emeraldknytt:
Madam, not all men marvel at the knowledge that their wife is going detective on him. Another thing is, men have a very sensitive Ego; should she confront him and her husband find out his own wife has been poking her nose into his privacy... Hell, that send a very Bad Signal and I don't think the outcome is always favourable.

Someone said something about her talking her husband into spilling her shortcomings so she could work on herself.... That is a bright Idea.


From my angle, Her husband is infatuated, Her actions will determine the turn of event. A Direct confrontation should be the last resort

The bold words gives me goosebumps especially the part that says she should ask her husband about her shortcomings so that she would work on herself. Trying to blame her for her husband cheating on her, trying to say she is doing something that is pushing the husband to cheat on his wife with an ex who is a married woman also. Lord! When are you men ever going to take up a blame without having to blame a female folk? And about the husband getting angry because she snooped on his phone, yeah he should be angry but the main thing is, he is about to cheat on his wife. Haven't we seen guys who come here on Nairaland to complain about finding implicating messages on their wife's phone before? And you guys are always the first to say confront her, and now the case is overturned and you are here talking about ego. Will her husband keep quiet if he sees her chats with another man? No he won't, blame the man for cheating and people should stop making a woman feel she is the reason why her husband is cheating.
CC: Cococandy, pls ma'am help me here because I don't even know what to say anymore

My Husband Denied Me And Our Children For The Sake Of Money, Now He’s Nowhere To Be Found

By TrueLifeTori

Justin and I got married in May 2007. To the glory of God, we did not have any issues with child-bearing. Our son, Ebube, came exactly 10 months after, followed by Amara, our first daughter, in 2011, and our last daughter, Chidalu, in 2013.

Five of us lived happily in a rented two-bedroom apartment in the Ikotun area of Lagos.

We were not rich, but we were also not poor. Justin worked as a reporter in one of the major national dailies in Lagos covering the travel and tourism sector. As such, he was always on the move, especially on foreign trips, leaving me in charge of the household. He would sometimes travel for as long as one week at a stretch. In fact, it was part of why he never wanted me to work in a bank. I studied Banking and Finance at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka and desperately wanted to build a career in banking, but he said bankers don’t have time for their families.

“Both of us can’t be far from home at the same time. My job takes me out all the time. One person needs to be closer home to take care of the children,” he argued.

And so, I took up a teaching appointment in a neighbourhood school, where I taught Economics in the senior secondary section. The pay was meagre, but it was convenient because our children attended nursery and primary school in the same school. I drove them to school every morning in my husband’s old Peugeot 406 salon car and returned with them after school.

Because of his numerous overseas travels, his relatives thought he was a very rich man and some of them often came to him asking for financial assistance, and they never believed him whenever he told them he didn’t have money.

“These overseas trips, you see, I don’t pay for them. They are sponsored by companies in the sector I report. They pay the visa fee and tickets, cater for hotel accommodation and give us daily stipend for feeding and other expenses. At the end of these trips, sometimes you return home with something, sometimes you don’t,” he would tell them.

Justin was a good man by human estimation; he was not stingy and sometimes gave assistance to his relatives from even the little he had. But he had one weakness – women.

READ ALSO:http://truelifetori.com/i-killed-my-girlfriend-and-covered-it-now-her-spirit-wont-let-me-have-peace/

Some of his colleagues who came around once in a while would sometimes joke about his romantic escapades, especially during his numerous overseas trips, but he always told me to ignore them. And I did. After all, between my husband and his friends, who was I supposed to believe?

“Just be careful, and always remember that the kids and I love you,” I always told him.

I knew he had a soft spot for women even before we got married, even though he never shoved it in my face. And I always believed that someday something would happen that would make him turn a new leaf.

Then something happened. The newspaper my husband was working for began to struggle and could no longer pay staff salaries. By December of 2015, they were owed as much as nine months’ salary arrears. He began to desperately look for alternatives but none was forthcoming.

Then again, luck smiled on him. His former boss in Lagos was appointed the managing director of the state-owned newspaper in our home state in the South-Eastern part of the country. He invited my husband over to come and work with him as the deputy editor, an offer he grabbed with both hands and immediately began making arrangements to relocate to down there.

