MARRY THE PERSON YOU LOVE BIKO.

Teedawg:
most one even marry self? everywhere i look na marriage or marriage problems . can't one just stay together without the pressure of marriage because i don't see the essence of getting married then later asking people if i should get a divorce because my partner doesn't like wearing pant?

baby mama things is the best deal so far!

it comes with economic package that is, if any one of you phuck up you sent either one of you out of the house and either one of you have a rest of mind!

beautifulrosa:
When i met my man i didnt feel any love for him. Not even the "tiniest feeling". Infact i was always looking for a way to stop talking to him. His prescence alone annoyed me. Oh he didnt get anything right! His speech was not right, his dressing and even the way he ate annoyed me. .

But he was my kind of man. He was tall, dark, handsome and well educated jus d way i wanted, yet i cudnt bring myself to love him.

One day i decided to jus pretend and give him a chance.....that was when i knew he was God sent. My eyes were open and i could see how really blessed i was to have a man like him.

Several months after i dunno how it happened but trust me, now i am crazily in love with him (though he is not aware ). Every day i give thanks to God for blessing me with such a man.

Its not always easy to marry someone you dont love at first thinking the love will grow with time. It doesnt mean the relationship will not last. Neither does loving someone at first sight guarantee a fulfiling relationship.

But with my experience, growing in love is better and long lasting.

I am happy for your experience. there is never a thing like love at first sight. The women I have had the opportunity to love never interested me at first sights. First sight's love is always lust. You grow to understand someone, their ways, virtues and values and then love them. If you cannot get all these whilst courting then the marriage is a doom already. Marrying someone you don't love is a disaster!

Marry and grow in love

majekdom2:
@ first bolded, wait till your sister offends you or does something unimaginable.
@ second bolded, how can you give "unconditional love" to your children and give "conditional love" to a woman that brought them forth.. Thats strange in my thoughts.. You can only love your kids as much as you love their mothers.

A: My sister offends me does not invalidate the unconditional love. Maybe for some people, but not for me.

B: Because , loving your wife or spouse was a choice you made based on positive re-enforcement mechanisms that you both share. Now, if that positive re-enforcement loop is weakened by suspicions, infidelity or just natural atrophy over time, then the feelings of unfullfilment and unhappiness sets in.

[quote author=majekdom2 post=58753166
.. You can only love your kids as much as you love their mothers.[/quote]

Not true at all.
The love for your children is TOTALLY independent of, and impervious to and for the love for your spouse.

beautifulrosa:
When i met my man i didnt feel any love for him. Not even the "tiniest feeling". Infact i was always looking for a way to stop talking to him. His prescence alone annoyed me. Oh he didnt get anything right! His speech was not right, his dressing and even the way he ate annoyed me. .

But he was my kind of man. He was tall, dark, handsome and well educated jus d way i wanted, yet i cudnt bring myself to love him.

One day i decided to jus pretend and give him a chance.....that was when i knew he was God sent. My eyes were open and i could see how really blessed i was to have a man like him.

Several months after i dunno how it happened but trust me, now i am crazily in love with him (though he is not aware ). Every day i give thanks to God for blessing me with such a man.

Its not always easy to marry someone you dont love at first thinking the love will grow with time. It doesnt mean the relationship will not last. Neither does loving someone at first sight guarantee a fulfiling relationship.

But with my experience, growing in love is better and long lasting.

same thing happened to my elder sister, she will complain n complain about everything concerning him then. every single thing, but now she still thanks God she didn't loose him, when you tease her now about her complains before. she will just say this........ I was naive and stupid.......

they are happily married with four kids

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

Good post there. But think of d very reason(s) some marriages crashed. Couples may not continue in any marriage when he/she feels his/her hrt had bn broken by d other. It's only d one dat u love so much can break ur hrt. In married life, u owe ourselves COMMITMENT and not LOVE any longer.

