bukatyne:


Well, you have to sometimes pause and rethink.

I am sure there are some things that seemed soooooooooooooo huge and now you laugh pretty hard at yourself.

This journal might help him see things in a new light.

Yea, I missed you too.

Risingphoenix12:
It's 3:52am and I'm up again. Tired. Emotionally drained. Confused. Feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. Lost. Just one question ringing in my head - "How the F did I get here?"

I wish this was a journal filled with positive thoughts and uplifting words (snickers).. Nah.. This is about the story of my life. I find it hard to open up to people so I figured I'd just write to myself and hopefully someday, I'd read this.. and the current heaviness I feel - a distant memory.

Interestingly, my life has been such a roller coaster ride.. (lol)... quite interesting... perfect image of "Started from the bottom now we are here" (lol).. okay maybe not "there" yet but not doing badly. In my mid-thirties, got a great job I enjoy. Earn a decent income. Decent looks. Live in my own house. Married with two kids. Love my kids like crazyyyy! But the challenge is... I don't love my wife. It's a burden I carry. Been carrying it for a while, and now I'm just tired. I don't think I got married thinking I was going to end up in a divorce, but here I am - smack in the process of it and it is wearing me out.

I have often heard people say, "Endure.. Stick with it!.. Marriage is not a bed of roses.. etc.".. Yep! I tried.. I really did.. But mehn.. every single day, I feel a part of me dying.. and my fear is if I continue like this.. I probably won't get to 45. For my sanity, and emotional stability it's best I leave.

It's really not about pointing fingers saying "Oh! She's the bad one... or she did that.. I did this".. we've just gotten to the point where we are both not happy. And there are fundamentals I didn't think about before I got married. If I could go through a time machine and saw my younger self about to propose, I'd punch him in the face (lol).. or maybe I'd hesitate knowing that this union gave me gifts that I'd go through any form of fire and torment to have (i.e. my kids). Indeed I have thought about so many things. Will I end up alone for the rest of my life? Will I regret this? Is there some punishment waiting for me in future? Will this lead me into a deeper understanding of myself? Questions are endless... and I don't have the answers to them. But one thing I know is this... I must set myself free.

Bro, I feel you

There is war everywhere in our civilised society, including in marriage, brothers and sisters etc. The society is breaking down and everybody is at war with everyone. Emotional abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse.

Risingphoenix12:
Wow. Quite a few. But i'll list a few. lol

- Someone that could make me happy. I just thought if I made her happy, it would be automatic. Unfortunately, it's not so and surprisingly I don't think I make her happy.
- The spectrum between our mental processing inclinations. I'm like 70% nerd but she is like -70% nerd. lol. My thinking then was this would provide some balance for the kids.
- Future goals/ aspirations are very different. We have both evolved into two different individuals and in divergent directions.
- Family background. Different tribes. We were both raised by single parents. Hers got separated and mom remarried, my dad passed and mom never remarried. So it seems we both had ideals that weren't matched with reality. Interestingly, I connect more with her dad than her step-dad.
- I'm pretty empathetic so maybe I was looking for someone to "rescue". That wasn't what she needed. I probably was carried away by my "ego" and misinterpretation of love and commitment.
- My friends/ family members felt I was making a mistake but didn't talk to me about it - or maybe I didn't provide them with an opportunity to provide counsel.

The family background point is to me not a point

I'm sorry you are in that kind of situation though

You probably have a point. Yea me too @situation

lovelygurl:


The family background point is to me not a point

I'm sorry you are in that kind of situation though

These past few days have been really cool. Thanks to everyone for your comments and offers of support.

Funny how things happen. Met with a Czech lady and we struck a deep convo. Interestingly she's been through this and said quite a lot of things that helped shape my perspective. Future is really looking bright. Immersed myself in work. A temporary measure though but mehn my productivity is on point.. Lol

Thinking of going on a vacation.

Risingphoenix12:
These past few days have been really cool. Thanks to everyone for your comments and offers of support.

Funny how things happen. Met with a Czech lady and we struck a deep convo. Interestingly she's been through this and said quite a lot of things that helped shape my perspective. Future is really looking bright. Immersed myself in work. A temporary measure though but mehn my productivity is on point.. Lol

Thinking of going on a vacation.

you should totally do this.

I think it would be better if this was to be in the diary section
Everybody is just competing

Including me

Lol @ diary section. Can it be moved? Competing about what? I don't understand

lovelygurl:
I think it would be better if this was to be in the diary section
Everybody is just competing

Including me

Risingphoenix12:
Lol @ diary section. Can it be moved? Competing about what? I don't understand

Oh sry auto correct

I meant commenting

Maybe you should talk to one of the mods. Have no idea if it can be moved

Ok. Maybe some other time then. Diaries are monologues right? I kinda like the comments.. helps me feel like I'm talking to people.. loool.

lovelygurl:


Oh sry auto correct

I meant commenting

Maybe you should talk to one of the mods. Have no idea if it can be moved

Risingphoenix12:
Ok. Maybe some other time then. Diaries are monologues right? I kinda like the comments.. helps me feel like I'm talking to people.. loool.

Lool
Because you actually are

Risingphoenix, how are you feeling today?

Hey shaybebaby! I'm alright. Still a bit introspective. My mind is working overtime.. Lol.. You?

shaybebaby:
Risingphoenix, how are you feeling today?

So I started a gym membership to take my mind off stuff. And we had a yoga session... Sheesh... i am soooo inflexible. Lol..

During the session, Our instructor looks at me and says, I'll send you some images to help you loosen up and she sends this... she must be joking.. Lol..

Risingphoenix12:
Hey shaybebaby! I'm alright. