That moment when your battery is at 3% and you see your Boss upload pictures of himself and his family. And wanting to impress him, you quickly comment "cool pics" but auto correct changes it to "cool pigs" and your battery runs out!
Don't even bother explaining, pal, just find another job

Since yesterday I haven't been able to go to work because my neighbour cheated on his wife and she got angry and told him she will have SEX with all the neighbors around... I'm still here waiting for my own turn

In Nigeria wen a woman enters a guy's room and 9mins later U hear loud music, jst knw they are playing LUDO.

Let me come and be going joor.

Girls who are busy complaining that when men have sex or impregnant them they run away.My question is:-
when you score a goal do you remain at the goal post or run celebrating wildly and happily??

*Having sex at night when sperms are asleep will prevent UNWANTED PREGNANCY, try it and thank me later.. Wisdom will kill me one day*

So Because The Doctor BBB Asked You To Change Ur Drinking Habit, U Now Drink Beer With Spoon. You will nor kill me o Shift lemme faint

People are just too wicked Shaa, how can I asked my friend to turn on his hotspot for me and he said he has deleted it. Plz shift small lemme faint

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

Guy, u too much... Keep it up!

Karna:
Guy, u too much... Keep it up!

Thanks dear

I Don laugh tire and rim.. nice job here

please i have an urgent question dat needs an urgent answer.
Please if ur wife's head is bigger than yours biko are u still d head of d family?

That awkward moment when you woke up around 1am to urinate and your phone was just 3% then coincidentally, Nepa brings light, you went to plug your phone then you go back to sleep immediately ... You woke up in the morning around 8am and there was still light, you checked your phone and it was 1% , then you realize you didn't switch on the socket
...
You switched the socket on immediately, Nepa took the light...
The witches in your village will just whisper to your ear--- No do, No do, No do gara gara for me.....

A mad man at Nsukka Psychiatric hospital climbed a tree and spent half of the day on that tree. All of a sudden, he let go of the branch he was holding and fell straight to the ground with full force.
One of the Doctors rushed to the scene and asked him, ''Emeka what's the matter with u?"
The mad man gladly replied...
"I DON RIPE"

Have u heard of the guy who posted RIP in Buhari's Twitter? The dude was arrested, taken to court & asked to defend himself.....He says RIP stands for "Remain In Power."
Case closed.

*Attention! Attention! Attention!*

Those of you who call your husbands baby, your wives baby and even those who call their boyfriends and girlfriends baby. Don't forget to bring them for immunization tomorrow. Pls its important, let's kick polio out of Nigeria

Meanwhile When a guy isn't interested in a relationship anymore he can say anything just to break up with you..... He might say:
"baby I can't continue any longer your grandmother didn't write waec"

PLS DON'T EAT INDOMIE
WITH FRIED EGG
AGAIN AT VENDORS
ESPECIALLY AT ABOKI
JOINTS

I can't believe it but it happened to my cousin
last night.
My cousin and his friends went to a food
vendor to eat , they told
the mallam to fix 10packs of indomie and 8
eggs, then they sat down to chill till he
prepares the food... he was
cooking and they were gisting.
Suddenly he told them the food was ready & he
served them. While they were eating, he asked
them what they wanted to drink and they
ordered for fanta and maltina, he brought the
drinks, they opened it and drank.
30 minutes later, they finished eating and paid
the mallam and they started walking back
home when he suddenly remembered that he
left his phone on the table then he ran back to
get it.
Luckily, the phone was still there and he picked
it and ran back home to
sleep!
see as you dey wait for bad news?
God pass you!
I dey on top my bed come
and beat me....

These five things baffle me, the last one dey shock me:
1.NEPA using a generator
2. The Chairman of Okada Union driving an SUV
3. The Chief Executive of Tecno using an iPhone
4. The CEO of Innoson driving a Range Rover
5. The Nigeria Police using a chain on their generator to
prevent theft

A soldier will go to war and kill hundreds of human, he will still live up to 80-90 years. But when someone just use only one person do blood money, the spirit will not allow him rest. I don't understand sef.

A young man fainted in front of CBN gate and people rushed and start pouring water on him. Immediately the man opened his eyes and shouted stop pouring on me that if i need water i would have faint at water board.so see were i faint and do the right thing.

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

Is there something bugging you about Nairaland that you will like to say if given the platform. If yes, worry no more because that platform is now a reality.
Go to the Nairaland Public Complaint, Suggestion, Say And Opinion Thread and voice out your complaint, say, opinion, thoughts and suggestions about Nairaland through the below link

https://www.nairaland.com/4112717/nairaland-public-complaint-suggestion-say#61374210

THANK YOU.

Edo weed can be very wicked It can make you be asking your father "bros ur face looks familiar Una park enter this compound new??

I just came across a sign post on a land, that reads; This land is mine and your life is yours. Don't let us tresspass on each other's property. lol!

Just because a mosquito bite you, all you could do is kill... Do U ever think if its an orphan mosquito??
_Or a motherless baby mosquito that desperately needs to feed??
_Or a poor mosquito who has been ignored by the rich in the land of the mosquitoes??
_Or a maid mosquito that has been chased away??
_Or mosquito that had a recent breakup and its heart broken and needed to get drunk...Do yu think of that??
_No...no..no
your blood is more important... You only think about yourself... Wicked people

English Language no go kill man pikin
My friend was arrested in a political rally. Why? Because, he saw a lady journalist with a badge on her breast written "PRESS"..... He did it...... Omo come see beating.

I walked into FIRST BANK, I took 5 deposit slips. I looked at the counter to see which receptionist had
the best pen. He wasn't using it so i asked to borrow it, he gave it to me. I went to the water dispenser and drank chilled water to my
satisfaction.
I went to the convenience, used it and decided not to flush after use. I sat down closest to the AC to feel the cool breeze peruse my brain while I found available sockets to plug my two phones, Power Bank, Rechargeable Lamp and Laptop. After an hour, i decided to leave without returning the pen. At the door, i asked the security man where the trash bin was, he showed me. I broke the pen
and tore all the 5 deposit slips and dumped it in.
That was PAYBACK for the #100 you guys deducted from my account which prevented me from withdrawing d last #1000 i have there. Watch out for more...... MTN & Glo you're next, Be prepared, Nonsense!!!!

After singing "I want to go home, i'm from akwa ibom" since he went home we haven't heard of him

Moral lesson: fear your village people
.

Lemme come and be going home

What a man can do, A woman can do better abi? 'ISSOKAY' If your husband wears his wedding suite to work, Can you wear your wedding gown to work? Mtcheeew! Hyena fall on you.

Your boyfriend dumped you, two weeks later,you realized he's getting married My sister chill at least you made it to the Semi Finals.

Pls I wan ask just three questions

(1) Those people wey electric shock and
dia blood dry, wia d blood dey go? Shey
na kanji dam or transformer?
(2) Those naira notes people vomit after
dem don use dem 4 ritual, is it from CBN
(3) Who use to cook d food they allegedly
give people in their dream.

I'm waiting for ur response o