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Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by rose4flower(f): 4:18am On Jun 28, 2017
Honestly its like the op knew wat I was thinking abt just yesterday evening. my own prblm with African parents is dat dey want u 2 grow up & start taking care of dem. without considering how much u are making am nt d first born but the stress & pressure is too much on me. Just because many prophet told dem am d one dat will take dem out of poverty d stress is 2uch on me I can't remember when I bought clothes for myself last. I av 2 starve to save money every month to send to dem even got married 2 someone am nt suppose 2 get married too so I can be able 2 assist my family. though I love helping out dere is dis joy & happiness associated with giving. most times if I av prblm with my man & tell my mum. she be like live him & come back home I was told if u live h u will get a beta man. why did I nt get d beta man when I was single? I had a fight wit my hubby last year & went back home spent 2 months @ home it wasn't funny no help anywhere no jobs offer the only reasonable job offer I got said dey will pay me 10k per month & I will spend 200 for transport everyday. meanwhile hubby was begging me 2 come back home I just borrowed myself sense & went home. mum refuse talking 2 me for one whole month. I am just tired my younger ones will ask 4 assistance mum will stylishly ask even without been told I no its wat I shuld do. my dad can't boast of 5k despite been a biz man for many years dey are depending on us 2 take care of dem & d country is very bad now. 1st son an accountant couldn't get a beta job he is managing a 40k job every month. 2nd born a lady with 5kids is selling plastic. I the 3rd born is spellings ladies wear which is nt even moving again due to the fact we just moved 2 a new area @ badagry. I av just one ones kid another on d way I av been thinking how I am going 2cope with the stress of sending home & also assisting my own children in my own little way. I save every kobo I lay my hands on. may God help me if thoroughly am the one to bring my parents out of poverty God should quickly make a way because I am tired.

6 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nyceguy92: 4:49am On Jun 28, 2017
EagleNest:


It's not the rarest. In fact it's common. Its how most African families are built like a step ladder in terms of responsibilities. It's not about roles we play while growing up - but the shift of burden of parenting to the first child immediately he/she starts earning money.

And woe betide you if you have many siblings, you end up growing white hair in ur early youth. To make matter worst your siblings sees it as a right and have such great expectations that you are "supposed" to be successful so that you take care of them.

I have seen a lot and I have experienced it myself but I was wise to set my goals early in life and insisted to follow that set goals to the latter... but that did not absolve me from taking some of those parental duties like paying school fees and university accommodations for my siblings even while barely new to a job of which salary can barely take care of me.

The OP made so much sense because many a times the first child suffer in silence trying to balance things. In fact they sacrifice their joy and future to put bring other up. And if it happens that your dad is the irresponsible one or seriously handicapped financially, then you might opt to stop school to lessen their burden and contribute to the Commonwealth of the family at the expense of yourself. There are so many versions of this problem and I think it's high time this is brought to the fore so that parents should plan for their family and not transfer responsibility so early in the life of their first child thereby distorting things. I don dey vex now... sad


Do not lose track of the original OP's drift;
That it is common practice for parents to forcefully unload the duties they owe their children on the eldest child.

We seem to make it look like these parents develop broken hands and legs and do nothing to assist.
It doesn't really have to be the eldest child per say that takes up the responsibilities in question.
The one following him/her can equally assist where possible, but because of the traditional position of the eldest, he/she has the first charge.

In most societies that have traditions, roles trickle downwards.
The eldest cannot see the younger one with a runny nose and not wipe him/her.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Gerrard59(m): 4:49am On Jun 28, 2017
Physicist:
One of the major causes of societal problems in the Nigerian society is parents having children they cannot adequately cater for.


Thank you Sir.

I said same here: https://www.nairaland.com/3450586/poor-un-intelligent-people-should-not I was insulted, maligned and heavily criticised. Good thing is, I'm being vindicated daily. From Sanusi to Nlders.

Someone said the Japanese, Koreans, Singaporeans and Chinese support their parents in old age. Yes, they do. However, they don't procreate children the way Nigerians do. Nigerians believe procreating children is fun, it's not. It's expensive to raise children properly.

Yes, it's the moral thing to help your siblings and parents. However, it's not the most responsible thing to do. Morality is not responsibility.

People should learn to procreate children they can ADEQUATELY take PROPER care of.

