Spot On.

Well said.

This is a mentality that needs to change among Nigerian parents. They truly need enlightenment.

ladies in the house, marry the last born.
guys in the house, marry the last born.


let the parents marry their first children!
problem solved!


I have a family friend who is married to a first child and only son, this man is responsible for sending all his sisters to school. they even live with them are they are so rude and disrespectful all in the name of "my brother's house ". most times his sisters needs are considered before the wife.
no peace of mind. tufiakwa

Nyceguy92:


I had both rural and urban upbringing.
What I have seen happen is that in situations where both parents are no longer financially OK due to old age or ill-health, the eldest takes more responsibilities.

In fact this role is a common theme in majority of Nollywood movies. The eldest not only takes care of the younger ones, they also take care of the parents.

Of course it is sheer wickedness for reasonably well-to-do parents to transfer the duties they owe their young ones to their eldest children by force.

I think some of you here commenting and dissing parents are Unmarried young and under 30, most of you do not have kids yet and do not know what it takes to bring one up, cos from the comments I can see myself in same light when I was 20,I termed to think like that.
You father and Mum struggle to send you to school fru Uni and you graduate working, the lost thier Jobs due to no fault of tiers, so you are going to watch your younger ones drop out of school when you can help? realy? Good you parents might issue a command to you but they aint putting a gun in ur head to obey.But if you as the senior can not take care of your household your kids will do same to you its as simple as that cos kama is a bitch.

darlenese:
ladies in the house, marry the last born.
guys in the house, marry the last born.


let the parents marry their first children!
problem solved!


I have a family friend who is married to a first child and only son, this man is responsible for sending all his sisters to school. they even live with them are they are so rude and disrespectful all in the name of "my brother's house ". most times his sisters needs are considered before the wife.
no peace of mind. tufiakwa

I think the problem is from the man, he should learn how to put his house in order. Im speaking as first born and I have 5 women and one bro behind me.No one co mes to my house to disrespect my wife.

Although the op may be saying the truth. Many parents do have plan for their children but end up finding themselves in difficult situation to cater for the children. Assuming such parents have first child who is financially bounyant what do expect them to do?

IF I BECOME A NIGERIAN SENATOR, AM GONNA TO MOVE A MOTION THAT WILL CONSTITUTIONAL EMPOWER THE FED GOVT AND STATE GOVT TO CONTROL THE NUMBER OF KIDS EVERY FAMILY SHOULD HAVE.

THIS PRACTICE IS COMMON AMONGST ALL THESE POOR PEOPLE.THEY KEEP GIVING BIRTH LIKE DOGS AND THIER CHILDREN KIDS CONSTITUTING NUISANCE TO THE SOCIETY.
WHY GIVE BIRTH TO 10 CHILDREN WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR SOURCE OF INCOME IS VIA TAXI DRIVING OR BUS DRIVING?
GOVT SHOULD INTERVENE PLEASE!
KIDNAPPING,ARMED ROBBERY AND SOCIAL VICES STARTS WHEN THE FAMILY UNIT HAS FAILED.

solasoulmusic:
It really depends remember that we all will die one day and that burden you are seeing now is a legacy you are building for your family. Do what you can honestly for them and let the rest fall by the wayside. The most expensive cost in life only is a funeral remember that everything else there will be gains to suppress just bare and smile

What is this nonsense you just spewed?

Nyceguy92:


No need going back and forth on this matter.
But you are deviating from the point.
Parents sending their female children into prostitution is different from the issue here, which is the role of the eldest child in the family.
Please tell me, if you are the eldest in your family, what would be your role towards your siblings?

I have observed a lot of responds from contributors aleady and it speaks about a typical Nigerian home setting(average and poor)....now what do u mean by prostitution in my write up.? I'm telling u when it becomes a burden to some parents they discretely usher their girls into marriage and u call dat one prostitution.? I believe u are learned....so read well...secondly I don't know y u are try to make it personal.....one I'm not d eldest in my family ok....again I walked myself up d ladder ok...my elder ones are there and I don't trouble them but don't think it is same with other families

darlenese:
ladies in the house, marry the last born.
guys in the house, marry the last born.


let the parents marry their first children!
problem solved!


