What's the big deal in saying thank you to someone who served you food. Even though she didn't provide the money, she did the cooking so what's there.

datizy:
What's the big deal in saying thank you to someone who served you food. Even though she didn't provide the money, she did the cooking so what's there.

sure u read what d OP wrote?? There is nowhere in the write were the OP said d in-law served or cooked d food

You are married to an illiterate! Just the truth,no insult intended.

I guess this is common among the igbos. I wouldn't blame the op cos it seems he's not aware of this, and its quite unfortunate his wife had to call his attention to that. Infact, I'm just reading this here for the first time, and while reading I remembered one igbo girl who used to thank me after every meal even when I'm not the one who prepared the meal, and it became irritating at a point, but I never knew that's the way she was brought up.
@op, I think you should talk to your wife about this. Let her know you're not aware, and if thanking your MIL after each meal will bring peace to your house abeg just do it. Besides, it also depends on how your wife told you this sha cos as for me I can jokingly and stylishly tell my husband and he will understand and even laugh over it.

Bigsteveg:


Mr Springer, i dont know where you are from o, maybe animal kingdom?
The man is in his house, he dropped money for food, the wife cooked the food, the wife served the food, the man ate, and the wife cleared the plates. Please where does the mother in law fits to deserve a thank you?

If there is a thank you to be given, its the wife who cooked and served.

The mother in law deserves a thank you as your elder and if not a thank you for giving birth to the one who cooked the food or for teaching your wife who cooked for you how to cook. Your question should be where are you from? It is common in Nigeria especially in the south east. In fact you are also meant to greet the elderly visitors around after eating.

mavinc4u:


The mother in law deserves a thank you as your elder and if not a thank you for giving birth to the one who cooked the food or for teaching your wife who cooked for you how to cook. Your question should be where are you from? It is common in Nigeria especially in the south east. In fact you are also meant to greet the elderly visitors around after eating.

ur sounding as if it's compulsory to thank every elderly person present at dat time after eating

alfredo4u:
From what I deduce from all this advice.....

Is not by force to say thank ma, its by choice.


Thanks

Also remember not to force your wife to say thank you to your mother when the time comes.

It's a harmless tradition, just say the darn thank ma and move on. Growing up we were taught to say thank you to every elderly person around after eating, it's a sign of gratitude and respect regardless of who actually prepared the meal. It is just the way yorubas kneel to greet; I find it to be a strange culture but if I were to marry a Yoruba person,I'll endeavour to kneel when greeting in-laws. Life is not that hard

Henrybright:
ur sounding as if it's compulsory to thank every elderly person present at dat time after eating

It is not compulsory for everyone but it is compulsory for a well trained child. I remember my days in the university, when I finished eating I thanked the elderly ones among us in the hostel, some who understood it answered while the ones who didn't understand it made a laugh about it. It does not take anything away from you rather it would make those elder feel fulfilled for getting respect from you. Bro, try it and see how the atmosphere would be for you and people around you. If you can't thank her after eating then thank you for eating the food because it is not easy for anyone to eat food made by another.

sugarcoatted:
Same way you find thanking elders after eating ridiculous is same way i find bowing to greet weird. If you feel saying thank you is not a sign of respect, then bowing when greeting shouldn't be used to judge if i have/lack home training.

I grew up greeting my elders after every meal. Its part of my culture and if i get married to a yoruba man and learn to bow to greet his people, he too has to thank my mother or whichever elderly person from my side after eating.

