He is always threatening to leave anytime we have a quarrel,he is always accusing me of causing quarrels between us,even when he is wrong,am always the one who gets to bear the brunt.Is this what love is all about,l love him so much but things have really gone bad of recent, l think he is tired but he doesn't know how to say it.He has turned me into an emotional wreck,l cry every now and then no matter where or who is around me,l just can't help the tears from streaming down my face. Currently am working but he is not,he tends to further his studies.He is always keeping me on my toes with his threats and its really making me loose concentration,l don't have friends cuz l don't want him to feel insecure, l just want to give him all the attention that we need for a perfect r/ship,but all l get is threats from him anytime we have a quarrel.Just this morning he said we are not making head ways that we keep fighting every now and then and he just dropped the phone on me simply because l said he could talk to someone whom he wanted to settle their quarrel and that we cud talk later and he tot l was angry and that was it.
What do l do?

My opinion?
Dump him. Guys are not worth our tears and they never will. I'd rather be very single than be so unhappy with a man controlling everything around me using my emotion. Its not worth the head ache. Am sure u feel its impossible for u to leave without him but what if he dumps u. Just take a bold step to change ur life forever.

i will advise u pray to God abt it. then sit him down and talk with him. reason together, tell him ur feelings.no man is wat dying for. if he change, fine. but if not i will advise u move on with ur life. dont let somebody turn u to something else. and if there is anybody u know of that can talk to him better. u can inform the person. i know how it feels. u can start praying abt it. because when it comes to the issue of life patner, one has to be very careful and prayerful. i wish u the best. i pray u will not carry another persons bone. cheer up girllll.

Thanks tinuade,l ve being praying about it for a long time now,one minute he seems to be so caring and seem to be so much in love with me,the next minute he just wants me out of his way,this is the same guy that left me for six months only for him to come back and propose to me,now though his mum doesn't even want to see me cuz she thinks l'll take her son away from her but thats not the issue cuz l can't seem to understand why he treats me this way.If he cud be bold enough to propose to me infront of the whole world,then why can't he just come out plain and tell me it can't work instead of making me feel less of a human and making me feel like am not good enough for him.Even when he is wrong am d person who tries to make things rite for the sake of peace and of love.He just makes me feel like am not worth being loved at all.

Nike thanks for your post,l ve tried to do that but my heart won't let me do it,even when he left for six month,it was like a part of me was dead and gone,l don't even have friends who stay around that can help me get over him,guess he is taking advantage of the way l feel about him,pls help me,l used to be one lively beautiful looking girl with a little flesh on my body before he came along and made what l am today.Now l know that love comes with PAIN,a terrible feeling u just can't describe.l just feel like my whole world has crumbled.Everytime he offends me,l forgive him easily and it really hurts that he still makes me feel like this.

Why do you think your heart can't leave him? Is your heart afraid of beng alone forever?

what do u do when ur bf/gd/fiance/ee/spouse walks out?
U SHUT THE DOOR!!!!

Let him go.

Like nike said, you need to walk away.

Marrying him will not bring you happiness, but would make things worse. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Trust me it's not an easy thing to do but you would eventually discover that it is not as bad as the emotional turmoil you are putting yourself through now.

Like giving up smoking or losing weight, you need strength and willpower to get him out of your system cos he is toxic, he is not making you happy, he's left for six months and not come back, his mum don't like you, and you can't have friends because of his insecurity.

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

You don't want to marry a man that will ask for divorce everytime you have an argument. You can't change guys, they can pretend they are changed and you get married and here it goes. Leave him, dump him, walk away and forget him. If there is anything you don't want in a man don't go into marriage remember it's till death do us , if you want to give good example to your children. It will hurt you but you gotta do what is necessary. Think about your life, happiness, future and your children cos they'll do whatever their parent does.

Seun its not like my heart is scared of being alone forever,l don't just want to hurt this guy,l have tried to walk away,but anytime l think l've gotten over him,he just comes back and starts with his begging and telling me how much he loves me and how sorry he is to have hurt me.So you see why its so hard for me,moreover this is the first guy l given everythig to,l would say he is my first love.

my dear, this guy does not deserve ur life, i cant see the reason why he left u in the first place and coming back and repeating the same mistake. maybe this guy is seeing another person and hes only using u for his satisfaction. and besides u said the mother doesn't love u. so who are u marrying to? if not ur man and his pple. abeg, forget him. let him go.hes only taking advantage of u. this is not love. if u have ever tasted true love, u will know wat i mean. true love doesn't hurt. it makes one happy everytime, dat the two of u will want to be together everytime. pls let this guy go and u move on with ur life. i know he will still come back begging. but by dat time, u might not be available then, because mr right might have come ur way. stop thinking about him and start put smilling on ur face for u to be attracted to the right person.