I have a family friend who is married to a first child and only son, this man is responsible for sending all his sisters to school. they even live with them are they are so rude and disrespectful all in the name of "my brother's house ". most times his sisters needs are considered before the wife.
no peace of mind. tufiakwa

God forbid bad thing! Your friend has entered One Chance

Jamean:
Lol! I just had this conversation with a friend this evening. I hope our generation learns from it and avoid having many children. In fact anything more than 3 is a crowd, don't stress the older ones to train the younger ones because you became incapable or irresponsible as parents.

The thing dey vex me no be small. Family planning is free in government hospitals.

You truely think having three kids is a sure secured way of future? how about if you lose your Job after the 1st just got fru Uni and get a job and number two and three are in 200 and 300 level?
Life is difficult, no one knows 2morrow, You can never know what it is l ike to bring up a child until you are a parents.Its an xtreemly though work,you are investing without hoping to get anything back and you are demanded from, Life is though

Afam4eva:
I've seen people bringing up this school of thought more frequently recently and i think it' imperative that i add my 2cents.

We have become very stingy and greedy generation. These days people just want to enjoy by themselves without anybody to fend for.

As much as i believe that the burden should be reduced on the first borns, it's important to note that almost every good thng of life usually accrues to first born but educationally, financialy etc in order for them to come out better human beings and be able to fend for the younger ones who weren't as privileged.

For them to now come out when they have "Made it" and start complaining is selfish in my opinion. We're not American for fvck sake. Our families are our lives. We have to take care of them until they stand on their own feet.

From what you wrote above i can clearly see you are not talking from experience, its just your personal opinion..

If you wer brought up in a family that automatically turns your siblings into your full responsibility you will understand..

And if in any way you are one of those men that think in that way better change your mindset right frm nw...

I will never solely hope to bring into dis world kids i will have to be hoping for older ones to grow up n help me out....

Dese days, I see comments where people ask for space to faint. Some say "please is there space in your house? I
want to faint, my sister has fainted where I am suppose to faint". And comments like "shift lemme faint"
After considering the rate at which people look for spaces to faint these days, as an IGBO man with business oriented
mind, I've decided to open a fainting center. Below are the categories of spaces for fainting and their prices:
*Fainting on the floor :1k
*Fainting on the couch: 2k
*Fainting on the Bed: 3k
*Fainting in my house :4k
*Fainting in the kitchen with water and food after waking up:14k
*Fainting in a plane : 20k
*Fainting on express road: free... (shebi semi - death dey hungry u)
In case your desired fainting space isn't here keep calm the business just started and we're still making provision for more fainting spaces.
Thanks for fainting with us.
book your fainting space now!!!

sexybbstar:
Nigerian parents...

It is very wrong and sentimental to give birth to children and think the oldest will take care of them. They didn't force you to bring them into this world; you did the konji, you ushered them in, please it's still your work to take care of them and no, when you're taking care of your children, its not a privilege, it's their right, it's what they deserve, so do it with all manner of responsibility and commitment.

An acquaintance of mine was suicidal last week because of the burden of his family on him. He's the first child and is 38 yet unmarried and almost has nothing standing, why?
He started hustling at 23 for his ungrateful siblings. His parents said it's his responsibility to do so.
To fend for them..
To give them a life..
So it's made his life almost a waste of time for himself..
Working profusely for others, who don't even care, who own it up like it's their right..
He was supposed to get married at 29 but crucibles of life's experience in the confines of the pressurised burden of taking care of his adult siblings didn't let him.

Tell me,
What freaking culture validates this nonsense practice?

Many Nigerian parents just produce children and give one the responsibility of what they caused.
Give birth to one if it's one you can take care of..
Parenting isn't about how many children you have but how well you treat them, how much can you groom them?

