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Why Do Things Change After Marriage? - Family - Nairaland

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Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 10:32pm On Mar 25, 2017
I have seen people who claimed to be in love with themselves before marriage but you see them having a lot of disputes after getting married, I ask myself why this should be, I ask if it is still the same two people who used to do things together, who used to show love in different ways, all of a sudden at the time when the love is supposed to be at climax, they start having problems they never used to have before marriage, things then change, they then change.

Well what I think that causes this is that most people in relationships don't pay attention to necessary details about their partners.

Nairaland veterans and geniuses over to you, what do you think brings this bitterness into marriage between two people who have claimed to be lovers before their marriage

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by tosyne2much(m): 10:34pm On Mar 25, 2017
Though, I'm not married neither am I a relationship expert but I think I can answer this question... As per say me sef no be small pikin again nah cheesy

Well, I think people go into marriage for ridiculous reasons (boobs, size of joystick, curves, 6packs, bedmatic skills, financial security, money, tendency to travel abroad, respect they will earn from their family/friends for marrying a particular person, etc), and also with high hopes and expectations of how they've always pictured the flawlessness of marriage in Nollywood and Phillipines movies; how people describe the beauty of marriage, and how they've been fantasizing the marriage of other people and thus, short of expections aftermath of their own wedding trigger disappointment, irritation, enmity and disinterest among couples.

Most people tend to overlook the flaws (ojukokoro, unforgiveness, stinginess, nagging, adamant to correction, lack of understanding, inability to manage, laziness, self centeredness, promiscuity, gold digging, tendency to become slay queens, lack of dress sense, lack of respect for your friends and family members, anger problem) of their partners during courtship and will take a bumpy ride into marriage with the ideology that marriage is a "magician" that completely changes or transforms people, without knowing that things sometimes do not happen that way... What you can't change at puberty, a mere RING cannot/may not change it.

Thats why it's said that LOVE is not enough to make someone your life partner, because there are other basic things that should be taken into considerations, and failure to do so makes your marriage vulnerable to chaos and perhaps, divorce.

When people get married, their eyes begin to open to reality after which they will get to realize that they ought to have married someone better, someone that will not hide her character at the expense of getting a RING, someone that will not become a nagger when income salary diminishes .. They begin to see some flaws in their partner which LOVE/INFATUATION blindfolded them from seeing during courtship

In a nutshell, marriage is an eye opener that opens your eyes from fairytales to reality.

This is not the matter of the witches and wizards in your village firing bow and arrow at you


I don't know if my comment makes any sense

397 Likes 46 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by thesicilian: 10:37pm On Mar 25, 2017
Nothing lasts forever, love is not enough to keep a marriage, a couple also has to be compatible in many other aspects

35 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by SNOWCREAM(m): 10:37pm On Mar 25, 2017
Courtship is filled with lots of conceit, deceit and pretense. Some people are bad, very bad but they wanna get engaged and married. They know no one will settle for them with their bad attitude so guess what? They decide to pretend to be a better person, just to be able to attract and fool that partner.

After marriage there's no reason to keep on playing the expensive hide and seek again, they unleash. Ladies and gentlemen be watchful cos you'll surely see signs while courting, don't dismiss it as a mistake. Bless

123 Likes 9 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by missdashin(f): 10:46pm On Mar 25, 2017
no more pretending and formings, reality sets In

35 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Galacious1: 10:48pm On Mar 25, 2017
missdashin:
no more pretending and formings, reality sets In
exactly. It's always good for intending couple to live 2geda for awhile before getting married. Just saying.

34 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Chongaiman: 10:48pm On Mar 25, 2017
@ OP. It is because love is blind while marriage is an eye-opener.

26 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Kentura(m): 10:50pm On Mar 25, 2017
lol.. after marriage, you'll realise you've just been scammed..

146 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 10:52pm On Mar 25, 2017
missdashin:
no more pretending and formings, reality sets In

Why does one have to pretend to be in love with someone you have not ever loved

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by YourImaginaryBF: 10:55pm On Mar 25, 2017
They say not the lack of love but the lack of friendship makes marriages unhappy.

39 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Amarabae(f): 10:57pm On Mar 25, 2017
Chongaiman:
@ OP. It is because love is blind while marriage is an eye-opener.
lol. Kudos. #quote

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 10:59pm On Mar 25, 2017
A lot of things contributes to the reasons why people have disputes during early stage of marriage, and if not properly handled can lead to divorce, Let me use my next flat neighbor as an example.
While they were courting, the guy was resident in Benin,while the lady was in Lagos,so it was a once in a while visiting thingy and mostly a social media relationship, then finally they agreed to settle down which they did.
few months after cohabiting ,they starting quarrelling, from quarrelling to ,constant fights ,the lady has made several attempts to pack out of the house and even d guy said he's fed up too.
This is due to d fact that, during courtship, they thought they understood themselves,which they never did,now she has found out that her hubby smokes,likes hanging out with single guys,a die hard football freak,always stuck to his phone and womanizes according to her.Meanwhile the guy says she's too Nagy and loud,she can't cook,she's lazy, always policing him etc,These are stuffs they never divulged, during courtship.

106 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by babyfaceafrica: 11:04pm On Mar 25, 2017
That is because courtship is pencil,which can be cleaned off..marriage is permanent marker...no room for mistake....that is why it is advisable to take your time well and be careful before marriage. Don't look at your mates or your age....you have to be ready..marriage is serious business!!!!

