Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

Nothing serious here.

Your story omitted some very important details. Like how close you are to your family?do you guys live in the same city?how often do they come to your home?did your parents not want you to get married to her?

Everybody goes through this stage in the marriages,and that is loyalty to either wife or family.

Brother.

Your new family is and should be your only priority. Have a honest heart to heart conversation with her,and apologize to her if you had given her the impression you were not being a pillar to her.

Your wife should be your Rock.

To your extended family: A real man should know when to draw that line,and never ever let your family cause your wife any kind of physical or emotional anguish.

Your wife's mother lives overseas and your mom could not come help with the new baby after birth?sorry to say it even if she is your mom,but your Mom is wicked.

deleSayo:
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She is very correct.

You did not support her at all nor pull any weight in your extended family. The problem is that you didn't want to loose your family at the expense of your wife's feelings. You wanted their approval at all cost to her expense.

It is not too late to show her that she is more important to you than the rest of them.

Marriage involves leaving your family to create your independent home.

Go do damage control quick quick

.

Hia Hia hia

Na the new trend be dis, huh

Are you living with your family.?
Let her join her mum abroad hopefully you may hitch a ride with them. These may put a good 6000 miles between her and her main problem. You may end up having a sound peace of mind for once. Killing two birds with one powerful stone.

saying you fail to protect her from your relative should not be an excuse for her to leave..cause there is nothing you could have done to force your relative to love her.". let her understand thus,your effort could have only earned her pretense of love from your relative and not genuine love..the only thing you owe her in this situation is to show her much love and care and always make her understand that its the two of you that matters.. you two can build a word of your own..

You will not be the first man to lose your spouse to family issues. But you can't make sure you're not the next in line to do so.

Speak up.

Tell your wife "your value to me is like smooth rocks on a flooded plain, you keep me safe" and mean it. Tell her people are weird and confused and she should pay them no mind. Encourage the friendships between the good family members and leave the rest alone (they will come when they feel like). If there are cousins who will like her, bring them close to her.

Make your MIL feel like a queen. Praise the way she loves her grandchild in your mother's presence. When your mum begins to show signs of discomfort or jealousy, quietly ask her "What has my darling done to deserve your dislike, that you not even being there for our child?" Say it the way I wrote it.

Don't do that Nigerian thing of unlooking in the hopes that things will improve then be punishing your wife for avoiding people that dislike and disrespect her. Don't get angry your wife wanted to leave. Several would run because they are afraid of the unknown and everywhere they go, they are told the husband's family matter more than her. I have seen good wives in their 40s still shiver in the MiL's presence because the old woman cannot accept them still, after 15 years of marriage.

They may never love her but they darn well can learn to respect her.

You failed her! Now she's about to fail you! You should have opened this thread when you first noticed the way your family treated her so you could be advised! I would gladly hold the door for her while she makes her escape! I can only imagine how terrible your family is! I can only imagine how terrible you were! Whewwhewwhew!


No vex o...I dey vex on behalf of your wife ni.

"Your wife is the best thing that has ever happened to you" yet you've been allowing your family to "treat her with so much disrespect". Wehdone Sir. You saw the disrespect right from your introduction but you "ignored" it. Part of your duty as a husband is to protect your wife but you have failed her. You're also in the best position to inquire from your family why they don't like her and straighten things out with them but you gave no reason for their hatred towards her and all you've been doing is ignoring things. Oga, if you can't be a man and do what you need to do to protect your wife and her well-being, then please let her go. The fact that she has completely isolated herself from your family and now wants to leave means their treatment of her is taking a toll on her emotionally. No one deserves to be in a hateful environment all in the the name of marriage. Otherwise, stand up for her and save your marriage.

Coming

You are a big coward. A bloody weakling who cannot take a stand to protect his wife from a family that preys, and you are afraid she wants to leave you. You don't deserve her at all.
But you can change everything by starting to man, grow some balls, fvck up anyone who shows hostility to her and do it in public to sound a note of warning to other bullies. Stand up to your folks and protect her. Don't be an asss.

This is what lots of Nigerian wives go through, when the lady has had enough now and attacks, people will say women can never live in peace with their in-laws. They won't know how long she has tolerated rubbish.

You can't force them to love your wife but you can make them respect her. The only way they'll respect her is when you show how much you value her and stand up for her. That's why I will keep saying it, DIL and in-laws matter is a result of poor leadership of some of our Nigerian men. The way you present your wife, is how your family would take her. Even co-wife follow? Chai! Aru!

All these mummy-boys. When we complain about them, they will start reminding us we would be MILs some day. From the way they rant how their wives come after all their family member, you would know things like this would be the standard in the nearest future.

Women are good at drawing lines in dealings with their immediate families, that's why you rarely see issues like this from the wife's side not because men are too perfect around in-laws.

Your wife wants to leave you because your family gives her bad treatment?


Do you live with your family?



I really don't understand why any woman would want to leave her husband whom she knows loves her. I don't understand.

That your family "dislikes" you both and ignores should even be a plus, especially given how some women love to dissociate themselves from in-laws.

You said even your elder brother's wife treated with so much disrespect? That is a co-wife? And you did nothing? What is your brother's wife business? This matter tire me ooo. I can't imagine wife in a family disrespecting me, I will personally handle her. If she can't welcome me then she should stay off.

