The following commonly asked questions and their answers offer advice to help
you build a successful adult relationship.

What is a fulfilling adult relationship?

A good adult relationship is one in which both people have equal rights, equal
opportunities and equal responsibilities. Basically, good relationships are based on
each person respecting the other and being able to communicate clearly.

Different people have different definitions of what a fulfilling, intimate relationship means for them. Some of the things most of us expect in a relationship include:
• Love
• Intimacy and sexual expression
• Communication
• Commitment
• Equality and respect
• Compatibility
• Companionship
• Emotional support
• Loyalty


How do I find out what my partners relationship
and life needs are?


Ask your partner to write down the five qualities/needs that are most important for him/her in a relationship. Have a look at the list and see which of the needs you can do something about, and which you need to negotiate with your partner.

Do the same yourself then talk about each other’s relationship needs. It is essential
for each partner to try to understand and respect the other person’s needs as they can be very different from our own.

Similarly, we don’t all want the same things out of life. You could each make a list of what is most important in life. Talk to each other about what is on your list.

Remember, most people will want different things.

Send this poem to your loved ones and receive shocking replies!




http://yourhealthdone..co.ke/2017/01/love-or-not-love-poem-by-university-of.html?m=0
LOVE OR NOT
I’ve felt tingles spread through my body
I’ve felt my stomach erupt in butterflies
I’ve felt high and crazy
I’ve ignored so many lies
Times without number
I had opened up my heart
Each time I found a new lover
I turned him into my poetry and art

read more at link above

What sorts of issues usually need to be discussed in intimate relationships?


There are a wide range of issues which need to be discussed in an intimate adult relationship. Questions you may need to ask each other and discuss include:
• Who is going to do what around the house?
• How is our income going to be shared?
• How much time are we going to spend together and how much time are we going to spend doing things separately?
• What do we expect from each other when it comes to loyalty, trust, sexual faithfulness?
• What do we both like or dislike about our sexual relationship?
• If there is a problem with jobs, whose career will take priority – how will this be compensated for over time?
• What role do family and friends play in our lives?


Do we make time to talk about how our relationship is going?


Ask yourselves these questions, then check your answers with your partner:
• How well do you think your partner understands you – how you think, how you feel, what’s important to you? Do you tell him/her this?
• How well can the two of you discuss a difficult issue?
• How often do you argue? If you have many arguments that you don’t resolve, there may be communication problems. Lots of arguments over trivial issues may be a sign of a power struggle. If you never have any arguments, is it
because you are avoiding important issues out of a fear of arguments?

• What interests do you have in common? What do you do together for fun and relaxation? How often do you do something enjoyable as a couple

How can I encourage my partner to communicate more openly?


To encourage open communication, each person must first accept responsibility for his/her own feelings. It is important to be honest, as honesty is at the heart of good communication.

Be aware of the following:
The only thing we have total control over is our own thoughts, attitudes and actions.

• Set aside time for both of you to talk, as talking about what is happening and how it affects you is the first step.
• Try to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and thinking, even if it might upset him or her.
• State what you want and be prepared to negotiate.
• Don’t forget, change can be painful and scary, so let your partner know that you understand this.
• Listen to your partner, put aside your own thoughts for the time being, and try to understand his or her intentions, needs and wants.


Why should I be the one to make the effort?


For a relationship to be good both partners must want to make it work and show goodwill. Good relationships don’t just happen; they are created by people willing to work at them. Once you get the hang of it, working at a relationship can be
very satisfying. Don’t just wait for the other person to start.

You may be pleasantly surprised by how much difference taking the first small step can make.

How can I change my relationship?


Ask yourself how you would like your relationship to be different. If you know, commit yourself to making the changes you need to make. One small change can sometimes make a difference to a lot of big things.

Relationships need to be looked after. Why not try the following:
• Spend time alone together.
• Develop common interests.
• Really listen, and try to understand what your partner is saying.
• Tell your partner when you are unhappy about something.
• Try to find solutions that are okay for both of you.


What is good for relationships?