“Let me go and test the waters. If everything falls in place, I will come back and pick all of you,” he assured me.

I had no reservations about it. Our children and I were used to being without him for days; we would surely cope.

I was glad that he was moving closer home. It would be an opportunity to put one or two things in place. I was also happy that he was moving to a state-owned newspaper which, like many government-owned companies in Nigeria, was not necessarily profit-driven. The company was always guaranteed of subventions from government for staff salaries and for printing, whether it makes money or not.

Little did I know then that the movement down to the East would spell doom and erode the joy we had always known as a family.

When he arrived the state capital, Dr Chike, his former boss, gave him a room in his boys’ quarters pending when he would get a place in town. We spoke on phone daily and he always updated me with developments. He told me the boys’ quarters was manageable, that his oga’s wife was nice to him, always ensuring that he had a meal in the house at least once a day, which was usually dinner because he usually left the house early to nose around for news.

When he got a place in town, he called to tell me. Situation began to improve gradually because he began to earn regular salary. As for the other perks he used to get as a journalist working in Lagos, they were no longer coming. The newspaper was state-based and so was not popular. He sent us money occasionally and visited us in Lagos twice in 2016.

In late 2016, he called to tell me about Sharon, a project facilitator from Holland whom he had met during one of his trips.

“She’s in Nigeria to do a project with our state government and has agreed that I will work with her on the project. Honey, this is our chance,” my husband told me.

“Glory to God who giveth all things,” I said.

Sharon bought a car, a Toyota Highlander jeep, and registered it in my husband’s name. He became her tour guide, leading her wherever she wanted to go, especially to meetings with top government officials.

Soon, the project kicked off in earnest and money began to flow. My husband increased the monthly allowance he always sent to us. In June 2016, he called me to say he had completed the five-bedroom bungalow he started on a plot of land he bought in the state capital immediately after our wedding. I was euphoric and began to contemplate final relocation to the East so that our family would be complete again. When I raised the issues, he told me to hold on awhile.

“Hold on a little, dear. Let’s look at end of the year. That’s the ideal time so that when you’re returning home for Christmas, you know it’s final,” he told me.

I shared the good news with our children and they were excited. We began to make arrangements. I told my children’s respective teachers to begin to prepare their testimonials in readiness for our journey home. We began to buy some things we would need for our journey.

I was shocked when in August last year one of my husband’s relatives, Onuwa, whom I wasn’t even close to, called me to say she heard that my husband was living with a pregnant oyibo woman in his newly-completed house in the state capital and that the rumour was that the pregnancy was his.

I didn’t bother to call him. Luckily, our school was on long vacation. So the next day I simply picked our three children, packed a few things and took the next available bus to our state capital.

My husband was horrified when he saw us. Our children rushed to greet him shouting, “Daddy, Daddy!”

“Who are these people?” Sharon, who had been alerted by noise, asked as she came out of one of the rooms. She was heavily pregnant and felt very relaxed, like a woman in her husband’s home.

“Honey, meet my younger sister, Helen, and her kids, Ebube, Amara and Chidalu,” he said.

“Oh, wow! Welcome,” Sharon said and came close to shake my hands. In that moment of wild rage, I pushed her hard and she fell into the couch nearby.

For the first time in our nine-year marriage, my husband descended on me and pounded me into a pulp, right in front of this strange woman and our children.

“You want to spoil my show, abi?” he said in Igbo so that Sharon would not understand. “This woman is my mugu. She vomited the money I used to complete this house, the money I’ve been sending you, and she is ready to vomit even more if I play card. But I see you are enjoying the want and misery that we have been living in all these years?”

I lay there in a heap, wondering what had come over my husband. Was it poverty or greed or love for women that drove him into such an extreme behaviour?

I wept all night and couldn’t sleep. Our children managed to sleep amid sobs. My husband didn’t come anywhere near us but slept in the same room with Sharon. Early in the morning I heard some noise from their section of the house, I heard doors open and close, and then there was silence.

When the day broke, I managed to get up and move around, and to my greatest amazement, they were gone. It’s been six months now and no word from my husband. My children keep asking me, “Where is our daddy?” What do I tell them?

emeraldknytt:
You have a point but I also want you to see this in another light. This is Africa, where feminism is deeply downplayed. Only an unwise woman will confront her husband, in the first instance, in this regard.


