ivolt:


This doesn't matter, what is more important is commitment!

It's not a misconception,its a fact!!! Look when you love someone(weather man or woman) you're ready to share n comfort your loved ones both in sickness n health,in riches n difficulty. That's the way it is.... If u like believe it or not.. That's the plain truth.

Rolly83:


It's not a misconception,its a fact!!! Look when you love someone(weather man or woman) you're ready to share n comfort your loved ones both in sickness n health,in riches n difficulty. That's the way it is.... If u like believe it or not.. That's the plain truth.

You have been fooled by nollyhood love stories, which doesn't play out in real life.
Standing by a loved one in sickness and riches is a question of compassion,
empathy and commitment!

Many young people don't understand this and think "love" is a kind of
magic that makes you do the impossible, no it is not, this is a fact many
couples discovered after 5+ years of marriage.

It is no surprise that all over the world "love marriages" don't last as much as those
based on practical realities. It is not an accident that our grandparents marriages
were very successful.

ivolt:


You have been fooled by nollyhood love stories, which doesn't play out in real life.
Standing by a loved one in sickness and riches is a question of compassion,
empathy and commitment!

Many young people don't understand this and think "love" is a kind of
magic that makes you do the impossible, no it is not, this is a fact many
couples discovered after 5+ years of marriage.

It is no surprise that all over the world "love marriages" don't last as much as those
based on practical realities. It is not an accident that our grandparents marriages
were very successful.

So enlighten me, why were our grandparents marriages so successful?

yhemster:


This mentality of whose responsibility is to provide and to care for the kids is definitely the root of this man's problem. This is 2017 and not 1995, financial responsibilities of the home should be the responsibility on both the Father and Mother of the house likewise the care of the home and kids. Gone are the days when Mother stays home or earn very little income. Nowadays, Male and Female are fully a workforce and their earns varies slightly.
There's not wrong in Mummy dropping her salary for upkeep of the home likewise their nothing wrong for Daddy to pickup the kids from school and prepare lunch or dinner for them while Mummy is at her duty post.
The earlier the society reset and update to this modern way of living the better for us all.

While your view is a progressive one, it will meet its greatest opposition from
men in general because that will be losing their "authority" in the home.

I don't know the OP, but if he is one those who believes that he should be
worshipped because he provides for the family, then he must live with
the reality of being disrespected if he can't live up to his image.

Rolly83:


So enlighten me, why were our grandparents marriages so successful?

Because they place practical realities first e.g income, desirability,
integrity, behaviour and principles, family background etc.

They went ahead with the marriage if their partner ticked those boxes and they understood
that love will come with the marriage and that love, an emotion which rise and fall erratically
cannot be relied on to keep the home.

connectpoint:



You started well but ended badly...50% agreement


THIS IS SPECULATIVE



that that the man did not have the foresight to save or diversify (in two years, no savings) in order to protect his family from this. Bad decisions have led them to this point.

You're right. It's speculative.

RaggedyAnn:



You're right. It's speculative.

Many men suffer hell in similar scenario at the hands of ya sisters so i can relate

CapitalCee:


Anybody that worked in a bank for 2 years is not lazy, moreover the man is only out of job for just 4 F.ucking months. So when does not securing another Job after 4 months becomes laziness? When he foot her bills and education for 2 years he is a sweet husband, now he is lazy? Women are just silly with fish brain

Oga pls Take your quote to another place. I never called the man lazy, I only told him the truth.To do something no matter how small and regain his respect. Do some handy jobs and return home with something no matter how small.He can even use their car for Taxi,bread selling etc. God designed man as the provider. God did not assign that role to women because He know better.
The same thing I tell my fellow women. How can you be a help mate if you contribute nothing?
Meanwhile I responded to the guy who quoted me based on what he said. I don't support people staying idle.

Amhappy:


Oga pls Take your quote to another place. I never called the man lazy, I only told him the truth.To do something no matter how small and regain his respect. Do some handy jobs and return home with something no matter how small.He can even use their car for Taxi,bread selling etc. God designed man as the provider. God did not assign that role to women because He know better.
The same thing I tell my fellow women. How can you be a help mate if you contribute nothing?
Meanwhile I responded to the guy who quoted me based on what he bysaid. I don't support people staying idle.

