torqque7:
Hmm HIV positive and barren?correct me if I'm wrong but someone with these must have lived a very reckless life when young..so karma might be at play here,people will not listen until it's too late..destroyed life just because one was too carried away by vanity when young..too bad.

Some men Sef get mind sha o..

My brother don't be judgemental, not all HIV positive patients were reckless in youth, you need to come to the hospital and see innocent children living with HIV, so in future when they get married will you say they were reckless. Some people got it from transfusion, some people never even no where they got it from. Think about the way PLVW HIV feel before you talk to them anyhow. And for someone like OP I don't think she got it from being reckless. OP the fact that you are HIV positive and infertile does not mean you shouldn't enjoy your life with someone that love and care for you. If you don't mind polygamy like me I think that is the best shot. But at the end it is your choice, your husband can't even force you to stay with him if it is divorce you want.

Oyind18:
Why are you judging her? You are a wicked soul.. How many of your wrongs have you corrected?

Who is this one?abeg shift joor..hypocrite,keep deceiving yourself you hear?and if you like live a reckles life in the end you will also see the result,don't tell yourself the truth,and by the way it seems you have difficulty with comprehension or you don't understand English?

I never judged her,maybe you missed the part where I said correct me if I'm wrong..read well and understand before you open mouth anyhow,are you the Op?you better get sense,let her answer herself if she feels the need. shey you know my wrongs and the ones I have not corrected?Smh

loveanonymity:

My brother don't be judgemental, not all HIV positive patients were reckless in youth, you need to come to the hospital and see innocent children living with HIV, so in future when they get married will you say they were reckless. Some people got it from transfusion, some people never even no where they got it from. Think about the way PLVW HIV feel before you talk to them anyhow. And for someone like OP I don't think she got it from being reckless. OP the fact that you are HIV positive and infertile does not mean you shouldn't enjoy your life with someone that love and care for you. If you don't mind polygamy like me I think that is the best shot. But at the end it is your choice, your husband can't even force you to stay with him if it is divorce you want.

Hmm my dear you are a wise woman, I ddnt judge her..I just made an observation because of the combination of HIV and being barren,most women become barren as a result of abortions so any sane person would wonder with such a combination..

Life teaches lessons and maybe her life is an example God wants to use to teach others,anything is possible, it's JUST an assumption and not judgement sha.

Cc oyind18 come and see someone with brain and learn from her.

torqque7:


Hmm my dear you are a wise woman, I ddnt judge her..I just made an observation because of the combination of HIV and being barren,most women become barren as a result of abortions so any sane person would wonder with such a combination..

Life teaches lessons and maybe her life is an example God wants to use to teach others,anything is possible, it's JUST an assumption and not judgement sha.

Cc oyind18 come and see someone with brain and learn from her.

Shut up lunatic

Iamcool82:
I don't know the right section for this.
Mods please push to the right section.


We both have been legally married for 9years+ now. Met in 2002 so I can say we've been together for almost 15 years.
No kids yet. He's certified fertile. I am not. He has shown me love thru it all. I was even certified hiv positive but with low viral load. We've never used a condom as a couple. He still accepted me. Even though he remains hiv negative from 2002 that we started dating before we got married in 2007. I have been on drugs for many years till date.

He has never beaten me or molested me. However, I live with too much guilt and I'm depressed constantly when I remember he is 46 years old without a child. It's my fault.

He has slept with other ladies several times before and on one occasion my maid who he was sleeping with became pregnant for him. I was Very Happy. Finally, he would have his own offspring. I showed her so much love and assured her she is safe with me. I kept telling myself, if I truly love my husband (soon to be ex), I am to support him even if he gets many women pregnant. After all, he has only shown me love since I met him.

Unfortunately, the maid had early pregnancy complications and we lost the baby. Thank God she herself is alive. I encouraged him to stick to her after the pregnancy loss but the girl said she will never date him again because of me. I became more depressed when she left for holidays and never came back.
Another lady he dated who he told about his childless state tried to put another person's pregnancy on him. He got to find out from her close friend.