Tinu its very easy for u to tell me this,but l don't have the nerve to do this,if he doesn't love me,then why would he propose to me infront of the whole world and even give me a ring to wear,sometimes l really don't know whats actually wrong with him.He left for six months cuz he wanted to be sure of me before asking me to marry him,about his mum,she once loved me and treated me like her own daughter and was always calling me even when l was sick,l also did the same to her.The problem with her is that she thinks l will take her son away from her because he is the only child.They once had an argument and he told her he was going to run away with me and leave her alone,thats what caused the hatred btw myself and the mother.She doesn't even know we are engaged according to him he wants to build his confidence to face her again.My problem is that he stays around my place,if it was possible for me to leave and go far away,at least that would help me forget him.Am not even thinking of going into another r/ship cuz l feel the next person deserves more than me giving him my hang over from this guy.Moreover am so hurt right now and am always thinking about him,he just makes me feel am not good enuf for him and l know l treat him well.

My dear sister, i really feel you. There is one thing u should note and that is people will always give you advice (both good and bad) but at the long run, it is you who will still have to make the final decision. I'll suggest you go to God in prayers and start building an intimate relationship with Him if you haven't already done this because He is the only one who knows your future and will deliver you from unnecessary pains. This sort of thing happened to a friend of mine and God revealed to her through dreams that she was actually in a bad relationship. She had to call it quits even though the guy begged and pleaded with her not to dump him. It turned out that a close friend to this guy later confessed that this particular guy has been engaged to someone else for over 5 years and his family is aware of it. My friend could not just thank God enough. So my sister, you have to really draw closer to God. Give your life to Christ, get yourself involved in Church activities that will take your mind off your present situation, talk to God daily about everything going on in your relationship, and ask Him to direct you. Also ask for His will to be done in your life and you will see how He will help you out either by touching your guy and his mother's heart and perfecting your present relationship into a blissful marriage, or by giving you another man who will love and cherish you just as Christ loves the church to the extent He died for it. My sister, in the long run, allow God's perfect will to be done in your life.

Ima thanks for your post,l have being praying about it,l really don't know what God is telling me,yes l want his will to be done in my life,l have taken everything to him in prayers and am still praying over it.l work late and can hardly go to church on weekdays cuz l get home late. Am thinking of joining a soceity so that l can move closer to him,l know God talks to people in different ways but its how to identify if its truly God talking to us or we are just listening to our inner minds.i'll keep praying cuz l know the God l serve is not asleep and he will deliver me from all this,its just that this pain is too much for me to bear.it hurts real bad. What l want to know is if this is where am meant to be or not so l can walk away and still know that God has something for me.

babe,its like dis guy is seen another person. i can feel ur pain, only dat i cant do anything than giving u my advice, its only God dat can remove the pain the tin is causing u. but please keep on praying to God, leave this guy to is own.an adage says "whatever u av, free it, let it go, if it comes back to u, it is urs, if not.move on with ur life. or may be the guy is under a spell. u cant tell.but wat i know is that, todays heart break is better than divoce of tomorrow. i wish u the very best of life. i hate pple double dating also, but at the same time, i hate seeing my fellow girls in such situation. take care of urself.

if he is seeing someone else,is it not enuf pain that he is? Why can't he just come out and tell me?You are not the first person suggesting that he is under a spell,l have being praying for him and asking God to deliver him,but why all this torment?Why do guys like tormenting girls for no just cause?Thanks tinu,you have lifted my spirit,l really appreciate ur time and efforts.Thanks alot and l'll keep u posted.

gurl it ain't even worth it i know the way u feel rite now and u think u love him and might not find another person but gurl u need to leave i know it ain't thath easy but u got to make it.but if u really love him y don't u like leave him for a while maybe when u are gone he will know wat he got cos there is a saying dat people don't appreciate wat the got until its gone so maybe he will come back to his sense

Take this advise from a "brother"

DUMP HIM.

A guy in love would never threaten to leave. Once "leaving" comes into the picture, then "loving" has gone.

