I found this post very admonishing.

Thirteen year old daughter of my neighbour attempted suicide today by drinking insecticide. Thank God her younger siblings saw her in time when she was vomiting a foamy substance and they shouted. Neighbours tried giving her palm oil to drink first but she kept on wailing:
“Allow me die, I'm tired of life...”
She was given the palm oil forcefully..
And she was taken to the hospital..
She's recuperating hopefully.
But I've been thinking what will make a thirteen year old attempt taking her life?
Again, How in seven heavens did her parents not observe her absurd pre-suicide tendencies?
Why did she attempt suicide?
I heard she was mouth lashed for something her parents claimed she did wrong..
I also gathered that sometime ago they battered her till she fainted..
But basically, this is a case of emotional abuse.
You see, in this African society, parents feel like God, they do whatever, say whatever and don't care the effect on the child.
There's a thin line between discipline and abuse. A lot of African parents need to be schooled on this.
This little girl must have accumulated layers of hurting words and piercing attitudes from her parents, before she got so depressed to the level of taking her life.
If I talk about emotional abuse,
I talk with firsthand experience..
My dad said things with the intentions of discipline but it left a scar in my heart. Painful words that tear you and makes you feel worthless.
I've heard a lot, Seen a lot.
I know what it means to be emotionally abused and manipulated by a parent.
It is no joke.
A lot of parents do this..
Your words matter a lot.
When your child is in his/her formative years, you should give the best of your words, not the worst..
Many low self esteemed adults come from a background of emotional abuse. I say this with critical analysis. I held a masterclass for low self esteemed folks weeks ago, trying to help them heal and recreate themselves, most of them were raised by emotionally abusive parents.
The first place a child has a feel of who he/she is, or what they worth is family. So if you as a dad is always saying negative words, you are destroying that child.
You should be the first person to reaffirm love and validate your child.
How do you want a child to believe he/she is intelligent when she's regularly called a fool by her parents?
How do you want him/her to be sure of their future when their parents say they are dull and will not amount to anything in future?
I have forgiven my dad for everything he said that affected me deeply; nights I'll cry and cry, and get all depressed, and yea, I once contemplated suicide.
I forgave him but I just can't forget these things.
Emotional abuse, most times leaves a long lasting impression.
It is some deep stuff..
African parents needs to learn about emotional abuse. I can't make my child feel how my dad made me feel. Nope, he's not wicked but when zeal to discipline is not guided, it can lead be abusive, very abusive.
Everything you do, say, and don't say has a psychological effect on your children.
Some children are already tired of living; they already have a messed up self esteem. It bothers me when they grow up with this much bitterness, added with the burden of adulthood, won't they just faint one day and die?
It's so much to carry. We have many emotionally dysfunctioned adults because of bad parenting..
Parents, please, be really careful.
Parenting isn't just about giving a child food. It's also about shaping their self esteem through your words.
A lot of African parents need schooling..
Parenting is very broad. It's more than impregnating your wife and having a child. Parenting is modeling a child, it's nurturing a seed into a tree. Some parents end up poring hot water on a germinating seed. How will it grow to a tree?

Do share, spread the word!
Solomon Buchi Bartholomew
Life Coach/Motivational Speaker

cc: lalasticlala
cc: mynd44

Yeah my parents did this too me..because of them I started to rely on pills and medications to reduce my anxiety..when I even told them it fell on deaf ears they still continued.. But the drugs do help me ignore them..for some reason it made me emotionally strong but when I don't use the drugs and I hear their voices from far I do feel like I am choking..my heart beats becomes louder and stuff like that..the price of tge drug I use keeps rising periodically soon it would be almost 5k for one thiny pill..!!

Jesus! Am a victim too
can't even begin to tell hw terrible it affected my life, even till nw i have serious esteem issues, i cant even face crowd or believe in masef

All is well

whitebeard:
Yeah my parents did this too me..because of them I started to rely on pills and medications to reduce my anxiety..when I even told them it fell on deaf ears they still continued.. But the drugs do help me ignore them..for some reason it made me emotionally strong but when I don't use the drugs and I hear their voices from far I do feel like I am choking..my heart beats becomes louder and stuff like that..the price of tge drug I use keeps rising periodically soon it would be almost 5k for one thiny pill..!!