Today, I have asked him for a Divorce. I cannot continue to waste his time and life after trying to get pregnant for almost a decade(in marriage) & almost 15 years (together) . Even ivf is not working out. He had tried too much for me. I can't live to see him age further childless.

We started a business together before we got married. It has become the family business. I am ready to be a business partner and no longer a wife.

Any lady he gets can be comfortable he's divorced than knowing he's married. Also it's easier to have a wide figure inside same house with him to give him a child Instead of a side chick. After all, he's very fertile.

This is the point life has pushed me to but I'm putting all my energy into much more financially productive things and hoping to live happier knowing I have set him free to remarry and have his own kids.


Sorry to bore you Nairalanders with this long post. I needed to say my thoughts out but no one to talk to personally.

Good move. But if he truly loves you he would decline.

Oyind18:
Shut up lunatic

You are HOPELESS..done wasting time with you.

cant imagine how you feel...you can both opt for adoption.

torqque7:


You are HOPELESS..done wasting time with you.

Stop judging people olodolistic kid

torqque7:
Hmm HIV positive and barren?correct me if I'm wrong but someone with these must have lived a very reckless life when young..so karma might be at play here,people will not listen until it's too late..destroyed life just because one was too carried away by vanity when young..too bad.

Some men Sef get mind sha o..

Hmmm.
Thank you for adding to my tears. Thank you. I was molested at 9 by my step dad. Many other things happened. Too terrible to write. I knew my hiv status at age 19. After 10 years of constant molestation. It's not your fault. I blame myself. I'm 34 now and I didn't live a reckless life to get hiv.
I only found a man who's like an angel and I hate myself daily for causing him pains. He accepted me even with all my past. Not up to 1% of all living men can do that. He deserves the best even if it's without me

Iamcool82:


Adoption is not as simple as many people think. We've tried it all. To even think he impregnated my maid within the 2-3 times they made love is very disheartening. What I couldn't do in 15 years, she did in 3 days. It's better he has his own offspring

Good morning madam, hope you are doing great?

I would advice you get him a lady who can bore him a child, then after that you take the baby, this can be done with ease.. divorcing might not be the right option since your husband isn't in support of it.

I can suggest a way this can be done,

Efewestern:


Good morning madam, hope you are doing great?

I would advice you get him a lady who can bore him a child, then after that you take the baby, this can be done with ease.. divorcing might not be the right option since your husband isn't in support of it.

I can suggest a way this can be done,

How can it be done?

Op I know u are deeply hurt and sad but be hopeful. God always keep his promises at the end. You don't need to feel guilty that youve made your husband unhappy all these years. He chose and Married you even when he knew your status and that's true love. Seeking for divorce will only hurt him further. Like someone said u can opt for a surrogate mum that will carry both your baby for 9months and deliver. Life is not easy.. It's a process and u need to be strong to go through it.. U can't just divorce and live alone. Nope it's not right. My aunt was married for 18years before she deliver twins baby boys. She travelled abroad with her husband several times for IVF but no positive results. They eventually chose a surrogate mum to deliver their babes.. Although people do not know.. It's only few of us in the family that knows.. And everyone is happy. So please don't quit. U and your husband stil need each other. But inbetween what did your husband say about the divorce?

torqque7:
Hmm HIV positive and barren?correct me if I'm wrong but someone with these must have lived a very reckless life when young..so karma might be at play here,people will not listen until it's too late..destroyed life just because one was too carried away by vanity when young..too bad.

Some men Sef get mind sha o..

oga shut the Bleep up.. yes I said shut up. someone is depressed and you are here saying rubbish, are you normal?.. kids everywhere, do you know what happened to her? do you know what she is passing through now?, do you know your words and advice can save a soul?

I don't blame you, I blame the person who gave you a phone, Kids every where.

Iamcool82 sorry about what that kid said,

NgoziOkoli:
and your sure ur brain is still functioning?

