KanielOutis:


What kind of kids? You tell me.

Come on, babe. Be a good sport. I promise you will like me once we get to chatting. I'm sending you a DM with the faith of a mustard seed. If you no reply then I go no say Bros J been dey deceive us when he talk say with faith of a mustard seed you fit chyke babe make she gree.

sisisioge:


Send me a mail...can't assess my DM. Mail on profile.

ireneblush:
I was and I'm still a victim. I was thought or rather forced not to associate with people, I grew up emotionally wrecked, even when I got to the higher institution as good looking as I was I never had confidence in myself, each time I remember deadly harsh words said to me I feel less of a human.At sixteen I almost took my life, over the years I have being really dealing with depression which led me to take certain drugs to boost my confidence. I Recently saw a therapist, and am coping fine. but even at all I went through and at 25 years of my life and a professional my folks still emotionally abuse me. I can't even keep a relationship because am always conscious of my self and I have had to prove my self since I was a toddler. They wrecked me but I still love them.

Prognose:
I have forgiven my dad.

I mean, he was an outright terrorist when we were kids. Once he came to the house it was like all the joy was sucked out. It was hard to tell which was worse, the emotional or the physical abuse.

I mean, he was a provider, but it's like he did it out of obligation. All of his kids felt like he hated us, even years later when we were much grown up and he tried to make amends in his own clumsy way, we didn't want to have anything to do with him. It was at the end point of his life that i tried to make peace but in the end, well...

Parents should sha take it easy.

Joavid:
Nigerian parents think abuse is discipline.

No wonder the so-called 'disciplined' youths are terrible human beings with zero morals and sympathy.


I made the decision to be who I am today, how I think, how I relate to people, what I do. I've succeeded in unlearning and restructuring my mind from the emotional, physical and psychological abuse melted on me in form of discipline.

But then, maybe that's what our parents thought was best.
Loving a parent, most times, is not a feeling, but an obligation. That's how I feel.

DanXplore:


wow. Going to a therapist was a great step. On the issue of being self concious, i personally have vowed not to live according to people's expectation about me. It has helped me alot. I be my self and do the things that makes me happy. During my late teens, i occassionally forced myself into doing things i dreaded...e.g standing up for my right and public speaking. Thank God i did all those else i dont know how i'd have survived my present job. Parents should know that while it is good for kids to respect their elders, the level of respect should not slip into fear for elders such that they arent able to stand up for themselves when bullied by the so called elders/seniors

jaszplus12:
hardly a day passes by that i dont recall some excessive words my parents spoke that left scars in my heart.
they never understood its effects on us as kids...low self esteem was the chief situation...
now i am married and i find my wife trying to toe that line and you need to see my reaction... unfortunately like most women she thinks i am being overprotective....now iam fighting her and fighting to save my eldest child from falling into that depressive state
the Lord will help us as parents,,,,

DanXplore:


we are really many. Loving should be heartfelt, but their style of administering discipline degenerated it to a mere mechanical obligation. Though we might not be experts at parenting as at now, we know atleast, how not to treat our unborn kids

Baddchristy:
I am a victim too
The only reason I'm still having a relationship with my parents is because I have to finish with school
The only thing I owe them is to send cash home frequently
And if I should have my own family,would definitely not want my mother around my kids

whitebeard:
Yeah my parents did this too me..because of them I started to rely on pills and medications to reduce my anxiety..when I even told them it fell on deaf ears they still continued.. But the drugs do help me ignore them..for some reason it made me emotionally strong but when I don't use the drugs and I hear their voices from far I do feel like I am choking..my heart beats becomes louder and stuff like that..the price of tge drug I use keeps rising periodically soon it would be almost 5k for one thiny pill..!!

dangotesmummy:
these emotional abuse causes damaged adults who are everywhere now.may God heal us

dangotesmummy:
its rare for older generation of parents not to emotionally abuse their children

But I want to ask you a question. How do you correct your children when they err without emotionally abusing them because I want to learn too

dangotesmummy:
In Nigeria emotional abuse= correction

In their mind they think they're correcting you not knowing they're killing you from inside.I also hated going home during the holidays. When I'm in school I'm always happy. My classmates, friends and teachers made me feel good about myself. Even when my teachers wanted to correct me it wasn't brash but the moment it's holiday one kind of sadness and depression will envelope me

