WesleyA QUOTE: well, if you're christian then you can't remarry. if you're not, you're lucky because YOU CAN!

Good idea dear; but a word is enough for the wise (hope rightly put)

Wesley, to react to your last post that the world is changing and you have to change with it.

Well for the fact that world is changing doesn't mean God has changed neither will he change his principles.
Good for to change and change with the world.

well get a divorce before you both kill each other, at least you can still be friends

I find these discussion quite funny, because every time ethics and morality are discussed many people always bring up the Bible to justify their morality. If you need the bible to behave ethically, go ahead, the better for you, as long as the end result is a more ethical stance.

There is one thing thought that never ceases to surprise me. Do not always use the Bible to support your argument. Almost every possible postion can be argued from the Bible. The Bible has been used to justify civil wars, persecutions, torture, slavery and war - and it has equally been used to justify the exact opposite positions.

Now back on topic. Concerning divorce, just as in all ethical dilemma's, you need to weigh the good against the bad. If you're in an abusive marriage where your partner neglects you, beats you up or is unfaithfull to you, then you better take the route that causes least grief to all parties involved. In this case that will usually be a divorce.
If you are too immature to compromise in your marriage, then seek help and try to salvage your marriage, especially if there are children involved. But above all, get some life experience before you jump into a marriage. To put it bluntly: there should be a law forbidding people under 25 to marry. The risk that they do not have the maturity and/or life experience to make such a commitment is just too great.

The truth of the matter is that there are hardly any cases where divorce is 100% negative or 100% positive. It always causes grief in one way or another, but you should take a choice that causes least people least grief. There are no absolute truths, no absolute rights. these are always relative to the situation and your relation to others.

I consider these indignated moral majority positions immature posturing, in a lot of cases carried out by hypocrites

nferyn hit the nail on the head 

GP, motee you can argue with that.

Well, interesting views from Nferyn and which I believe should cross every human thought created by God. I am not disputing these (quote from Nferyn: Concerning divorce, just as in all ethical dilemma's, you need to weigh the good against the bad. If you're in an abusive marriage where your partner neglects you, beats you up or is unfaithfull to you, then you better take the route that causes least grief to all parties involved. In this case that will usually be a divorce.

My issue is that you cannot "re-marry" as long as this man is still alive according to the Bible. {Isaiah 40:8 His words stands forever} The law we are following which says if one commits adultery you can leave him or her was given because of the hardness of their heart by Moses and it was because of his own annoyance also towards them but if you read further into your bible, God does not allow it.

Divorce is always an argumentative thing even among our parents.

I end it with a quote from Nfery:If you are too immature to compromise in your marriage, then seek help and try to salvage your marriage, especially if there are children involved. But above all, get some life experience before you jump into a marriage.

ANOTHER IDEA FROM A FRIEND 30 MINUTES AGO: She says if you marry when you are not born again Christian and you now want to change but one of the party does not believe in Christ, you are allowed to re-marry.  (I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS BUT ANOTHER VIEW ONE HAS TO MAKE A SEARCH).

I am waiting to see more views to learn more...Got to go...not feeling to well!

Motee:

[SNIP]
My issue is that you cannot "re-marry" as long as this man is still alive. The law we are following which says if one commits adultery you can leave him or her was given because of the hardness of their heart by Moses and it was because of his own annoyance also towards them but if you read further into your bible, God does not allow it.
[SNIp]

Thank you for your kind words
Anyway, maybe you should question the law in that case and not take it too literally.
Apply your own judgment and make a decision in good faith

In the Jewish tradition, they take the position that it is vanity of the highest degree to claim that you can know and understand God's truth. According to the Orthodox Jewish tradition, applying your logic and intellect to understand the scriptures is showing good faith and is what you should do.

They have writings of Rabbi's explaining and interpreting the Torah (old testament) that they hold in almost as high regard as the original texts themselves. The Talmud (the interpretations) is very highly regarded indeed.

