Hi Nlanders

Good morning to you all, there is an issue that myself cannot handle neither am I able to dialogue the issue with my wife whose ability to submit, obey and comply with good advises has been hard in these 5 years marriage with two kids.

Last week, I dreamt in which I found my wife with my distant cousin whose notoriety stems on womanizing, he was the number one, fact is I have not even set eyes on this dude in 19 years. In that dream, they were heading to a corner side which was highly suspicious, soon as my wife saw me, she immediately stepped back and her reaction was that of someone who knew I already know what was about to happen, and then I woke up worried and asking myself what the dream could have meant. After several thoughts and analysis, I decided to bug her phone which is something I have never done or ever thought I did do because she has always shown herself as someone to be trusted.

Lo and behold, the next day, I listened to her conversation, and the transcript of the conversation with an unknown guy is below:

Here is the content of their convo:

Guy: Hafa Bae!
wife: hey dayo, its been a while
guy: na u fashi me now
wife: no i didnt fashi u, i left u to make your money na
guy: laughs
wife: exactly, making all the money in lekki, so i had to leave u to make it
guy: laughs again
wife: whats up, whats going on
guy: I should be back tmr
wife: hen hen u see, u are the one thats been lounging
guy: no i have been busy
wife: you have been what
guy: I have been busy trying to get my furniture and stuffs
wife: wehre are you
guy: am in chevron at the moment
wife: oh on the island
guy:yes
wife: so your house is not ready yet, or you are still on the project
guy: yes am still on the project
wife: oh ok,
guy: yes everything is ready just remaining the furniture's
wife: wow thats nice,
guy: huh
wife: I said thats nice
guy: I'll see you tmr abi
wife: yea yea am around
guy: I'll call you when i get ....The last part i could not hear cos my wife said ok on the voice

Apart from the fact that my wife is having this sort of close convo with this guy dumbfounds me, she was actually using a seductive voice that I myself have never for once heard my wife speaking with. The next morning, kasala burst, I did not configure the apps the way I was instructed to, so while trying to make a call, the apps popped up and before I knew it, she came confronting me about the bug, thought she didnt know of the convo I transfered to my own phone because I had it deleted on her own phone. My plan initially was to wait till the next day to hear more conversation or trail her to see where they were both gonna meet, but since she knew about the bug already, I decided to confront her regarding the voice recorded call. At first, I said can you please explain the call with u and this dayo, next thing, she out of fear or whatever rushed out of the room to the other, then came back a few mins, I asked her who the guy was, and she sheepeshly said, its a old friend from unilag, I was like ok, whats up with the conversation, and she was like ok play it, I played it and she was like, remember I told u once that u dont give me much attention, and I was like, remember I told u that I shoulder 95% of the family's responsibility, I am human and I cant be physically and mentally exhausted and still expect me to be 100% Romantic, I said time is just the issue here, that when the time comes when we are fully established, she'll be able to enjoy all that she wishes for, sex is good, we also use toys to spice up the sex life, so I feel I have been man enough to handle my home. She then apologized that shes sorry, that it wont happen, we ended the issue and was about moving on, when I saw my wife making up prior to leaving for work, something she has never done b4, I then asked if she has ever put on make up to work and she said NO, so i asked why shes then making up knowing fully well that she was planning to see the guy today, but felt its over since we have thrased the issue out, she said she just felt like making up today.