Open communication and doing fun things together is good for relationships. Try the following:
• Learn new skills by teaching each other things.
• Be supportive; do not make judgments when your partner makes mistakes, or does things differently from how you would do them.
• Do things your own way but don’t be afraid to ask for help when you cannot cope with a situation.
• Share the load – agree on who will do what in the household and offer to do what you like the most.
• Allow yourself the right to put up your feet and relax.
• Make time specifically for yourself – soak in a bath, read, listen to music, talk on the phone to friends.
• Express your feelings honestly.
• Show appreciation when your partner does something for you.
• Listen attentively.
• Take responsibility for your actions.

You don’t need a clever pick-up line to get a guy interested. The art of attracting a man isn’t through being aggressive but rather through being proactively receptive to a man’s advances.

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Wow! Lovely write up

Thanks for following

A woman experiences intimacy through sharing her feelings, positive or negative. A man feels love through her
appreciation feelings. But when he’s confronted with her disappointment feelings, he feels unloved.

How To Get Asked Out



Hey Sly,

I guess I have always avoided becoming intimate with a guy because I was full of fear.But now, I
feel like as I am growing up and getting over these issues that I am ready for a relationship. I am a little on the shy side and am just wondering how I can attract a guy or a situation for an opportunity to be asked or
ask a guy out?- Anonymous.

Hi Anonymous,
Congratulations on opening yourself up to a relationship. Believe it or not, the time you’ve spent alone will actually help to serve any future relationship you have. You see, your partner should be your dessert not your main meal and when you spend time creating a life full of hobbies, work, school, family and friends, you ensure that you don’t rely on your partner for everything. This is a great beginning for a relationship.

When it comes to getting asked out, you’ll be surprised how easy it is. Once you put out the intention that you want a man, they become more aware and attracted to you. You don’t need to hunt or fair aggressively to land a date.

You don’t need to get hair extensions or wear tight revealing clothing either. (You’ll certainly get attention that way but it’s probably not the kind you’re looking for.) You just need to be pro-actively receptive to the men around you; they’ll do all the work, you just need to give them the go-ahead.

Even that small invitation can be nerve wracking if this is brand new so here’s how to attract a man
in 3 easy steps:

Men have something called “the efficiency gene” which dominates their brains into only doing the work that they have to do.
For ex: “The roof is leaking onto my
computer, I should fix the roof.” So, when a woman wants something from a man that is anything less obvious than water damage to his favorite electronics,
she should ask for it because he probably won’t think to volunteer his services.

(No matter how much he loves her.)

Is He Into Me or Not



Dear Sly,

I met this guy (a professional surfer!) over vacation. Things got a little crazy and we ended up sleeping with each other that night. Then we met up at the bar the next night and ended up in bed again. The next morning he said, “It was very nice meeting you, I’ll call you when I come to your hometown next month.” He was passing through for a surfing tournament.

The next month rolled by and I sent him a text, but nothing back! Did I do something wrong? How do I read guys and not let it get to me emotionally? Or if I did do something wrong, how can I prevent it from happening next time?!
-Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

You did nothing “wrong,” as long as your intention was to have a super fun casual hook up. You both had a great time, after all. A hot fling with a studly surfer? Sounds fun to me! However, if your intention was to create a lasting connection with this man then, yes, you did something “wrong.”

Here’s the deal, just because he didn’t call you doesn’t mean he was never interested. He was; he genuinely enjoyed your company. But now he’s over it. And that’s okay. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with how pretty, charming, smart, or sexy you are. It has nothing to do with something you said that he
might have misunderstood or took offense to. It has nothing to do with you! Casual affairs rarely last. It’s just the nature of the game. He probably met someone else in the mean time or just moved on.

You mentioned that this type of rejection gets to you emotionally. There are two ways to avoid being vulnerable to those feelings. One: you can come into the fling with zero expectations of the other person, fully living in the moment, and fully prepared to move on after you part. Or two: you don’t play the game in the first place.

Men don’t move on because they’re douchebags and they can’t keep their d!ck in their pants. They move on because you haven’t taken the time to nurture a connection with them. Men bond to women by pursuing them, taking them out on dates, learning how to make them smile, how to meet their needs, etc.
The more of a courtship there is, the stronger that bond grows. This just wasn’t done here. You never gave him a chance to bond with you. So, the minute you were out of sight, the bond broke. I’m not surprised. After only two nights of drunken sex, it was flimsy to say the least.