5 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by blackface123: 5:03am On Jun 28, 2017
Are u kidding,when d eldest was busy sending d junior ones on errands and asking for their meat during meals,they did not know they will one day pay in kind abi?op leave that matter.Noboby should look at it that way.An elder brother or elder sister wt a kind and reasonable mind will do all for d junior and aged parent.We should not be selfish.Don't see Christmas and forget Sunday,period.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 5:17am On Jun 28, 2017
It's absolute trash. Especially among some families. It's not a bad thing for the eldest or any sibling for that matter to help their parents or other siblings but I believe it should be out of kindness of heart and not out of responsibility. Parents should not be having kids they cannot take care of and expecting one sibling to be responsible to fill the shoes. Anything help should be out of the sibling be kind and courtesy demands that they thank him for it. The least every parent is expected to do for any child is atleast train the child till when they can fend for themselves. And after that the child is expected to actually now take care of himself and out of gratitude and not responsibility take care of the parents. In the U.S they may probably call that cut off point till end of high school. And in Nigeria it may be till end of university. But in Nigeria you will see parents going "all out" for their children with the selfish interest that when they retire the children will start taking care of them. In reality that is what your pension should be for. But we all know the situation of Nigeria with paying pension. Some parents would even use emotional blackmail just to get these things. Some parents dont even plan for the future or retirement especially retirement in a country where you may not get your pension on time. Parents are supposed to even leave property for their children if possible.

If you're an elder siblings it would be a worthy thing to do to help your younger ones not working yet or still in school. This is a privilege and not a right.
PS: Im a last born.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by dsaintJ4Real(m): 5:18am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

Spoken like the baby of the family. A first child will never, I repeat, never ever talk like this.. . smiley
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by femi4: 5:18am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
Its the responsibility of the Parents to take care of the children. Also Children assisting their parents is a collective responsibility.

Prov 13:32

A good parent leave inheritance for their Children

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 5:22am On Jun 28, 2017
Nigerian parents only have children just for manual labour, the more children the more hands in the farm or heads to carry loads to the markets, the more children the more slaves to hawk bananas or orange in the streets.
And when they come to old age they still expect their children to look after them while they lazy around the house.
my step mother said she would like to live to 100 hundred years old and I asked her who will look after her when she gets to that age, I guess she is expecting her children to give up their own lives just to look after her selfish ass! . this culture of child slavery in nigeria is Appauling! it's time to change it, it's parents responsibility to care for their children not the other way round.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by RoyalRoy(m): 5:24am On Jun 28, 2017
Buchi95,
Credit has been given to who it's due.
No more bickering on this beautiful thread please.


Sexybbstar, I hope you have learnt your lessons, never copy anything anywhere without crediting the source. It's a big crime in other clime.


Have a wonderful day guys.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by kkins25(m): 5:25am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
If people like you exist then the world is coming to an end sooner than i thought. If we should go by your This is africa BS. Is gay african?? Hypocrite.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by joey150(m): 5:27am On Jun 28, 2017
Say your parents... In my family we were all trained to be independent and the first born gets to inherit lots of things by default.

So focus on your parents and change their mentality.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 5:29am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
yes! men are scum including your father, uncles, brothers grandfather that's if you have any, you are a lesbian because you have failed as a real woman and potential mother and a human being and no man wants you! you are disgusting and i think you will be better off slitting your wrists.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Bbdealer(m): 5:30am On Jun 28, 2017
What would we say when a young man gets marriesd and his wifes family gives him the young sibling to take care of and fend for. That is the most annoying

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 5:31am On Jun 28, 2017
Nicely written @buchi95...

Daeylar:


wow,
so you actually wrote this article and the op still hasn't credited you as the writer on the post, even when the op has acknowledged that you are the original writer. That's too bad, the op is busy receiving and enjoying all the praise, the op should have clarified that the post is copied and should have acknowledged you, That's what the op should do immediately.

Ignore that person telling you how you should react.

Ralphlauren:


Mumu. Edit your original post NOW and give due credit/reference to the person who wrote this post originally.

Stealing in whatever shape of form especially as a woman is very BAD.

What sexybbstar did was wrong, agreed, and she has apologized, now asking her to edit her post and acknowledge the original writer is impossible as per NL, cuz once a topic makes front-page, the posters will not get the opportunity to edit the post any longer.....