Meanwhile if I don't come home they'll say so you want to be ri irikun ri not knowing all I wanted was peace

It has affected my adult life now because anytime someone is shouting or speaking to me angrily or not even talking to me or just shouting at someone around me I get so anxious, I begin to shake that it shows outwardly, my heart begins to beat faster that I hear it,I begin to feel so uneasy


As a teenager when I was tongue lashed I used to pray in my heart that God should take me away in my sleep.I don't want to wake up to experience another bout or round of tongue lashing

I hated home terribly. I've tried to get over anxiety but its not working.I remember those days after the insults I won't be able to eat,my tummy will begin to hurt so bad.2,3days will pass I will not be hungry, I will buy vitamin c and multi vite so I'll have appetite, by the time the appetite comes,I will over eat.when I see my parents come back from work and they see me eating I will loose my appetite immediately or go to the room to be able to eat.it was that bad

jaszplus12:

ha..i was a bit shocked when you asked but...
first know the reason behind why a child gets abused, This is usually when they are asked to do a chore. most children will grumble or just do a hurried job of it and you find out its not clean enough or disposed of properly , your first reaction is to scream....STOP!
when you were that young how thorough or perfect were you? most times we tend to think a child becomes perfect after five attempts at doing something... but no i believe we must be patient with them.
there is what i do, i stay along side them and control my anger at their foolishness at the same time gently ask them to repeat the chore,
even when i am angry i just control my voice not to display my annoyance else they arte bound to make more mistakes
then i keep saying its better to work hard to be perfect....that is called a hands on approach
try to read their emotions andwork with it positively.
dont send them to bring plate from the kitchen then half way send them to the bedroom to bring pillow for you then send again for water from the fridge... that isnt a way to motivate a child,
do the work with them they enjoy it better,,,use words like i expect rather than you should know....they are learning yet!
choi! see work wey you give me this morning oooo but i enjoyed it... we fit hook up cos i fit learn from you tooo

jaszplus12:

my Lord and my God!!!
this should not go on... i realy felt my tommy churn at the fear and anxiety you experienced...healing comes from God alone.
you can imagine my feeling when my wife begins to raise her voice to the kids at home... i feel bad.
try to forget it even though its gonna be hard...one thing though if you have kids try to be a teacher to them and let them touch you hold your hands and try to understand their naivety as you help them along in their learning process,,,,in your mind keep saying,,,this is how to train up a child...seeking to balance their emotions and their ability....you will heal faster

DanXplore:

jaszplus12:

ha..i was a bit shocked when you asked but...
first know the reason behind why a child gets abused, This is usually when they are asked to do a chore. most children will grumble or just do a hurried job of it and you find out its not clean enough or disposed of properly , your first reaction is to scream....STOP!
when you were that young how thorough or perfect were you? most times we tend to think a child becomes perfect after five attempts at doing something... but no i believe we must be patient with them.
there is what i do, i stay along side them and control my anger at their foolishness at the same time gently ask them to repeat the chore,
even when i am angry i just control my voice not to display my annoyance else they arte bound to make more mistakes
then i keep saying its better to work hard to be perfect....that is called a hands on approach
try to read their emotions andwork with it positively.
dont send them to bring plate from the kitchen then half way send them to the bedroom to bring pillow for you then send again for water from the fridge... that isnt a way to motivate a child,
do the work with them they enjoy it better,,,use words like i expect rather than you should know....they are learning yet!
choi! see work wey you give me this morning oooo but i enjoyed it... we fit hook up cos i fit learn from you tooo

dangotesmummy:
do you know of any therapist not pastor o because when my mom took me to pastors as a kid saying I need deliverance I hated pastors more.I don't even go to church self because pastors aggravate matters more

dangotesmummy:
there's a colleague of mine that hasn't gotten over parental emotional abuse unfortunately her immediate boss who isn't my boss is emotionally abusive at her.always calling her lazy,sloppy, ugly, cannot think and so many hurtful words even in the presence of her junior colleagues, flinging papers and files at her .Its so bad that when her boss emotionally abuses her saying I'm sure your husband won't be able to stand you,if I were your husband I'll have chased you out,how does your husband copes for marrying a terrible human being like you.he'll be saying it in front of the clerks and janitors. I feel for her because I have caught her twice conning out of her boss office putting her head under the table crying, wetting the documents with her tears.I console her though because I myself understands because I have been a victim from parents, but emotional abuse and constant embarrassments coming from your boss,what will you do?