My friend keep quiet, does that justify the insults she is raining on him? where did he say he is idle the entire four months, the problem is that he can't shoulder the entire family responsibility the way he used to, hence the wicked wife started keeping records of the amount she contributed. It's obvious that anything he will bring home for now will not be up to what his wife is earning. Who told you that God has made it mandatory for the man to be the sole provider for the family? If so why then did the man waste his hard earned money to send her to school? Is it not for her to possibly start working and cover up in situations like this? Pending when the man finds his feet. Don't tell me that not fully providing for his family for a period of 4 months has translated to laziness. The way you women of this generation think sometimes is very silly. This your response has practically confirm that what the OP is saying is true. Somebody like you might even be worse than the woman in question

Rolly83:


You daft for calling me that!!! It's not a misconception,its a fact!!! Look when you love someone(weather man or woman) you're ready to share n comfort your loved ones both in sickness n health,in riches n difficulty. That's the way it is.... If u like believe it or not.. That's the plain truth.

You must be very very young. You will learn trust me.

chibuzorAbia:


You must be very very young. You will learn trust me.

Oga! I'm 34 years old and believe I'm old and experienced enough to know what I'm talking about

DukeNija:


I cannot try it. You know why? I am a very selfish person. I will not invest a dime of my money on any woman, not even my wife. All my savings goes to me and me alone. I will set up businesses that i will manage on my own even if she is jobless. My major priority will be me. She is secondary.
The mistake the man made was believing he had someone behind him. If he had saved for the rainy day and even started something on the side for complementary income he wont be in this mess. Go figure.

Women are selfish beings who love money and only think of themselves. The earlier men learn to be equally selfish the better for them. I believe op has learnt his lessons now and the wife will get her pay in due time.

Bro thanks so much for bringing this to my attention, I've been noticing it but felt its nothing but now I do understand.

The owner of this story is a foolish man, in addition you actually married someone,s wife because if she is your wife she will stay with you and support you, and the idiot you are find something to do and be a man, stop collecting​ money from your wife , bury your pride and think of what to do next, I lost my job as a banker and I enter construction site you won't believe it use my idea and the owner of the site employ me later I got another job , the problem with ex bankers are their ego cos of the life style they are used to.........Some bankers will actually die a poor man

haske7:


Desr brother, it bleeds my heart when I see ex bankers going thru he'll after losing their jobs. Banking job is like playing Russian roulette and surely one day the only bullet in the gun will go off so u either quit the game before it goes off or have a neuro surgeon readily avaliable to treat. I don't know the unit you worked in the bank but I will assume it's operations because they are always the worst hit. I would advise that u make a list of the banks customers u had a good relationship with (hope u didn't get sacked for fraud) and meet the ones that have a consumer based business and try and become a middle man for them. Hustle for them and earn commission. If u left the bank due to no fault of yours you can always analyse your former colleagues and find the products they need and begin to sell to them on a small scale.
Lemme give u an example..... most bankers wear white shirts that they normally buy at the cost of 10k and above. U can start by sourcing fairly used white shirts from ok abi bend down select and u can get it for 1k and dry clean them and u can sell for 3k. It might seem small but imagine if u have constant supply of high quality ok shirts and let's sell u sell 50 shirts a month that's like 5shirts it to 10 bankers that's like a hundred thousand for starts.
You can also start become a land and house agent by the side considering that most of your colleagues don't have time act as an intermediary for them. Don't lose your self confidence cos your situation is temporary keep your head up and ignore your wife and reduce your dependence on her.
Just ensure that everyday u leave the house and start from your known friends. Most might shun u but once u are reliably and trust worthy a. Sure one or two will definetly assist. Keep looking for another job and remain prayerful God will see u thru........... shalom!!!!!

I don't know you but I want to fxxking kiss your hands, wow laaawd thank you! at least we have two oooooooo. May you marry a very good man that will treat you like a queen. Tah!! I de follow you jooor

Rolly83:


It's not a misconception,its a fact!!! Look when you love someone(weather man or woman) you're ready to share n comfort your loved ones both in sickness n health,in riches n difficulty. That's the way it is.... If u like believe it or not.. That's the plain truth.

What we call ''love'' in sexual relationship most times is mere bodily attraction which fades with time. Many who claimed to be inlove before marriage are divorced today. What happened? They got used to whatever that blinded them to their partner's real character and reality dawned on them.

This is why it is good to marry people due to their good character. Marriage is an eye opener!

