an action movie. They don't know what it takes to maintain a car, they just sh uhut up and drive.

5. The last group include those who bought new cars. They drive at snail's speed. If you like hunk from now till ukwa is ready, they won't bulge. You think say my motor na kpalasa like your own.

@ Otunne JN 2016