Anyways, I told my wife I was going to call the guy, I know my decision to do that might br wrong and also right to some of you people here, but I just felt I did call the dude, I called and introduced myself in a calm voice, and told him that I overheard the conversation he had with my wife, that I dont have an issue with my wife having male friends, its just that I dont like the fact that he had to use the word bae while speaking with her, he replied sorry sir, how did you hear our conversation, At first, I wanted to lash out at him that he has gut to be asking me such, but my plan and motive was not to trade war of words with him, so I said my wife had the call on speaker phone when he called, he then said he was sorry, that he didnt mean no harm ,that the conversation is a friendly one, that he even calls his own mum bae, in my mind I was like who is this one trying to fool. Anyways the conversation ended there after his apology. That night, my wife asked if I called him, and I answered ye, and she told me he called her also to tell her that I called that he was shivering over the phone bla bla bla, I asked her if she didnt tell him i bugged her phone, she said no ooo, I only him that I was on speaker phone when he called. The whole matter ended there. A week later, I just started having a bad mood, in which my wife came back from work that night and sended I was not in a good mood, so I think she probably felt I knew something that am bottling up so she quickly said, can u imagine that dayo guy came to my creche today to charge his phone, but I couldnt tell him off that he should not come here bla bla bla, I replied my wife saying, so after telling you to politely tell that guy that ur husband is not comfortable with u guys friendship since it has nothing to do with business, you are still telling me this? I then confronted her that aside personal issues, do you realize you are running a creche where other peoples children are @, and you still allowed a stranger to come to the creche to charge phones and play with children, quite unprofessional to state the least and out of moral and business boundaries, she replied saying she knows but that the guy is too stubborn. At that moment, I knew my wife was actually up to something, probably likes the guy and didnt want to push him away, but since I want to keep my marriage at all cost, I had to call the guy again, this time, I changed my tone, telling him that he had gone to my creche to charge his phone where a business of chuldren is being run and him being a total stranger, who knows if hes a kidnapper wanting to kidnap kids there, its a business place, kinldy stay off that place and odnt ever call my wife again, the the relationship ties. The guy replied angrily, why should I be the one asking him not to come around or call my wife, that she should be the one to say that, at that momenent I knew my wife would have said something degrading about me that would allow that dude respond to me in such manner. I repeated myself saying he must not come around again or ever call my wife again if he likes his well being. I hung up, he sent me a text saying I should never call him again, that if hes married, he wont do such, end of story I didnt respond to him. In the middle of the night, I called my wife to discuss the issue, she was angry at me, saying is this the reason why I woke her up in the middle of the night, I was like so you mean you have no regards for me that a guy you could not politely tell off not to come to your business place or ever call you had the gut to insult and yell @ me over the phone. Anyways the discussion ended and I thought it was all over.

Few days after, my mind was not at rest, I kept thinking over and over about what my wife would have told this guy that made him yell @ me, I went back to re-install the app she had deleted, lo and behold, I didnt know the app had a thrash bin, I clicked it, saw the phone convo he had with the guy after the first call I made to him. The details below goes:


Guy: How you dey na?
Wife: I dey jor, whats going on
guy: your husband called me,i was scared I was shaking
wife: my husband called you?
guy: I swear down, he introduced himself as your husband and talked about how he found it offensive that I called you bae bla bla bla
wife: Damn! This guy ( Thats my wife referring to me as this guy oo) That was the number one fall hand I heard
guy: That I should put myself in his own shoes if another guy dares call ur own wife bae, how would u feel as a man
wife: He bugged my phone
guy: what?
Wife: Yes he bugged my phone
Guy: he said you were on speaker phone when i called u reason why he could her me
wife: why would I put it on speaker, am telling you that he bugged my phone.
guy: wow, so when you receive calls, he can hear you
wife: Yes, there were some text messages I got from friend he showed me and asked me to explain
guy: wow, like seriously, ehyyaaa pele
wife: why did u say pele, abeg is one of those things jor, all of una men wey go dey form super strong, whereas una nor get any strength
guy: blv me, I wouldnt do such, I swear down, I wouldnt, and I meant no harm u should understand
wife: yea thats the same thing I told him when he confronted me if I was having an affair with you, I was confused, u know when u just open ur mouth and am like ahn ahn!!
like I dont know what ur talking about, so he said why is he calling u bae, and i was like bae, did he call me bae, i didnt hear that part, or could it be a text that u sent that u said bae
guy: i even asked him if there was any other bad thing i said, he said no, I dont even send text, I only call so where could he have heard when I said bae even if I was on speaker, he said he was with you, that you put it on speaker.

wife: exactly, i was confused, that was when he played the recorded call,that was when I knew that........ because my husband is into IT, hes capable, does anything with my phone, my emails
guy: Have you ever given him.............I dont understand....it seems like a boyfriend girlfriend thing, do u know why am confused, its a different thing if you guys are bf and gf, its understandable if he does things like that, but you guys are married, so.... u understand.
wife: yess, am just confused, i just dont have a choice other than to make it work.Am going thru like a lot He bugs my phone, he hacks my text ( Something i never done b4 until my suspicion)
wife: Like i have no secrets at all, u understand that kind of a thing, and he pass passwords on his phones, ( Which she has access to, my worry is why make such statement when you can access my phone, i gave her the pword) I cannot just pick my husbands phone and say i want to look for something, wetin i wan dey talk sey i dey look for

guy: and hes bugging your own
wife: Yes, I guess its once of those things, infact my password sef, he does not even need to know my password, he has a password unlocker that he uses to unlock my phone pword.

