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"What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" - Family - Nairaland

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"What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 10:54am On Mar 14, 2017
If I had known, I would not have played the America visa lottery. The lottery I played had put indelible scar on my heart, causing me pain daily as I move closer to the grave. I am now 64 years of age. My undoing was the visa lottery I played in 2007. Prior to this time, all was well, and going smoothly in our family. I had married my wife in 1985. We were blessed with 3 boys and a girl. The girl, Moyosore was our first child. She was born in 1986. The boys came there after in 1988, 1990, and 1994.
My wife was a full time house wife. She had everything at her request. A chauffeur driving car, two house helps, and other conveniences were at her disposals. I was a senior management staff at the defunct NITEL. A trained and accompanished electronic engineer. I travelled round the Nation. My assignments most times, were between the Federal Capital Territory, and Owerri in Imo State. I however ensured am in Lagos at least twice a month to see my family. This was between 1986 , and 1997. I retired in 1999 to start my own private company, which has continued to triumph to God's glory.
In 2007, I joined several other Nigerians to play the visa lottery of the United States. I was part of the few thousands that won. I was happy, not because of myself, but because of my two younger children who will have the benefit of automatic citizenship of America. My older children; Moyosore, Aanuoluwapo were already schooling in Canada as at the time.
Hmmmmm, one of the major conditions of granting the visa is blood screening, and conduct of DNA for beneficiary's dependants. I had submitted necessary documents, and made payments for our screenings at the popular St. Nicholas, Lagos Island. We did the tests as recommended. The results were to be sent to the Embassy.
I gotva letter at a later date that I should present my passport and my wife's for visas. On enquiry, they said the kids I presented weren't mine. I almost lost my sanity! My kids weren't mine? Is that possible was my song. I find it difficult to comprend. Because, it happened near my birthday celebration, I invited Moyo and Aanu home under the pretence that they were coming to celebrate with me, and had their DNA carried out. Alas, only Moyosore was my authentic child!
I became sick, and almost passed on. I was hospitalised for a month. I eventually lost the opportunity to complete the processing of the visas, as I was no longer myself. A bi, of what need is the visa without my kids?
When I got over the shock, I confronted my wife. She was mad with me. She called me unprintable names and a failure. I kept my peace and moved on. The following week, I invited her to a friend's party. On our way back, I parked the car and pulled out of the road. She asked why, and I told her not to worry. I then raised the matter again. She rained abuse on me, and called me a drunk. At that point, I pointed a pistol at her side, and threatened to kill her, and dump her on the abandoned road. I showed her copy of the DNA I got on Aanu, and the notification I received from American embassy.
At this point, my wife became parrot. She swallowed her pride, and confessed. She said Aanu was fathered by David, a friend and colleague, who was more of a brother than friend. We had been friends for almost 30 years. Tunde and Bidemi were sons of our househelp, Kingsley. Kingsley was from Benue. He worked with us for almost 15 years. I had noticed my wife special interest in him, but never knew he was sharing her with me.
It has been 10 years after the ugly incident, and revelation. I survived the shock, but Adunninever! She died two years after. She couldn't wait to tell the kids and sort out the problem and havoc she caused. Till date, the children are not in the knowing of my predicament. The children are doing good. The last, Bidemi now 23 is working in a multinational company. He graduated at 19. So also are the other brothers and their siste, who are doing great in Overseas.
Now, am 64. I have written my will again and again. I have deleted the names of the boys from my last will, even though I have not gathered enough courage to inform them that am not their biological father.
I have not told anyone either, and its killing me day- by- day. Should I inform them all, or tell my only my own daughter? Or I should just die with the thought??