Like I said:

Motee:

I am waiting to see more views to learn more...

Nferyn: Makesure you try all your best in your marriage. It worth staying together.

Personally like i said before if u are married u got to stay married.

well itz not the best option
the couple shud sit and resolve whatever
problem it is they are facing.

i think that especially where children are involved, the parents should try as much as possible to sort things out. Counselling, compromising etc might help. As they say, when two elephants fight, it's the ground that suffers. i think providing a good stable home for the kids is highly important and a serious determinant of their outcome in life. Believe it or not

I see so many posts with people riding their high horses again.

How do you know the love you feel is the real deal?
I remember being in love in primary school, secondary school ,university etc and each time i felt more in love.
The truth is you never really know, but you trust your instincts and pray you made the right choice.
Which is why i think marriage is not a step to be taken lightly.

It is the person that wears the shoe, that knows where it pinches so no one can dictate divorce to you except you.

I don't think anyone should live in bondage for the sake of being married or for the children or whatever.
Don't get me wong, you should try to make it work, but if it doesn't well
and i am a married catholic; imagine that

my view on diorce is this.
when marriage mates have problems getting along. they should try to work it out or apply Bible counsel. God does not encourage separation as a way to solve minor problems. but a wife or a husband might choose to leave her husband or her wife if he or she is so violent that his or her heath and life are in danger, and if the other is cheating on the other. marriage mates must be faithful to each other, show love and be forgiving to one another.

I still stand on the fact that I WILL DIVORCE Anyman that messes with me. If we have kids.. We r gonna do summin abt them. But i won't stay in a 'bad' marriage. Esp. when i have tried making it good.

i think its just the coward way out.
when people are not ready to face the consequences of their actions.
for me marriage is once and for all so i just have to look carefully and not just jump into anything.
Divorce is wrong

I personally don't like the idea of divorce and believe that a couple should try as best as they can to make thier marraige work(for better, for worse) but then i realize that sometimes,divorce is inevitable. I still would rather work things out than get a divorce.

its not a pleasant situation.

1

Everyone is talking about the man,wife and God BUT no one is mentioning the kids, ill ask this WHAT if there are Kids involved in this marriage dont you know that a bad or horrible marriage can tell alot on the kid in the future and most times also in the present, Listen ill use me for example My parents marrriage was horrible and i feel they stuck toghether for so long because of the kids but in actuallity they were actually hurting the kids the day they both filed for divorce and accepted it they have never been happier with there lives you can see the joy and glow in there faces now and guess what happened to the children they blossomed. and why did this happen, the husband and wife were now able to look beyond themselves and see that they have responsibility around them and i must also stress again that the Negative influence of a bad marriage on kids are horrible and you dont need me to tell you all this you can go into history and judge for yourself.

If your marriage is going down the drain or your husband is abusive or not responsible or criminnaly inclined and liable to put you and your kids or kid in danger and you stay if eventually you get what is coming to you and you come around and you say something like the Bible forbids divorce thats why i did not make the most sensible decision and divorce this man now im in the hospital with fractures and internal bleeding or am in jail for being an accomplice to a murder or heavy crime and my kids have being taking to an orphanage or we were thrown out of our house and now live in the streets because my husband totally refused to work or get a job or even allow me make a living for myself and my children if any of these scenerio happens to be you then i think you belong in a hospital cause i dont see where the Bible forbids the use of common sense.

Its so easy to use the Bible as an excuse to be irrational and human beings have been known to translate the verses in the bible to suit their own way of thinking. They day my parents divorced it was the happiest day in my life and it still is cause now i have two loving parents but before then i had parents who hated themselves to a fault and who always transfered the unhappiness to the children. Some Women use the Kids as there excuse to stay in this kind of situation and i tend to feel really sorry for them, i dont think divorce is the best solution i actually think its the last solution but no matter what it is a solution that must be taken if the needs be. Marriage is not a the end to a journey it is actually the begining of a new journey in life and alot of people refuse to belive this so i state this three points

1.   Dont get married if you are not right for each other (Dont get married because of circumstance " pregnancy,                          family ,despration, etc )

2.   Dont get married if you are not yet matured enough for it

3.   Dont forget to ask yourself truthfully why you are getting married and when you do answer them truthfully make your decions on them.

