Yesterday I was with my friend(a divorcee) and we took a memory walk on her previous marriage. She was pressurized into the marriage by family and they were even the first to place the blame on her when the problems started.
My advice to young ladies, get a life, don't let a man give u meaning. Many rush into marriage even as many rush out. Marriage is not as many think it is.
I created this forum so that we ladies can voice our mind on marriage and everything pertaining to it. And please no insults allowed and don't let the males derail us. so bring it on

Don't let one failed marriage be the parameter to judge other marriage outcomes. People are doing well in marriages and it doesn't just favour only men.

Women and them wahala,confusion break bone.

Nellychinma20:
Yesterday I was with my friend(a divorcee) and we took a memory walk on her previous marriage. She was pressurized into the marriage by family and they were even the first to place the blame on her when the problems started.
My advice to young ladies, get a life, don't let a man give u meaning. Many rush into marriage even as many rush out. Marriage is not as many think it is.
I created this forum so that we ladies can voice our mind on marriage and everything pertaining to it. And please no insults allowed and don't let the males derail us. so bring it on

I agree that marriage is So overrated. Every woman needs a man. Women are like a storm of emotions and men are like their rock they hold on to

People marry these days cos of diverse reasons which causes the marriage to crash before it even starts but if it is born out of love it passes the test of time and yes marriage favours the men most cos everything lies on the woman's head but men dread separation the most don't allow anybody fool you

This op is obviously heartbroken....u need more ladies on ur ship right?


Almost every one has suffered from bad relationship jus as almost everyone hv enjoyed good n r enjoying good ones.


Shalom.

subtlemee:
People marry these days cos of diverse reasons which causes the marriage to crash before it even starts but if it is born out of love it passes the test of time and yes marriage favours the men most cos everything lies on the woman's head but men dread separation the most don't allow anybody fool you

Hmmm ....at marriage favours the men most . No offence but kindly elucidate and educate me ...

kimbra:
Don't let one failed marriage be the parameter to judge other marriage outcomes. People are doing well in marriages and it doesn't just favour only men.

I need you guys to hit that like button on this post ...let's not let fear get into our heads .

@ OP ...I believe it should favour both ...I mean it does favour both . While I do admit that this world is a sexist place , I also believe that the exact degree of favour if it could be measured by whatever standard isn't exactly the same for a couple .

Hope your friend is doing well .

Truth be told in this part of the world during divorce the woman gets a raw deal .

I want to ask what happened ...but I fear that would be a breach of your friend's privacy .

My advice to all ladies is this do not let marriage be a yardstick of validation for you .

Relationship no be telemundo but by no means should it be game of thrones .

The problem with many women is that they tend to enter into a marriage /serious relationship without having formed their own identities they expect the marriage to give them identity instead of them giving the marriage life and identity.

When you go and buy a commodity for instance a car with your money . You have the right to use it the way you like and park it whenever you choose. So Nigeria girls have chosen to be a commodity and liability to men so I don't blame if any rich guy that treats his wife like trash cos that's what they deserve. You are a girl , you did not learn a hand work, no job, no money .then all you can offer is painted face and expensive hair which still a man's money and then why would the Man value you. You girls should please try to be independent and stop depending on men or asking them for money

thanks for the contributions, but for those who think am using my friends Marriage to generalize,that's a big lie. Am talking from experience, anyway I wouldn't blame any one maybe with time God will open ur inner eyes to see the not so obvious things

And for those always looking for something to criticize, I have an advice for u "be quick to listen and slow to speak" ,try to learn from others and don't always be on the defence

tobianthony:
@ OP ...I believe it should favour both ...I mean it does favour both . While I do admit that this world is a sexist place , I also believe that the exact degree of favour if it could be measured by whatever standard isn't exactly the same for a couple .

Hope your friend is doing well .

Truth be told in this part of the world during divorce the woman gets a raw deal .

I want to ask what happened ...but I fear that would be a breach of your friend's privacy .