When you are serious about wanting a lasting relationship, build your connection through going on dates and allow the man to pursue you before you jump into bed with him.


Men are always going to want sex. It’s the first thing they think of when they see a beautiful woman.
Sure, sex can lead to a relationship, I’m not saying otherwise. But when a man has sex with a woman without a bond, he genuinely doesn’t know if he’s interested in pursuing things further.

Having sex with him today is no guarantee he will want you tomorrow.
“If you give men what they want, they don’t realize they need you.” Yes, when a guy comes on to you, it’s flattering. It’s only natural that you’d like to make him happy by hopping into bed and making all his wildest dreams come true. I’m sure it would make you happy too. But if you want a lasting
connection.

if you want to imprint yourself on his heart so that he cannot forget you and he cannot live
without you, then don’t jump into the sack before the bond is forged.

No matter what you are looking for, I suggest that you don’t look at this event with regret. It lead you to write in and learn from your situation so that you could be more aware of the pattern you were creating and should you choose to, break the pattern altogether.

Good luck.

A man is with a woman because he's attracted to her but it will be a far more pleasurable experience for both of them if she finds herself attractive as well, "sexy" is the outward expression of the inner feminine confidence, it's just a state of mind

How To Get a Guy To Listen



Dear Sly,

Every time I try to talk to my husband about my day, it’s a failed experiment. I ask for him to listen but after 2 minutes his eyes begin to glaze over. It’s just not worth it. What I really want is for him to be interested in what I have to say, and there’s just no way to ask for that if the interest isn’t there. What do I do to get him to care about me?
-Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

It’s true. He probably isn’t interested in hearing about your day or the problems you’ve faced that day. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. Women show love and caring by listening to one another and supporting one another by making little noises and faces to show empathy. Men show love by protecting
you from lions, tigers, bears, stress, sadness, fear, starvation etc. They show love by solving your problems.

He may not be interested in what happened to you that day but I guarantee he is interested in making you happy and problem-free. He loves you even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. You cannot change what he wants and what he is interested in, no more than you could change his taste in movies or food. It is what it is. But you can work with it.

Ask your man to give you 10 minutes to talk about your day. Tell him he doesn’t need to solve your problems; just the fact that he is listening to you will make you feel better. Suddenly he has a job to do and he is happy to fulfill it...as long as it makes you happy.

In return you must express your relief, appreciation, and joy at being able to share your day with him. This will make him feel needed and important and the heroic act of helping the woman he loves will bond him closer to you.
It may be hard to jump for joy just because he sat, looked at you, and gave you a couple nods for 10 stinkin’ minutes.

Believe me, I get it. But if you want him to listen to you on a regular basis, you have to muster it up. The structure and promise that it won’t last forever will help condition him to be a better
listener more often and for longer stretches of time.
I went to Dad’s talk the other night and he had me in stitches with his example of how to get a man to do what you want. He said, “Look, it’s not complicated. Men are like horses. You can climb on and get in position but they’re not going to go anywhere for you unless you do three things. One: Kick him.
Two: Use the
reigns and direct him.
Three and most importantly: Feed him.”

So let’s make this more relevant to you and your situation. You marry the guy, you do everything you’re supposed to do to be a good wife, you are in the position of power but he just won’t do what he’s “supposed” to do as a husband. So, you need to do three things.

One: You need to kick him and wake him up by telling him you need his help for 10 minutes and then you’ll give him an apple, umm, I mean the gift of your gratitude and happiness. It goes something like this, “I’ve had such a hard day. I would feel so much better if you listened to me kvetch for 10 minutes. Would you?

It would make me feel so much better.” If he grumbles, repeat exactly what you said again like it is the first time. Again and again if you have to. You’ve seen people try to start to start a horse…sometimes you need to
kick him a few times before he’ll budge.

