Hi Fello Naijas,

I'm Schoolin somewhere in Asia with few fellow Naijas, because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did. But d problm here is dat d gurl seems 2 b new in everyway, she's so shy dat i cant even hold her arms while we walk, we cant stand & chat, she's also very prone 2 heat & cold & complains all d time. but dats not my problm,  de real problm is dat she'd refused 2 gimme an answer (I asked her 2 b my girlfriend and Bestfriend) she's not makin any promises either and i fear that i'm not her choice.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.

OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Please fellas, tell me if i did d rite thing,  if NO, wat should i do now.

donsity:

Hi Fello Naijas,

I'm Schoolin somewhere in Asia with few fellow Naijas, because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did. But d problm here is dat d gurl seems 2 b new in everyway, she's so shy dat i cant even hold her arms while we walk, we cant stand & chat, she's also very prone 2 heat & cold & complains all d time. but dats not my problm, de real problm is dat she'd refused 2 gimme an answer (I asked her 2 b my girlfriend and Bestfriend) she's not makin any promises either and i fear that i'm not her choice.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.

OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Please fellas, tell me if i did d rite thing, if NO, wat should i do now.

Am a lady,u did the right thing.If she actually wants u ,she will find her way back but if she doesnt,let her fly away what will be urs will come to you.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.

Throw ur love where it is appreciated

Of course you did. What else were you planning on doing?

Clap for UrseLf

donsity:

Hi Fello Naijas,

I'm Schoolin somewhere in Asia with few fellow Naijas, because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did. But d problm here is dat d gurl seems 2 b new in everyway, she's so shy dat i cant even hold her arms while we walk, we cant stand & chat, she's also very prone 2 heat & cold & complains all d time. but dats not my problm,  de real problm is dat she'd refused 2 gimme an answer (I asked her 2 b my girlfriend and Bestfriend) she's not makin any promises either and i fear that i'm not her choice.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.

OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Please fellas, tell me if i did d rite thing,  if NO, wat should i do now.

the thing is did you propose to her at first and if yes go ahead and tell the other lady your mind if truly you can cope wit her and see what her response will be.

Thanks, But Rite now, It's not very easy for me, I switched off my fone and went far away from Friends (not givin room for her calls "That is, if at all she would"). I've also been starvin all day cos our canteen opens at specific times wen all of us must be present and if i go there, she could see me, and/or my friends could notice d look on my face & disturb me about it,

Thank u all 4 ur replies, please I still need help.

why are u so impatience? Whatever happen to friendship?

I think you did the wrong thing. Your giving her a deadline and trying to force her to say yes was a manifestation of desperation from your part. Perhaps you have hidden agenda.

Now you are the one hurting. What a mess!

Where are you rushing to? whatever happened to courting? Its tragically obvious the girl needs time to adjust and you being impatient will not help matters. I think the girl deserves better and she is lucky to be rid of you. I suspect you just want something to stick it in anyway.

u didnt ve to break up wiv her like dt,u shd give her some time.ur rushin a lot or are u in Russia?

She must have felt pressured and confused by your question and subsequent wussy behavior.

What you should have done-once she had said 'NO' was to respect her answer and still be friends with her.
If you had done that there would have been no reason for this 'hunger strike' and hide and seek game you are playing.
But hey-it's not too late. You can still redeem yourself.

U did the right thing jo. they love playing game with someone they truly knew like them.

olanajim:

why are u so impatience? Whatever happen to friendship?

I think you did the wrong thing. Your giving her a deadline and trying to force her to say yes was a manifestation of desperation from your part. Perhaps you have hidden agenda.

Now you are the one hurting. What a mess!

The guy expressed the level of emotions he has for the girl by holding her hands and tell her his mind, atleast if the girl was trying to study him, she should have said "I am still thinking about it" that one is acceptable than Capital NO.

donsity:

On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market with me

Why not stay with the one who lost her hearthrob just for you? It is obvious this one actually lose her man before your parted way from the lady in you are dying for. The question is "If the Lady of your heart has said yes, what would have become of the above lady that lost her own man just for you?

donsity:


OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Since you have made up your mind and is already warming your way with someone else, doesit not make sense that you let the sleeping dog lie? LEt the pretty girl go, if she return to you, you have committed offense against the one that lost her man for you, and that mean you are unfair.