guy: hanhan!!
wife: But its all good, its just one of those things like i said, but its surpass, am not surprised he even called you. Right now sef as I am speaking to you, wont be surprised if the "GUY" is listening to our conversation (they both laughed in a mockery fashion) and then (my wife again refereed me as GUY)

guy: anyways all the best
wife: ok hope u are good sha
guy: yea yea I am. Talk to u later
wife: alright, tk care


Nairalanders forgive me if this epistle seems to make me sound childish or giving too much details, all am asking is, if anybody that is reading this peice were to be in my shoes, what would you do? Apart from degrading your husband and the father of your two kids, she told some lies up there, my question is why? I tld her i was gonna call the guy, why act to the guy like she was surprised I called? She knows my password because I let her, why lie that i set password on my phone like she does not have access. I asked her if she didnt tell the dude i bugged her phone, she said no she didnt, but the call log shows she told the guy I bugged her. I am confused. As at now, I am yet to confront her with this latest piece she used to degrade me to the lowest part of the earth, I am carefully taking my time this time around, because so many serious issues have happened that I looked over, but this I aint.

Thank you all.

Baba werey ni e ni! dis story too long na, I must confess I cannot spend energy to read a very long epistle that is none of my business, maybe the person below me will have something for you. Sorry ehn

This one is for ZarZar and kimbra, comman say something guys

jtwest:
Baba werey ni e ni! dis story too long na, I must confess I cannot spend energy to read a very long epistle that is none of my business, maybe the person below me will have something for you. Sorry ehn

Baba abeg read am, you may never know if your advise will best suit my situation.

SNOWCREAM:
This one is for ZarZar and kimbra, comman say something guys

I'm not going to read that lol. It's too long. I'll pass.

ZarZar:


I'm not going to read that lol. It's too long. I'll pass.

Don't disappoint me, I read the whole thing and it's well detailed, please do

ZarZar:


I'm not going to read that lol. It's too long. I'll pass.

Dang!! Is it because it has to do with a woman?

SNOWCREAM:
Don't disappoint me, I read the whole thing and it's well detailed, please do

Fill me in

Ok. I'm done reading.

Dude, you need to delete that app fast. You really don't need this in your life. You're young and the marriage is young. Your wife is bound to falter but please as long as she has not cheated on you, this in actual fact is ok. We all have to let off steam somewhere else. My opinion.

You'll never have peace of mind if you keep that shit on her phone. Your phone has a password and she has the code. Are you that clean though?

Bottom line is that you both have issues. Resolve it fast and stop this monitoring.

For your health and wellbeing.

P.s: A woman who wants to cheat will still cheat. No App can stop her.

If this were to be an affair I would have said walk away.... In this case your wife is simply looking for attention elsewhere ,give her the attention she needs and keep observing, don't let her know you're on to her, just do your part for now,,se.x and all.

amencarmen:


Dang!! Is it because it has to do with a woman?

I didn't even know that, the length had me cross-eyed.

Where there is no law there is no sin.

What is you and your woman's stand on infidelity?

I have an understanding with my woman that if I suspect she is cheating n I can prove it, den dts d end.
And vice versa.


Its not by force to be in a relationship.

This is already' emotional' cheating.

luscioustrish:
If this were to be an affair I would have said walk away.... In this case your wife is simply looking for attention elsewhere ,give her the attention she needs and keep observing, don't let her know you're on to her, just do your part for now,,se.x and all.

This is cheating already..not sexual but emotional.

ZarZar:


Fill me in

lol, I can fill you in by quoting the whole post in my next post, should I?

SNOWCREAM:
lol, I can fill you in by quoting the whole post in my next post, should I?

Forget it lol.

Read the story...... no idea on what to do.... may be they are old lovers or old friends

Seriously there's fire on the mountain, If your wife can't respect your opinion and she still continues talking to this man when you told her not to, thenI smell an affair on the horizon. The question is how did she get like this? If she doesn't respect you who does she respect? If you could talk to her parents about this they could be able to get some sense into her..but judging from her convo with the guy I seriously doubt that, she seems hooked on the guy and I just don't understand why a married woman would do such after her hubby specifically told her not to. There has to be some kind of history...she said she met him in unilag, who knows they might have been lovers.
You have kids you need to sit her down and let her know what her actions can/are doing, let her know you're not trying to control her(we hate that) but its a union and marriage is all about sacrifice.

But Op you can type eh..back to your question, if I were in ur shoes I'd change heels lol

yomi007k:


This is cheating already..not sexual but emotional.

I know...it's frustrating.

luscioustrish:


I know...it's frustrating.