Like i said before, don't be surprised that the lady was head over hills inlove with op before now.

Op,
Financial stress between couples isn't funny. Roll up your sleeves and help at home, keep up your games and work harder to get a job.

Rolly83:


Oga! I'm 34 years old and believe I'm old and experienced enough to know what I'm talking about

I believe you. Honestly I do but you know nothing yet. If you have uncles you respect and trust please go and repeat what you put up there.

mylander:
Please advise.

I was in an employment of a bank until recently when my employment was terminated.

When I had the job, I took my family welfare as my priory. My wife and our only son were faring good, I always ensure we do not lack the basic necessities. Meanwhile, my wife did not have a job then. All the house upkeep expenses including the cost of running her postgraduate program were on me and I felt comfortable bearing the costs as the breadwinner of the family.

After I lost my job in the bank some month ago, my wife got an employment with the state govt. With her little income, she has been able to assist in bearing some expenses, even she pays for fuelling our car sometimes.

The drama has now started in the house and our marriage is on the verge of breaking up.

Any little issue, my wife will turn it to quarrel, different abuses. Funny enough, she would be referring to the financial supports she has been rendering in the house. This is a woman that did not work at all for 2 years and I was bearing all the expenses with pleasure. Now she had only supported me for about 4months now and she's is misbehaving.

To my surprise, my wife maintains a record in which she records every penny she spends in the house including food items and fuel. With this, she always ask me when will I pay him back.

At the instance of a simple argument/misunderstanding, my wife would be boasting of 'I paid for this, I paid for that....' 'If not for my support since you had problem at work......'

Please advise me, I am getting fed-up with the situation, my wife had changed totally.

Sorry bro for your job loss, it is a painful experience.

Your post is not enough for us to decipher why your wife seems not to be supportive.

While the going was good, how did you treat your wife? How did you relate with her especially in money matters? I can pay someone's bills from the place of love and from the place of pride and condescending.

I will assume that your wife was the one in charge of domestics; what is the model now? Are you home more often? If yes, do you still expect her to handle all she was handling while she was the person at home?

Do you know see everything through the lenses of 'you are now misbehaving because you are the breadwinner' bla bla bla?

I will appreciate answers if you are inclined to.

Jman06:
What we call ''love'' in sexual relationship most times is mere bodily attraction which fades with time. Many who claimed to be inlove before marriage are divorced today. What happened? They got used to whatever that blinded them to their partner's real character and reality dawned on them.

This is why it is good to marry people due to their good character. Marriage is an eye opener!

Like i said before, don't be surprised that the lady was head over hills inlove with op before now.

You know Bro, it took me years to understand that the best thing to happen to any young man is to marry during his down times.
I lost all I had, lost millions in a bad deal. I was miserable, got jilted by the babe who was doing lovey dovey before. That was the best moment of my life, because it revealed me to myself, it showed me the true color of women. It helped me remove the chaffs from my life.
That is why I tell young men, the best time to get a mate is your down time. Yes. The woman that stick by you during your down time, you must make your queen.

I am so sorry for men that marry when the going is good, because life is not always up, when it is down, then they will know the nature of that woman that was confessing all the love for you, when you dey sample am, because money dey. Wait till things turn down, she will show you her through nature.

The biggest bane to many young men is that because of present success they go for women that satisfy their sensual and lustful cravings, while neglecting the most important quality: Character. In the end they will get burnt by their decision, which may be too late, bring misery, or even heart attack if care is not taking.

Young men if you are down now, it is a blessing in disguise, use it find that woman that accepts your condition, stick with her, commit to her.

Another advice to young men, enjoy everyday of your life whether money dey or not. Be thankful to God for the gift of life. Try as much as possible to catch fun out of life whether money dey or not. Don't worship material things, live a very simple life. If you begin to make money save and invest especially in appreciating assets like land, properties, mutual funds, stocks, and even other businesses. Don't waste money to impress women. If possible hide your money, don't live flamboyant life. It will save you from strange women, read Proverbs 5. Proverbs 31 from 10. When dating look for a woman with good character that is your licence to peace.

