She's just being selfish and uncaring, fix a monthly budget for your home and reduce all access to direct cash and also try to move your money around (incase she has access to your balance).
May God help u.

Genea:
Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

Hahahahah that's the aim of the thread nah! For single ladies to notice and see him like a loaded guy.

HARDDON:
this is simply a case of a guy saddle with family responsibilities but lack the necessary balls for same.

if you hadnt realised, you are the head of the home. wake up and take control!

you have no principles guilding your home nor a spending plan. that is why she can just wake up, feels the money is there and go berserk spending same.

REMEDY:
Go and buy the land and start building! when she know money is going into somewhere she would caution her self.

besides, you caused all these

You have lot of experience i love your advice,this is a best advice for you go and buy land and start spending your money on it she will only mismanage the left over,and make sure you have a secret account
Note..YOU MUST NOT STOP HER otherwise you will set your home on fire

Yeah right. Go to grand square VI and the likes and then come back with your figures

Sacluxpaint:


Sometimes stuffs at shopping malls are cheaper than what is in the market.

2 of my brothers wives are exactly like your wife. My younger brother kept indulging her until he was neck deep in serious debt with his bank! But for our intervention and bail out it would have been another story that touch. Now he's learnt his lesson and now hardens his heart to her extravagant and lavish lifestyle. Of course they fight a lot but he no longer parts unless it is absolutely necessary.
My eldest brother dealt with his as soon as he noticed his wife persistent extravagance and ostentatious lifestyle. He told her bluntly that she should be ready to foot her extravagance lifestyle. She thought he was joking so she went out and bought some real expensive stuff, things they don't even need. But my brother refused to pay. They fought bitterly over it and she threatened to pack out. He told her that if she left she should never return! She saw he meant business and decided to sit put. She paid every penny of that debt by herself and never repeated same again. Now she ditches out advice on financial prudence!
So Op you must put your foot down firmly and mean it. Alternatively, you can continue buying the things you need at home yourself, I mean those things you know your wife will take you to the cleaners for. Also, don't tell her about your savings and such since she believes such must be spent extravagantly.
And make the rules as the head of your home.

Alondra:
This is what happens when you go extra miles to impress a lady during courtship. Its best to let your fiancée/ fiancé know your financial capability. Rushing into marriage is bad too, you never know some flaws in your partner.

Since you are married you can only handle this situation with patience and maturity. My advice is.. Cut down the allowance you give to her. You are the man so you have to act like one. Even when she complains tell her its all you could afford. But never spend what is left of the reduced allowance. Safe it.

Do this for some months, When the saved money is sufficient to get her something valuable that you know she needs... Get it for her with the money. Let her know it was bought from the money you saved.

She will be sober and see things from your angel. I.e the advantage of saving.

Marriage is an institution which has its wheels on maturity, patience and wisdom. You don't take drastic actions but correct with love.

Matured response.

Simply give her a certain amount of money so you dnt bother ur self with what she buys in d house or how much she spends on one item....and make her understand that's all she would be getting for the month...you don't have to fight or argue with her...take her to dinner and give her the news like you are on her side, she would be overwhelmed...you are the man!!!

Unfortunately no one has asked Op what he defines as lavish.. until he does so, I won't judge or comment..

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

@op u av to calm down a little. Try to make a mental pix or calculation of the basic important spending u guys make in a month. By this I mean feeding.

also calculate wat u spend on luxury.

Table it n show her.

Ask her how she thinks d money will flow when d kids start coming.

Ask her how u guys would b able to build ur own house n houses for rent

ask her jow u guys would b able to hav health n emergency savings

ask her how u guys can b able to create plan B businesses

ask het how u both can fund vacations.

When she answer finish wether gud or bad pls remind her dat timea are hard. And tell her
1. how much u ll b giving her for house upkeep.
2. How much u ll b giving her as pocket money (just a tease...like awuff)

3. Her salary is for her upkeep n hair.
But during festivities n birthday n anniversary u go dey giv am money as it pleases u.

verily I say unto u, soon she may get advice abt stopping u from buying foodstuffs n such.
Dat na her department n apriko is allowed.
Even my hubby knws I do apiriko in market list n he uses it to tease me.
When we started some times he ll withold things frm me. After throwing tantrum I ll couple myself. Yrs down he told me he was testing n training me on how to forfeit during lack. Im grateful for dat.