Well...im sure d dude probably has his own flaws or decided to ignore some of d lady's.


In any case der is no smoke wtout fire or heat.

ehn en now that some people iyaf read the epistle and claim it is about emotional cheating; Mr man if you woman is emotionally cheating on you, maybe you need to sit her down and ask her what you are not doing enough that she needs more could be anything o, don't assume all is fine, if you two can't find way forward. Drop at the next bus stop.
My one cent.

ZarZar:


Forget it lol.

lol I guess you're getting busier for NL than ever before

I read all of it...line upon line, precepts upon precepts....she is sure CHEATING, if not now, sooner...i just don't know how to advice you to stop her from cheating cos if a woman makes up her mind to cheat on you it will only take God to make her refrain or restrain from it....

SNOWCREAM:
lol I guess you're getting busier for NL than ever before

Not the case. These eyes aint what they used to be. Plus I have the attention span of a goldfish today. I won't even try.

Fvckin long.

Your wife sure doesn't respect you and once that is outta of any relationship, other vices drop in.

Like what responsible woman degrades her husband while talking to another guy? Does she think the other guy would value her? Guys aren't dumb. If you would happily disregard the father of your kids, how much more a side Nigga? Dayo will dump you after gbenshing...

Uncle, I'm very sure you don't trust her anymore and your ego has been seriously bruised with her choice of words. What's a relationship without trust let alone marriage? I'm trying not to suggest divorce but Iyawo alagbere ti ko ba pa ara e, a pa oko.



Why get married when you know you ain't done messing around?

you're seeing just the smoke now. fire is coming
lalasticlala. come and sumarize for zarzar

I feel you should sit her down once again and tell her you are not comfortable with the kind of relationship she's having then ask her the areas she would like you to improve on.

After the talk, ask her what she's going to do about the issue. You need to hear from her. If she does not sound convincing enough, you may have to ask her to choose between the guy or you and please give her a serious face here.

I am currently down with depression from betrayal and degrading. I am looking for solution, cos at this juncture, I am actually very tired.

First Off...

How old is this wife off yours.
?

Truth is.. You Married A Werey!!!! Called Wife.

I don't want to start Pointing Out All The Wrongs Right now bcus we dont know the other side of the story.

But If I was in your shoes...

I WILL OBSERVE CLOSELY AND KEEP CALM.

I WILL WORK ON MY ON LIFE AS A MATTER OF FACT. (Bring back the Things That Attracted Her To You Before Marriage)

From there. You would know what todo.

yomi007k:
Where there is no law there is no sin.

What is you and your woman's stand on infidelity?

I have an understanding with my woman that if I suspect she is cheating n I can prove it, den dts d end.
And vice versa.


Its not by force to be in a relationship.

This is already' emotional' cheating.

that ur last 2 lines is soo true. op take a drastic action now
. bring her before her parents and submit ur evidence .

u can't be a rag in ur own marriage .

see if ur wife can emotionally cheat on u, forget it, she will have sex with him . I swear . I swear . this is emotional cheating . u are isolated in ur own marriage . as it stands, she has more respect for the guy than u. simple

Bro e be like say you're still a learner.

This is a very easy case. Simply look for a side chick and make sure you use her to put pressure on your wife.

Trust me bro, na she go start to dey run from prayer house to prayer house looking for how to get her husband back.

#BumperToBumper
#NoDulling

firstking01:
I read all of it...line upon line, precepts upon precepts....she is sure CHEATING, if not now, sooner...i just don't know how to advice you to stop her from cheating cos if a woman makes up her mind to cheat on you it will only take God to make her refrain or restrain from it....

u are right bro. she has a stone heart . becos she lie very easily . only God can stop her.
.
.
or unless something bad befalls her. then she will come to her senses

crystalclear93:
Seriously there's fire on the mountain, If your wife can't respect your opinion and she still continues talking to this man when you told her not to, thenI smell an affair on the horizon. The question is how did she get like this? If she doesn't respect you who does she respect? If you could talk to her parents about this they could be able to get some sense into her..but judging from her convo with the guy I seriously doubt that, she seems hooked on the guy and I just don't understand why a married woman would do such after her hubby specifically told her not to. There has to be some kind of history...she said she met him in unilag, who knows they might have been lovers.
You have kids you need to sit her down and let her know what her actions can/are doing, let her know you're not trying to control her(we hate that) but its a union and marriage is all about sacrifice.

But Op you can type eh..back to your question, if I were in ur shoes I'd change heels lol

But heels and shoes ain't the same hope you know