By the way, I suspect you are after the pretty girl because of her beauty. At least it show in your own post. look at the bold font above.

Irony of life-Those we love don't love us back. And those who love us-we don't love them in return.

ruskiee:

Irony of life-Those we love don't love us back. And those who love us-we don't love them in return.

. . . . . .

OK Thanks,

I went tru all ur response & I really appreciate.

Here's yestaday's outcome.
She sent me a Text Dat went dis way;

"Wat is d meanin of Gudbye.
My heart doesnt go 4 u doesnt mean we cant b friends anymor.
am rily sori 4 wat happend but i promise 2 mek it up 2 u
bt minwhile i'm stretchin my arms 2 u, to b my bestee.
I dont want us 2 stop half way cos we've com a long way
& i'm not willin 2 turn back & pls i'm also sori 4 yestaday.
Pls promise not 2 do somtin crazy cos i know u rily do luv me but i wasnt reciprocatin.
U havnt lost me."
-------------------------------------------
And again, I adviced d oda girl 2 stop beggin her boyfriend 2 com back 2 her, sayin dat he'll hardly find anoda girl since dere's much competition, he'd definitely com back beggin wen he notices she's fine witout him. and yestday she calld me and told me gladly dat her boyfriend is now beggin her and she's delayin 2 accept him bak. i told her she did d rite tin, but she should know wen it's enough. cos she culd loose him if she does it 4 too long.

NOW dis is d situation of tins, Please guys, I need 2 know wat 2 do next concernin my gfriend TEXT MESSSAGE.

And sory dat i'm bortherin u guys abt my problm, but comin 2 Nairaland is one way I feel home. India is not a very nice place for Naija people. I wish time culd b ten times faster so i'll return 2 eat Garri & soup etc.

donsity:

Hi Fello Naijas,

I'm Schoolin somewhere in Asia with few fellow Naijas, because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did. But d problm here is dat d gurl seems 2 b new in everyway, she's so shy dat i cant even hold her arms while we walk, we cant stand & chat, she's also very prone 2 heat & cold & complains all d time. but dats not my problm,  de real problm is dat she'd refused 2 gimme an answer (I asked her 2 b my girlfriend and Bestfriend) she's not makin any promises either and i fear that i'm not her choice.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. [size=18pt]& her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.[/size]

OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Please fellas, tell me if i did d rite thing,  if NO, wat should i do now.

Ehrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm Hello!!!!!

And To "olanajim", and  "Ebonyeyes", it's ok wat u tink of me, but i'm not dat kind of person,  I admit i was desperate, reason being dat (though she spends som time wit me) she's mor free wit som oda guys, and she kips emphasizing dat she's not my girlfriend cos she hadnt said YES, even though most people thinks she's mine, she tries 2 clear there doubts.
So i decided 2 know my stand for fear dat she'd surprise me sooner or later, 
and if i'd not don wat i did, I wont hav heard her say "EVEN THOUGH MY HEART GOESNT GO 4 U, DOESNT MEAN WE CANT BE FRIENDS"

Secondly, There's no place here in d college that i could possibly stick sometin in, or execute an hidden Agenda, I only need her 2 be my ASSURED PARTNER.

Okay am lost
1. Did you propose to girl #1 (the one you like)?
2. I will tell you something I wish someone had told me sooner: you are MUCH safer, learning to love a person who loves you, than chasing a person who may not. I hate that I feel this way because I know its wrong, but its SAFE and sometimes, you just cant afford to be hurt.
3. The other girl obviously likes you. If I were you, I would take the time to consider the possibilities with her. She may not look as good, but you would be supsrised how little physical appearance matters when it comes to love.

