I am talking to people who have been married for over 3years


What happens when the  novelty wears off?
When you cant feel the butterflies in ur stomach?
when reality sets in and you realize that at the end of the day,he is just human
which makes him imperfect
what do u do

why's your context based on a "him"? Silent undertones for your current situation?
when novelty wears off after marriage, innovation sets in. Sex is usually a great outlet for rediscovery

I guess reality is somethin we all shd look 4ward to. Thats why marriage aint for kids. Prince charmings existx only in fairy tales. U gotta learn to accept what u cant change.

well, that is when tolerance comes in. that is why it's recommended you marry your friend.

Exactly

marriage is a grown man thing, and not for kids

Wear it on again. its all in your mind. it doesnt wear off.
your mind just lapsed a little. it happens more when you marry for money, handsomeness etc.
like i said start tracing back to when it started to look like it wearing off.
then peg it somewhere and live with it.

Been married for 4 years and was with her for 9 years before the marriage and I am 32. Trust me if its real love it doesnt wear off. It may not shack you like when its fresh but it wont wear off.

Been married for 14yrs and it's still like we just got married. We were friends for 10yrs, during which we had the worst trials of our friendship. Nothing wears in marriage, except both of you don't really know what brought you together, either before or after marriage.

The most important thing, built your home thorugh God, on God and be prayerful.

Africaine:

I am talking to people who have been married for over 3years

What happens when the novelty wears off?
When you cant feel the butterflies in your stomach?
when reality sets in and you realize that at the end of the day,he is just human
which makes him imperfect
what do u do

I guess the secret is NOT to build your marriage/relationship on butterflies (seriously)

^^ yeah, build it on chin-chin or kuli-kuli.

@ Poster, I 've been married for 3yrs now and I know what u 're talking about. I dated her for almost 4yrs b4 marriage. I stopped have butterflies b4 marriage but I still love her and will definetely spend the rest of my life with her.
The truth is; forget about butterflies and face reality (face the real deal that brought you two together). The best part of marriage is not based on passion but on genuine respect, understanding and love you both share.

No more butterflies but the love is still there. You'll cope if your lover is still your friend. I'm encouraged by the comments so far. Thank you to the op and other posters

hmmm, Loving this so far and getting encouraged by each sincere response, Thanks for sharing. . .

As long as either or both parties in marriage are not computer, there will be challenges in your relationship, I like to mention 4 things that could help:
1. Check the foundation on which you started building the home. If it was based on ulterior motives, then you have to pull it up and re-dig another foundation which is love.
2. God instituted marriage, check His word and use it as the manufacturer's manual for your home.
3. Tolerance - You have to tolerate your spouse until you can come to a common ground on issues.
4. Do not pay your partner with wrong doing when he does wrong, two wrongs to make a right most especially in the home front.
Talking from an experience running towards the second decade

Make time for each other. The kids will be just fine. Im known to drop the kid off with grandma or my sister quite often so I can have privacy to show lover boy what I can still do.

Everyday life can be overwhelming. Make time for just both of you. We also travel often. , alone, without the little one.

What happens when the novelty wears off?, Why should it wear off?

interesting and sincere advise so far!!!

Pls for the Some people insinuating thrash,biko, I didnt marry for money,else i wudnt have married him

its not as if i dnt love him still,but i miss the butterflies, reality really is a bish

now all we concentrate on is work and the kids, i want more,i want us back, is it wrong to want more?

This truly deserves de front page.

Same here. All we do is work and kids too with little or  no "yori-yori". I believe though that it is all a question of time. But 4 now, engage in whatsoever that makes u happy as long as it is legal. That will take ur mind off d situation, prevent u from being moody or a nag and like i said earlier, wit time, everything will fall into place.

Or is he having an affair? Has it crossed ur mind? Poster? i mean, if the butterflies have deserted him too he could be tempted to chase new ones

try  taking your spouse out,go to cinema,resturants etc.reignite the flame,try new sex styles,go on holiday,picnics,etc

great topic. I had to reactivate my almost 3 years dormant nairaland account to comment here. I would say it takes quite some hard work, with God's help of course. You do your part to always try to recapture that feeling by practising the wise tips fellow nairalanders have already contributed plus:

1) Dressing up for him for absolutely no reason!
2) Little suprises throughout the day, text msgs, cards, small gifts
3) Have date evening as often as you can without the kids , stick to it religiously.


Last tip, but most important, consciously pray that God renews your love for one another like old wine.

idstar:

Or is he having an affair? Has it crossed your mind? Poster? i mean, if the butterflies have deserted him too he could be tempted to chase new ones

I dont think its about a third wheel. We're talking missing butterflies.

Missing butterflies is what makes a marriage go totally sour.

@Poster, the butterflies aint missing but hanging somewhere around you and your hubby's heart waiting to be watered back to life.

You should kindle the love back by doing those things that made the butterflies leap for joy when you guys just met.

Keep doing it, don't stop doing it. Bring in new ideas to your love life that will not tamper with your jobs and kids.

This is what i do always, even though it is not easy, but i still do it.

Never let the novelty to wear off. Let no circumstances or situations or recession cause the novelty to wear off.

Think about all the things you did that made the novelty to blossom.

After thinking about them, put them into active service.

Poster sounds like she married just coz she was 'in love'. How won't the butterflies fly away? "At the end of d day, u realise he's just human, " Was he supra-human during d courtship?

Your duty is to never let it wear off!!!

I understand what you are trying to pass across. I have read through every bit of the advice given. They are good. Just want to add this bit. Even when it seems the love is not there, be friends. That helps through a lot of the glum in marriage. Take time out. Leave the kids and go on a date. Not necessarily to a place where you would spend money. You can go for a walk together. It helps. Be creative in bed. The old routine can bore one out. Make the move even if he's shy. Most importantly, let God reign in your home.

I have been married to my husband for over 8 years and honestly, the butterflies are still there. Marriage needs to be worked on. My husband & I made decisions early in our marriage to;
a) Spend time alone everyday
b) Go out on a weekly date
c) Be intimate at least twice a week
d) Pray together daily by God's grace
e) Never keep malice with each other
d) share all we have including money
f) keep family out of our matter( no matter who it is)
g) Go away on holiday once a month( weekend away)- it does not have to be an expensive hotel or an exotic location, any where will do as long as we can be alone. To be honest we don't manage this every month, but we try to do it as often as we can.

There have been times when I have been angry with him or felt like leaving the marriage or killing him!but it soon passes because one of these things listed above will force us to talk and resolve issues.

You must form a deep friendship with your husband, I tell my husband everything and I mean everything and he does the same. I can genuinely say by God's grace, he is my best friend.

Bottom line, you have to work on your marriage daily. A lot of us spend more money and time on our looks, career than on our marriage.