is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

Do you have a job? You can also help your husband raise funds for the house

Were you deceived to living with his parents? Didn't you discuss the issue of accommodation with him before getting married?

hahn:
Do you have a job? You can also help your husband raise funds for the house

Were you deceived to living with his parents? Didn't you discuss the issue of accommodation with him before getting married?

it is a long story. ……i am an nce graduate. i am teaching for now……so fund.raising is not an advice for me……i just want to learn from experienced people on how to cope

Lizzyangel:




it is a long story. ……i am an nce graduate. i am teaching for now……so fund.raising is not an advice for me……i just want to learn from experienced people on how to cope

Well, only she who wears the shoe knows the pain.

Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

My dear why did you guys get married at all in the first place? The Bible says that for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother.... And cleave into his wife and they shall become one flesh..... Your husband sounds irresponsible or maybe you trapped him with marriage that he was not ready for... My dear you are not yet married.... It's in your best interest to be properly married and not just cohabiting in your in-laws house.... Build house ko .. Erect mansion ni maynation hello...

You don't have a home yet.... And your husband is selfish .... So he gets to enjoy the comfort of his parents home and yours too at the same time.... I put it to you that there's no family tradition anywhere... And if you force it .... Your life is at stake... You mean you don't have a kitchen... No personal living room.... No privacy in an entire house with your spouse and on top of that your in-laws get to send you on errands at will.... Babe wake up and smell the coffee.... You are living a scam... Am sure you know.

Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

What did you expect when you decided to live in your husband's family house?

The only time you will be free is when they have got someone else to pick on.

Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine may cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

Buy gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can

babythug:
Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine my cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

But gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can

Good advice...

There's no way it's gonna be all smooth sailing living in someone else's home for years..

Provided you can't afford your own place for now, just manage.

Is OP's story for real? In this age? The man can't rent an apartment but build because it's family custom? O ga o!

You don't marry a man that is still living in his parent's apartment.

Didn't your church marriage counsellor tell you that?.

searchng4love:

My dear why did you guys get married at all in the first place? The Bible says that for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother.... And cleave into his wife and they shall become one flesh..... Your husband sounds irresponsible or maybe you trapped him with marriage that he was not ready for... My dear you are not yet married.... It's in your best interest to be properly married and not just cohabiting in your in-laws house.... Build house ko .. Erect mansion ni

you are so on point. I wonder the kind of marriage that won't allow me free liberty, they won't even value you, everything you do won't be able to satisfy them. over familiarity breeds contempt

There is this falsehood women carry around this days that you should focus on the man you're marrying, because you're marrying the man not his family or customs & traditions.
and I say very xtupid.

I hate to say this op, but didn't you know you'd have to live in family house pending when he builds his house before marrying him?

by the way what stone age tradition is that?

My Dear Familiarity breeds contempt you and your hubby especially you should leave that place before you loose your self respect.

OP, put your hand on your chest and solemnly repeat after me:

"Ayaff enter one chance".


Just kidding o. Or not.
My dear, you just have to wear your big girl shoes o. No way out of this one as long as you want to remain married.
It was before marriage you could have laid down rules and regulations and refused the arrangement but this one wey you done enter the house and you've even stayed with them for YEARS, shakara don end be that o.
Assuming you have a good job now, I'd say rent a place. But as it is, I will just give you the classic Nigerian advice of praying and enduring for joy cometh in the morning.

What kind of shameless tradition is that?

You want us to advise you on how to cope in a difficult and "uncopable" situation instead of finding your square root out of the problem( Family house).

Mehn! You are on a long thing.


There is always a way sha...Use Mama Gee style...Kill them all

If you are not matured enough to live away from your parents or in-laws, please don't consider marriage.


Go and hussle more

No No No

It is kind of barbaric

This requires great application of wisdom to handle

Since u are a woman, u can still manage till ur hubby is ready to leave or build his house. Some family don't read big meaning to it. But as a man, living with an in-laws is an abomination. A man should be able to provide some basic things which accommodations is part of. Living with in-laws demean a man and make him useless.

@ Op I know how you feel, I have 2nd hand experience on this issue, trust me it would never ever get better unless your husband wakes up to his responsibility as a man. He is still living in a fools cocoon of family ties, its a very selfish move cos he would always have his family support whereby your ppl are probably miles away. I have three advice for you which I gave to one who was previously in your shoes and it worked like magic.

1) Hopefully circumstances hasn't made you cut off with family? Make your mama and sisters your best friends and confide in them provided you have godly n understanding family members, ask for motherly insights and their prayers.

2) Begin to channel prayer points to the life of your husband, ask God to connect him with responsible and matured friends who would snap him out of this runt in way of showing him via example how a man should handle his family and pray to God for financial breakthrough ASAP.

3) Pray to God for patience to deal with your in-laws and pray that he severes the bonds of overdependence from your husband and make him begin to feel shame for not having even a hut to call his.


Finally, I know ppl may say who prayer EPP but trust me it would help you. Stay strong sis, n God bless your decisions.

When u were dating him, was he staying somewhere else?

God forbid bad thing

poster, my answer to this question is: do to your in laws what u want ur brother's wife to do to your parents.

xynerise:
What kind of shameless tradition is that?

You want us to advise you on how to cope in a difficult and "uncopable" situation instead of finding your square root out of the problem( Family house).

Mehn! You are on a long thing.


There is always a way sha...Use Mama Gee style...Kill them all

Buhari

babythug:
Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine my cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

But gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can

God bless u dis show how mature u are. as for d op just snub those callin ur husband name i ll advise u just laylow from nw n manage waz ever cme ur way...na only u knw abt ur husband so i cnt judge him.only u cn talk to him n mek him see reasonz tell him how u feel.pls dnt insult him all in d name of iz mate are buyin cars n buildin mansion.just b wise n follow ur heart.

Pray:
Buhari