Oh and i meant to say
4. The girl you like DEFINITELY doesnt like you. (Sorry, i know it hurts)

Akebulan:

Oh and i meant to say
4. The girl you like DEFINITELY doesnt like you. (Sorry, i know it hurts)

Abi o, dude snatched her from another guy.
Girl still got feelings for the other one

PIKIN!PIKIN!PIKIN!
Its so simple, invite her come your room, then Nack her so well that she no go fit waka for like 6 hrs.

then help her home, she go hold you like lolly pop!!

na whick kain pikin you be self!!!

maxtum:

PIKIN!PIKIN!PIKIN!
Its so simple, invite her come your room, then Nack her so well that she no go fit waka for like 6 hrs.

then help her home, she go hold you like lolly pop!!

na whick kain pikin you be self!!!

shameful

explain how u broke up in the first place

Its obvious your the one forcing yourself on this girl. . .geez why can't some guys just understand signs!

donsity:

Hi Fello Naijas,

I'm Schoolin somewhere in Asia with few fellow Naijas, because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did. But d problm here is dat d gurl seems 2 b new in everyway, she's so shy dat i cant even hold her arms while we walk, we cant stand & chat, she's also very prone 2 heat & cold & complains all d time. but dats not my problm, de real problm is dat she'd refused 2 gimme an answer (I asked her 2 b my girlfriend and Bestfriend) she's not makin any promises either and i fear that i'm not her choice.
On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me.

OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Please fellas, tell me if i did d rite thing, if NO, wat should i do now.

'relate' is that intimacy?

Anyway, she obviously dosent want to date you. She's prolly seeing someone else . . I think you should settle for what you have and stop looking at what you cannot!

@poster,

If my observations are wrong, kindly corect me.

1. You nd the girl are friends. But but happened to like her and wanted her to be your lover even though you two are very close.
2. YYou started pestering her with love and wanted her to give you definite "yes" but she skipped the replies;
3.Desperate, you gave her deadline and when the time came, you forced her to say something and she gave you a capital no. You ended the friendhip on that account.
4. BEfore she said yes, another lady who is not as pretty as her has lost her own bf just because she " does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me."
5. your heart however remains with the lady who dont love you even though someone is dying to have you.
6. You advised the lady that love you to return to her lost bf while you hope the lady that doesnt love you will say yes.
7. The lady that love you replied, probably feeling guilty )it shown in her text as you published it above) and asked you to "bt minwhile i'm stretchin my arms 2 u, to b my bestee. " and that the two of you should be friends again.
8. Now you are begining to get confused as to whether the lady will eventually say yes or not even thogh she still maintained that she want you as friends. "she's mor free wit som oda guys, and she kips emphasizing dat she's not my girlfriend cos she hadnt said YES, even though most people thinks she's mine, she tries 2 clear there doubts."

Look, if there is no other lady, I will not have talked like this. I will have given you tips on how you will win you hard-hearted lady. And the best tip is to be patience and let her decide what she want from you while you prepare for the worst. In order word, anything can happen. If you force her to love you, it will bakfire when she find her kind of man.

But there is another lady, who though is not telling you, is silently nursing heartache just because you ignored her. MAybe you don't know. She probably respect you a lot and hence will be willing to voice her mind.

From your posts, I can see that you keep repeating something which was probably why you are desperate to tie the prety lady down. That is " because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did" also you own word " I only need her 2 be my ASSURED PARTNER"

This more than ever convinced me to think that what you are feeling for that preety lady is not real love, but love borne out of fear and lust. here is nothing to suggest that you love the girl in all your statements.

My man true love waits. true love is patient. true love is unconditional. All these are not shown in your actions so far.

So my advice remains the same. Just be friend with her and stop bothering her with love. Love will grow naturally. If all you need is an "Assured Partner" just because there are "competition" in the area, then be prepared for anything in future when her heart may no longer be with you. It is this kind of stiff that made people stay in relationship for 5 to 8 years and still lose the person they claimed to love. Show her what you have to offer, let her see your love. If she truly love you, she will stay glued to you. and if she does not, she will always leave you no matter how many years you stay together.

In fact, it is best you stay away from her for a while if you can. trust me if she truly think you deserve her time, she will look for you.