jaszplus12:
hardly a day passes by that i dont recall some excessive words my parents spoke that left scars in my heart.
they never understood its effects on us as kids...low self esteem was the chief situation...
now i am married and i find my wife trying to toe that line and you need to see my reaction... unfortunately like most women she thinks i am being overprotective....now iam fighting her and fighting to save my eldest child from falling into that depressive state
the Lord will help us as parents,,,,

DanXplore:


Yes...i see your point. There is also a thin line between correct discipline and over protectiveness. wisdom is needed to operate within the limits of appropriate discipline. I trust you will find a way to explain to your wife. Another thing is one should always let the child know and understand his wrong else the so called discipline will be misconstrued by the child

dangotesmummy:
In Nigeria emotional abuse= correction

In their mind they think they're correcting you not knowing they're killing you from inside.I also hated going home during the holidays. When I'm in school I'm always happy. My classmates, friends and teachers made me feel good about myself. Even when my teachers wanted to correct me it wasn't brash but the moment it's holiday one kind of sadness and depression will envelope me

Meanwhile if I don't come home they'll say so you want to be ri irikun ri not knowing all I wanted was peace

It has affected my adult life now because anytime someone is shouting or speaking to me angrily or not even talking to me or just shouting at someone around me I get so anxious, I begin to shake that it shows outwardly, my heart begins to beat faster that I hear it,I begin to feel so uneasy


As a teenager when I was tongue lashed I used to pray in my heart that God should take me away in my sleep. I don't want to wake up to experience another bout or round of tongue lashing

I hated home terribly. I've tried to get over anxiety but its not working.I remember those days after the insults I won't be able to eat,my tummy will begin to hurt so bad.2,3days will pass I will not be hungry, I will buy vitamin c and multi vite so I'll have appetite, by the time the appetite comes,I will over eat.when I see my parents come back from work and they see me eating I will loose my appetite immediately or go to the room to be able to eat.it was that bad

DanXplore:


Wowww@bolded. That is the saddest thing i have heard this month. I believe you've gotten over everything though.

DanXplore:


kaiiii. That's not kool. That's very unprofessional of the boss. Such words are sharper than razor blade, it will cut deep into her soul if she does not develop recalcitrance to negative feedback. I would have suggested she resigned but one does not have the luxury of selecting jobs in Nigeria where only a handful are available. Let her confide in someone in the human resource department or/and visit a therapist. I was in a similar situation a few years ago when i was working under a hurrible boss in one of the big fours. It wasnt easy!

dangotesmummy:
Nigeria is not a place where you resign like that when job is like gold.she has no choice than to endure.one of mY colleagues was actually consoling her by saying which do you prefer.do you want to be jobless or endure the insults to be able to take care of your family and pay bills.at least its. Better than being a full time housewife

Prognose:
Anyone have any idea why they were like that though?

DanXplore:


Yes, it is better she says on the job if other alternatives do not seem forthcoming. She jst has to find a way to deal with the issue at hand and not let her boss get into her head. My prayer is that they transfer thr boss out tho

DanXplore:


Generally, Africans love power. They love to be feared and to feel in control. Check out how an ordinary private in the army behaves towards civilians. Parents love to feel in control. Try not greeting an elder by mistake and you will see how they will finish you as though you denied them their statutory privilege . African Dads love to be feared and honoured to a fault. while they want their children to fear them, they also want their children [boys especially] to get close to them from around their 20s. They dont know you cannot eat your cake and have it.

The solution is implicit in the golden rule. Do to others what you would want them to do to you. Class, strata, age notwithstanding