needforanswers:

I am so ashamed to inform my parents that I want to end everything. They warned me to not marry him but I didn't listen. I believed his lies which they saw through before warning me.

babythug:


Don't be so quick to comment! Read thoroughly first.

She stated clearly that they were living on her savings from working before becoming pregnant!

babythug:


Don't be so quick to comment! Read thoroughly first.

She stated clearly that they were living on her savings from working before becoming pregnant!

vivypretty:
.
no she said presently they are living on her savings.

needforanswers:
I stopped finding him attractive and have been avoiding sexual encounters with him. I don't know if my being pregnant is the reason or its because I am put off by his laziness and inability to plan for the future which are two things he admitted by himself after we got married. And no I didn't know all of that before we got married because he told a number of lies about his financial status so I assumed he was quite put together and had his life in order. Its just recently he started saying things like 'black people are backwards because they don't plan for the future' and he doesn't know whether to point fingers because he himself doesn't plan for the future. He isn't even so young to know that his way of life is wrong. He is a mature man. When I bring up the issue of how he needs to work harder and save up for our unborn child he starts arguing that I worry too much and I need to learn to leave the future to take care of itself.

tabithababy:


you married a lazy man. you even had to disobey your parents so as to marry this man

op, the truth is you will continue to feed this man till death do you apart

eyinjuege:


It's tough being the only one bringing in the money for the home . Family income is very important where both of you bring in something.
But what can you do in your situation?
I'm not certain divorce is the answer though. Like I said earlier, take up the financial reigns of your life. If your husband is not ready to face reality, then do things yourself. This period that you're pregnant, and not working if things get too tough, go to your parent's home. At least food will be assured, and your folks will probably treat you like an egg because you're expecting.

FortuneTeller:
Op does your husband drive? Is it possible to get a car so he can drive for uber? Do your parents have any connections that could help him get a labor job? Some men are very lazy in terms of seeking a job, but if you get them a job, they can do it. If it becomes too much, please go to your parents home so that you can relax until the baby comes.

needforanswers:
Presently the money we survive on is from my savings from working before I got pregnant and that is quite meager and won't be enough for us in the long run. I have advised him to get a better paying job but he ignored me like I didn't even say anything.
His laziness irritates me and I think even he is starting to pick up on the resentment. I have a feeling he married me thinking I would take care of the both of us because I have affluent parents.

yvesboss:


How i so wish i know OPs husband..from the tone of your post i can see that youbare not ready to sacrifice for your family hence calling your hubby lazy.

eyinjuege:


Is the man not lazy from all her narrative?
Going to hang out in bars waiting for customers to call you, and loafing around all day.
Who does that when he's supposed to be out there on the field aggressively marketing whatever product he's got?
Or you think those marketers in banks, insurance companies etc do that kind of siddon look approach and get paid what they do?
If a man can be so unserious about his own business, how do you think he will handle other people's own?
Is it until she gives her last blood before you agree she's sacrificed for her family?
Even young men these days dont want liabilities as wives, because it's not practical and not in tune with the economic realities of today.
It'd be a different thing if he's seen hustling trying to market his product. You have to go out to look for money, because money hardly ever comes home to meet you .

WiredLeggings:
op, I just read your other thread where you said you were deceived into marrying your husband, by your husband, which you were. but what did you expect when your parents funded 90% of your traditional wedding? he told them he wanted to save his money for your marriage and they believed him and paid for it and since you've been married there's no money to be found and no job either. why would he want to do anything when he knows your parents have money and will come to your rescue if need be? he himself has told you he is lazy. he's behaving like this because he knows he can get away with it.




+1

eyinjuege:


Is the man not lazy from all her narrative?
Going to hang out in bars waiting for customers to call you, and loafing around all day.
Who does that when he's supposed to be out there on the field aggressively marketing whatever product he's got?
Or you think those marketers in banks, insurance companies etc do that kind of siddon look approach and get paid what they do?
If a man can be so unserious about his own business, how do you think he will handle other people's own?
Is it until she gives her last blood before you agree she's sacrificed for her family?
Even young men these days dont want liabilities as wives, because it's not practical and not in tune with the economic realities of today.
It'd be a different thing if he's seen hustling trying to market his product. You have to go out to look for money, because money hardly ever comes home to meet you .

coolcatty:



Calm down and read what that guy wrote.