Please, I need your advise urgently.....'WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES"
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Nobody: 11:07am On Mar 14, 2017
Omooba77:
If I had known, I would not have played the America visa lottery. The lottery I played had put indelible scar on my heart, causing me pain daily as I move closer to the grave. I am now 64 years of age. My undoing was the visa lottery I played in 2007. Prior to this time, all was well, and going smoothly in our family. I had married my wife in 1985. We were blessed with 3 boys and a girl. The girl, Moyosore was our first child. She was born in 1986. The boys came there after in 1988, 1990, and 1994.
My wife was a full time house wife. She had everything at her request. A chauffeur driving car, two house helps, and other conveniences were at her disposals. I was a senior management staff at the defunct NITEL. A trained and accompanished electronic engineer. I travelled round the Nation. My assignments most times, were between the Federal Capital Territory, and Owerri in Imo State. I however ensured am in Lagos at least twice a month to see my family. This was between 1986 , and 1997. I retired in 1999 to start my own private company, which has continued to triumph to God's glory.
In 2007, I joined several other Nigerians to play the visa lottery of the United States. I was part of the few thousands that won. I was happy, not because of myself, but because of my two younger children who will have the benefit of automatic citizenship of America. My older children; Moyosore, Aanuoluwapo were already schooling in Canada as at the time.
Hmmmmm, one of the major conditions of granting the visa is blood screening, and conduct of DNA for beneficiary's dependants. I had submitted necessary documents, and made payments for our screenings at the popular St. Nicholas, Lagos Island. We did the tests as recommended. The results were to be sent to the Embassy.
I gotva letter at a later date that I should present my passport and my wife's for visas. On enquiry, they said the kids I presented weren't mine. I almost lost my sanity! My kids weren't mine? Is that possible was my song. I find it difficult to comprend. Because, it happened near my birthday celebration, I invited Moyo and Aanu home under the pretence that they were coming to celebrate with me, and had their DNA carried out. Alas, only Moyosore was my authentic child!
I became sick, and almost passed on. I was hospitalised for a month. I eventually lost the opportunity to complete the processing of the visas, as I was no longer myself. A bi, of what need is the visa without my kids?
When I got over the shock, I confronted my wife. She was mad with me. She called me unprintable names and a failure. I kept my peace and moved on. The following week, I invited her to a friend's party. On our way back, I parked the car and pulled out of the road. She asked why, and I told her not to worry. I then raised the matter again. She rained abuse on me, and called me a drunk. At that point, I pointed a pistol at her side, and threatened to kill her, and dump her on the abandoned road. I showed her copy of the DNA I got on Aanu, and the notification I received from American embassy.
At this point, my wife became parrot. She swallowed her pride, and confessed. She said Aanu was fathered by David, a friend and colleague, who was more of a brother than friend. We had been friends for almost 30 years. Tunde and Bidemi were sons of our househelp, Kingsley. Kingsley was from Benue. He worked with us for almost 15 years. I had noticed my wife special interest in him, but never knew he was sharing her with me.
It has been 10 years after the ugly incident, and revelation. I survived the shock, but Adunninever! She died two years after. She couldn't wait to tell the kids and sort out the problem and havoc she caused. Till date, the children are not in the knowing of my predicament. The children are doing good. The last, Bidemi now 23 is working in a multinational company. He graduated at 19. So also are the other brothers and their siste, who are doing great in Overseas.
Now, am 64. I have written my will again and again. I have deleted the names of the boys from my last will, even though I have not gathered enough courage to inform them that am not their biological father.
I have not told anyone either, and its killing me day- by- day. Should I inform them all, or tell my only my own daughter? Or I should just die with the thought??
Please, I need your advise urgently.....'WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES"