You see why they said marry from your tribe? They no go hear,after next thing na divorce.
Afonjas and divorce sef

mavinc4u:


It is not compulsory for everyone but it is compulsory for a well trained child. I remember my days in the university, when I finished eating I thanked the elderly ones among us in the hostel, some who understood it answered while the ones who didn't understand it made a laugh about it. It does not take anything away from you rather it would make those elder feel fulfilled for getting respect from you. Bro, try it and see how the atmosphere would be for you and people around you. If you can't thank her after eating then thank you for eating the food because it is not easy for anyone to eat food made by another.

madam it has nufin to do with training, I was well trained and I thank my parents after eating or the person that prepared d meal or served it. Telling me because I didn't thank oda elderly people around at dat time is a sign I lack good home training is a logic u go around with. That's a big lie cos I give full respect to my elders at every point in Time but not in this scenario were d elder in question played no part in d meal.. It has nufin to do with home training please madam, it's myt be ur culture bt do not fink ppl dat don't do dat lack proper home training

naughtyDiana:
lmao. your wife dey mad. the mother in law shld say thank you oogo'm, imela. why shld u say thank u ma to her

D fact d op asked for everyone's opinion does not mean u shud insult his wife. Dats d way she was brought up

Henrybright:
I'm not sure you get the OP very well if not u won't be talking about age and greeting mother...


In my place my mother/father doesn't pick offence if I don't say thank you to dem after eating food not provided by dem or prepared by my mum, the thank you goes to who cooked or served the food

In my house you must greet everybody, parents or not. Once the person is older than you, you must say thank you. It doesn't matter who prepared the meal. Its no big deal tho, i wonder why you people are making an issue out of it.

Apina:

Madam home training, Do u know how I was brought up? Or u are assuming that by proxy, what's obtainable in your family also applies to mine? Or because he refused to acknowledge her after eating his food in his own house, therefore he lacks manners and cannot train his children appropriately? Madam home training, You have a very narrow sense of judgment.

.....and u have no sense of judgement either....the man has no home training....simple....

Walelavender:

Excuse me, try to be civil and respect my opinion . I can't figure out how you people are finding it difficult to define what home training is. If that is what their culture says,fine, but telling me its obtainable in all cutures....that is too petty and unrealistic !

......u can as well not greet people goodmorning......funny human beings

Bigsteveg:


Okay o...but u see Steve in my name nah? What does being a Christian has to do with thank you after eating

Brother Steve why can't you cool and understand me. Saying thank ma to mother inlaws or even outlaws is ok... That shows respect.
Now the bible in Mathew 19:5 says...'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? Now if the wife can say thank ma to her mother; you the man husband and potential son inlaw being one body with ur wife is expected to say thank ma. Meaning that your wives mother is your mother also.

snowblaq:
.....and u have no sense of judgement either....the man has no home training....simple....

Be like say the thing pain u well well
On a serious note, saying thank you is a gesture of appreciation and it's down to the individual involved to be appreciative based on the circumstance at hand. In this scenario, it varies and isn't a standard norm within every family. If it's a case of not greeting her, then it would be more reasonable, not something of this nature.

Apina:

Be like say the thing pain u well well
On a serious note, saying thank you is a gesture of appreciation and it's down to the individual involved to be appreciative based on the circumstance at hand. In this scenario, it varies and isn't a standard norm within every family. If it's a case of not greeting her, then it would be more reasonable, not something of this nature.

.....why would it pain me?...is he my brother or husband......with this disgusting attitude he cannot even be related to me.....

snowblaq:
.....why would it pain me?...is he my brother or husband......with this disgusting attitude he cannot even be related to me.....

Come on, I don't believe u mean to tag his attitude as disgusting. You grew up within a particular culture and enviroment, and that's what informs your worldview. This isn't an issue of morality but a case of culture shock, cos to him such a practice is alien and you should also try and reason it from that perspective not just from the point of your particular culture.

snowblaq:
......u can as well not greet people goodmorning......funny human beings

That's no point. So 'good morning' is now synonymous with 'thank you'? Abeg if you want to take your ' thank you Mother-in-law for the garri and vegetable you didn't prepare' come and take it o

There is nothing bad if you say thank you to your mother-in -law after meal. Because here in our home, it is a norm to say thank you to our elderly ones( my parents) and guest after meal. Even if she assisted or not saying thanks to her is not a big deal, it is a sign of respect. Even my siblings do say thanks to me after meal in the presence of my parents. It is a norm like I have said, so you shouldn't take offence with what you wife said. It may be how she was trained that was why she confronted you. You should also see your mother-in-law as your own mother.