But seriously be firm in ur financial management if not na she go first tell u how u dey lazy wen ur mates r hustling.

sorry for boring long post

Sit her down and lay out your long term plans before her and how you both intend to achieve it. Family holidays, bringing forth kids, owning own house, catering for extended families etc are issues you guys need to discuss together. Make her understand the need for a monthly budget. If she insists on expensive stuff, then some other items on the budget list would suffer.

Do not go out of your way to stock the house, reason a budget with her based on the household items required. If she shoots above it .....do not try to make it up rather ensure both of you endure the need to sacrifice other items on the list.

For example, if she insists on buying 4 ply toilet rolls @500 naira each when a 2ply goes for 100 naira (meaning 500 hundred would have bought 5 2ply toilet rolls instead of 1 4ply). If the 4ply finishes ....no buying another until the next month. You both go use water ....only then would she see the import of what you want her to learn.

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

maysimsimple:
Exactly what I did with my Ex-wife. The next thing she did was Packed out all of my belongings back to her parents house.. Uncle no love I swear...





ote author=Dfinex post=52490199]Bros u need to force the reality down her throat ooo, even if it means slashing the domestic expenses by two or three sef. stop buying food items in large quantity . if she needs money don't give her the full amount....create the impression that u are going broke so she can spend more of her money. at least if she wants to be extravagant let her be extravagant with her own money.

by the time she goes broke with money coming from nowhere she will learn.

I mean why would an adult be behaving like a baby when even kids are aware of the harsh economic realities........mtcheeew every body with him own wahala, make I face my front joor.

You cldt keep your wife so you should not be giving advise on marital issues, with all due respect..A man who drives his dad's car has no business in the council of men who own bicycles...

You're already in the soup. .... already spoken to her. Whatever you or anyone else tells her would enter one ear and exit the other. Actions speak louder than words.. you did well to make a chunk of your savings disappear. Consult with her in investing the remainder in another scheme to recoup the money lost in MMM..... make up one if need be.....she would tell you to invest. Make that money disappear as well.... that would be on her..... then let her manage what is left. Her brain will reset.

Bros, welcome to my world.

That's all I gotta say

this is an example of up's and down's in marriage. Too much argument can lead to fight which can divide ur home. Na Verb (action word) u need. Display Action cos they say it speak louder than voice.

If u eliminate her,Dem go say. . .

bro, I understand how you feel. My partner doesn't have equal issue but has got other characteristics in relation. My advice is to stop arguing; don't talk too much. I know how frustrating it is when the right thing is known and your partner chooses otherwise even after your talking and her promises....
it gets to you right into the bone.
She knows what she's doing is wrong. stop trying to show her. keep quiet and do what you want.

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

Well for me you mistakenly causes it by spending extravagantly for her during the courtship, but God on your side you have mistakenly gotten the solution by telling her how you lost a ghost money through MMM. You build on that and never make her no what you have in your account again and above all try to be in control as a man.

One chance marriage

Coldfeet:
Hahahahah that's the aim of the thread nah! For single ladies to notice and see him like a loaded guy.

lolx, u r very smart ooo

Madam bukatyne,

This was the same argument we were having earlier today. When a woman doesn't contribute to her home, she spends frivolously. In this case, the op is at fault for not discussing with the wife, her own contribution ( substantial) to the family.

Before I left Nigeria, my immediate boss' take home was more than 600k and his wife ,a banker, was earning over 300k. Even at that ,there were substantial contribution from the two of them. Family/Marriage is like an investment so why let such a partner do all the contribution.

Op (overcomer123), you laid you bed this way, so you will lie on it. Please allow her make you broke. You never see anything.

Bros you're on a tight leash here oh, I think you've taken the right steps so far, my only addition is to talk a lot less, & just act, d more u talk the more arguments you'll have.
Just to add, this might seem like a bad idea, but there's this short video clip I saw about "vitamin NO" which needs to be administered in regular doses. Once in a while deny her some "wants" but try to ensure she gets all her "needs".
I hope she changes, cheers

Sorry o brother, I don't want to derail o. Please did you snap pre wedding pictures?..