gee! That's sad. As for me, I had to minimise to the barest minimum, my contact with Dad before i was able to heal my emotional wounds. I used to have very low self esteem during my primary school days until i entered secondary school and university where my academic excellence helped in building my esteem. Till date, i avoid my Dad like plague even though he tries to initiate some kind of bond. But because he still has that kind of mentallity and still thinks he's been right all along, i dare not come close. I will be completely honest here, i dont like my dad. Thank God i am self sufficient and have a stablr job cuz staying in our family house gives me nightmares

DanXplore:


gee! That's sad. As for me, I had to minimise to the barest minimum, my contact with Dad before i was able to heal my emotional wounds. I used to have very low self esteem during my primary school days until i entered secondary school and university where my academic excellence helped in building my esteem. Till date, i avoid my Dad like plague even though he tries to initiate some kind of bond. But because he still has that kind of mentallity and still thinks he's been right all along, i dare not come close. I will be completely honest here, i dont like my dad. Thank God i am self sufficient and have a stablr job cuz staying in our family house gives me nightmares

same here I don't like my dad..I know he tries to protect his family but the method the chooses and the choices he makes I hate em all..I also do avoid him..!! Yeah and he does tries to develop bond but I don't feel like it...I just stay in sch or my friends place during the holidays..cause going home feels like I am about to have an heart attack...!

zaragal:
Jesus! Am a victim too
can't even begin to tell hw terrible it affected my life, even till nw i have serious esteem issues, i cant even face crowd or believe in masef

All is well

try motivational videos on YouTube..I use drug that prevent stress and anxiety.. It really helped me

zaragal:
Jesus! Am a victim too
can't even begin to tell hw terrible it affected my life, even till nw i have serious esteem issues, i cant even face crowd or believe in masef

All is well

People with harsh parents tend to have serious stage fright. I was exactly like you! When i was made the headboy of my school in 2007, i knew i was in deep soup cuz at the end of every activity, the headboy is expected to give voteof thanks. My first speech was a blunder. I was so ashamed after the blunder that for close to two weeks, i could not appear in public. I panicked during one of my speeches with words i did not plan rumbling out and suppressing my carefully constructed speech. But thanks be to God for getting me out of stage fright

whitebeard:
same here I don't like my dad..I know he tries to protect his family but the method the chooses and the choices he makes I hate em all..I also do avoid him..!! Yeah and he does tries to develop bond but I don't feel like it...I just stay in sch or my friends place during the holidays..cause going home feels like I am about to have an heart attack...!

There was a time i tried to stay in school during the holidays to avoid going home. When my dad learnt i was not coming home, he threatened to deal with me seriously if i dont catch the next bus home the following day. I had to obey cuz i still needed school fees and monthly feeding allowance.

DanXplore:


There was a time i tried to stay in school during the holidays to avoid going home. When my dad learnt i was not coming home, he threatened to deal with me seriously if i dont catch the next bus home the following day. I had to obey cuz i still needed school fees and monthly feeding allowance.

oh..mine is just reaching that level..my mum would be like so u won't come home again abi..just wait let me tell ur daddy..omo that's all she needs to say before I start sprinting home...lol..!!

whitebeard:
oh..mine is just reaching that level..my mum would be like so u won't come home again abi..just wait let me tell ur daddy..omo that's all she needs to say before I start sprinting home...lol..!!

zaragal:
Jesus! Am a victim too
can't even begin to tell hw terrible it affected my life, even till nw i have serious esteem issues, i cant even face crowd or believe in masef

All is well

Find something you are good at, become excellent at it, then flaunt it. It helps...

I used to hold grudges against my parents for incidents of abuse. There were times they were merciless in their tongue lashing, and there was a specific incident when they flogged me real bad for something I didn't do and never apologize even when it they realized I was innocent.
But I let those grudges go because as I grew older I also remembered the times when they showered me with unconditional love. I remember when they would sacrifice EVERYTHING, to make sure I am comfortable. I realized that in this world, even though my parents made mistakes, they are the only ones I know that love me so much that they will die in my place if they could. So I decided to forgive them and build my relationship with them. Luckily for me I didn't develop any anxiety from those bad memories.