You meant that to yourself I believe

Iamcool82:


How can it be done?

okay this is what you will do, talk to your man, Get some cash, then get a lady, don't go for high clasic girls, go for average ladies, there are many girls who will be willing to do just that for some cash, it can be done without your hubby having sex with the girl.

is your womb okay? if yes I still think there is still another option, But you will need a egg from a fertile lady,, egg donor

alexialin:
Op I know u are deeply hurt and sad but be hopefully. God always keep his promises at the end. You don't need to feel guilty that youve made your husband unhappy all these years. He chose and Married you even when he knew your status and that's true love. Seeking for divorce will only hurt him further. Like someone said u can opt for a surrogate mum that will carry both your baby for 9months and deliver. Life is not easy.. It's a process and u need to be strong to go through it.. U can't just divorce and live alone. Nope it's not right. My aunt was married for 18years before she deliver twins baby boys. She travelled abroad with her husband several times for IVF but no positive results. They eventually chose a surrogate mum to deliver their babes.. Although people do not know.. It's only few of us in the family that knows.. And everyone is happy. So please don't quit. U and your husband stil need each other. But inbetween what did your husband say about the divorce?

I told him and he said he'll think about it but he's been moody since then. There's a certain age one gets to, one does not need sentiments to handle a long time issue. I wish him to be strong and move on. The next news I'll love to hear is that he's now a father

Iamcool82:


You meant that to yourself I believe

Ignore negative comments.

Oyind18:
Stop judging people olodolistic kid

asin very annoying comment... what the lady needs now is encouragement and advise, I can sense she is depressed. the issue is not that strong since the man is fertile and she the wife is willing to let any lady bore them a child.

Efewestern:


asin very annoying comment... what the lady needs now is encouragement and advise, I can sense she is depressed. the issue is not that strong since the man is fertile and she the wife is willing to let any lady bore them a child.

I can imagine how she's feeling right now. She took a step many won't take, some will try to tie him down with other means. Like a tribe here in Rivers state, a woman can marry for her husband to bore children. An elderly woman without kids too can do same to raise grandchildren.

Iamcool82:


I told him and he said he'll think about it but he's been moody since then. There's a certain age one gets to, one does not need sentiments to handle a long time issue. I wish him to be strong and move on. The next news I'll love to hear is that he's now a father

Please I beg you don't divorce him. do u know how hard it is to find someone u truly love, succeed in marrying the person.. And because of children both of u can actually receive from a woman who helps people to bear children. And u can make enquiries in fertility hospitals in Nija or abroad about such women.. They are called surrogate mothers, they do it for a living and are paid handsomely for it. You can have kids with your husband through such method.. Please don't give up on your marriage.. U are still young.. And trust me u don't sound like a lady that will be happy divorced from this loving man u are bond with. It's till death do u part. Don't allow guilty destroy your happiness. Please work on surrogacy.. It's works like magic. Talk to your husband about it.. And google it online.
Don't give up, pls. The Lord is your strength. Amen

torqque7:
Hmm HIV positive and barren?correct me if I'm wrong but someone with these must have lived a very reckless life when young..so karma might be at play here,people will not listen until it's too late..destroyed life just because one was too carried away by vanity when young..too bad.

Some men Sef get mind sha o..

Shut up your stinking mouth!!! I've seen a young virgin die of AIDS, who told you promiscuity is the only route to contracting HIV? A male friend of mine married his wife a virgin and for the past 8years she hasn't conceived cos she doesn't ovulate. You're such a low life scum!!!
I won't reply you, so quoting me would be wasting your stupid time.

Oyind18:
I can imagine how she's feeling right now. She took a step many won't take, some will try to tie him down with other means. Like a tribe here is Rivers state, a woman can marry for her husband to bore children. An elderly woman without kids too can do same to raise grandchildren.

I just hope she adhere to my advice, she needs love and care now, divorcing her man will bring more sorrow into her life.

