Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

cococandy:

Well Maybe she wasn't sexually interested in you then.

Don't take it personally.

I know some Guys have a hard time accepting no for answer.

Questions is: Did she get pregnant while dating you or was it in between one of your break ups? If it was during the time she was actively dating you, that means she cheated on you like you cheated on her with her neighbor. Meh. Goose. Gander. End of story. Sorry sha.

However if she got pregnant during one of the times when you guys were broken up, I don't see what the problem is.
Except that you can't imagine why she would want to fvck someone else but say no to you. Well news flash: Sexual attraction is a weird thing. Maybe she didn't have the hots for you then but she does now. Just enjoy the moment

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

Sterope:
She may not have been ready initially. You were so desperate that you slept with another because of it, that is a red flag to refuse you many times over. However it does sound suspicious for her to refuse you again especially if she was sexually active in a preceding relationship before this one but then it is a bit understandable given your history.


Aren't you a Christian? Isn't premarital sex a sin?. Keep your body holy for God. If you want sex, marry her.

VajanahDischaj:
u dont even deserve her... Ahhhh don't be happy, u are a greedy 4k! So u want to be 4king her cos of relationship. If u really loved her u should ve adviced her to focus on sch first. Rather u went to even belefull another ortekpu. It is wah for u, u deserve to marry an ashi

rosalieene:


miss, you are the one that knows everything about sex and marriage now. Miss relationship expert Mtcheewwwwww

obyrich:
Part of the game! She wants to settle down and for fear of the OP finding out himself, she had to let him know with a promise not to change his attitude after hearing the secret. That's how manipulators behave. They box you into a tight corner where you will see yourself trying either to justify their wrong actions or wallowing in pity for them.

lovelygurl:


Where I can protect the lady

Do I know the lady or do I seem to be playing your ridiculous childish gender play. I am a boy so I defend boys or I am girl, so I defend girls

The issue here is all about SEX. He should have made that crystal clear instead of talking about the abortion and stillbirth because how are those topics even related to each other.

And where the hell did he in his whole write up claim she gave SEVERAL men sex. She came back quite loose, so what? Does that mean it's a must for her to have sex with him. How is love even equal to sex?

My problem with the op is, he is talking about a super super secret, whining about a stillbirth and an abortion when his real problem is "sex"

Sterope:
Aren't you a Christian? Isn't premarital sex a sin?. Keep your body holy for God. If you want sex, marry her.

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

cococandy:
How exactly do you imagine yourself better than her or in a position to judge her?
Please explain your thought process to me.

She didn't even have an abortion. She had a still birth. so you're judging her for having had sex before she met you meanwhile you've been a hoe about town? Explain yourself sir.

lovelygurl:


I can't believe you are judging women from all over the world, be it Asian, European, American based on Nairaland

But then again, your go back to the kitchen comment say it all

Stoicbaba:


Hello sir...I really felt oblige to react to your line of thoughts. First, you should know that people actually do regret their past and they try to move on. Having said that, I would have wished that this info came out first before the proposal, so as Nerdg to really decide if he really loves the babe for real.

I love sincere people and I bet you, this most often make people trust you, whether immediate or in the future. This is how I have planned to bring up my kids (to be truthful at all times, irrespective of the repercussions).

Don't marry for pity but note for love sakes, forgiveness is divine.

NO ONE IS PERFECT, so always try not to judge.

Hope you won't be offended with me, quoting you...

Psalm45:
Maybe, she was seeing u like somebody that wanted sex from her or she knows of ur sexcapades and she doesnt wamt to fall a victim. To me,Op go on with ur marriage plan unless u have doubt.

YelloweWest:
Op this is my thoughts on what happened.

This young lady most likely made a vow at some point in her life not to have sex before marriage. Virgin or not.

Since u cheated on her ans dumped her because she refused u sex, her next relationship she had to break her vow in order to maintain the relationship. Then she became pregnant out of wedlock and realised her mistake.

rosalieene:


miss, you are the one that knows everything about sex and marriage now. Miss relationship expert Mtcheewwwwww

Oyindidi:
Didn't mean to offend you

DICKtator:
What do you mean by "dark" ?

Like "dark" connotes negativity or something sinister.
Change that title to "White" secret

And no, it isn't "black"mail or "black" sheep,

It is "white"mail and "white" sheep. All meanings and references remains the same.
Kindly take note

SosBuss17:
In my opinion, she didn't give into you because she was irritated by you constantly putting her under pressure for sex and you were also very promiscuous. She didn't see a future with your kind of person back in the days.

In my own opinion again, she also had sex with other men because you kind of pushed her into it with your constant irritating sexual advances, irritating lifestyle and constant breakups. She didn't see the need to be faithful to you. Mind you, she is only now with you because her parent didn't like the other man and she had a stillbirth. You are not her number one choice. The truth be told.

Moving forward: The truth hurts but you can't move forward in this relationship when you are fixated on the past.

If it bothers you soo much, please dedicate some time to seek the face of God and then; only you can decide. AND I do hope you are a changed man.

I hope you make the right decision to enable you move forward.

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

snowlord:
Op Dnt B Dcvd,she Doznt Lov U...Dnt Marry,she Bn Wt Oda Guys Bt Wont Wt U . To her u just a back up,she wil evn reveal more 1c u r married.n blv me u wont b able to deal,dhz more to marriage dan jex lov,doh lov is a nec. part

teresafaith:
Op has already made a decision and he is looking for who will pat him on the back and encourage him to dump her, but lemme tell you the bitter truth "YOU AN HYPOCRITE"

Well your fellow morons are cheering you on, but know that what we sow is what we will reap

Sterope:
Sorry, I don't treat lunatics. Why don't you try another moniker?

Thank you!