Indeed,words are very powerful.You never can tell whose life you destroy with the wrong words.
.
.
.
My heart goes out to that teen.At such age,she's already tired of life and attempting suicide.Who knows the level of emotional abuse she must have gone through in such a short time.People have different psychological make up which affects them negatively when a form of discipline or training is used on them.Not every child can handle negative words,especially children who are sensitive and more emotional. And again,negative and abusive words never help in building people up.It makes them question their capacity and also gives room for a low self-esteem.
.
.
.
One of the worst things millenial parents can do to damage the self-esteem of their children is, the use of negative,abusive and hurtful words on their kids.These children are still in the formative and growing stage of life.Any approach used at this stage,all in the name of child-training,always leaves a lasting impression which will tell on them in future...For every consequence today,their was a cause yesterday.Let your words encourage, instead of demoralize.Let your words heal,instead of wound.Let your words build up,instead of destroy.Let your words project love,instead of hatred.Positive,encouraging and gracious words will let your child become everything that a negative and abusive word won't let him/her become.

DanXplore:


Find something you are good at, become excellent at it, then flaunt it. It helps...

yea. i write (improving tho)

I Have a goal for dem, wbu?

whitebeard:
try motivational videos on YouTube..I use drug that prevent stress and anxiety.. It really helped me

Too scared of drugs but m fine nw, getting beta

zaragal:


yea. i write (improving tho)

I Have a goal for dem, wbu?

As for me, there are tons of things i have learnt ranging from engineering, computer programming to financial accounting. As an introvert, i have stuffed my room with books, video games etc. i have carefully drafted out a 5yr career plan for myself and will follow it through with diligence.

DanXplore:


As for me, there are tons of things i have learnt ranging from engineering, computer programming to financial accounting. As an introvert, i have stuffed my room with books, video games etc. i have carefully drafted out a 5yr career plan for myself and will follow it through with diligence.

Cool, hope u spare time 4 fun? like movies, eatery, n oda relaxation centre

DanXplore:


gee! That's sad. As for me, I had to minimise to the barest minimum, my contact with Dad before i was able to heal my emotional wounds. I used to have very low self esteem during my primary school days until i entered secondary school and university where my academic excellence helped in building my esteem. Till date, i avoid my Dad like plague even though he tries to initiate some kind of bond. But because he still has that kind of mentallity and still thinks he's been right all along, i dare not come close. I will be completely honest here, i dont like my dad. Thank God i am self sufficient and have a stablr job cuz staying in our family house gives me nightmares

Hmmmmm............

zaragal:


Cool, hope u spare time 4 fun? like movies, eatery, n oda relaxation centre

Sure, but i watch movies, eat and relax at home for free

Hmmm...indeed there's a thin line between abuse and discipline. Thank God for the undiluted love from my sibling I learnt to do Odechi to a lot of mouth lashes. My sis and I are always there for each o...yeah, loving eyes and arms all the way. My mama too get bad mouth

As for me, may God help me be the best parent I could manage. My Edunjobi Ejires should come and be nurtured right

DanXplore:

Sure, but i watch movies, eat and relax at home for free

Lolz.

I am a victim too
The only reason I'm still having a relationship with my parents is because I have to finish with school
The only thing I owe them is to send cash home frequently
And if I should have my own family,would definitely not want my mother around my kids

sisisioge:
Hmmm...indeed there's a thin line between abuse and discipline. Thank God for the undiluted love from my sibling I learnt to do Odechi to a lot of mouth lashes. My sis and I are always there for each o...yeah, loving eyes and arms all the way. My mama too get bad mouth

As for me, may God help me be the best parent I could manage. My Edunjobi Ejires should come and be nurtured right

My self and mom are very ok. we bonded really well and i could tell her pretty much everything going on in my life. My dad is just the antithesis of my mom. I just tire for the dude. I have tried using subtle ways to let him stay out of my affairs but he no gree. Recently, i stood up to him and he felt so bad that he told me he'd never advice me on any issue. If only he knew that was my end game all along...lol...

Baddchristy:
I am a victim too
The only reason I'm still having a relationship with my parents is because I have to finish with school
The only thing I owe them is to send cash home frequently
And if I should have my own family,would definitely not want my mother around my kids

Lol! i never knew there are metric tons of guys having parent issues. I thought i was rebellious

My issue is with Dad alone. He has soo many wrong mentalities that influences his perception and plane or judgement. I personally hold no grudges against him though cuz i am now self reliant. All i want is for him to stay out of my affairs.