Are u for real or its just a script?
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by newyorks(m): 11:14am On Mar 14, 2017
Hmm poo women do is heartbreaking.

sir is hard to inform them,but yu just have to do it with diplomacy, and save the near havoc when yu pass on.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by tuscani: 11:50am On Mar 14, 2017
Sorry for the sad story. Now you asked us to tell you what we should do if we were you. If I were you, I will simply call all the children together and tell them the plain truth.It will help them.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by adorablepepple(f): 11:59am On Mar 14, 2017
Don't punish those children for the wrongs of their mum, don't exempt them from your will. They have been good children to you and should benefit from your wealth. You can even give people scholarships, monthly stipends out of your will ,how much more those children who know you as their father.

6 Likes

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 1:32pm On Mar 14, 2017
realmey:

Are u for real or its just a script?
Your candid advise needed sir
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by iPopAlomo(m): 1:58pm On Mar 14, 2017
adorablepepple:
Don't punish those children for the wrongs of their mum, don't exempt them from your will. They have been good children to you and should benefit from your wealth. You can even give people scholarships, monthly stipends out of your will ,how much more those children who know you as their father.


What is this one saying... didn't he send them school...

But really nice story OP!!!

4 Likes

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Nobody: 3:00pm On Mar 14, 2017
Before your ordeal you took them as your own. They have the right to know who their real father is. Do this, but don't remove them from your "will", instead "will" more asset to your biological child.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 6:14pm On Mar 14, 2017
realmey:

Are u for real or its just a script?
True life story my brother; the identities must be protected
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by eyinjuege: 6:36pm On Mar 14, 2017
Die with the secret....
However, include a DNA test in your will, and let them know why. Your findings and what their mother did. Let them know you kept the secret all this while for the sake of peace

Your only child who fortunately happens to be the first can be the major partaker of your will.

They are all siblings anyway, but different fathers.

I know your wife deliberately got pregnant and had kids for other men perhaps due to a perceived wrong you did to her. Some women are unforgiving, and would rather "punish" you that way. Whether you didn't know of the secret before your death means nothing to her as she's quite happy to carry her secret to the grave.
I pity the poor children though, as they didn't beg to be born into all these drama. They're old enough though, to face life on their own,

1 Like

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Nobody: 7:03pm On Mar 14, 2017
Omooba77:


Your candid advise needed sir

I had rather die wt d thought.If i did not go to d embassy,i wud not hav known;my kids see themselves as one,wud not want to create another impression.

Sir,pple adopt children they nver gave birth to and still leave them with parental benefits;d deed has been done not of their own volition

pls,now that you know this for sure,show all more love and create a stronger bond among them.

As for ur will,give ur daughter 50 to 75 % benefit on the pretext she is first and only girl who need more support from a father so who ever reads will understand.

On ur part,u are now 64.You hav given ur daughter nd d boys d best things in life,now its ur time to reap and not to lose;at this age irrespective of ur wealth,u definitely need appreciation,joy,happiness and lots more,so pls don't break the family chain with ur hands.

N.B:All the above are possible if their mother nver told them and no one has come forth to claim paternity(However,now that your wife has passed on,no man i believe born of a woman can make bold towards you claiming paternity)

1 Like

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Richy4(m): 7:37pm On Mar 14, 2017
The story sound like a movie....But if I should be in such situation, if the kids calls me daddy...Which as a sacred word, I won't have any problem seeing them as my sons or daughters....People adopt this days..there's no stigma attached...
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by raydatluvs(m): 7:14am On Mar 15, 2017
I think putting any detail of it would be totally unnecessary. Of what purpose would it serve really? You want to crush your happy 'children' or destroy the memories they have of there mum or cause disunity.

You have held on this long, please keep on. If you must get some satisfaction, you could put your daughter as the most beneficiary and give others less without stating the reason. You could have told them all this while but you didn't rather you what to take the easy way out without seeing and feeling the consequences it would have.

My only kobo ..
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Acidosis(m): 7:26am On Mar 15, 2017
Keep the secret...


When your first daughter is old enough to handle "big issues", tell her the truth and hand over the DNA results to her. She deserves to know the true nature of her mother.


That woman is the actual definition of evil I'm believing she killed herself having discovered the havoc that awaits her.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by YesNo(m): 8:42am On Mar 15, 2017
i don't think this story is real. if this story was real, you would know better than coming to nairaland to ask CANDID ADVICE. a place with lots of juveniles and shallow people who would hurry to give you advise out of emotional sentiments rather than experience or critical thinking.

Yes we have real wise and intelligent people here too but.... how dare anyone here give advice on such a personal matter or tell a man how to write his own will ? there are some things that should be left in the realm of personal affairs and not everything you should delve into just because you have Internet access.

Sir, If you are as old as you are, then you should know better than this. You should know how to consult people on a personal confidential level rather than seeking a publicity poll on such a delicate matter that has the future of the children ( who have been calling you FATHER all their life) in the balance.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 8:53am On Mar 15, 2017
YesNo:
i don't think this story is real. if this story was real, you would know better than coming to nairaland to ask CANDID ADVICE. a place with lots of juveniles and shallow people who would hurry to give you advise out of emotional sentiments rather than experience or critical thinking.

Yes we have real wise and intelligent people here too but.... how dare anyone here give advice on such a personal matter or tell a man how to write his own will ? there are some things that should be left in the realm of personal affairs and not everything you should delve into just because you have Internet access.