Quantity is needless when resources is unavailable..
Stop producing children by faith.
Stop heaping needless responsibilities on children that should plan their lives and focus.
Give all your children equal opportunity to face their lives and career.
Ain't saying they shouldn't help each other,
It's called ‘HELP’ not ‘RESPONSIBILITY’
Help is out of love or compassion..It's voluntary.
Your eldest child is not an assistant parent.
Yes, they are supposed to do well, and have others follow their legacy..
But having them feel forcefully committed to solving the problems of their siblings; that's way too ridiculous.

Many first children don't live long because of the pressure, the load, the burden, and even on top of it, these folks feel so entitled to being fed and given everything they ask.
I understand that all these play out as a result of frustration and inability to fend for your children, and that's why I'm attacking the root cause: Bear children you can comfortably fend for.
It is highly painful having one of your children give up on their dreams and entire life's passion to spend his/her own life taking care of other siblings. That's a waste of destiny. We all are here for our individual purposes.

Sweetheart you have said it all... May God help all First Borns

You stole a post from Facebook without recognizing the owner.

kratoss:


From what you wrote above i can clearly see you are not talking from experience, its just your personal opinion..

If you wer brought up in a family that automatically turns your siblings into your full responsibility you will understand..

And if in any way you are one of those men that think in that way better change your mindset right frm nw...

I will never solely hope to bring into dis world kids i will have to be hoping for older ones to grow up n help me out....

Ok i\ take it you have no kids yet,Look God gives and God takes, fine you plan you get 3, whats the sure guarantee you are going to be financially buoyant for all three to finish UNi to be self sustainable?

Thanks OP. This topic is what I keep harping on to my friends all the time. Some think I dey form oyinbo, but the reality is that most firstborn are under a burden they never asked for. It's sad really.

erico2k2:

I think the problem is from teh man, he should learn how to put his house in order. Im speaking as first born and I have 5 women and one bro behind me.No one co mes to my house to disrespect my wife.

I usually refrain from judging family issues because some wives hates to see
their in-laws anywhere their matrimonial home same for some men, so they
paint the in-laws black to justify their intolerance.

its the first born that wants to die that will allow younger siblings responsibility to kill him, i am the first born in my family of four boys, i already told them to buckle up and that nobody should wait for me or give me unnecessary problems, i told them to go and hustle on their own too, if i have i will support the little they have if i dont have they wont see a dime from my end, i did not come to this earth to come and die for anybody, simple truth.

ivolt:


I usually refrain fro judging family issues because some wives hates to see
their in-laws anywhere their matrimonial home same for some men, so they
paint the in-laws black to justify their intolerance.

That is true this is why the Man of the house should learn how to balance his home if he wants peace.
My parents did it and Im doing it too.No one needs to live with me for me to help them,in this days of mobile and bank transfer life is easy.

erico2k2:

I think some of you here commenting and dissing parents are Unmarried young and under 30, most of you do not have kids yet and do not know what it takes to bring one up, cos from teh comments I can see myself in same light when I was 20,I termed to think like that.
You father and Mum struggle to send you to school fru Uni and you graduate working, the lost thier Jobs due to no fault of tiers, so you are going to watch your younger ones drop out of school when you can help? realy? Good you parents might issue a command to you but they aint putting a gun in ur head to obey.But if you as the senior can not take care of your household your kids will do same to you its as simple as that cos kama is a bitch.

Don't mind them. My dad had an accident at his place of work. My mom could not continue with her business. The last child was taken card of by my elder brother. He has finished his schooling. He is now working. He sends money to his nieces and nephews and he even takes them out to have fun. If any of his elder ones are in financial mess. He sends money. Everything depends on how children are being brought up by parents.

Broda God bless you for this topic Gan! *** see my future wife like I always call her has just left school all because her parents expect her to take care of her smaller siblings needs girl way no get anything now I am just trying to make sure she isn't thinking of Libya or Saudi Arabia.. It's painful.. I keep telling myself I don't and I won't be a father if I know I will never be able to take care of that child it's animalistic

Afam4eva:
I've seen people bringing up this school of thought more frequently recently and i think it' imperative that i add my 2cents.

