This is what wrecks people marriages "she will change when I marry her"

ZarZar:
OK, but does she realize that she has a problem? Is she willing to change? There's a saying that goes like, we're more hurtful to the ones we love. I guess because there are emotions involved. Every small thing strikes an emotional chord, causing one to lash because they're also hurting inside. Someone like that is usually in need of supportive people, even though they make it hard for people to wanna stick around. Many have given up, so in her mind she's probably waiting for you to do the same & when you don't, she'll keep pushing until you do, so that she can say "I knew it". It's not healthy & you don't have to put up with it- she's just a troubled person that is having a hard time dealing with her own emotions. Perhaps you should sit her down & come up with ways to handle her outbursts. Like taking some time away from each other to cool off when things get heated, etc. Validation also works. Own up to your part of the problem instead of making excuses & getting defensive. It escalates because maybe she feels unheard, ignored or like you're doing things on purpose to hurt her. Why she gets that way is where your answer lies. Nobody gets angry over nothing. Is it something you've had issues with before but keeps happening or is it a new issue every single time? Personally, I become like your GF when I feel unheard. Like if I say, without fighting, that I don't like when you do xyz, it makes me feel 123 & you keep doing it even after I have explained it to you nicely...then you must be looking for a fight in my eyes. I always regret it afterwards though but in that moment I don't care, I only care about what you've done & I will go on a verbal attack to get the frustration out. I'm working on it though. That's the most important part- being self-aware.

Thanks a lot for this wonderful ideas. What pains me most is that, I have done almost all you said, like staying away and cooling off, gave her books on anger management. I went to the level of deserting most of my friends, deleted most of my female colleagues and stopped chatting with them. I had to leave my own church to join her in her own so that she can be happy, yet all to no avail. I was always doing the house chores with her whenever am home, even whenever she is cooking. She told me, doing all these will make her calm down. Yet after subjecting my self to doing all these things, her anger still never stopped radiating whenever she gets upset. Sexually, I make sure she gets it however she needs it, to her satisfaction. Financially, I try my best not to let her complain. Now what is really her problem...?

ZarZar:


That is the point of forums, isn't it? To exchange thoughts & experiences. At least for me, there's a time to joke & a time to get serious. Thanks for getting where most of my comments come from You're the 1st to get it You're cool too, so it wouldn't suck to meet you too

lol..why the tongue out? It sure will be great to meet me, perhaps when the time is right, but for now, I'm your 3rd eye lol

sam121:

Thanks a lot for this wonderful ideas. What pains me most is that, I have done almost all you said, like staying away and cooling off, gave her books on anger management. I went to the level of deserting most of my friends, deleted most of my female colleagues and stopped chatting with them. I had to leave my own church to join her in her own so that she can be happy, yet all to no avail. I was always doing the house chores with her whenever am home, even whenever she is cooking. She told me, doing all these will make her calm down. Yet after subjecting my self to doing all these things, her anger still never stopped radiating whenever she gets upset. Sexually, I make sure she gets it however she needs it, to her satisfaction. Financially, I try my best not to let her complain. Now what is really her problem...?

Did you change her menstral pad? Too much for a relationship

sam121:

Thanks a lot for this wonderful ideas. What pains me most is that, I have done almost all you said, like staying away and cooling off, gave her books on anger management. I went to the level of deserting most of my friends, deleted most of my female colleagues and stopped chatting with them. I had to leave my own church to join her in her own so that she can be happy, yet all to no avail. I was always doing the house chores with her whenever am home, even whenever she is cooking. She told me, doing all these will make her calm down. Yet after subjecting my self to doing all these things, her anger still never stopped radiating whenever she gets upset. Sexually, I make sure she gets it however she needs it, to her satisfaction. Financially, I try my best not to let her complain. Now what is really her problem...?

Well, I really don't know what her problem could be then. She sounds like a handful. Changing churches? Wow. I can see parts of myself in her but her own issues got levels lol. Whew! It's all up to you, dude. Sorry

SorftWerk:
lol..why the tongue out? It sure will be great to meet me, perhaps when the time is right, but for now, I'm your 3rd eye lol

I'm having identity issues. Today I think I'm a lizard, hence all the tongue flicking Hope you've been doing well, btw. Haven't seen you in a while.

i know of a relationship like this first of all we need to know the kind of utterances u make to her that might be getting her angry. because the relationship I know of the guy calls her prostitute and all sort of names and expects her not to reply and react.

ZarZar:


I'm having identity issues. Today I think I'm a lizard, hence all the tongue flicking Hope you've been doing well, btw. Haven't seen you in a while.

yeah..ive been a little busy and ive not been feeling well as well, but I'm getting back on my feet again, feels nice to know I got a tiny place in your heart

LMAO @identity issues, Buh lizards don't flick their tongues

SorftWerk:
yeah..ive been a little busy and ive not been feeling well as well, but I'm getting back on my feet again, feels nice to know I got a tiny place in your heart

LMAO @identity issues, Buh lizards don't flick their tongues

Awwww, fully recover soon Dude all (land bound) reptiles flick their tongues. It's part of their survival & hunting skills. The tongue is their "3rd eye" as you'd put it Don't you watch animal planet?