I did mention the kids. I said we'll do summin about them. having kids don't mean i'll stay in a marriage i don't wanna be in any longer.

I agree with you hotangel, but i agree with Legry even more: WE CANT STAY IN A MARRIAGE THAT IS NOT WORKING SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE KIDS, BUT GO INTO A MARRIAGE WITH ALL THE ODDS CAREFULLY CONSIDERED BECAUSE EVEN WHEN YOU ARE DIVORCED EVEN WITHOUT KIDS, WORSE WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN INVOLVED, YOU STILL LIVE WITH THAT SCAR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, your resume will always read divorced., call it whatever you may that is not a pleasant biodata.

no matter what the case may be divorce is not the best option

I believe in the bible, bible says dont lie but once in a while i tell a lie [both willingly & unwillingly].
So divorce wont be the first sin. My view is....... if you try and try again and again and it doesnt work, keep trying. BUT, rather than lose ur life in a marriage, RUN as fast as you legs can carry you. Run 1st, get divorce later.

I have seen very abusive marriages. people lose their lives, an eye, a finger, sometime pregnancy for the sake of staying together. Some times i dont think its actually for the sanity of marriage that pple stay in such fustrated marriage.
This is why we shd choose carefully b4 getting hooked so we dont make divorce an option.


DA LIONESS

Divorce is a really sensitive issue especially when kids are involved. You stay together in an obviously bad marriage, you hurt and probably mess up your kids' life because they won't know wot love is. You decide to call it quit (Divorce), you also hurt and mostlikely mess up their life and future cus they don't belong in a complete circle. Their step-parents might love them but it'sn't always enough.

Secondly, looking well and observing all the rules(so to speak) before getting married doesn't ascertain a pleasant result. I've seen alot of couples, who u would just keep on wondering where it all went wrong, and noone can just say, not even themselves. Emotions can be tricky, and u can only be sure of yourself(thats even most of the time impossible), and it's two can play the game.

So, i conclude that WHERE POSSIBLE, KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVE (''in love'' boldly written because it's of no use for yourself, your partner and your kids if it's all hell)
WHERE IT'S TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE ( I know wot i mean by totally impossible) DIVORCE ISN'T JUST AN OPTION, BUT THE ONLY OPTION. (Though your kids will answer for it now or later

Best of luck in the game of love(which has no straight rules)

I would like to show that apart from the adultery or non-believer spouse deserting cases, there can be other grounds for divorce that are biblical. One particular example is cruelty.

I know that some people will say no no no, it's not in the Bible --- but my reply to them is that they do not even know what is in the Bible they so much bash other people with. I can bet that hardly any of these people are aware of this passage below in respect of divorce.

Exodus 21:10-11

10 If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. 11 And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.


In this passage, if a person took a slave girl for a wife and does not give her food, clothing and sex she was free to basically divorce him. How much more so if a person does not give these things to a wife who was not even a slave in the first place.

Even the passages on adultery that people are relying upon are not as simple to interpret as some people are portraying here. People need to study these things much much much more deeply before just jumping to uninformed conclusions.

Furthermore, if you read the letters of Paul (especially Corinthians) very carefully and properly, you will actually be surprised to find that he allowed for re-marriage after divorce.

Finally, assuming even that divorce and/or re-marriage are sins, are they sins that God will not forgive if the concerned person goes to Him openly and honestly and confess his/her situation?