Let me ask you a question; Can a woman pull polyandry off? In Africa, Most especially Naija, A Capital NO! Whereas, a man can pull polygamy off without societal detriments.... That is why she has to play smart!
FYI, a shortcoming mustn't be anatomical, could be her behaviour, a trait.... Could be anything... The only constant thing, my dear, is Change.

This shouldn't be polemic at all....... It is custom.

Well first of all, let me appreciate you for making your point without any word of insult. That shows we still have matured people here. And let's assume one of her 'shortcomings' is anatomical, was he blind when he was marrying her? And confronting her husband doesn't mean she has to fight with her husband, there are calmer ways she can make it known to her husband. The thing here is she already knows and shouldn't pretend that she doesn't know because it can build up so much anger and end up being disastrous.

firstladyp4:
All Dis Ex Matter Sef,mtcheew Why Dint They Marry Themselves If They So Much Love Each Other?Nonsence Now They Want To Put U Inbetween My Dear Fight For Ur Marriage No Give Chance Ooo!

Don't mind them..I blame men in this situation. Only them wil break up with the woman they claim they love . after marriage to another lady ,only them will go and fish out the ex and start talking about the past ..if the ex is not strong or focused in her marriage , assuming shes now married .thats how will she fall into this kind of confusing dilemma.
Na some guys way be that .

adorablepepple:
Madam talk to your husband and make him understand how you feel, if he doesnt change. Madam it's time you get yourself a guy or relative who will act as your ex and start intensive chatting with the person. In fact put your phone on lock too , laugh unnecessarily. Start dressing hot hot, give it to him left right, hot hot and ignore him. Your man is your baby deal with him like you would with you child.

OP! Don't go confonting the other married woman. Just follow this method. Get a distant relative that your hubby doesn't know too well, like a Cousin, hatch a plan with the male cousin and chat and act soooo engrossed when hubby is home. You know how to get your man back. I leave it to you to execute. Dress well, meet up with the relative. Give hubby some bp also. Two can play that game only in this case you're playing your's with a RELATIVE to get your man back.

If you go fight with the ex you Bleep up. You be neck so control the head as you want am.

Didn't you see me shake my head and leave the thread? Always disgusting hypocrisy reigns in these kinds of threads

Prettiepearlz:

The bold words gives me goosebumps especially the part that says she should ask her husband about her shortcomings so that she would work on herself. Trying to blame her for her husband cheating on her, trying to say she is doing something that is pushing the husband to cheat on his wife with an ex who is a married woman also. Lord! When are you men ever going to take up a blame without having to blame a female folk? And about the husband getting angry because she snooped on his phone, yeah he should be angry but the main thing is, he is about to cheat on his wife. Haven't we seen guys who come here on Nairaland to complain about finding implicating messages on their wife's phone before? And you guys are always the first to say confront her, and now the case is overturned and you are here talking about ego. Will her husband keep quiet if he sees her chats with another man? No he won't, blame the man for cheating and people should stop making a woman feel she is the reason why her husband is cheating.
CC: Cococandy, pls ma'am help me here because I don't even know what to say anymore

cococandy:
Didn't you see me shake my head and leave the thread? Always disgusting hypocrisy reigns in these kinds of threads

Lolz, I give up oooo

adorablepepple:
Madam talk to your husband and make him understand how you feel, if he doesnt change. Madam it's time you get yourself a guy or relative who will act as your ex and start intensive chatting with the person. In fact put your phone on lock too , laugh unnecessarily. Start dressing hot hot, give it to him left right, hot hot and ignore him. Your man is your baby deal with him like you would with you child.

lolz....u wnt him to send her back to her father's house?...abeg aunty...this ur advice is 2 risky...she'll suceed in pushing him into d lady's arm....men got much ego....once he senses dt u r cheating...u r gone...ain't no 2 ways abt it...

i suggest u confront him in a light manner....let him knw his r/ship with his mistress is tearing ur family apart...xpecially ur kids...ask him if there's something u ain't doing right...i think he still loves u dearly...he wan just chop clean mouth...most men de do stuffs like that....it doesn't mean he loves u less...
MARRIAGE WAHALA....

bigcp:


lolz....u wnt him to send her back to her father's house?...abeg aunty...this ur advice is 2 risky...she'll suceed in pushing him into d lady's arm....men got much ego....once he senses dt u r cheating...u r gone...ain't no 2 ways abt it...

i suggest u confront him in a light manner....let him knw his r/ship with his mistress is tearing ur family apart...xpecially ur kids...ask him if there's something u ain't doing right...i think he still loves u dearly...he wan just chop clean mouth...most men de do stuffs like that....it doesn't mean he loves u less...
MARRIAGE WAHALA....