The anger and disgust from we sane people is the fact that this same op has complained times without that she is tired of the marriage.... She lacks the spirit of perseverance and is a confirmed nag.

The day a woman will tell me that she has fallen out of love with me because of my financial state is the day I will walk out of the marriage...... What the op is doing is not new... So many women do it without nagging..

I honestly pity her husband and wish I personally know him so I can advise him to take a long walk and call off this charade of a marriage off.

Rubbish

tabithababy:


you married a lazy man. you even had to disobey your parents so as to marry this man

op, the truth is you will continue to feed this man till death do you apart

needforanswers:

He can drive. If the uber job pays well I think I will suggest it. I said if it pays well because he is a proud person and wont want to be called a driver so unless the monetary returns is much he will not be motivated to put pride aside and do it. But I will research uber jobs in my area to see if I can find anything. My parents can't really connect him. They are retired. Even me, their daughter, they can't connect me, their money is mostly from real estate, not company jobs and they live in a different state.

egopersonified:
Some people are meant to be led, not everyone is a leader. If you believe you can take the lead, your marriage will work. First off, I would like you to find out how your friends, sisters, aunties, etc are doing in their marriages. Do you think you can live with their husbands? What would you like your home to be like in 25 years time? If you speak to your husband gently and lovingly, do you think he is someone you can influence? What are his hobbies? Do you think if he gets a better paying job easily he would do the job?

We all are wired differently, maybe he is contended with little and doesn't see the need to seek or work for more. If for example he enjoys being in a bar, or football viewing centre or nairabet shop or barbering salon, look for ways of assisting him start up his, not necessarily financially. You can look for people already doing the business to mentor him. please note that you would also have to spend time making sure the business runs smoothly.

Or you can start up a business for yourself and he helps you out with running it. Do not ever give the impression you have too much money. Just make him always feel you are struggling to feed, if you have to reduce the pieces of meat you guys eat, do it. Stop running your gen once there is no light or subscribing for dstv before expiration, we are in a recession and even if you aren't feeling it, you have to sacrifice something in solidarity with others, lol.

Bottomline, there is always a way out, you have got to find it. Life is not black and white. Stop looking at how others run their homes and try to find what would make yours work. If you husband is a nice guy, try to make it work. Get him in your team. You guys are not competitors, but team mates.

Lastly, maybe you should change your prayers from 'father change my husband to be the breadwinner ' to 'father show us what to do to have a wonderful and self sustaining family '.

I once gave my sister this advice, sometimes when he pisses you off, wait for him to leave the house and then start quarrelling with him in his absence, speak out loud, cry if you want to. When he comes back, you won't feel those resentments because you have thrown them at him. At times, you won't even remember what issues you spoke about in his presence or absence, your brain just automatically registers that the issue has being dealt with.

needforanswers:

He can drive. If the uber job pays well I think I will suggest it. I said if it pays well because he is a proud person and wont want to be called a driver so unless the monetary returns is much he will not be motivated to put pride aside and do it. But I will research uber jobs in my area to see if I can find anything. My parents can't really connect him. They are retired. Even me, their daughter, they can't connect me, their money is mostly from real estate, not company jobs and they live in a different state.

needforanswers:
I stopped finding him attractive and have been avoiding sexual encounters with him. I don't know if my being pregnant is the reason or its because I am put off by his laziness and inability to plan for the future which are two things he admitted by himself after we got married. And no I didn't know all of that before we got married because he told a number of lies about his financial status so I assumed he was quite put together and had his life in order. Its just recently he started saying things like 'black people are backwards because they don't plan for the future' and he doesn't know whether to point fingers because he himself doesn't plan for the future. He isn't even so young to know that his way of life is wrong. He is a mature man. When I bring up the issue of how he needs to work harder and save up for our unborn child he starts arguing that I worry too much and I need to learn to leave the future to take care of itself.

loshybab:

wowww! wowww!! wowww!!!
It feels like u should just continue writing while I do the reading. This piece is so in contrary with your moniker, and I wanna tell you it's awesome.