Sir, If you are as old as you are, then you should know better than this. You should know how to consult people on a personal confidential level rather than seeking a publicity poll on such a delicate matter that has the future of the children ( who have been calling you FATHER all their life) in the balance.

Thanks sir; but it is collective wisdom that makes us not to call an elderly one insane.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by YesNo(m): 9:12am On Mar 15, 2017
Omooba77:


Thanks sir; but it is collective wisdom that makes us not to call an elderly one insane.

You are wise Sir. By this I believe you can separate the beans from the chaff with respect to the many advice u will receive here.

I only have this to say, Cutting off the head is not the solution to headache.

May the wisdom of Kings guide your thoughts in this sensitive matter.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 12:05pm On Mar 15, 2017
YesNo:


You are wise Sir. By this I believe you can separate the beans from the chaff with respect to the many advice u will receive here.

I only have this to say, Cutting off the head is not the solution to headache.

May the wisdom of Kings guide your thoughts in this sensitive matter.

Thanks alot;your message was well received
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by snakebeat: 1:30pm On Mar 15, 2017
Omooba77:
If I had known, I would not have played the America visa lottery. The lottery I played had put indelible scar on my heart, causing me pain daily as I move closer to the grave. I am now 64 years of age. My undoing was the visa lottery I played in 2007. Prior to this time, all was well, and going smoothly in our family. I had married my wife in 1985. We were blessed with 3 boys and a girl. The girl, Moyosore was our first child. She was born in 1986. The boys came there after in 1988, 1990, and 1994.
My wife was a full time house wife. She had everything at her request. A chauffeur driving car, two house helps, and other conveniences were at her disposals. I was a senior management staff at the defunct NITEL. A trained and accompanished electronic engineer. I travelled round the Nation. My assignments most times, were between the Federal Capital Territory, and Owerri in Imo State. I however ensured am in Lagos at least twice a month to see my family. This was between 1986 , and 1997. I retired in 1999 to start my own private company, which has continued to triumph to God's glory.
In 2007, I joined several other Nigerians to play the visa lottery of the United States. I was part of the few thousands that won. I was happy, not because of myself, but because of my two younger children who will have the benefit of automatic citizenship of America. My older children; Moyosore, Aanuoluwapo were already schooling in Canada as at the time.
Hmmmmm, one of the major conditions of granting the visa is blood screening, and conduct of DNA for beneficiary's dependants. I had submitted necessary documents, and made payments for our screenings at the popular St. Nicholas, Lagos Island. We did the tests as recommended. The results were to be sent to the Embassy.
I gotva letter at a later date that I should present my passport and my wife's for visas. On enquiry, they said the kids I presented weren't mine. I almost lost my sanity! My kids weren't mine? Is that possible was my song. I find it difficult to comprend. Because, it happened near my birthday celebration, I invited Moyo and Aanu home under the pretence that they were coming to celebrate with me, and had their DNA carried out. Alas, only Moyosore was my authentic child!
I became sick, and almost passed on. I was hospitalised for a month. I eventually lost the opportunity to complete the processing of the visas, as I was no longer myself. A bi, of what need is the visa without my kids?
When I got over the shock, I confronted my wife. She was mad with me. She called me unprintable names and a failure. I kept my peace and moved on. The following week, I invited her to a friend's party. On our way back, I parked the car and pulled out of the road. She asked why, and I told her not to worry. I then raised the matter again. She rained abuse on me, and called me a drunk. At that point, I pointed a pistol at her side, and threatened to kill her, and dump her on the abandoned road. I showed her copy of the DNA I got on Aanu, and the notification I received from American embassy.
At this point, my wife became parrot. She swallowed her pride, and confessed. She said Aanu was fathered by David, a friend and colleague, who was more of a brother than friend. We had been friends for almost 30 years. Tunde and Bidemi were sons of our househelp, Kingsley. Kingsley was from Benue. He worked with us for almost 15 years. I had noticed my wife special interest in him, but never knew he was sharing her with me.
It has been 10 years after the ugly incident, and revelation. I survived the shock, but Adunninever! She died two years after. She couldn't wait to tell the kids and sort out the problem and havoc she caused. Till date, the children are not in the knowing of my predicament. The children are doing good. The last, Bidemi now 23 is working in a multinational company. He graduated at 19. So also are the other brothers and their siste, who are doing great in Overseas.
Now, am 64. I have written my will again and again. I have deleted the names of the boys from my last will, even though I have not gathered enough courage to inform them that am not their biological father.
I have not told anyone either, and its killing me day- by- day. Should I inform them all, or tell my only my own daughter? Or I should just die with the thought??
Please, I need your advise urgently.....'WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES"
U will be making a very big mistake if u decide to remove the names of those boys from your will.... & how are u different from your wife if u fail to tell the boys their true identity?