GodsLastBorn:
I don't know you but I want to fxxking kiss your hands, wow laaawd thank you! at least we have two oooooooo. May you marry a very good man that will treat you like a queen. Tah!! I de follow you jooor

j

Thank you bro. Am already married and I have an amazing life. May God see you through. It is well

Rolly83:


So enlighten me, why were our grandparents marriages so successful?

one was submissive and the other took charge

Ifyone123:
This is the reason most well doing men dont flaunt dia money wen dating girls. Like i once said "U know d depth of loyalty from a woman wen her man got noting..and d loyalty of a man wen he got everything" OP jst calmly tell her to b paying bills dat u will refund her back and start lookin fr a job, meanyl if u cn invest d lil u hv in MMM n b looking around fr anoda appointment. Broda if u finally get a job n she brings d list of fr u to refund jst tell her to giv u somtime, u shud go write a list of all u hv bin spending wen u both wia dating, all d money u spent on both white n traditional wedding and all d expenses u cn fabricate and tell her to pay up all diz tinz before u refund her money back. You sef u wud hv opened a shop for her or tell her to hustle as well or look for a job, its easy fr us to get a job, the make it mandatory dat contribution will b 50/50..or 60/40. men u guys hv com togeda to b one..forget dat MAN Provider mentallity nonsense. Oya drop dead n see if she wunt take care of her kid/kids by hustling. Op if u knw hw u cn start pinning ur mouth wen she talks plz kindly do. If she takes ur PEACE plz dnt beat her..Kindly n gently in a romantic way carry her back to her father/mother's house...dats our only refactory and reset mode but before u do dis make make sure YOU hv paid d current house rent and earning lil cash...ivn if its lil..Thank me later.

MMM? Sister why.

jconsulting:
The owner of this story is a foolish man, in addition you actually married someone,s wife because if she is your wife she will stay with you and support you, and the idiot you are find something to do and be a man, stop collecting​ money from your wife , bury your pride and think of what to do next, I lost my job as a banker and I enter construction site you won't believe it use my idea and the owner of the site employ me later I got another job , the problem with ex bankers are their ego cos of the life style they are used to.........Some bankers will actually die a poor man

Good points.

FortuneTeller:


Respect is earned. If you decide to sit on your bottom and wait for me to feed you, you won't get any respect from me.

In this context, the man never sat at home. He lost his job which isn't out of place in any society. Because of that he lost his respect and dignity at home....pls tell me u aren't supporting this womab

I know a lot of people have lost jobs in recent times and had to go through some changes. Here's my advice
MAN
-Please understand your wife is not accustomed with working, she has been depending on you since she got married all of a sudden she has to work and still do her house chores. It can be quite stressful
-Gently reassure her things will get better, this is only a phase and not the end.
-Appreciate her occasionally. "Ha my wife thank God for you oh. What will we have done. You are one strong woman". I tell you she will never complain
- Please pick up after yourself at least, am not saying you should do all the house chores but do what you can. Try not to add to the work load. Like throwing your shoes and cloths all over the place.
-I know you are looking for other jobs but please don't lay on the couch all day pressing phone and watching TV. Call some Entrepreneur friends and ex -customers find out if they have anything for you in the mean time, ask if you can hang around, you never know something might pop up. For supervising or PA you might 5k to 10k I know its small but you've got something in your pocket and you are learning new skills while you wait for your dream job. These days for introduction Mr A to Mr B you can get 10% commission without being involved in the job. But you might never know who needs what by laying on your couch all day.

WOMAN
-This is a good time to praise your man, not insult him. Say something like" I never knew this is what it feels like to work from 7am to 5pm" . Help build his self esteem and appreciate him for all the times he provided.
-Assure him it will soon be over
-Instead of complaining, thank God you got a job at this crucial time otherwise what will you all live on. Look on the positive side. Bad situation + bad attitude isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
-Kindly prioritize and cut down unnecessary spending. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
-Watch your words, tone and body language . He is highly sensitive, almost everything sounds like an insult to him right now.
My two cents

mylander:
Please advise.

I was in an employment of a bank until recently when my employment was terminated.

When I had the job, I took my family welfare as my priory. My wife and our only son were faring good, I always ensure we do not lack the basic necessities. Meanwhile, my wife did not have a job then. All the house upkeep expenses including the cost of running her postgraduate program were on me and I felt comfortable bearing the costs as the breadwinner of the family.

After I lost my job in the bank some month ago, my wife got an employment with the state govt. With her little income, she has been able to assist in bearing some expenses, even she pays for fuelling our car sometimes.

The drama has now started in the house and our marriage is on the verge of breaking up.