It is true that  there are Ups and Downs in marriage but i believe every problem definitely have a solution,no matter what,Divorce is not the solution.
How can u love someone and after a while u don't think u love him/her anymore.That is why u have to look before u leap,if u have the right person meant for u,u can never think of divorce(no matter what) let alone getting it.
Know also that some people still stay more than 50 years in marriage,they are human too u know!and that doesn't mean they did not have hard times.Just work it out.
God hates divorce.
Divorce is wrong.

to me divorce aint a big deal as long as you were having a tough time in the marriage

nothing wrong with it. my parents are getting divorce but have been separated for five years. my dad messed my mum about and i think it right so she can move om with her life but it does affect yonger children has they don't understand.

There are certainly some very strong opinions flying around on this thread.
I'm about to give my own personal testimony based on my own experience, and I'm sure I'll get my head chewed off by many of you, but I don't think all of you are truely aware of just how awful some marriages can become.

I was married to a man I would have given my life for. I loved him more than I know how to express in words. Initially we were very happy, we talked about starting a family, and decided the time was right, and within months I was pregnant. I was so unbelievably happy, and he told me he was too. In time I started noticing a few changes in his behaviour, but we were married, so I adjusted to his change after seeing that talking to him wasn't getting me anywhere. After the birth of our son he became violent. When our son was 5 weeks old I noticed several bruises on his little body, and he had begun crying all the time, refusing the breast, and he'd begun vomiting. I took him to the doctor who had us all (husband included) rushed to the childrens hospital in the nearest city. Our son was examined and x-rays were taken of his little body, and photographs were taken of the bruises. During this time I was treated like a criminal & accused of abusing my baby. What the !!! The x-rays showed that our little baby had 6 fractured ribs. Can you imagine? A 5 week old baby with 6 fractured ribs Our son was taken away from us immediately, and we were sent home with empty arms. I felt I was dying, it is the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. I was so confused, so torn between wanting to scream at the injustice and wanting to cry my eyes out. Not once did I ever accuse my husband, I honestly believed that he couldn't have done it. The law pointed the finger at me because I had suffered a lot of physical trauma during the delivery of our baby. My husband & I were arrested and locked up. It took me 7 months to prove that I was innocent, and for the law to prove my husband was guilty. I was told by the judge in court that I would never see my son again as long as I remained married to my husband. I didn't know what to do. I was married. Marriage is for life! I stood by my husband and supported him as much as I could. I attended marriage guidence counselling with him, though after two sessions he refused to go again. I went alone. I tried desperately to talk him into anger management therapy, but he refused. He just got more violent. When our baby was 10 months old I was finally allowed to bring him home. For the next two weeks we had to live in a parenting village to prove we could be good parents. At the end of the two weeks I was told that I am a wonderful Mum. Once we were home my husband made it very well known that he wanted to end our marriage. I kept our marriage together until our son was 2 yrs 6 months old. I endured his physical violence. I endure his affair with my sister. I endured more beatings every time I stood in his way as he went after our son.
My son is now 14 years old. He is a beautiful young man. Very passionate, emotional, loving, caring, protective. He is not involved with anything illegal. . . no drugs, no theft, no chasing girls.
It is not fair for any of you to point at anyone who has had a divorce and call us cowards, sinners, whatever. Try walking in the shoes of a divorcee before you place judgement. Some of you are so quick to quote the Bible and judge those who have divorced. . . doesn't it also say in the Bible that you shouldn't judge others?. . .

that was a comprehensive abridged story 2cantango; wish more adults can share their views not to prove that divorce is right but that what is real and what is ideal are two mutually exclusive events in this life we walk in.

marriage is honorable in all, however

if thy right hand will cause you to be cast into fire, remove it.

those who have never been married, may you find love and happiness in the partner you chose. those who have been divorced, there is still balm (for healing) in gilead

Divorce aint right. It's sad to see the high rate of divorce. Whateva happened to "I'll love you 4eva n till death do us part?"