50 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Young03(m): 11:07pm On Mar 25, 2017
One of the major reason why i will not marry my gf

when tyme to marry reach i go just go another place find girl wey i never do things with before

6 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by missdashin(f): 11:07pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:


Why does one have to pretend to be in love with someone you have not ever loved
not about the feelings per say but about character and attitude, overlooking something's, thinking they will change etc

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by tosyne2much(m): 11:08pm On Mar 25, 2017
ReneeNuttall:
A lot of things contributes to the reasons why people have disputes during early stage of marriage, and if not properly handled can lead to divorce
This is due to d fact that, during courtship, they thought they understood themselves,which they never did,now she has found out that her hubby smokes,likes hanging out with single guys,a die hard football freak,always stuck to his phone and womanizes according to her.Meanwhile the guy says she's too Nagy and loud,she can't cook,she's lazy, always policing him etc,These are stuffs they never divulged, during courtship.
May God bless you my sister.. Marriage opens people's eyes to reality while courtship may not

10 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 11:09pm On Mar 25, 2017
tosyne2much:
Marriage opens people's eyes to reality while courtship may not


Exactly

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:12pm On Mar 25, 2017
YourImaginaryBF:
They say not the lack of love but the lack of friendship makes marriages unhappy.

Absolutely you right

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:15pm On Mar 25, 2017
ReneeNuttall:
A lot of things contributes to the reasons why people have disputes during early stage of marriage, and if not properly handled can lead to divorce, Let me use my next flat neighbor as an example.
While they were courting, the guy was resident in Benin,while the lady was in Lagos,so it was a once in a while visiting thingy and mostly a social media relationship, then finally they agreed to settle down which they did.
few months after cohabiting ,they starting quarrelling, from quarrelling to ,constant fights ,the lady has made several attempts to pack out of the house and even d guy said he's fed up too.
This is due to d fact that, during courtship, they thought they understood themselves,which they never did,now she has found out that her hubby smokes,likes hanging out with single guys,a die hard football freak,always stuck to his phone and womanizes according to her.Meanwhile the guy says she's too Nagy and loud,she can't cook,she's lazy, always policing him etc,These are stuffs they never divulged, during courtship.

I sense a reason here, inability to make sacrifices to make the marriage work

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by YourImaginaryBF: 11:17pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:


Absolutely you right
lots of people cannot stay in a long committed relationship with just one person. that is why we have so many breakups.

12 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by YourImaginaryBF: 11:21pm On Mar 25, 2017
ReneeNuttall:
A lot of things contributes to the reasons why people have disputes during early stage of marriage, and if not properly handled can lead to divorce, Let me use my next flat neighbor as an example.
While they were courting, the guy was resident in Benin,while the lady was in Lagos,so it was a once in a while visiting thingy and mostly a social media relationship, then finally they agreed to settle down which they did.
few months after cohabiting ,they starting quarrelling, from quarrelling to ,constant fights ,the lady has made several attempts to pack out of the house and even d guy said he's fed up too.
This is due to d fact that, during courtship, they thought they understood themselves,which they never did,now she has found out that her hubby smokes,likes hanging out with single guys,a die hard football freak,always stuck to his phone and womanizes according to her.Meanwhile the guy says she's too Nagy and loud,she can't cook,she's lazy, always policing him etc,These are stuffs they never divulged, during courtship.
I have seen couples who courted for 10years only to get married and break up months later. There are alot of responsibilities that come with getting married that most new couples will have a hard time facing

34 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:24pm On Mar 25, 2017
YourImaginaryBF:
lots of people cannot stay in a long committed relationship with just one person. that is why we have so many breakups.

You know having more than one gf or bf can be of an advantage sometimes but when one is doing it for the right reason

8 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 11:27pm On Mar 25, 2017
YourImaginaryBF:
I have seen couples who courted for 10years only to get married and break up months later. There are alot of responsibilities that come with getting married that most new couples will have a hard time facing

yes, u r right
Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 11:28pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:


I sense a reason here, inability to make sacrifices to make the marriage work

yes,both of them can't tolerate themselves.
Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by pbethel: 11:29pm On Mar 25, 2017
Marriage is sweet when u allow Christ to lead u.
Jesus Christ , prayers and mercy are d ingredients

When spouses learn 2 let go (forgive) and look into d future, blive in each other...... Life's sweet.

41 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by YourImaginaryBF: 11:32pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:


You know having more than one gf or bf can be of an advantage sometimes but when one is doing it for the right reason
you'd be telling yourself a lie. Staying in one relationship prepares you and makes you the committed type. you cannot stay in a committed relationship when you go about double dating

25 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:33pm On Mar 25, 2017
ReneeNuttall:


yes,both of them can't tolerate themselves.

A reason why I would not marry someone I can't tolerate for all Bill Gates money

1 Like

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 11:35pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:


A reason why I would not marry someone I can't tolerate for all Bill Gates money
Truth is people sometimes hide their true identity, till after marriage. You know that u can't know everything about someone until u start cohabiting with d person.

6 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:35pm On Mar 25, 2017
YourImaginaryBF:
you'd be telling yourself a lie. Staying in one relationship prepares you and makes you the committed type. you cannot stay in a committed relationship when you go about double dating

You end up with the better and stay committed to him or her
Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by Tajbol4splend(m): 11:38pm On Mar 25, 2017
ReneeNuttall:

Truth is people sometimes hide their true identity, till after marriage. You know that u can't know everything about someone until u start cohabiting with d person.

Then if that is the case, divorce is an option

4 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by pbethel: 11:40pm On Mar 25, 2017
Satan is never happy with any great home established.

Bitterness reigns wen d devil gets a foothold in d home. Pray for each other,
Victory is ours.

*#dmovie[b]War room[/b]isTouching#

4 Likes

Re: Why Do Things Change After Marriage? by ReneeNuttall(f): 11:41pm On Mar 25, 2017
Tajbol4splend:

Then if that is the case, divorce is an option
undecided

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