*modified*

Except if it's a mod that helps in editing the post

And I think RoyalRoy already did that...
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 5:43am On Jun 28, 2017
Osahon7:
IF I BECOME A NIGERIAN SENATOR, AM GONNA TO MOVE A MOTION THAT WILL CONSTITUTIONAL EMPOWER THE FED GOVT AND STATE GOVT TO CONTROL THE NUMBER OF KIDS EVERY FAMILY SHOULD HAVE.

THIS PRACTICE IS COMMON AMONGST ALL THESE POOR PEOPLE.THEY KEEP GIVING BIRTH LIKE DOGS AND THIER CHILDREN KIDS CONSTITUTING NUISANCE TO THE SOCIETY.
WHY GIVE BIRTH TO 10 CHILDREN WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR SOURCE OF INCOME IS VIA TAXI DRIVING OR BUS DRIVING?
GOVT SHOULD INTERVENE PLEASE!
KIDNAPPING,ARMED ROBBERY AND SOCIAL VICES STARTS WHEN THE FAMILY UNIT HAS FAILED.
Absolutely! one of these people lives in one of my properties he hasn't paid me any rent for nearly 2 years he already has 4 children he can barely take care of and his wife is pregnant again. he tells me that he has no job therefore cannot pay rent. I don't know what to do with this guy i am fed up with him.

4 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by juman(m): 5:44am On Jun 28, 2017
Good thread.

Yoruba says "omo beere osi beere bokuta lomanda".
Meaning having too many children than the parents can take care would result in poverty.

Things are changing. Nowadays most people dont have many many children like our parents did.

But the problem in the country is caused by the senseless "leaders" that failed to build a robust economy.
We have a bad country with a bad system caused by bad "leaders".

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by hopebacy(m): 5:47am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
who do u this kind thing..
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by helpishere(m): 5:49am On Jun 28, 2017
Interesting thread but the Op is using an unserious first born as an excuse. Micheal Ibru took over the education of his younger ones. He sent them abroad and when they returned set up businesses for his siblings. He became exceedingly great. God told Rebecca that the eldest twin will serve the younger. Is that what you want? When Jacob was to bless the sons of Joseph, he placed his right hand on the younger son but Joseph was not happy about it. All Parents want their first sons to be the one to carry the family tree of prosperity to preserve his dignity. If the last born is the richest in a family, there will be chaos and envy. It is already happening in many families in the country and it is the root of all family squabbles where the youngest son will entrust money to his elder brother to build a house for him in the village and we all know the outcome. For all those complaining about having many children that you cannot care for, have you seen a poor man paying 10000 usd for an ivf process. Have you seen a poor man at the fertility clinics that are springing up everywhere in the country? If a rich man can take care of many children, why are they flying everywhere looking for children? It is God that rules in the affairs of men and all Parents want their first born to excel and that is the reason for the added responsibilities because it will bring family disunity if the first son collects money to survive from his siblings. He will have low self esteem that even his wife will be uncomfortable when she is in their midst.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by juman(m): 5:52am On Jun 28, 2017
IBB, obasanjo, abdulsalami, jonathan are billionaire in dollars.
Likewise many former and present governors are billionaire in naira.
And so on and so forth.

One thing is important, making anti corruption agency totally independent would help a great deal in this corrupt society.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by LegendaryArnold(m): 6:05am On Jun 28, 2017
DatLagboi:
na una op they talk about angry angry
lol I'm self independent bro
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by patola080(m): 6:09am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
useless as ur dad too abi ?
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Fourwinds: 6:13am On Jun 28, 2017
Nyceguy92:


I did not misrepresent you, please.
Below is from your previous response:

..."have u not heard of some parent tactically pushing their daughters to men to source for money.? and in d course of "waka waka" some evenetually get married through pregnancy in order to ease their burden.?"

I need to be educated on how this refers to parents giving their daughters out in marriage.
if u are a disciplinarian I believe u won't allow ur teen daughters to date but some parents in my hood directly or indirectly encourage their daughters. to have boy friends( Okada riders., mechanics., carpenters etc)..what happens., illicit sex is involved...as time going on some of these girls get pregnant...and d father result to telling d guy involved dat he has to marry d daughter....look this Sallah dat just went by I can bet. my two months salary dat clothes wore by some teenagers were bought by these so called biy friend because some parents won't take dat responsibility and they will turn a blind eye as if dey don't know how she got it

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 6:16am On Jun 28, 2017
dsaintJ4Real:


Spoken like the baby of the family. A first child will never, I repeat, never ever talk like this.. . smiley


lol yeah I'm the last child
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by expensive2(f): 6:17am On Jun 28, 2017
seriously most parents see their children as investment. let me train the first child so he will get rich and start providing for us...that mentality is totally wrong...it is your responsibility to take care of all your kids.....
when you know you can't father four children why birth four......this awareness should be made and parents should start getting things right

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by PDPGuy: 6:18am On Jun 28, 2017
darlenese:
ladies in the house, marry the last born.
guys in the house, marry the last born.


let the parents marry their first children!
problem solved!