Just for humour..

'had the same issue with my wife years ago. Don't get me wrong, she isn't vane with a taste for expensive fashion and all that, BUT she tends to care way too much about the needs of other and overspend as a result without thinking about the family. We sat down and talked about it, still she insisted on playing the Mother Theresa role. So I read the riot act. That was not going to happened. I practically stopped her allowances. I think it did the trick.

@OP,

Hardly is there a marriage anywhere on planet Earth where approach to financials is not a major issue in the early period if not all through the lifetime of the marriage. There is also no one-size-fits-all solution to it wether you join accounts, hide accounts or make her privy to your financial details.

You guys will grind each other out with time and I hope it will be for the better. Your wife may not necessarily be a spendsthrift as your post suggests. Maybe you guys just defer in spending preferences e.g. she wants to have the Samsung 50" TV of N220K while doing DSTV Access bouquet sub of N2000/month for Africa Magic while you would rather have an LG 32" TV of N90K while doing Premium bouquet of N14K/month for full EPL/Liga BBVA. You see her preferences as frivolous while she considers you as same. Who is right?

Like another poster said earlier, men are critical while women tend to be emotional. Background also matters. You guys can only talk about it and hopefully find your way round it. No two families will ever chat the same part.

BTW, all these guys telling you to be the man and put your foot DOWN...disregard them, they are the one's who more likely grovel before their wives in bed by 2am in the morning.

overcomer123:



Bros i don try talk to her oh,
whenever i do now she see me like am giving some hardd talks and all and just try to mock me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding, but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

when love don scatter head, why you no go show am everything... Guys abeg, make una dey try control una emotions...
Una no know women ooo!...hmmm

Joe4lv:
My brother,I must say is always like that with women but your wife's own is much though. You didn't make mistakes in lavishing some stuffs on her during courtship but you seem not to have given her the idea that you are broke before and so she thinks your money grows like tree.

Once in a while,give a woman an idea that you're broke and watch her reaction. It will give you a better picture of her. She likes

good things probably but you should get your wife a mentor. Either a woman in your church or someone she respects so much either in her office or neighborhood.

Don't take it to the point of one day,hitting her as I know those stuffs she is doing will make you look less of a man but hang on and and get a woman figure to help out.

Lastly,make her contribute in getting some things in the house so you don't kill yourself as a man. She is not there to just cook,give birth and be good in the other room but to also support you financially.

I disagree with u. In my own case d reverse is d case. I am d prudent one while my husband is d extravagant type. And it still drives me crazy cos I don't like wasting money

Coldfeet:
Hahahahah that's the aim of the thread nah! For single ladies to notice and see him like a loaded guy.

Go look for your husband. Who told you the op gives a f0rk about frustrated single girls like you.

Hunger go hammer your kind.

Alondra:
This is what happens when you go extra miles to impress a lady during courtship. Its best to let your fiancée/ fiancé know your financial capability. Rushing into marriage is bad too, you never know some flaws in your partner.

Since you are married you can only handle this situation with patience and maturity. My advice is.. Cut down the allowance you give to her. You are the man so you have to act like one. Even when she complains tell her its all you could afford. But never spend what is left of the reduced allowance. Safe it.

Do this for some months, When the saved money is sufficient to get her something valuable that you know she needs... Get it for her with the money. Let her know it was bought from the money you saved.

She will be sober and see things from your angel. I.e the advantage of saving.

Marriage is an institution which has its wheels on maturity, patience and wisdom. You don't take drastic actions but correct with love.

Brilliant!.

Benita27:
Brilliant!.

Thanks Benny

U have to take the pain of going to market to buy needed stuff without declosing the price to her wen u get home.

[quote author=Billiondoe post=52498540]Simply give her a certain amount of money so you dnt bother ur self with what she buys in d house or how much she spends on one item....and make her understand that's all she would be getting for the month...you don't have to fight or argue with her...take her to dinner and give her the news like you are on her side, she would be overwhelmed...you are the man!!![/quote

Op this won't work. Stand your ground and make her feel your finances are nose diving. But it will make you lie or avoid discussing financial issues with her.