My advice to all ladies is this do not let marriage be a yardstick of validation for you .

Relationship no be telemundo but by no means should it be game of thrones .

thanks a lot, I love ur smartness. my point is that if we can be frank with ourselves, we would know that men are the greatest beneficiary in any marriage. let's check this
once u marry a lady, she's expected to cook, wash, clean, arrange, tolerate, endure, appreciate encourage and make babies in addition to warming the bed and being at ur beck and call.
Moreover there are also other things I may not be able to mention. Likewise the society is not helping matters, the whole burden is on the woman. she's expected to take anything from the husbands family :if the husband cheats it's her fault, if he beats her she's at fault cos she talks too much, the man as portrayed as perfect by the society

Marriage favours men the most you said? I guess that's why we have more men that are desperate to get married while the women are relaxed....

I have an advice for ladies
marriage is not a do or die affair
marriage is not a child's play
Get a life before u get a man
Don't believe the man has ur best interest at heart and know what suits u better
Don't believe because u are married, ur husband will do ur bidding all the time
No man wants a liability
A man would appreciate if u have a life outside the marriage
Your husband is not ur father

Nellychinma20:
thanks a lot, I love ur smartness. my point is that if we can be frank with ourselves, we would know that men are the greatest beneficiary in any marriage. let's check this
once u marry a lady, she's expected to cook, wash, clean, arrange, tolerate, endure, appreciate encourage and make babies in addition to warming the bed and being at ur beck and call.
Moreover there are also other things I may not be able to mention. Likewise the society is not helping matters, the whole burden is on the woman. she's expected to take anything from the husbands family :if the husband cheats it's her fault, if he beats her she's at fault cos she talks too much, the man as portrayed as perfect by the society

That's the social contract I keep referring to if you check some of my previous posts .

Wife cleans , takes care of kids , provides sex for her man : man provides housing , food and security . How tenable this model is for modern society is up for debate .

But pray give us a few clues as to what happened to your friend ?

Why was she forced to marry this fellow ?

You didn't tell us how marriage favour men the most?

Nellychinma20:
thanks a lot, I love ur smartness. my point is that if we can be frank with ourselves, we would know that men are the greatest beneficiary in any marriage. Let's check this once u marry a lady, she's expected to cook, wash, clean, arrange, tolerate, endure, appreciate encourage and make babies in addition to warming the bed and being at ur beck and call.
Moreover there are also other things I may not be able to mention. Likewise the society is not helping matters, the whole burden is on the woman. she's expected to take anything from the husbands family :if the husband cheats it's her fault, if he beats her she's at fault cos she talks too much, the man as portrayed as perfect by the society

See...
There's nothing like the men are the greatest benefactors in a marriage. Marriage is a union of two individuals from different backgrounds coming together to pull resources to the best of their interest.

I'm not a churchy person but I know that both man and woman were given duties from the time of creation. God said man would toil before he eats and the woman would undergo labour before bringing forth a child. Do you know that in most marriages the men offer more?. Take for an instance a situation where the lady is a stay at home wife with kids. The man is expected to make all provisions while what the lady is required to do is home chores. Which one seem more of a burden to you?. So as for that list you gave, it's the woman's duties and if you can't do them then stay out of marriage. No be by force.

Mind you, I don't support idleness. Both what you get from any marriage depends on what you put in to make it work. Life is not a bed of roses.

op u are suffering from husband scarcity

I have a friend, we were talking yesterday about boyfriends aand she said she has some doubts about hers, he drinks although he doesnt get drunk, she was mad when she heard he drank 15 bottles of beer the other day although he wasnt drunk, just a little tipsy. She has recently found out that he smokes occasionally when she thought he quit before they met. These two love each other, even i can see that. She also has concerns that he doesn't have money, he was just starting a business around the time he met her and the business hasn't really picked up, but he is the type that if he has N1000 and she says she's broke, he will give her N500. She has concerns, her mum has been to four prophets who told her that he may not have money now but later will be better and their marriage will be peacful. So my question is should she marry this guy or start seeing other suitors? she told him that she isnt ready to marry but will be ready in 2 years when she would have finished service, she's 24 by the way. We just thought we should throw it open to get advice

If a lady isn't ready to be a slave, a prostitute to her husband and play the fool to a lot of things, then she isn't ready to stay married in this country.