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

If you feel it's not necessary, why're you asking? Guilty conscience.

Thank you for what?..

snowblaq:
.....why would it pain me?...is he my brother or husband......with this disgusting attitude he cannot even be related to me.....

Ha!!! This your interpretation get as e be o. In as much as i grew up with the thank you thing, it doesnt mean i have better home training than someone who didn't grow up with it. People's culture differs. It is ok then to say you also have a disgusting attitude when you do not bow to greet. The only issue i see hear is the fact that they are married, they should learn to tolerate each others culture. It wont change anything

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

Hope you wont feel offended when i refuse to bow when greeting your parents because its not my culture or how i was brought up.

I do get your point. Saying thank you ma/sir to in laws should be no big deal. But this situation, and the wife making it as if the man committed an abomination is the issue. Probably, the wife should have just look for a better time and try to explain their traditions to the husband. In my house, if my mum serves, and d thing no reach, na to even ask for more. The only thing is clear plates.

emi14:


Brother Steve why can't you cool and understand me. Saying thank ma to mother inlaws or even outlaws is ok... That shows respect.
Now the bible in Mathew 19:5 says...'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? Now if the wife can say thank ma to her mother; you the man husband and potential son inlaw being one body with ur wife is expected to say thank ma. Meaning that your wives mother is your mother also.

mavinc4u:


The mother in law deserves a thank you as your elder and if not a thank you for giving birth to the one who cooked the food or for teaching your wife who cooked for you how to cook. Your question should be where are you from? It is common in Nigeria especially in the south east. In fact you are also meant to greet the elderly visitors around after eating.

Well, no dispute about that. In the south west here. That's not an issue at all, different beliefs. But the wife should know that the husband is from another part of the country.

But wait O, so after eating. U will go round and thank all the elders for eating in your own house. Am just hearing this for the first time sha Na wah o

Thanks all d same

Bigsteveg:


Well, no dispute about that. In the south west here. That's not an issue at all, different beliefs. But the wife should know that the husband is from another part of the country.

But wait O, so after eating. U will go round and thank all the elders for eating in your own house. Am just hearing this for the first time sha Na wah o

Thanks all d same

You don't have to go around. You only greet those around where you ate. Do you know it also looks weird seeing a full grown man kissing the floor in the name of greeting . Every man to himself. As long as the husband would not ask his wife to kneel down while greeting his parents then is cool. The same way one does not have to give you something before you say Good morning is the way one does not have to provide for you before you say thank you. Such thank ma greeting always ends in Thank God while some would say God bless you so is more like a blessing to you.

Courtesy demands that after taking a meal u shud appreciate whomsoever contributed to the preparation of the meal, not necessarily the person that footed the bill. U shud thank ur mother in law for giving birth to a wonderful wife who can cook to your satisfaction. After all she acts like a mother to u in absence of ur own.

I was coincidentally discussing this with my wife yesterday, could someone pls help explain the source of this culture of thanking whosoever after eating? Parenting has been turned upside down in the last 20ys and it must be cushioned, these were the same set of parents who instead of spanking their children where necessary as endorsed even by the bible would rather negotiate with them thereby producing ill-mannered and uncooked children.


I belong to the generation whose parents emphasized unreserved discipline and high moral standard, we were made and taught to respect not just elders bt every living thing, we wouldnt talk nor play while eating, our parents flogged us to that point u begin to wonder if they were ur real biological parents, we still dnt argue with them even now, bt thanking someone after eating is a lame joke i started hearing of recently.
If i even visit a home i shd do all the outlined thanking when im about to leave nt immediately after eating like a programmed specimen

sugarcoatted:

Hope you wont feel offended when i refuse to bow when greeting your parents because its not my culture or how i was brought up.

i can then add this to my documented reasons for discouraging inter-tribal marriage, in the long run, the cultural differences becomes a mountainous snag that has the tendencies to eat up the joy and blessings attached to marriage. its extremely strange and funny to thank someone after eating in my region and its absolutely unacceptable, unforgiven and insulting nt to prostrate while greeting ur in-laws in my region