ZarZar:


Awwww, fully recover soon Dude all (land bound) reptiles flick their tongues. It's part of their survival & hunting skills. The tongue is their "3rd eye" as you'd put it Don't you watch animal planet?

thanks dear, buhari's government won't get me, I'm fully recovered now

I hardly watch TV channels, all I watch every night and can't miss is wrestling, boo, I love wrestling.. For Self defense sake,i love animals tho, especially dogs... I can go an extra length for em, they act so humanly

Here's my dog below

vizkiz:
Maybe when you die of frustration you will have sense.

my problem is i dont need another person jumping into the lagoon
that will make him a dead celebrity

SorftWerk:
thanks dear, buhari's government won't get me, I'm fully recovered now

I hardly watch TV channels, all I watch every night and can't miss is wrestling, boo, I love wrestling.. For Self defense sake,i love animals tho, especially dogs... I can go an extra length for em, they act so humanly

Here's my dog below

Awww, so cute. What breed is it? So fluffy I like pets too but they're too much responsibility & heartache. I'm still mourning over the loss of my birds, so I vowed never to get pets again. My wittle feelings can't take it when they die I do not like wrestling lol. Seems fake.

she is the man in the relationship. its obvious she is financially more balanced than u r.

Stop collecting stuffs from her, start by respecting yourself.

If she is like this when u havent put a ring on it, she wud turn a monster when u do cos no matter what, you are like a fzoned lover. such an Herculean task to come of that place. very rare


final word?

Break it off! broken r/ships is beta than broken marriage.
if you dont, God help u in the nearest future

Its Obvious you ain't the boss in your relationship. You've got to give her some space and give her proper scolding. She's taking the advantage of your inability to step into your "Man Shoes".

A bit glaring you've got confidence issues tho.

sam121:

Thanks a lot for this wonderful ideas. What pains me most is that, I have done almost all you said, like staying away and cooling off, gave her books on anger management. I went to the level of deserting most of my friends, deleted most of my female colleagues and stopped chatting with them. I had to leave my own church to join her in her own so that she can be happy, yet all to no avail. I was always doing the house chores with her whenever am home, even whenever she is cooking. She told me, doing all these will make her calm down. Yet after subjecting my self to doing all these things, her anger still never stopped radiating whenever she gets upset. Sexually, I make sure she gets it however she needs it, to her satisfaction. Financially, I try my best not to let her complain. Now what is really her problem...?

Your reluctance to take control from Day 1.

ZarZar:


Awww, so cute. What breed is it? So fluffy I like pets too but they're too much responsibility & heartache. I'm still mourning over the loss of my birds, so I vowed never to get pets again. My wittle feelings can't take it when they die I do not like wrestling lol. Seems fake.

wrestling IS fake actually, but there are some things I learn from it, they can be useful in real life.

My personal is actually my bestie, he's Romeo by name, and of a Russian Shepard, ask him for high five, or the simple commands and you'd be amazed!

SorftWerk:
wrestling IS fake actually, but there are some things I learn from it, they can be useful in real life.

My personal is actually my bestie, he's Romeo by name, and of a Russian Shepard, ask him for high five, or the simple commands and you'd be amazed!

He's cute. Nice name too. He must be a hit with da ladies lol. I had a German sheperd growing up. Sheperds are good dogs.

Man up
BE the Boss
Or she won't stop reciting poem about all she's done for your Ass..

Women!!!!!!

ZarZar:


He's cute. Nice name too. He must be a hit with da ladies lol. I had a German sheperd growing up. Sheperds are good dogs.

"had"?

what happened to it?

SorftWerk:
"had"?

what happened to it?

That was years ago. I was still in primary school. It got hit by a car.

ZarZar:


That was years ago. I was still in primary school. It got hit by a car.

u should be flogged u know...

So sad!

SorftWerk:
u should be flogged u know...

So sad!

I know!

How long have you had Romeo?

ZarZar:


I know!

How long have you had Romeo?

10months now and Nicki is 2years

SorftWerk:
10months now and Nicki is 2years

Cool

ZarZar:


Cool

yeah. Really cool dear, hope you're doing good yourself, I trust you're feeling super today, I'm yet to see your picture you know

SorftWerk:
yeah. Really cool dear, hope you're doing good yourself, I trust you're feeling super today, I'm yet to see your picture you know

Lol, maybe some day when I'm high on something I'll post it

ZarZar:


Lol, maybe some day when I'm high on something I'll post it

but you don't do weed

SorftWerk:
but you don't do weed

That day I may...just for yyyyyou

ZarZar:


That day I may...just for yyyyyou

lol...dont do weed but show me from ur heart with all sanity.. Will you?

SorftWerk:
lol...dont do weed but show me from ur heart with all sanity.. Will you?

Lol, sure. Get well soon, OK

ZarZar:


Lol, sure. Get well soon, OK

oh thanks dear, and be a good girl, stay safe... Catch you around

SorftWerk:
oh thanks dear, and be a good girl, stay safe... Catch you around

Toodloo!