DanXplore:


Lol! i never knew there are metric tons of guys having parent issues. I thought i was rebellious

My issue is with Dad alone. He has soo many wrong mentalities that influences his perception and plane or judgement. I personally hold no grudges on him though cuz i am now self reliant. All i want is for him to stay out of my affairs.

.
Mine will definitely stay outa my affairs once I'm financially stable

Baddchristy:
. Mine will definitely stay outa my affairs once I'm financially stable

lol

I was and I'm still a victim. I was thought or rather forced not to associate with people, I grew up emotionally wrecked, even when I got to the higher institution as good looking as I was I never had confidence in myself, each time I remember deadly harsh words said to me I feel less of a human.At sixteen I almost took my life, over the years I have being really dealing with depression which led me to take certain drugs to boost my confidence. I Recently saw a therapist, and am coping fine. but even at all I went through and at 25 years of my life and a professional my folks still emotionally abuse me. I can't even keep a relationship because am always conscious of my self and I have had to prove my self since I was a toddler. They wrecked me but I still love them.

sisisioge:
Hmmm...indeed there's a thin line between abuse and discipline. Thank God for the undiluted love from my sibling I learnt to do Odechi to a lot of mouth lashes. My sis and I are always there for each o...yeah, loving eyes and arms all the way. My mama too get bad mouth

As for me, may God help me be the best parent I could manage. My Edunjobi Ejires should come and be nurtured right

Hey!, sweetie, do you stay in Lagos? I think you might be the one.

I know for a fact that you'd shymie off to my profile and try to glean whatever you can from it. But, trust me, even though you might find it to be sparse and unimpressive you should do well to keep it in mind that grand things more oft than not come in unimpressive packages. In Christendom for example, the savior of the world (Jesus) was conceived in the most unimpressive place --- a dingy, little manger! You see? "Not all that doesn't glitter isn't gold".

I have forgiven my dad.

I mean, he was an outright terrorist when we were kids. Once he came to the house it was like all the joy was sucked out. It was hard to tell which was worse, the emotional or the physical abuse.

I mean, he was a provider, but it's like he did it out of obligation. All of his kids felt like he hated us, even years later when we were much grown up and he tried to make amends in his own clumsy way, we didn't want to have anything to do with him. It was at the end point of his life that i tried to make peace but in the end, well...

Parents should sha take it easy.

Nigerian parents think abuse is discipline.

No wonder the so-called 'disciplined' youths are terrible human beings with zero morals and sympathy.


I made the decision to be who I am today, how I think, how I relate to people, what I do. I've succeeded in unlearning and restructuring my mind from the emotional, physical and psychological abuse melted on me in form of discipline.

But then, maybe that's what our parents thought was best.
Loving a parent, most times, is not a feeling, but an obligation. That's how I feel.

KanielOutis:


Hey!, sweetie, do you stay in Lagos? I think you might be the one.

I know for a fact that you'd shymie off to my profile and try to glean whatever you can from it. But, trust me, even though you might find it to be sparse and unimpressive you should do well to keep it in mind that grand things more oft than not come in unimpressive packages. In Christendom for example, the savior of the world (Jesus) was conceived in the most unimpressive place --- a dingy, little manger! You see? "Not all that doesn't glitter isn't gold".

Hmmmm...Kenechukwu! I was ready to give you my number until I got to where you turned the bible upside down! Our dear Lord Jesus was birthed in a manger but conceived by the holy spirit. I'm already a not so spiritual Christian and its obvious you aren't even close to being a spirikoko too...what kind of kids do you think we would have? Husband and wife can't both be reading the bible lopsided nau

And you just registered yesterday... Taaaa! Find your wife go front! I no do

sisisioge:

Hmmmm...Kenechukwu! I was ready to give you my number until I got to where you turned the bible upside down! Our dear Lord Jesus was birthed in a manger but conceived by the holy spirit. I'm already a not so spiritual Christian and its obvious you aren't even close to being a spirikoko too...what kind of kids do you think we would have? Husband and wife can't both be reading the bible lopsided nau

And you just registered yesterday... Taaaa! Find your wife go front! I no do

What kind of kids? You tell me.

Come on, babe. Be a good sport. I promise you will like me once we get to chatting. I'm sending you a DM with the faith of a mustard seed. If you no reply then I go know say Bros J been dey deceive us when he talk say with faith of a mustard seed you fit chyke babe make she gree.