Any little issue, my wife will turn it to quarrel, different abuses. Funny enough, she would be referring to the financial supports she has been rendering in the house. This is a woman that did not work at all for 2 years and I was bearing all the expenses with pleasure. Now she had only supported me for about 4months now and she's is misbehaving.

To my surprise, my wife maintains a record in which she records every penny she spends in the house including food items and fuel. With this, she always ask me when will I pay him back.

At the instance of a simple argument/misunderstanding, my wife would be boasting of 'I paid for this, I paid for that....' 'If not for my support since you had problem at work......'

Please advise me, I am getting fed-up with the situation, my wife had changed totally.

Shebi na you wan marry bling bling wife

Fabulocity:
You're missing the point. There's nothing wrong in a woman supporting her husband temporarily in bad times and I'm very sure that your father didn't sit down at home, waiting for food and daily pocket money from your mom. I'm very sure he kept on hustling to get back on his feet till he did. He didn't get comfortable being catered for and I can assure you that OP's wife is lashing out because she might feel he's not working hard enough to get back in his feet. That's still doesn't justify her actions though

...ok so.do u have nyansh?

zinny377:
Chai...Op I lack words. I don't know why I find it so difficult to believe that a woman that most probably love u is treating u this way. Try to b strong, most of all start up something no matter how small.

When you have a bae that got your back.

sweerychick:
Im sorry for your condition, but its obvious u have a greedy and selfish woman as a wife. Lord knows that i cant insult my husband cos of his condition. When u guys exchanged vows she forgot abt the part of good times and bad times so it is all abt her enjoying without remembering your sacrifice towards her. Keep the faith and hope alive God wil sure reward ur pains wt joy. remember the story of job.. dont loose hope. cheers

Na like u dem go talk before it happens o
especially d semi illiterate ones

MizMyColi:


See
This head and tail abi position dragging thingy is the problem. Why should you drag position nau?
It reeks of insecurity joor. A woman will respect you if you give her reasons to...not by forcing or exacting or asserting yourself.

Same way a man will respect a woman if she gives him reasons to...not by nagging and scheming and manipulating.

But wait o, why do men like you love to see yourself as the head?
How about working towards a relationship that is mutually beneficial?

If I'm to put myself in the shoes of a woman who caters solely for the family...

It would be very unfair that after hustling and haggling for the day, I come back to meet the dishes undone, the children unkempt and hungry, the house tattered and you still want me to Coman serve you food, and then have rounds of seks. Lol. Kolewerk.

While you as the Head is balanced on the sofa watching TV or listening to walkie talkie radio.

Check am nau..
If you are in my shoes, how would you feel?

See ehn, I understand that there are jezebelous women out there. As in...nothing you do will satisfy them.

But there are also women who are simply human, like you. They have emotions as well.
What I know for sure is that something is triggering the attitude OP's wife is displaying.

I don't know about other women, but I know that I can move everest for a man who is considerate and thoughtful.
One who understands that it is not easy to bear the burden of working and wifing alone.
Whether he is jobless or not, nothing beats the knowledge of knowing that the two of you can count on each other to make life more easier and worth it.
That kind of man, I would be loyal and serve, even with my dying breath. I AM thankful I have that Kind

For better for worse. the head remains the head. go and rest

stukinherdr1222:



bro i would love to contact you as well , my case is more than this . . . i started dating my wife when she was in HND 1 and paid her school fees till she graduated,served and got married ,we dated for 4 years ,two years after we got married i lost my job . . .but before then i was able to open a boutique for her . . . for 8 months now i have been jobless ,and to worsen the situation i have been very sick ,i have GERD a sickness related to ulcer and only surgery can cure , during our court ship i was doing a bsc programme in computer science , i stopped in 300 level . my house rent i cannot pay . . i really need someone i can talk to . . i was very okay financially before i feel sick and lost my job . .i even bought a car of which has been sold long ago . . just to meet up with the expenses in the house . .

my wife changed totally , my family changed as well . ..i have no friends and i have attempted suicide twice . .the only hope i have is God and been alive . .. .my wife has turned my house to a living hell for me . . .i have never had peace since then . she is now very arrogant , no love , no respect , she has never been submissive . . .

Pls how did u know it was gerd?

Partnerbiz3:

Pls how did u know it was gerd?

i did series of test ,why did you ask?