I completely agree with Olanajim, now there is a possibility that the poster has left vital information which could convince me that he did not overstep any boundaries and that the girl in question was really infact playing games, playing hard to get, being a drag, or indecisive. However, I am still awaiting that information because from what I have read, the guy seems to be making ALL the decisions (and not very good ones at that).

I am not saying he should wait for the girl, in fact his brief introduction of the other girl (option no. 2) convinces me that he is definitely not waiting.

Let me be honest, from a female perspective, if I was the girl you were trying to nab initially, I would have done exactly the same, it seems to me that you have completely forgotten the element of free will. Let me give you an example. One day during my holidays, a friend of mine called me to tell me that one of our mutual friends (whom she was best friends with) really really liked me, and that he was almost in love with me. Shocked and surprised I doubted her, "the same guy, who admitted that he was smitten with another friend?" "YES!!" My friend exclaimed, "he likes you a lot, I've spoken to him he really likes you, and would probably try and make a move when he sees you next."

Throughout the conversation I found myself making excuses as to why 'this couldn't be.' Why he couldn't possibly like me, especially after it being a few months after his crush with two other friends of mine (the friends rejected him because he had other girls also in mind too).
Eventually I thought; "why am I even thinking about this, I don't even like the guy." the important part being in bold <<.

The girl being referred to by this poster, probably wasn't even thinking about romance when this guy approached her, since she did not 'jump' to become girlfriend/boyfriend upon his request and he even mentioned that she is 'so shy', shy girls take things much slower, which usually filters out the guys who were only there for the here and now anyway, any long term guy would be more committed. And also who's to know if she might have even had a crush on some other guy.

Back to my story; when I did bump into the guy, I noticed he was acting extremely flirty, mind you I had seen bumped into this guy from time to time over a year, and he had not really made any efforts to even befriend me (and he is not shy - infact he's extremely popular). I noticed he was complimenting me, looking at me a lot, and hugging me, and then he was leaning in and trying to dance with me (seductively). After an awkward night my friend explained to me, that he had planned to kiss me that night. For a moment a school girl giggle came over me, this popular guy was into me, but then I remembered that I don't even like him, but more importantly, I hadn't had the time to even think of liking him, to learn to like him, to get to know him.


Whenever I did get excited about news of his progressing crush on me, I was excited, but then it quickly faded because I realised that I was trying to convince my heart that I liked him. As soon as I realised this I stopped really acknowledging him and what do you know, about a month later, he was in a serious relationship with another girl, seems like he didn't even notice that I wasn't responding.

Poster you seem like the guy I described, you seem to have a lot of backups and plans in attempt to get from A to B (and these plans don't involve the other person's input - which is weird), and if this girl can see through your game, kudos to her.

I wonder what the current situation is with 'backup'/girl no. 2

A Big Thanks To Olanajim, and to Topup, I really appreciate.

Anyway, I've learnt alot from dis post, seriously I love this girl and i've seen clearly here, that i've obviously been making mistakes.

I created dis post cus "Though i sent her a partn Text message, i felt so bad that i was loosin her, so i came here to get advice which u all have provided even more than enough.

Actually things hav started well between us again, I called her up and askt her 2 meet me @ a cafe, she came, (obviously surprised that i'll still be talkin 2 her). We apologized 2 each other.

As for the oda girl, she'd reconciled wit her boyfriend (thanks 2 me) & she adviced that i'd spoilt my girlfriend by makin her feel i loved her extremely, showin dat i'm scared 2 loose her.

So my last resolution now is 2 follow Olanajim's advice i.e. "Be Patient, just be her friend, & hop 4 d worst (and still be happy) even if she's rather fond of someone else."


Thanks once again. I think my problem is solved.

What is this thread all about?
That a girl who is your friend must b your girlfriend/bedmate? And if she refused, you will jump to the next available girl?
What is the sense?

I hope you're not just interested in the chase, because it seemed like you were very okay with moving onto another girl you had on your mind.

If you're genuinely interested in her and she is in you, time will show this.

Maybe this was already said but how do you break up with someone that is not your girlfriend?

Did you mean to say you ended the friendship? Because she turned you down both times and her body language, from what you described, said that she did not want more than friendship.

the girl was not that into you.

It's very shameful!!!