Richy4:


I am glad this is your opinion Bro.... I am also glad you did not say if you have encountered anyone that has passed through separation....But in case you don't know, during the first six months of separation, women are more prone to symptoms of depression, poor health, loneliness, work inefficiency, insomnia, memory difficulties, and increased substance abuse.
Most of them are extremely vulnerable during these days of separation. They need listening ears, Friends etc most feel inadequate because of their collapsing marriage ... Unfortunately there are those of the opposite sex who would like to take advantage of their vulnerability...though Some gentlemen are actually on it for the good of the woman and her warfare.. ....

Dear, what you wrote there was a stereotype...The women are not as strong willed as you presumed it to be... one thing might lead to another and the rest will be history....Unless you have encountered people that where passing through this phase, u can't throw stones....

during the first six months of separation, women are more prone to symptoms of depression, poor health, loneliness, work inefficiency, insomnia, memory difficulties, and increased substance abuse.

Firstcitizen:




There is no one immune to that. Even as a man, the end of any relationship is followed by a period of trying to avoid the opposite sex to appraise what went wrong and how to get things back together if possible. I would only move when all hope is lost. That takes time.

This reminds me a a thread about 7 years ago by a woman who lost her husband and was pregnant within 4 months and having the temerity to ask Nairalanders for advice. Jeez what is the world turning into especially Africa. Even liberal westerners are not that insensitive.

This is marriage and no ball game. Marriage! not a mere dating relationship. Marriage consummated under law and sadly enough custom. Stop justifying infidelity. Anyway like my elders used to say, a woman that will cheat will cheat no matter what you do or have much love you show her.No matter how much you even watch if you become suspicious, she will find a way. Such people just do what they want to do and latter look for the other partners mistakes to justify it. Stop justifying infidelity.

Richy4:


No offense bro but you sound to me like one of the self righteous African male that have all figured it out in life...People are prone to make mistakes in life at least that's why we are all human....But I am glad you said no one was immune to being vulnerable while going through separation...Though in your earlier post you implied that women got strong will power to resist sexual advances when separated.... and the ones that doesn't have it at that stage is immoral....

I for one will never justify infidelity... but the fact that the woman in question decides to date other men when separated does not make her a promiscuous woman...U and I with the little information we got cannot tell the nature of the separation.....Some separation last for 6 years some more or less...The couple cannot put their life on hold because they were separated...
The man in question, did you check if he was faithful all this while that they were separated....We are not here to accuse anyone but to look for a way forward for the OP

Firstcitizen:


No offence too but you seem like someone that will jump into bed with another as soon as you hear the word separation and even before. Let's not bring the question of whether the man was faithful or not. This thread is about the woman. If the thread of the man's faithfulness comes we will tackle it and it will be same way.

If you are separated and need to start a new relationship urgently, there are ways to get a quasi divorce before the court process is through in order not to commit adultery which you seem to glorify with flimsy excuses. Check how the marriage was consummated and you will understand what I mean. Except he 'stole' his wife. Check my emphasis on that word.

Extramarital sex in a marriage is bad and should be condemned not encouraged as you are doing. No matter the excuse or whom is involved whether man or woman. Stop the nonsense of separation. They were still married.

Again stop encouraging infidelity.

Richy4:


Oh!!! Okay so the thread is about the woman correct?.....I am done here ......have a good day

Firstcitizen:
Op, Nairaland is the wrong place to bring issues such as this. The people here will give diverse information.

Some will ask you if you were celibate during the very short separation meanwhile if they are in your shoes the will not even touch the woman with a long pole.

Others will tell you they will walk away but if they were the ones they will murder the woman.

The rest will ask you to pray forgetting that God built man with the concept of freewill and expects him to takes his decisions himself without recourse to him. Remember Adam?

Follow your instinct and engage with real people around you, like elders not faceless strangers. That is the truth.

Now as a Nairalander, let me add my own. Separation is not divorce especially considering the short period. Women are built to be stronger than men in terms of resisting the urge to engage in New relationships when there is crisis in a formally recognized one like yours. The only explanation is that those relationships were in place before the crisis.

I am sure issues like this led to the separation in the first place. If you can take a decision to live for months away from a woman you love, I see no reason why you cannot stay away from her for life after she fvcked 2 other men inside marriage.

The issue is not whether you should do paternity test because that is highly important or talking to her because you will end up with lies. The issue is how you plan not to develop mental health issues in such a relationship.

NotOfThis:
You said NL is the wrong place for him to bring issues like this, criticized the advice others have given and that he should be asking "elders not faceless strangers", then proceeded to "adding your own". Did you exempt yourself from being a faceless stranger or why did you add your own if this isn't the right place for him to seek advice? I doubt the elders around him would encourage him to get a DNA test done; some might not even know about it let alone suggest it to him. OP himself was only thinking about questioning his wife, as if that's the best way to get the truth. Don't discourage people from seeking advice on NL. No one here knows the OP personally, so what he'll gain here are unbiased opinions, which most people have given and it's up to him to choose the ones he'll attend to. Besides, some people don't have anyone to talk to irl, that's why they bring their issues here and there's nothing wrong with that.

NotOfThis:
You said NL is the wrong place for him to bring issues like this, criticized the advice others have given and that he should be asking "elders not faceless strangers", then proceeded to "adding your own". Did you exempt yourself from being a faceless stranger or why did you add your own if this isn't the right place for him to seek advice? I doubt the elders around him would encourage him to get a DNA test done; some might not even know about it let alone suggest it to him. OP himself was only thinking about questioning his wife, as if that's the best way to get the truth. Don't discourage people from seeking advice on NL. No one here knows the OP personally, so what he'll gain here are unbiased opinions, which most people have given and it's up to him to choose the ones he'll attend to. Besides, some people don't have anyone to talk to irl, that's why they bring their issues here and there's nothing wrong with that.

NaWetinDey:
You get heart to still live with that kain woman for house and for the same axis wey her fucckkas still dey. You go get mind to kill and bury without trace. Abi na ya wife marry u and dey feed u ni? I no wan hear say one idiot for that side don drink poison on top woman again.

Go paternity test for the two, that includes the one that resembles you. It could be because you dey live for one house with him mama. If dem no be yours, wake happily and leave all of them behind.

Firstcitizen:




There is no one immune to that. Even as a man, the end of any relationship is followed by a period of trying to avoid the opposite sex to appraise what went wrong and how to get things back together if possible. I would only move when all hope is lost. That takes time.

This reminds me a a thread about 7 years ago by a woman who lost her husband and was pregnant within 4 months and having the temerity to ask Nairalanders for advice. Jeez what is the world turning into especially Africa. Even liberal westerners are not that insensitive.

This is marriage and no ball game. Marriage! not a mere dating relationship. Marriage consummated under law and sadly enough custom. Stop justifying infidelity. Anyway like my elders used to say, a woman that will cheat will cheat no matter what you do or have much love you show her.No matter how much you even watch if you become suspicious, she will find a way. Such people just do what they want to do and latter look for the other partners mistakes to justify it. Stop justifying infidelity.

TheSonOfMark:
Perfect!
Most cheating wives were cheating girlfriends whose men ignored the obvious signs.

Never forgive a cheating partner. Nothing justifies cheating.

SalomonKane:
And the remedy for a cheating partner is?

TheSonOfMark:
Break-up and move on.
If I cheat my lady shouldn't forgive me and vice versa.

When there's a mutual agreement to date exclusively - mostly initiated by the woman- both parties should stick to the terms. It's an 'emotional contract'.