Shey egg can be planted in her body ? then it will look like she got pregnant, since her man is fertile that shouldnt b a problem.

Iamcool82 why are you quiet? , please don't take these negative comment serious.

otunbablacq:
I can only imagine the level of discomfort, pain you are going through, it may be truly unbearable. However, i feel you should not throw away this genuine care just because of this pain. You have been enduring so why give Up now.

My options to you are

Both agree to adopt a child
Maybe he should get a second wife that way you remain to keep his care and love.

Please dont leave him alone at this period when he needed you most, you both will suffer depression and regret.

I wish you well

Thanks a lot for your kind words. I don't deserve them though. I live with so much guilt and depression. It's so sad to keep wasting his lifetime cos of me.

To everyone who said kind words :
Thanks for your care.

Efewestern:


I just hope she adhere to my advice, she needs love and care now, divorcing her man will bring more sorrow into her life.

Shey egg can be planted in her body ? then it will look like she got pregnant, since her man is fertile that shouldnt b a problem.

She knows why she's taking this decision. You know Nigerian in-laws and their wahala.

Oyind18:
She knows why she's taking this decision. You know Nigerian in-laws and their wahala.

Nigerian in-laws are always troublesome.. If the MIL and FIL is easygoing, aunties or sisters, or uncles or one brother must carry their brother marriage for head like placard.. So It then depend on how protective the husband is around his wife, when they are about to over step their boundaries.
It's the husband that will keep his family in check.. And the family will mellow down oresle Na to cut off from any annoying and abusive family member of am a man and married. No time for nonsense.
Even as lady my family don't try shit with me or any man I decide to spend my life with orelse Na cut off straight up.. Everybody know his or her levels.

alexialin:

Nigerian in-laws are always troublesome.. If the MIL and FIL is easygoing, aunties or sisters, or uncles or one brother must carry their brother marriage for head like placard.. So then depend on how protective the husband is around his wife, when they are about to over step their boundaries.
It's the husband that will keep his family in check.. And the family will mellow down oresle Na to cut off from any annoying and abusive family member of am a man and married. No time for nonsense.

You forget the frustrated, stubborn SIL wey no get suitors wey go vent her anger on her brother's wife. The wahala no get end.

Oyind18:
You forget the frustrated, stubborn SIL wey no get suitors wey go vent her anger on her brother's wife. The wahala no get end.

Lol I know those type of SIL.. very frustrated SIL. Lol

Those ones I don't have issues with them.. It's my husband straight.. I will have issues with.. It's either she behaves like a normal calm human being and see the best side of me or she had better stay back In her parents house.. I no give my various wives from my step brothers wahala.. So no morracfucker will come and give me unrest.
Unless their brother sef no go rest. Lol.
He will just chase her out..When i start with him. Lol

No time mehn.. Those type of women I have little patience for.. Lol

My neighbor Married man, the day his wife younger sister was beefing her own sister who is married and insulting her elder sister,my neighbor wife.. Mehn the guy eyes red.. Quickly and calmly he told the wife sister if u cannot respect your elder sister who is my wife infront of me or even in my house, pls go back to your parents house.. She's your elder sister for God sakes. Even my own sister respects her alot.. So please just go home if u can't be civil here.. It's going to a year now, her younger sister never show face. And the man's family behaves them selves ..he doesn't take trash from anyone . Better respect my wife or abeg go back home.

Iamcool82:

Thanks a lot for your kind words. I don't deserve them though. I live with so much guilt and depression. It's so sad to keep wasting his lifetime cos of me.

To everyone who said kind words :
Thanks for your care.

Why don't you deserve kind words dear, you didn't ask for you step dad to molest you, you didn't ask to be living with HIV, you didn't ask to meet someone that loves you, you didn't ask to be infertile. Why should you ask to remain happy in your marriage? You are not guilty of anything sweetheart, don't be depressed, let your happiness remain with you, I don't think you will be happy after divorce because you will be lonely and you will hurt two people : yourself and your husband. Divorce is not the solution.