To marry and grow in love is awesome. Marry the one you love is great. The best is to pray for God's direction when you are about to settle down. My take.

if all these advice are coming from those who have been married for upwards of two years I will be happier and inclined to listen.

marry the person u live to avoid touchy stories

Emusan:


Just like @MediumStout stated, majority don't even understand the meaning of love.

Someone said and I quote "Love is the most overused word in the English Language, it's what we say when we need something or want something, you're guilty of it just like everyone else."

So the reason while our forefathers' marriage last long is because they have the genuine love even to a stranger not to talk of people who closed to them.

So if you can LOVE people genuinely irrespective of their physical look, ethnicity, color or status without anything attached to it, then it will be very easy for you to cope with your spouse and maintain your marriage.

God bless you my brother.

plaetton:


A: My sister offends me does not invalidate the unconditional love. Maybe for some people, but not for me.

B: Because , loving your wife or spouse was a choice you made based on positive re-enforcement mechanisms that you both share. Now, if that positive re-enforcement loop is weakened by suspicions, infidelity or just natural atrophy over time, then the feelings of unfullfilment and unhappiness sets in.

ok,if your sister kills one of your children, would you continue to love like you used to? If your answer is No. Then the kind of love you used to have before your spouse started cheating is same you have for your sister before she murdered your son. Point is, we set values, standards and attributes we expect people in our life to meet. For instance, My brother has failed me by being greedy and selfish at sometime, I still love him but I do not love him as I used to. We are hurt by people that affect that kind of love we show towards them!

Marry the one I Love and grow in love

Love over everything!

sukkot:
its better to marry and grow in love. when you marry the person you love the only way is down. but if you grow in love the only way is up.

I do not agree with your assessment that when people marry someone they love they only go down, marrying someone you love and marrying someone you don't love and growing in love are not mutually exclusive, couples may take any of these paths and still flourish or may not. I think the problem arises from most of us and I must say from ur write up including you not understanding what love truly means. You do not stop growing in love cos you love someone, it does not make much sense. To love a person productively implies to care and to feel responsible for his/her life, not only for his/her physical existence but for the growth and development of all his human powers,love seen this way implies a never ending growth until death do you path.

Teedawg:
most one even marry self? everywhere i look na marriage or marriage problems . can't one just stay together without the pressure of marriage because i don't see the essence of getting married then later asking people if i should get a divorce because my partner doesn't like wearing pant?

If you believe in the vows you take before marriage and respect it.. Not just chanting it to be done and over with..... Marriages these days would last longer..... But now... People enter into marriages,.. Already having divorce as an option when things are not going as they want.

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

You too much, keep it up

Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.

The update in the image below answers your question as it was given by a 93 years old man

majekdom2:
ok,if your sister kills one of your children, would you continue to love like you used to? If your answer is No. Then the kind of love you used to have before your spouse started cheating is same you have for your sister before she murdered your son. Point is, we set values, standards and attributes we expect people in our life to meet. For instance, My brother has failed me by being greedy and selfish at sometime, I still love him but I do not love him as I used to. We are hurt by people that affect that kind of love we show towards them!

Again, I don't disagree with you.
My point remains, and I am sure that agree with me that the love for one's sister, parents, or child is a different category of love than we have for our spouses.
I mean , the statistics says it all.

While the divorce rates are constantly growing in our society, and even stands at about 50% in some countries, the disownment rate of sisters, parents and offsprings are too negligible to even register statistically.
That says it all.

plaetton:


Again, I don't disagree with you.
My point remains, and I am sure that agree with me that the love for one's sister, parents, or child is a different category of love than we have for our spouses.
I mean , the statistics says it all.

While the divorce rates are constantly growing in our society, and even stands at about 50% in some countries, the disownment rate of sisters, parents and offsprings are too negligible to even register statistically.
That says it all.

you are not under any oath or vow with your sister. It will be very unintelligent to come compare both relationships using the example above. Your sister don't owe you anything but your spouse owes you everything. When you fill forms... I don't see boxes where you have to tick the number of brothers or sisters but in almost every form, you have to tick whether married or single. Thats to tell you something

SuperSuave:
oook! After hearing from both sides, I don't want to marry, na by force?