I have a family friend who is married to a first child and only son, this man is responsible for sending all his sisters to school. they even live with them are they are so rude and disrespectful all in the name of "my brother's house ". most times his sisters needs are considered before the wife.
no peace of mind. tufiakwa

Chai!

That's why I'll seriously consider whether I can marry a first born, especially if her family aren't middle/upper middle class. I don't want to carry unnecessary load on my head.

The worst part, as you said, is the entitlement culture. The younger siblings of your spouse will feel that if you don't give them N10k, you must be a 'wicked' or stingy person. As if they contributed in any to my source of income.

I can help the younger siblings of my future wife in any way I can, but it will purely be a privilege.

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by RexEmmyGee: 6:18am On Jun 28, 2017
African Dads go belike.....
You: Dad I need N50,000
Dad: N40,000 ?? wat do u need N30,000 for? N20,000 is more Dan Enough ... Here's N10,000 give your Brother Half.������
But y����
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by hardbody: 6:19am On Jun 28, 2017
Lordygram:
wow op you are so on point..
In fact Nigeria parents are guilty of this shiit..
You see a mother and a dad telling their eldest son or daughter to try and make money so that he or she can start giving the other children better lives including the parents..
This eldest son is even not through with school and a huge responsibility has been placed on him already..
99% of Nigerian students live in pressure from their parents to make money and take care of them..
Like can't the parents themselves keep working for their tomorrow?
cant The younger siblings of the eldest kid focus on making money on their own...
A son or a daughter will surely take good care of his parents and siblings when he is successful but parents should stop putting pressure on their kids...
Let the children live a pressure free life..

Some crazy thoughts, really.

When I get into training the children, it will be so that they'd be independent of me and each other. I am making enough money to last me my own life time. Investments and Trusts will take care of those.

It is so not fair telling kids i am training you so you can take care of me at old age. Plan for your old age today and you will surely have the kids coming round you.

My dad planned it out so well that the cost of his burial expenses were already invested for interest in his life time.

I don't plan on doing less.....so help me God

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Coldfeets: 6:21am On Jun 28, 2017
I see so many firstborns complaining.

I am the firstborn.

But I don't just give a fück what the "society" expects from me.

I am on my own.

I let everyone around me to know they are also on their own.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by tunde82seidat(f): 6:23am On Jun 28, 2017
ivolt:
@ sexybbstar you are only scratching the surface, Nigerian parents invest heavily both
materially and emotionally on their first borns, so expecting him/her to take care
of some responsibility is justified.

I have seen families where wealthy uncles even contribute to their nephews
empowerment. It is the Nigerian family code that is at work.

Take the US for example, some parents usually leave their kids to fend
for themselves after high school and many are even asked to move
out of the parents house, left with little choice, may kids have to take
up debt to finance their own education. This hardly happens in the Nigerian setting
where parents feel responsible for the child until he/she is successful except
the parent are indigent.
No wonder many american adults put their parents in senior homes
and only visit them during christmas.

I see your post as encouraging selfishness and attempting to destroy the ladder one
used in climbing up after benefiting from the same system.

When children are tired of the current system, parents will also stop
investing in post-high school life of their children, so they can focus
on the younger siblings.

In cases where parents contribute nothing to the child's success
or the eldest child is not financially buoyant, then he/she can
boycott any responsibility placed on him.

Oga see its the responsibility of dse parents to bring up each n every child they birth equally irrespective of the position of that child. They should be able to train all up to unversity level N yes d US government funds n different assist programs like scholarships r there to cushion ds effect unlike what is applicable here
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by hush15: 6:28am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

Hmmm....

I bet you one of those ladies(trying to be nice) that like to avoid responsibilities. By their seeds, yes shall know them.

Just dey do am jejely

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