Two: Direct him as to how you’d like him to listen. It’s kind of unbelievable how many men don’t even know what listening entails (to the standard of a woman of course. I’m sure his male friends think he’s a great listener.) Use the reigns to show him how you want it done. It goes something like this, “I don’t need
you to solve anything or fix anything. Just having you sit quietly, looking at me and listening to me talk is all
I need to feel better.” As he masters the basics you can start adding in more advanced requests like, “Would you nod at me occasionally like you understand, make little uh huh noises, interject empathetic sayings like ‘that sounds so hard,’ get me a tissue if I’m crying, hold my hand? That would feel really good. I’d love that.”

Three: A starved horse isn’t going to listen to you. Why bother listening when he’s been trained that there’s no treat at the end. So make sure to feed your man when you are done talking. It goes something like this, “Oh my goodness. I feel so much better. Wow honey, that helped so much. I’ve been so stressed, thank you for listening to me.” In case you don’t know, you will feel better when you’re done. Talking and sharing stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which lowers stress levels in women. Once you’ve said those magic words, kiss him, hug him, and smile at him. He’ll be that much more eager to jump into action the next time you
kick him.

Now here’s the “kicker:” if a man has been yelled at or nagged in a relationship, your appreciation may not do anything for him at first. He’s in resentment mode. But with these three easy steps you will find that over time, your appreciation will chip away at his resentment and your gratitude will once again become the
food he thrives on. I will say that because I have followed these three steps since the get go with my boyfriend, he’s a great listener and we don’t need to stop at 10 minutes. When I talk, he feels honored that I trust him enough to open my heart and share my feelings and life experiences with him.

Feeling my trust, being there for me, and
then receiving my gratitude makes him feel closer to me. Sharing my feelings with him makes me feel closer to him. In fact, it’s become such a pleasurable intimacy that he says listening to my voice is one of his favorite
things to do. (Let’s take a moment: Awwww…)

The other night I cried for an hour as I processed some intense feelings of self-doubt and you know what he did? He sat there on the couch with me and held my foot, just witnessing and being there for me. That is such a profound connection and if you follow my advice, you
can create that too.

Nice piece but does it always follow?. No

Understanding your woman part 1

Thinking about the recent celebrity couple break ups, makes me wonder what the real issue could be.

You must know that courting a woman, no matter how long before walking her down the aisle doesn't guarantee your time to relax.

It is the beginning of a lifetime school of woman behavioural studies, which you must diligently commit yourself if you really want to have a blissful married life, without having to worry about a rising blood pressure. (mind you, I'm talking about computer age women).

And that's why I've decided to take out time to put you through. This is going to be coming in series as the Spirit leads, so you won't have to be reading epistles.

Starting with this...

1. I want you to accept the fact that all women are different.

There are sporty women, geeky women, fun-loving
women, artistic women, ambitious women, and more.

Each woman has her own personality and goals; so, please, do not generalize,cos it could be dangerous.

Example : Don't mistake one woman's behavior as a universal
female characteristic. Just because your sister doesn't
like sports doesn't mean that your new girlfriend
doesn't.

2. I think it is important you get to learn about her past, ask her about her family, and what her childhood was like. We are influenced to
some degree by the way we were brought up.

Learning these things will teach you a great deal about any woman.

But please, don't press her about these topics, as they can be
touchy. So if she doesn't want to talk about it, just let it be.

3. Observe her. The best way to understand somebody,
male or female, is to spend time with them and observe
their patterns of behavior. Doing so will teach you things
like what upsets her, what excites her, what annoys her, and
so on.

# As a woman, I tell you, we sometimes feign being upset just to see if you will notice and at least ask what the issue could be.

But sweetie, after asking, if you get the "nothing"  response, just take it like that, as that is the truth, except you want us to lie or use the opportunity to open up to you about something you did a long time ago that really annoying.

#.  When on a Sunday morning, your woman keeps hissing and throwing all her nice clothes on the bed, not being able to decide on what to wear, or complaining she doesn't have what to wear when she has over flowing boxes.

My dear, she is only trying to tell you or give you the sign that you need to surprise her soonest with a lovely dress, not even necessarily necessarily you giving her money to do so herself.

Note: have it at the back of your mind, that you'd probably spend the rest of your life trying to understand a woman.

Hope I didn't waste your time.

Visit my blog
@abaprissy..com