My point exactly.

Love is not enough for marriage,you need compatibility too. Love is like a box and compatibility is the contents of the box. It is advisable to marry some one who you are compatible and in love with,... it takes two to tango, compatibility strengthens love,...... love is a surface and compatibility builds the depth,...

I have said this over and over again, there is nothing like "love". Love is just a concept popularised by movies(especially Nollywood, bollywood, telemondo etc). It's amazing how grown-ups confuse sexual/romantic attraction for love.

Well, personally I am of the opinion that marriage is for companionship nothing more, nothing less and marriage is not by force. You marry the person who you can tolerate her sh*t and she tolerate yours. So growing in likeness or familiarity(not love) is far better than romantic attraction that quickly fades. Sex actually gets old with time, that's why people cheat to see if they can get back that initial feeling they had with their spouse/girlfriend and after a while they get bored again and the cycle continues. Wake up people!!!

nzeobi:
marry someone with the qualities you desire and let the love develop, love alone is not just enough for marriage.

This is new to what we have always been told in these modern times . This is exactly how I marry my wife and we have always been happy together. She has all those village girl qualities, honest and truthful, always serving her parents. Those qualities are still with her 25 years after.

GreatChizzy:

remi1444:
marry the one you love, I wish this my Edo state crush can push me from friendzone.

NO ONE COMES OUTTA THAT ZONE ALIVE!!!!
U SHOULD NEVER HAD ALLOWED HER PUT U THERE!!!
SMH

Never say never, I'm a witness. He just need to go back to "the drawing board".

Benita27:
Nothing will make me marry someone I don't love with the hopes of growing in love in the future.

Marry whom you love.

Ahn ahn, who told you? Me I can grow to love you oh ! As long as there is fertilizer, the Love will grow na !

majekdom2:
that is lust... Love is love, same way truth is truth! A man that does not love his fellow man cannot love a woman. A man that steals and can kill a fellow man cannot love a woman. He is either in lust o obsessed with that being. Thats how it works. I don't mean to come religious. The bible says, Love your neighbour as yourself even if you can't love completely, love. The same bible says, husband's, love your wife. I grow to love someone when the person pleases you in all. God loves us regardless of our sins. But he shows more love to those that please him. Thats how it work. And who are those that please God, the ones that share his values... so you can't love someone who does not share your value. You can't be friends in the first instance.

So on point!!!

fatymore:
Marry the one you feel comfortable with... What am I saying marry your friend....

LMAO, do people even marry their friends? Friends never cross the friendzone my sister. Last time i checked Women aren't wired to loved their friends.

Marry for love. But most people confuse attraction to love. Love is deeper than 'love at first sight', that's the initial attraction from which love can be developed. Love is built on character and not feelings.

Love diminish after marriage.

majekdom2:
that is lust... Love is love, same way truth is truth! A man that does not love his fellow man cannot love a woman. A man that steals and can kill a fellow man cannot love a woman. He is either in lust o obsessed with that being. Thats how it works. I don't mean to come religious. The bible says, Love your neighbour as yourself even if you can't love completely, love. The same bible says, husband's, love your wife. I grow to love someone when the person pleases you in all. God loves us regardless of our sins. But he shows more love to those that please him. Thats how it work. And who are those that please God, the ones that share his values... so you can't love someone who does not share your value. You can't be friends in the first instance.

My dear, What is love & what is lust? You are talking about the Love of God. The love of Man to Woman is different oh. As far as the little knowledge I have. God loves us unconditionally, I love my girlfriend because she has certain qualities. If those qualities aren't there, I will stop loving her. So that is conditional.

We all need to be realistic in our conclusions. People don't really love you, they love your qualities.

cooluc:


So on point!!!

Perhaps, you should think about this from another angle?

seunny4lif:

Worse position

ayam not myself again...I can't afford to lose her.