So your own advice is asking her to ask her husband what she is doing wrong? So the ex is doing it right e kwa...... is he a perfect man himself That he should expect his wife to be perfect? Madam the ball is in your court ,if you like go on your knees and beg him to tell you the qualities of his ex or better still visit the ex and ask her what she is doing that is right mtcheeew. I have said my own in my previous comment ...take it or leave it

most of the comments here are so heartbreaking!!!!

All these comments about "ignore it" rubbish..... leave him in the most unpredictable way. Find a way to be independent enough for you and your kids. This is our problem as Nigerian women. If you are independent, you will just quietly move out, get a job, divorce the fool and work on being a better woman and mother to your kids. Clearly he doesn't see your worth. Show him you can do it without him. It will be very tough, but you are not the first one they will go through it, neither are you the last. Good luck

Prettiepearlz:

Oh Lord have mercy. I baffle at some advise here. So she shouldn't confront the husband but she should go and confront the supposed ex. Wow, I am surprised. What's her business with the ex? Is she married to the ex? No the op is married to her husband, shoukd she have any cause to get confrontational, she should confront her husband. Stop giving advice that makes it looks like it is the ex that is supposed to be blamed, when the husband isn't blameless, he is a married man who shouldn't have any business with any woman not even his ex. (mind you I am talking about the husband alone here because he is the one the op is concerned about, nevertheless I am not saying the ex is blameless, yes she is). But the Op should face her husband because it's a crime he partook in. If the husband is disciplined, he wouldn't cheat even if he is being seduced.

My sister tell them!!! Always resulting to fighting the woman or doing juju on somebody. We need to learn to fight our battles ourselves. Life is difficult and we know it. But she needs to confront this fool or quietly pack her things and leave. People will laugh and talk, than they will get over it. She will only become a strong woman, it won't kill her.

OK, I only have fire approach advise, let me wait for the prayer crew.

Fresca:



My sister tell them!!! Always resulting to fighting the woman or doing juju on somebody. We need to learn to fight our battles ourselves. Life is difficult and we know it. But she needs to confront this fool or quietly pack her things and leave. People will laugh and talk, than they will get over it. She will only become a strong woman, it won't kill her.

As in eh, people always finding an excuse to exonerate the main culprit from the crime he committed. If I have a hubby that cheats, and I find out, I have no business with the woman but my own husband. And if I can't condone it anymore, I simply work out of the marriage because I can't pretend I don't know and still be feeding him. I might be tempted one day . But I wouldn't stoop so low to go about fighting my hubby's mistress after all na my husband toast am

firstladyp4:
All Dis Ex Matter Sef,mtcheew Why Dint They Marry Themselves If They So Much Love Each Other?Nonsence Now They Want To Put U Inbetween My Dear Fight For Ur Marriage No Give Chance Ooo!

People don't marry for love nau.

adorablepepple:

So your own advice is asking her to ask her husband what she is doing wrong? So the ex is doing it right e kwa...... is he a perfect man himself That he should expect his wife to be perfect? Madam the ball is in your court ,if you like go on your knees and beg him to tell you the qualities of his ex or better still visit the ex and ask her what she is doing that is right mtcheeew. I have said my own in my previous comment ...take it or leave it

calm down sist...why d long hiss....did i say anything wrong or did i insulted u?....abeg easy....we r all tryjn to help some1 so no change hand 4me because me too get bad mouth...

Your marriage is in problem and you are still trying to bring more kids into this world, think before your ur next action

Some advisers here are shameless, one even advised her to have sex with her cheating husband before respectfully inquiring of her shortcomings,tufiakwa!

I love all these "blessings" that turn to "curses"!

Unchangeable GOD! Where art thou?