We have become very stingy and greedy generation. These days people just want to enjoy by themselves without anybody to fend for.

As much as i believe that the burden should be reduced on the first borns, it's important to note that almost every good thng of life usually accrues to first born but educationally, financialy etc in order for them to come out better human beings and be able to fend for the younger ones who weren't as privileged.

For them to now come out when they have "Made it" and start complaining is selfish in my opinion. We're not American for fvck sake. Our families are our lives. We have to take care of them until they stand on their own feet.

We ar not in america?? If u keep putting that ideology in mind u won't be able to right many wrongs... . Time have changed... We ar in the 21st century for fvck sakes..

Afam4eva:
I've seen people bringing up this school of thought more frequently recently and i think it' imperative that i add my 2cents.

We have become very stingy and greedy generation. These days people just want to enjoy by themselves without anybody to fend for.

As much as i believe that the burden should be reduced on the first borns, it's important to note that almost every good thng of life usually accrues to first born but educationally, financialy etc in order for them to come out better human beings and be able to fend for the younger ones who weren't as privileged.

For them to now come out when they have "Made it" and start complaining is selfish in my opinion. We're not American for fvck sake. Our families are our lives. We have to take care of them until they stand on their own feet.

I agree, wholeheartedly. Nigerian's are racing pell mell toward rabid, individualism.

I live in America, a bastion of individualism and I can tell you that it isn't all that great.

Here, people die and decay with no one checking up on them. Neighbors can even go years without as much as a "hi" to each other. Now coming to the family, parents make it all about the kids. On the train you will see a 65 year old grandma with her 10 year old son - if there is only one seat, she will give the seat to the grandson, while she stands. The end result is that you have self absorbed and maladjusted kids, who think the world revolves around them. When they are young adults, they promptly put their parents in old people's homes because they do not want to be bothered. Koreans, Japanese, Chinese etc have certain customs that they have maintained for thousands of years, but Nigerians are too quick to copy everything Western. In a few hundred years, Nigerians are going to be a strange hybrid people - who do not have a native language yet speak English with a strange accent. A people who are not from the western hemisphere, but have only a mangled version of western culture, as their guide for daily living.

P.S. There was a thread about a guy and his mom who went to thank K-cee for the money he had given them. One of the commenters was asking (in a condemnatory manner) why they took off their shoes before entering the house. This was pretty common place, back in the day. But now you have the average Nigerian turning up their nose at it, in the name of "modernity". Now, trying entering a Japanese persons house without taking off your shoes. They (Japanese, Chinese and Koreans) are unabashedly themselves. And that is worthy to be emulated.

BrightDeGea:
its the first born that wants to die that will allow younger siblings responsibility to kill him, i am the first born in my family of four boys, i already told them to buckle up and that nobody should wait for me or give me unnecessary problems, i told them to go and hustle on their own too, if i have i will support the little they have if i dont have they wont see a dime from my end, i did not come to this earth to come and die for anybody, simple truth.

This is true, but I dont think you should tell them that outright, its not a good thing, Its not matured, you think you younger one cannot be teh governor in teh next ten years? anything can happen thats why as teh eldest you should be watchful of waht you say and control your younger one.
PS Im responding to waht you said.

What the OP wrote is true for many Nigerian families. This same thing happened to me in my family. I am not the first born. I am the third born.

However I fully understand what the OP means. I have more money than all of my siblings. I have 9 siblings. I need to provide for my parents, grandparents, 9 siblings, some aunts, some uncles, some cousins, some nephews, some nieces and some other family members. It is really crazy and it affected my health negatively and still affecting me.

I had to give more half of my scholarship funds to my family while I was at the universities. I was a poor student. My scholarship money was enough for me alone. However, I was a poor student because I gave more than half of my scholarships to my family members. What makes me very angry is that my sibling never took their education serious when we were growing up. I tried to advise them to take their studies serious, they never listened. They were more focused on their boyfriends and girlfriends and having indiscriminate sex with multiple partners.

