My short trip to France

It was a frosty morning in Lagos, and I was alarmed by the "what a wonderful world" Kenny G ringtone of my phone, it was my oga, Dr cassidy of Vision Plus specialist eye clinic, one of if not the best eye clinic sited at the heart of Allen avenue, Ikeja. she informed me of a proposal we have to follow up at one of the leading health maintenance organization..Mike, pls draft the proposal and look into it, sign in my absentia..

Oh lord!!! I wasn't expecting this as I was already warming up to get an update on the united state election, not even at a time meliene Trumph plagiarized Mitchell Obama's 2008 speech..well, whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well, I setup for the expedition and by 11 am I was done.
The Lagos rain had on its timetable a double period of drizzling falls which you dare not enter except if u are contacted to pick up a cash of million naira cos even mad men and women have all taken to their respective shelters as dat was usually a period of consciousness for them
I managed to get to Joel oguniake where I waited patiently under a shade for a keke that will convey me to Ikeja Bus top, It was then I noticed a young multicolored faced man..his face reminded me of rainbow, with whitish lining around his orbicular oris(mouth), a colourless chinos trouser dat could strike a remembrance of the lining inside bournvita, balanced with one unfortunate and wrinkled bag agonizingly positioned on his back. He was looking morose, gloomy, choleric and mournful and the drizzling of the rain stated the obvious that all was not well with him..chai wen I saw him I nodded my head in solace and condolence for him.
He must have felt the effect of the change mantra..wen all Dis was running tru my head, I noticed he was advancing closer to me, God what is Dis? I monologued within me, truly truly he was coming toward me, at dat point I handed everything to God cos rain wldnt make me bolt away.
On approaching me, he raised his hands in a way synonymous to wen u want to ans a question in class but u aren't too sure if its right or wrong..he moved closer and then I heard "Bonjour Monsieur. Immediately I heard that, I knew there was going to be a dilemma, disagreement, quandary and woriment..He continued his poem with " sup con , salute Monsieur, excuzez moi, s'il vous plait jene comprends pal Anglia,moi oui aet la tour!!! chai I looked around me if am not in France, I knew his antics and where he is going to, I kept calm, at Dis point, I inserted my hand into my pocket and checked if my kini(p.enis) is still der..this is a very important strategy u must take wen talking to a stranger in Lagos, it is a cin qua non as people have found demselves penisless after ordinary describing location to someone.. I technically placed my hand on my kini so as to alert me if der ll be a sudden disappearance of it and also used that opportunity to cover it wit d blood of Jesus..

While all Dis were running tru my mind, a guy walked to us, he looked concerned and interested in the drama playing out. He advanced towards us and after listening to some jargons French, he smiled and sad; ohhh, I understand wat hs is saying, ohh, he needs our help, he came from ivory coast, Nigeria custom has just confiscated his goods worth of millions of naira, he dis, he dat..he said we should help him to recover his goods as he nodded his head in pity, after which we ll be qualified for a one million naira reward but we should help him with hundred thousands naira to get his ramshackle God forsaken goods. When they were done talking and waited patiently for my response. I made dem realize that we all by one way or the other, understands French.
I started by reciting all d French I learnt from nursery school to secondary school, I told him je parle no moneh( money) je siut un badde econome( bad economy), ecoute la buhari governmente spoile, saraki chope mone en suffer and Fayose stolen nigerie mone..As I was saying this, the double period time table of the rain was over and I saw a keke advancing towards us, d keke got to our point and said Ikeja Ikeja Ikeja, I beckoned my hand to signify my desire to join the keke, while doing Dis, I told d so called ivory coast man and his accomplice aurovour ( bye bye ) as I bolted into d moving keke and simultaneously giving dem the 'ur fada gesture with my left hand..the keke guy asked me what happened and I explained to him, he laughed and said so Dis people Neva get another 419 style.. Den my hand was still technically placed on my kini so as to ascertain it hasn't said aurovour to me too..till date, I still check my kini because in Lagos, one must be very careful most esp wen u visit France right inside Lagos..

Olasmith mike writes from Lagos
Western Nigeria.


https:///post/olasmithmike./46