So the major topic around tnairaland nowadays is flood, rain and Lekki, but I would like to talk about something different.
Domestic Violence!
Recently, I was shocked to read about the death of Ranti Daudu, a lawyer, and I refused to put ‘Wife of former N.B.A chairman, J.B Daudu‘ here, because really before she was a wife or mother, she was an Individual, and I’ll refer to her as one.

Anyway, not only did I read she died, but she also suffered abuse for twenty-eight years. Twenty-eight years, people!

Twenty-eight years of emotional and physical abuse.

Personally I never knew the woman. Never spoke to her. The closest I got to her person was at a law dinner. I and my companions sat on a table close to hers.


She was a tall woman; hips and all. I remember admiring the sparkling red dress she wore.

‘That is J.B Daudu’s wife’- my companion whispered to me.

I was impressed. She was a lawyer, married to another lawyer. Their union impressed me from the outside.

A lawyer couple? Now that’s a prize!

How little I knew!

Now my quarrel is not with the late Ranti herself, but there is something troubling about domestic violence, especially when it involves a career woman.

An illiterate woman, yes you may understand. She has nowhere to go. She has nothing to stand on.

But a career woman. They are supposed to know better, right? But why do they stay, tell me?

Why do women stay in abusive relationships and marriages? Why?

And much more why on earth do their families turn a blind eye? Why exactly and I mean it, why do we treat marriage as a do or die affair?

What exactly is the essence of marriage?

Isn’t it to build a life together? Because honestly life is hard on its own, and it helps if you have a partner along side to navigate it with you.

A husband or wife should be adding immense value to your life, and it’s not about love or the googling eyes we make in bed, or the fact I cannot stop thinking about you. Those things tend to fade as I’ve heard.

Your life? Your hopes? Your dreams? Your aspirations? You should be able to share those with your partner.

When any of these conditions change, especially when they have turned you into a punching bag, it is time to go.

Once I stayed with a family, and I saw the complacent approach relations of the abused took on domestic abuse.

They were aware of how wrong the man had been to hit their daughter, but not enough to take her out of that situation.

No, she doesn’t need to apologize more or say less or act accordingly, he will continue to hit her.
Remove her, and in my opinion, by force. Yes! If you have to drag her out and tie her to a bed until she sees her stupidity unfold before her eyes, and her inevitable fate, then by all means drag her out.

Out of the million ways to die in this country; cancer, accident, ritualists, poverty ,domestic violence is atleast one area you have a choice.

Walk away!

We would love to hear your comments on the issue. Have you ever experienced abusive marriages or relationships? We’d love to hear your comments on this issue. Also, please share your thoughts on how you think people should cope with domestic violence.
Source: http://lekkirepublic.com/domestic-violence-women-nigeria/

Werey..... The use of social media should be limited to sane people.

The woman died a natural death and from cancer related sickness not by abuse or violence.... May better pepper mixed with thunder strike u for talking rubbish.

they say is a man's world so we shouldn't complain but be patience and pray for change of heart of our abusive partner.

I do not support violence on women. But i know a woman in my former neighbourhood whose mouth always had something to say no matter how much you pacify her to stop.

Her hubby who already know her doesn't argue at all, whenever he's tired of her talkativeness, he just lands one giant slap on her face and like magic she just keeps quiet. it really works like a miracle..she just stops talking after the single slap. The site was always very funny. Even as i type right now and remember the site, i still lol

Read the first few comments and you'll see why it is so. The average male or female Nigerian is a misogynist even without their express knowledge that they are one. They will find reasons on earth and in heaven to justify the maltreatment of a woman. Domestic violence included.

Most of it is cowardice on the women's part because they are afraid to rock the boat. To look like they are rebelling and not be the mute doormat 'virtuous' women they have been into would be like suicide on their parts.

As for the men, it's not in human nature to fight against a system that favors one, so most of them endorse misogyny in all it's glory. After all, the religious books and all the books in history (of course written by men) say that's how it's meant to.

You may say "I don't support equality but I don't support domestic violence either". Umm... wrong. Only someone who sees another as beneath them will use violence and oppression to make their opinions known to the other. Once you're against equality, you've joined in paving the way for oppression and ergo domestic violence plus all the other consequences of inequality. It's really very simple.

How nice

RadicallyBlunt:
I do not support violence on women. But i know a woman in my former neighbourhood whose mouth always had something to say no matter how much you pacify her to stop.

Her hubby who already know her doesn't argue at all, whenever he's tired of her talkativeness, he just lands one giant slap on her face and like magic she just keeps quiet. it really works like a miracle..she just stops talking after the single slap. The site was always very funny. Even as i type right now and remember the site, i still lol

Sometimes I wonder if people know the meaning of the grammar they use

(misogynist)
And you classified it with an average Nigeria

Please enumerate!!
Because to me it seems you justify to suit your point on the fact that you a woman..

Please enumerate oooo let everybody see..

cococandy:

Most of it is cowardice on the women's part because they are afraid to rock the boat. To look like they are rebelling and not be the mute doormat 'virtuous' women they have been into would be like suicide on their parts.

Gbam!

Martin0:
Sometimes I wonder if people know the meaning of the grammar they use

(misogynist)
And you classified it with an average Nigeria

Please enumerate!!
Because to me it seems you justify to suit your point on the fact that you a woman..

Hmm I decided to google that word to really understand what it means.
I believe every human have a shade of misogyny in their nature.
It might be a strong word but there are different shades of it

KillerBeauty:

Hmm I decided to google that word to really understand what it means.
I believe every human have a shade of misogyny in their nature.
It might be a strong word but there are different shades of it

Exactly my dear ha...Sometime eh when I see the way some ladies speaks it baffles me...all the same thanks dear

I read that she finally separated from the man and they were in the process of divorce. She also died of an illness. Literacy does not take away a person's background. If she was raised to see abuse as normal, no matter how literate she is, she will still stay. Just like poverty mentality can always lead the poor back in the gutter when they get rich. Our upbringing can be a cause of problem for us if we don't constantly reject and fight the negative aspect of it. To fight the negative aspect we first have to understand that what we experienced was bad, not accept it as a way of life or normal.

Most career women remain in abusive relationships because they are told their success is incomplete without a husband. "Your husband is your crown" is a popular saying in our society.

If she reports her abusive husband to her family, she is warned never to bring shame to the family by leaving her husband's house.

If she reports to a spiritual head, she is told to control her mouth, don't talk when your husband is talking, don't let the devil destroy your marriage, watch war room and pray for him, the holy spirit will change him. So she stay's and continues to suffer till she dies or gets beaten to death.

It takes a very courageous woman to leave an abusive marriage in a society like ours, where women are shamed for being unmarried seperated or divorced.

Damn the society is a sexist society..... Go through the comments mostly from women and you will shudder at the thinking faculty of Nigerian nay black women. Its so bad nowadays that all a woman needs to do to bring a man down is shout domestic violence and the myopic society roasts the man alive without any chance of a fair hearing.

The man is indeed an endangered species....

Damn the men that support this kind of partial siiiily minded women empowerment and yes won't be the first to initiate violence but I will beat to a pulp any woman that slaps or hits me first same way I will whoop any man that hits me first.

Surprising indeed!
God rest her beautiful soul in perfect peace.