Some of my siblings have children, that they cannot cater for and they except me to continue providing financial assistance for them and their children because I am in abroad. Parents should not have kids, they cannot cater for. One of the major causes of societal problems in the Nigerian society is parents having children they cannot adequately cater for.

uglodoh:


Don't mind them. My dad had an accident at his place of work. My mom could not continue with her business. The last child was taken card of by my elder brother. He has finished his schooling. He is now working. He sends money to his nieces and nephews and he even takes them out to have fun. If any of his elder ones are in financial mess. He sends money. Everything depends on how children are being brought up by parents.

Thank you this is waht upbringing is all about.Life shared is life worth living this is why in Africa when you are young your parents make you all eat together in one plate, that bond is hard to separate. The White people envy our culture of inclusiveness, they which they have this sense of responsibility.

ivolt:


I usually refrain from judging family issues because some wives hates to see
their in-laws anywhere their matrimonial home same for some men, so they
paint the in-laws black to justify their intolerance.

"Paint ... black"? Why do black people use this expression without a thought as to the history behind it? If you agree that painting black is a bad thing, that is a subconscious admission that that which you are (black) is a bad thing. How about "painting in a bad light?"

It's abnormal, an elder bro or sis is just to give his/her younger ones little cash like bro i need 1k i want to buy something, sis send me airtime not for the parent to put their responsibilities on them because they are done with their academics or his/her apprentice, it really piss me off when i hear such an act

erico2k2:

I think the problem is from teh man, he should learn how to put his house in order. Im speaking as first born and I have 5 women and one bro behind me.No one co mes to my house to disrespect my wife.

sir, some men are mummy's boy, this man in question claims he loves his parents and siblings so much that they spent all they had to train him so it's his responsibility to take care of his younger ones.

Physicist:
What the OP wrote is true for many Nigerian families. This same thing happened to me in my family. I am not the first born. I am the third born.

However I fully understand what the OP means. I have more money than all of my siblings. I have 9 siblings. I need to provide for my parents, grandparents, 9 siblings, some aunts, some uncles, some cousins, some nephews, some nieces and some other family members. It is really crazy and it affected my health negatively and still affecting me.

I had to give more half of my scholarship funds to my family while I was at the universities. I was a poor student. My scholarship money was enough for me alone. However, I was a poor student because I gave more than half of my scholarships to my family members. What makes me very angry is that my sibling never took their education serious when we were growing up. I tried to advise them to take their studies serious, they never listened. They were more focused on their boyfriends and girlfriends and having indiscriminate sex with multiple partners.

Some of my siblings have children, that they cannot cater for and they except me to continue providing financial assistance for them and their children because I am in abroad. Parents should not have kids, they cannot cater for. One of the major causes of societal problems in the Nigerian society is parents having children they cannot adequately cater for.

How do you k now your uncles and brothers expect you to sort them out financially? and you think having just o ne kid gives you guarantee that you ill be able to train him/her
Did anyone threaten you with who knows waht that you must train them?

erico2k2:

This is true, but I dont think you should tell them that outright, its not a good thing, Its not matured, you think you younger one cannot be teh governor in teh next ten years? anything can happen thats why as teh eldest you should be watchful of waht you say and control your younger one.
PS Im responding to waht you said.

you are right bro but dont get me wrong i am not trying to push them away, i gave them an advice and motivated them to be real men, i am not wicked i just dont want them to be good for nothing besides its my advice that will make them to fight for the office of the governor tomorrow

darlenese:



sir, some men are mummy's boy, this man in question claims he loves his parents and siblings so much that they spent all they had to train him so it's his responsibility to take care of his younger ones.

Well you said Mummies Boy thats his fault,A man should learn how to regulate his house and train himself in father mother wife relationship.We have phones these days, parents cant jst turn up.Plus you have an agenda too,i dont blame the parents its the man i blame