chardyni:

Why?

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Pwettyella:
because of ur Son

Fourwinds:
pretender may be...no wonder a lot of girls want ready made....lazy as..shole

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

fayded:


hahahahahhahahaha..lwkmd..brother..dt last sentence off me kpata kpata
maximum respect..bro..nice one dia..probably d funniest comment I've read here

berrye:


With all your sense, you are still looking for solution on naira land.

Gerrahia

JustOzito:

y are you pained? allow the op to answer pls

chardyni:

My son will still be schooled without her.
Also if I remarry i expect the new wife to take care of my son.
So all parties should win.

mikolo80:
you no see all this when you marry her. Which kin mumu talk be all this

maxti:
i confuse pass u bro.

chardyni:
Divorce her and take the kids.

That is the only simple solution.

That way you save yourself the murder charge.

Go to court and explain that she is endangering the health and wellbeing of your children.

dultmax:
My dear.... You can't have it all... Please I want you to know that that woman despite all her externalties gave you
1. Life.... You may think you have a life before you married her but... Ask people with good job and a wrong woman..
2. [b]Children.... They are the beauty of life...[\b] It may seem you have your own plan but I swear... You will be happy at the end of d day
3.Health...you didn't complain about the health of her children... Rather they are brilliant kids
4.loyal....u did not complain she's being unfaithful to you...

I can continue counting..... She is not just your type but she is a key to your success....

She is not an angel... So embrace her and find a way to fix her

ThierryJay:


Hey Toks, you and many other nairalanders are making generalizations and superficial simplistic assumptions without proper analysis of the facts presented by the Op.

I agree with you that the situation does not warrant divorce as it can be resolved. However, saying that it's largely the Ops fault may be a little narrow-minded.

The key issue to the Op is that his wife is intellectually inhibited and not motivated to improve herself. To this end, the Op desires some sort of continuous improvement in his wife to personally enjoy the marriage. There is no rule or law in marriage that stipulates that the interests of a particular family are important while those of another are mundane. Consequently, wanting your spouse to improve in a certain area is not condemnable by any standards.

In essence, the personal elements that the Op considers vital to a successful marriage may be different from yours or others. You cannot however limit or condition the Ops familial happiness within the context of your own personal preferences. That would be parochial.

By buying brighter grammar for her and pledging 1.5m for her business, the Op has actually taken concrete steps to enable her improve, but marriage is a two-way sacrifice. The wife should not be comfortable in being unprogressive, even in her own areas of interest. And her excuse cannot be child-bearing and cooking skills as some are insinuating!

The Op desires to enjoy his spouse and not "endure" or "manage" the lifelong situation as many Nigerian families are currently doing. Indeed I know of a few families in the Op's situation where the husband does not see an issue with his wife's actual or relative illiteracy or lack of ambition; and others whose marriages are threatened as a result or others who simply manage the situation by deriving satisfaction from external quarters. Saying his wife should be left stagnating is not healthy for the family development, especially when the husband and the kids are progressing.

In summary, the Op should be more diplomatic in dealing with her and try to win her over before actively participating in the developmental initiatives they both agree on. I agree with you on the dressing. However, the Op is right to insist that she learn under an experienced dealer to increase the chances of success at her intended trade. There is a reason why feasibility studies are done even if it is tomatoes you want to sell. Moreover, the Op is simply adding value to her from his own knowledge of financial management.

All the best Op.

ThierryJay, God bless you.

uboma:



I usually do not meddle in the affairs of others but your story is first, amusing and secondly, I see you as the problem here.

Noted, your wife isn't sound academically and she is afraid to fail again, no wonder she turned down the opportunity of running a PGD and the IT course.
As the husband, you should assist her instead of bringing her down both in private and in public. You mentioned stumbling on a Cover Letter she once wrote to apply for a teacher in a school. This effort alone shows that she is willing to do something on her own but afraid of her limitations. Instead of criticizing the Cover Letter and pointing out the blunders, why not have a private chat with her away from the children and assist her to rewrite the Cover Letter. Correct her with love and you will see the improvement your wife will make.

As for hanging your boots, have you discussed with your wife about going for Family Planning? She doesn't like the use of Condoms, there are safe implants for women which she may be willing to take if she is aware. Visit the nearest Family Planning unit in a Govt. hospital with your wife for the options suitable for both of you.

All the best to you

iukpe:

When someone has made a mistake it can be described in Naija as mumu tins. Mumu action leads to mistakes. But can he get remedy?

Origin:



Sorry to digress:
Actually there at safe family planning procedures for men. It is entirely inconsiderate to expect women to do this for her family. Men should please explore the options open to them for family planning.


Wife go suffer childbirth. Suffer family planning join. I beg o.

Kobicove:
I believe you saw the signs when you were courting but you delibrately ignored them

LordReed:


She delibrately took in because you deliberately put your sperm into her abi did she steal the sperm? Or are you accusing her of cheating?

huntax:
Op, it is clear you don't love this woman, because if you did, u would not care about her dressing or diction.

Theorytor:
My broda is like all this gurls now are the same.... beauty without brain full every where. Buy your wife Porsche panamera now she will post on Instagram without thinking the problem that comes with it. All they wanted is pre-wedding fotos, honey moon, spend money and still tell you you are not trying at all... So many Bsc graduate holders in Nigeria doesnt even know what they read in school, and they lack COMMON SENSE. So my broda na everywhere d thing dey o.

wonukwuru:



Im indeed surprised that you said this. How can you say that, if i truly love her, i will not complain about her dressing or diction? If i may ask, what part of the country are you from? Or do you want me to believe that you just want to comment because you can write? So, you will like your wife to be dressing like "Merry Amaka"? My dear, your dressing goes a long way to tell people how they will address you. If you are the type that dont dress well, personally i dress well. For your information, I have a class.

wonukwuru:
[/quote]

wonukwuru post=52555705:




I know that, but its very surprising that a graduate cannot teach a primary 2 and primary 5 pupils. Even when the textbooks contains lots of solved examples. If she is an average student, i will understand. But the truth is that she is below average. Somebody that cannot write a formal and an informal letter, cannot send text message with a simple and correct english and does not even know her "safe period". In this era, a graduate cannot or does not know how to use the computer, does not know what Facebook, Whatsapp, etc is all about. I begin to imagine if the person is in this part of the world. Im complaining, and some persons are telling me that if i truly love her, i should over look all her faults. What kind of love are they talking about? A situation i will tell her to remove the clothe she is wearing and wear another one, and she ignores me. If its you, can you take such? I bought a car for her last year, she will also expect me to fuel the car for on every two days. She is expected to use the car to take my kids to school and bring them back, but she will use the car to run round the whole town and expects me to fuel it and my own car. If she was working or doing business, is she not the person to fuel the car? Must i be the one to do everything? My building project has stopped for over a year because no money to continue. We are still living in a rented apartment. The lady that you call your wife will not want to do anything to assist in the up-keep of the family. Of a truth, i married her when i have not gotten a job but she was not the person that contributed to my getting a job. We were dating when i was writting my professional exams (ICAN), if was reasonable and ready to learn, will she not have joined me seeing that we studied the same course in the university? For your information, I met her in the university. I was just a year ahead of her.

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