Now dont let his good sides and stuffs affect ur sense of judgement. Even Abacha has got his good side, ask mariam.
Truth is men and women alike tend to be confused about our feelings.
The best way guyz jilt girls is to make sure the girl "cause" the seperation. Its a playa's ace.
Sincerely, i feel terrible when guyz do this but such is life. The only reason for you to go into marriage is because "the mutual love is waxing stronger". once it goes dim, read the writing on the wall and opt out fast. It wont last.

Help him pack his worldlies in a black bin bag and wave him bye bye, his is telling you alot about him already, imagine when u married. First sign of trouble, he'll be off , legging it and blaming it on you. Please have no time for spineless men like that. Good riddance, if this were me.

Sweetie, to be honest with you, you really have to leave. Any guy that puts any woman through emotional stress all the time is just not fit for her.

You've been giving your best to the r/ship and all you get is threats. Why should he threaten you? 'Cause he thinks you can't live without him huh? That's simply emotional abuse.

I've been in your kind of situation but not practically engaged though we agreed on getting married. He did use my weakness (was madly in love that when you say jump, I'll ask how high?) against me a lot of times. It wasn't even funny. Don't even want to remember the whole tragedy

The point is that, you can't afford to marry this guy. Pray real hard and try as much as you can to call off the relationship. You can't change anybody especially a guy! Trust me! You have to leave him. It's a very hard thing to do and the effects of the break-up may linger for even years if care is not taken. You won't even see a reason to live again but honestly, a man who toys with your emotions can't be your husband! What kind of life will you have together under the same roof? Some people actually calm down later in life but since no one knows the future, it's better to deal with the present.

I'm sure there are some other guys who will treat you far better. It's all a matter of time. Summon courage and face him. You don't have to wear a serious look on your face when telling him you want to call off the relationship. You might cry and even make love that day but the fact is that you have to gather your emotions together and leave. You can't afford to live a miserable life because of one man. You deserve happiness and no man should deny you that.*Hugs*

sorry to drop in on this thread, *zulu  just wants to know why Eurphoria is mad at him*

omg Radiant? is that your soft side laid bare for all NL to see? well said girls. Me i am not in an emphatic mood

:p

Eurphoria:

omg Radiant? is that your soft side laid bare for all Nairaland to see? well said girls. Me i am not in an emphatic mood

lol. . .I sure have a soft side NLanders can enjoy that to compensate for months of. . .

SMH (shaking my head), Sexyuhlala you need courage.  Please dont feel you can't live your life without this he-goat.  he has no right to treat you like this.  What next will he start slapping you when he cant take things?

You deserve better.  When he says hes going help him pack his bags and sing
" to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmm to the left, to the left
everything you own in the box to the left
in the closet, that's my stuff
yes if i bought it (nigga) please don't touch!"

There are better guys out there go get yourself a better model!

Radiant:

lol. . .I sure have a soft side NLanders can enjoy that to compensate for months of. . .

being a bitch? zulu likes this soft side of ikay nkita

Back to topic.

LadyT:

SMH (shaking my head), Sexyuhlala you need courage. Please don't feel you can't live your life without this he-goat. he has no right to treat you like this. What next will he start slapping you when he can't take things?

You deserve better. When he says hes going help him pack his bags and sing
" to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmm to the left, to the left
everything you own in the box to the left
in the closet, that's my stuff
yes if i bought it (nigga) please don't touch!"

There are better guys out there go get yourself a better model!

lol i wont go by beyonce's lyrics though , you know what happens with these singers, they get us all pumped up with crazy lyrics like the above and in real life they don't do jack. Whitney did it with '' it not right , pack your bags up and leave rather be alone than unhappy ooooo'' did she leave? lol
It will be hard , very hard to let go you know it, we know it, just do it in your own time

Eurphoria:





lol i wont go by beyonce's lyrics though , you know what happens with these singers, they get us all pumped up with crazy lyrics like the above and in real life they don't do jack. Whitney did it with '' it not right , pack your bags up and leave rather be alone than unhappy ooooo'' did she leave? lol
It will be hard , very hard to let go you know it, we know it, just do it in your own time

I forgot the Whitney song LOL

Yes it will be hard but try not to wait too long.

Whitney Houston wasted 14 years with Bobby Brown a complete waste.

Talking of Beyonce I think she should leave that rubber lipped fool Jay Z. Good for nothing 37 year old and he still professes not to be ready for marriage!

lol