@OP,i dunno what to say,having seen how annoying and frustrating men like that could be, but I believe you can pick one or two things


I wish you a safe delivery!

egopersonified:


thanks it's actually moneypersonified not pridepersonified. still waiting for the year I can change it.

needforanswers:
I stopped finding him attractive and have been avoiding sexual encounters with him. I don't know if my being pregnant is the reason or its because I am put off by his laziness and inability to plan for the future which are two things he admitted by himself after we got married. And no I didn't know all of that before we got married because he told a number of lies about his financial status so I assumed he was quite put together and had his life in order. Its just recently he started saying things like 'black people are backwards because they don't plan for the future' and he doesn't know whether to point fingers because he himself doesn't plan for the future. He isn't even so young to know that his way of life is wrong. He is a mature man. When I bring up the issue of how he needs to work harder and save up for our unborn child he starts arguing that I worry too much and I need to learn to leave the future to take care of itself.

needforanswers:
Right now I don't know how to feel. The problem is that my husband of six months plus has not been providing anything for the family since we got married.
Before marriage he told me he was making enough money to cater for a family. He even mentioned a six figure amount and said he doesn't make anything less than that in any given month. I asked him several times and he assured me that he is capable of providing.

He said he was fully capable of taking care of a family with his entrepreneurship business which he is into. The business is all about buying and selling and he has to source for customers to buy his wares if not he doesn't make any money.

Since we got married he isn't even pulling his weight to get buyers. The first month after our marriage he was at home not doing anything, his excuse was that he was resting after the stress of marriage activities. I has to talk and talk and complain and after that he started going out once in a while to source for customers and then will come back home with the same story of he couldn't find any buyers. Even at that he never goes out to try to get something doing, anything else like a job no matter how small the salary is, he is always in the house lying down or going to a local joint nearby to sit with the neighbours.

I am running out of money to take care of both of us. The job I have doesn't pay me well I don't know how to handle him anymore since cajoling isn't working. He just isn't interested in providing for us and seems to be fully satisfied with just staying at home and eating food.
The last time he went out to get customers was during the Easter break. He wanted to stay home all day and I had to start explaining again why it's better for him to go out as and get a job instead of staying indoors.
If I don't complain he doesn't pull his weight.
I am tired.
I feel so angry but I don't know how to express my anger. What annoys me is not the fact that he doesn't provide but the fact that he lied to me about having a steady source of income before I married him.

Mindfulness:

Use contraceptives!

cococandy:
As it is now OP you have to three options.
1) leave him. (drastic huh?)
2) make it clear that he will be the home keeper while you take on the role of provider (and some men are already squirming in their seats).
3) do everything by yourself until you die from the stress. ( probably the choice he'd prefer).

OP I hate to be the one who doesn't have sugar coated words for you but I doubt he will change.
I'll advice you to Measure your pocket well before you have any kids for now or you will be stuck being a single 'married' mom who has an older adult male child to cater for as well.

byvan03:
Just don't get pregnant till he sorts himself out, reduce the comfort you offer.

Juliearth:
Babe,you should have turned on your Antennae while courting him. Clearly,you have been deceived....how can a man earning a good pay not be able to sponsor his wedding to a great extent? Well,you will be fine. I belief things will take shape now that you are in the picture....remember not to get pregnant until things improve.

selflessmaya:

marriage is not a death sentence, you have signed up for a very hard unhappy life by not being thorough before settling down, i'm really really sorry for your situation but i'm not one to lie to ppl to appease emotion. your "husband" has no sense of responsibility and will never change. the only advice i will give you is to file for a divorce, get back on your feet and move on. you have no kids yet, no permanent ties to this man. i really really feel sad for you but will be very rational with u, a man who lied about his finances, let u foot his wedding and began to show his true colors immediately he wifed you, found a scapegoat in you all along.

you also seem quite naive with the long-distance, "we agreed to no-sex before marriage" dating, you have always been alone in this relationship, no way this man was being faithful to you if he played u like this. i know you will discard my advice but for all the non-sentiments i show, i am also very smart and highly educated and as far as advices go, this is the best advice you will ever get from anyone who's mentally conscious, walk away before this man sucks the life out of you or stay back for better for worse but honey, you signed up for worse only. end this relationship and move on. or dont, you will remember my words though.