One of my husband's counsin's got married last year while he was having a feud with almost everyone in the family including his cousin who is my hubby's sister that is his benefactor, I called him, wished him well and also called the wife too and welcome her. What is my own with their family palava? I be wife and won't meddle with their issues, I let them know I don't take sides when it's their family issues, am neutral, everyone is mine. They can't put me in the middle when they settle matter.

Could this op be my husband speaking?

Same way I told my husband last night, that he is a murderer, why would I be living in a family house as if I am living in a prison when I know they don't like me?

They always feel insecure cos they feel I come from a richer background and won't have respect

Everything I do to please them will turn to another thing.

Op you know why ?cos my husband failed to defend me because he is the quiet type.

project4OO:
Your wife wants to leave you because your family gives her bad treatment?
Do you live with your family?
I really don't understand why any woman would want to leave her husband whom she knows loves her. I don't understand.
That your family "dislikes" you both and ignores should even be a plus, especially given how some women love to dissociate themselves from in-laws.

You really don't know? Don't worry, when you marry someone whose family treats you like trash at the given opportunity, you will know.

Why won't wives disassociate themselves going by this story?
Maybe you should read it again, this time with understanding. This particular "women" doesn't want such dissociation, focus on her own case...

lalasticlala what's your observation

PaperLace:

You really don't know? Don't worry, when you marry someone whose family treats you like trash at the given opportunity, you will know.

Why won't wives disassociate themselves going by this story?
Maybe you should read it again, this time with understanding. This particular "women" doesn't want such dissociation, focus on her own case...

I didn't see where it was stated that the wife lives with her husband's family.

She lives with her husband, and the said husband has neither exhibited any form of resentment towards his wife nor take sides with his extended family. OP's wife should endeavor to live peacefully with her husband not minding whether her in-laws visit. It is apparently an opportunity to escape the many atrocities and bad news emanating from in-law-wife relationship.

I do not see any problem at all... The only issue is the wife's "bad" plan to abscond with the baby. She would end up justifying the concerns and worries of her husband's family. The marriage is still too young for anyone to avoid plausible remedies with a loved one. Running faraway to another country seemed like a well planned strategy right from the onset.

No man can force his family to like or love his wife. The only thing a man can do is to continually show love to his wife.

is a lie@OP.......is either u still depend on ur extended family or thy is somtin u are not telling us here.

Sad story. You guys need to visit a marriage counselor. Also don't forget to pray. There is still hope.

deleSayo:

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?
 

This shows you weren't matured enough to go into marriage.

Now you need to go back to your wife and assure her that you're on her side. You need to go to your parents and warn them to stay the hell away from your family Nd your home. You need to stand by her in the face of your family. And if possible take her on a vacation if you can afford it to clear the air and when you come back put a huge buffer between your family Nd your parents.

Ama jst allow married people and their problems enjo their thread!

Your duty as a husband is to protect your wife and family.
A happy wife breeds a happy husband, inturn breeds a happy family....
Who do you love the most, your wife or your family?
Have you considered relocation, with your family? Can you survive without your family?
You need to have a crisis meeting with your wife and resolve all this bad blood........

Eyah....

In as much as family is important in marriage i see no reason y u pple should be worried because ur family did not support u. For crying out loud u pple r adults old enough 2 take care of urself & b alone. U pple should live ur lives & let ur family live theirs. Period!

See, my friend, many Nigerian/African marriages go through this phase. It's serious , but giving yourself high BP won't solve the problem.

You failed to tell us the root of the issue. That is: why your family doesn't like your wife.

Something must have happened or it could be tribal, religious or just perception ( there are women/people who look rude and disrespectful just by the way they look)

Anyways, in Africa, when you marry a man/woman, you marry their family. And that is not changing soon .


I guess your wife is the type that runs away from toxic situations. I hate staying where I am not loved too. It's energy sapping.

Having said that, you need to calm her down. Talk to her like your wife. You also need to talk to your parents.

Let them know that they are really gonna be hurting you if your marriage collapses because of them. No disrespect, no abuses.

If you have a good relationship with the mother of your wife too, talk to her. She could be the one urging your wife to leave you.

But at some point, you need to put your foot down. This is about you and your happiness.

As for not protecting your wife, that is part of the dilemma. You need to show tact and wisdom.

Don't take sides unnecessarily or draw the line too quickly. You are a man. This is one challenge you must handle like one.

Bro, do u live in ur family house ni. If u do better pack away from dea and stay afar. But if u stay alone with ur family, dont be bothered, all things will be fine in a matter of time

God will grant u wisdom to handle dis..

You don't have money...

That's why your family feels comfortable treating your wife and by extension you with such disdain.

And your wife also shares the blame...everybody is busy shouting "protect" her...and i ask , protect her from what exactly? Is it that she lacks people skills and doesn't know how to make friends or endear herself to your folks?

And your wife threatening to abscond with your child can also be traced to your not having nearly enough money as she would have loved.

Like i said initially, it all boils down to " money "...just like the good book says...It answers all things!

ajalawole:
Bro, do u live in ur family house ni. If u do better pack away from dea and stay afar. But if u stay alone with ur family, dont be bothered, all things will be fine in a matter of time

GBAM