Tell the boys the truth & treat them as u would treat your son...

1 Like

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by snakebeat: 1:36pm On Mar 15, 2017
YesNo:
i don't think this story is real. if this story was real, you would know better than coming to nairaland to ask CANDID ADVICE. a place with lots of juveniles and shallow people who would hurry to give you advise out of emotional sentiments rather than experience or critical thinking.

Yes we have real wise and intelligent people here too but.... how dare anyone here give advice on such a personal matter or tell a man how to write his own will ? there are some things that should be left in the realm of personal affairs and not everything you should delve into just because you have Internet access.

Sir, If you are as old as you are, then you should know better than this. You should know how to consult people on a personal confidential level rather than seeking a publicity poll on such a delicate matter that has the future of the children ( who have been calling you FATHER all their life) in the balance.
absolutely True...A 64 year old man coming to NL to seek advise on such issue sounds unreal to me
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 1:51pm On Mar 15, 2017
snakebeat:

absolutely True...A 64 year old man coming to NL to seek advise on such issue sounds unreal to me

To them that believe......
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by enoqueen: 10:14pm On Mar 15, 2017
U've given them the best they could ever hope for, which is a good education.

I think u should let them know.

Believe me, even if you don't tell them, someday, somehow they might find out.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by CheedyJ(m): 10:19pm On Mar 15, 2017
This script if well acted by seasoned actors cud win loads of awards,don't u think so op?
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by NoToPile: 10:46pm On Mar 15, 2017
Hmmm,

At this point I don't think you should tell them anything about the paternity, You are their father , the Dad they have known and you still see them as your children. You really are not keeping any secret since it was not you that did wrong, if it was their mum thats alive she would have to confess as that will be my advice since she was the perpetuator of the act, you were a victim too and did no wrong against them or your wife .

That piece of information can(most likely will) change their lives for ever especially if the eldest who happens to be your biological daughter doesn't handle it well.

Put all of them in your will, you can give your daughter a large share, they will all think its because she is thee first born.

Since you have told no one sir kindly keep it that way.


You may now decide to put that piece of information in the will (excluding who their real fathers are) and that part should be read to the hearing of the four of them only with a clause that a 3rd party (any 3rd party) should not hear about it and they are still to be as they were before they got the information about their true fathers. That's should end it.

By the way your write up is too detailed names years etc, I hope they don't get to know from Nairaland first, its a small world . Anybody that knows your family can easily get the gist. Kindly edit sir.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by josessybj: 5:31am On Mar 16, 2017
I know is very hard but forgive and forget. Take the children as ur own.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 6:30am On Mar 16, 2017
Hmmmmmm
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 5:03pm On Mar 19, 2017
snakebeat:

U will be making a very big mistake if u decide to remove the names of those boys from your will.... & how are u different from your wife if u fail to tell the boys their true identity?

Tell the boys the truth & treat them as u would treat your son...
Thanks the concerned will get your message.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Lush100(m): 12:00am On Mar 20, 2017
it was culled from Facebook so there's no need to insult the op. I read it myself on Fb.
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by MummyIMadeIt: 12:31am On Mar 20, 2017
Vanity upon vanity all is vanity; what happens after the death of a man no one knows; just let go of the betrayal and leave your will as it is supposed as you never can tell what tommorow may bring forth
Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by Omooba77: 3:59pm On Mar 21, 2017
YesNo:


You are wise Sir. By this I believe you can separate the beans from the chaff with respect to the many advice u will receive here.

I only have this to say, Cutting off the head is not the solution to headache.

May the wisdom of Kings guide your thoughts in this sensitive matter.

Depression is on the increase; lots are going on under the cover

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: "What Will You Do If You Were In My Shoes" by austine4real(m): 9:01pm On Mar 21, 2017
this one pass my power
u just av to let thm knw sir

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