Just pray for an understanding man, not the one with the typical Nigerian husband mentality and marriage won't be much of a burden to you.

Op I agree with you to an extent, I understand where you are coming from.

Nellychinma20:
thanks for the contributions, but for those who think am using my friends Marriage to generalize,that's a big lie. Am talking from experience, anyway I wouldn't blame any one maybe with time God will open ur inner eyes to see the not so obvious things

Leave God out of this matter,he is not the one that opened your inner eyes,it is probably the devil as he did to Eve in the garden.
Only an ignorant person expects everyone to reason in the same line.

funmisticqueen:
I have a friend, we were talking yesterday about boyfriends aand she said she has some doubts about hers, he drinks although he doesnt get drunk, she was mad when she heard he drank 15 bottles of beer the other day although he wasnt drunk, just a little tipsy. She has recently found out that he smokes occasionally when she thought he quit before they met. These two love each other, even i can see that. She also has concerns that he doesn't have money, he was just starting a business around the time he met her and the business hasn't really picked up, but he is the type that if he has N1000 and she says she's broke, he will give her N500. She has concerns, her mum has been to four prophets who told her that he may not have money now but later will be better and their marriage will be peacful. So my question is should she marry this guy or start seeing other suitors? she told him that she isnt ready to marry but will be ready in 2 years when she would have finished service, she's 24 by the way. We just thought we should throw it open to get advice

Hmmm...

My first observation is that you told us a lot about this fellow but little about your friend ...save for the fact her mother knows four prophets ?

The first thing that came to my mind is that ..why does your friend want to get married at such a young age ? How many of her dreams has she accomplished ?

No offence ...but I put myself in her high heels and I said to myself marriage can kill dreams ... Which in itself is not necessarily a bad thing . Let her go into the world and make something of herself and then say yes ...I have found myself ...I need this fellow to start a family .



If I were your friend I would protect my relationship from my mother .

I shudder at the thought of a potential mother in law going to not one but four prophets to see my future ...

Perhaps I'm being to forward ... But tell us more about your friend . That would help a lot .

BoosBae:
If a lady isn't ready to be a slave, a prostitute to her husband and play the fool to a lot of things, then she isn't ready to stay married in this country.

Just pray for an understanding man, not the one with the typical Nigerian husband mentality and marriage won't be much of a burden to you.

Op I agree with you to an extent, I understand where you are coming from.

Interesting point of view ... Why do you think this way ...with regard to your first paragraph ?

This is not a battle of male and female !
Marriage favours both and as much as we have divorce cases not all marriages end in tears ...

Your advice should be to know each other first , , see if both of you are compatible before deciding . and do not rush ...

The ones who marry early to have lives
No marriage is perfect.

Bumbae1:
This is not a battle of male and female !
Marriage favours both and as much as we have divorce cases not all marriages end in tears ...

Your advice should be to know each other first , , see if both of you are compatible before deciding . and do not rush ...

The ones who marry early to have lives
No marriage is perfect.

Abi o!, how are you?.

kimbra:
Abi o!, how are you?.

Mi Lady ! I'm good just logged in... make i out mouth small
How are u ?

Bumbae1:

Mi Lady ! I'm good just logged in... make i out mouth small
How are u ?

Bored jawe.
Marriage issues no be here.

kimbra:
Bored jawe.
Marriage issues no be here.

Nah by force person must marry
Kilode

Yh same here just dry small

Bumbae1:

Nah by force person must marry
Kilode

Yh same here just dry small

Marriage isn't for the faint hearted.

kimbra:
Marriage isn't for the faint hearted.

Right now my heart faint
So nah to postpone remain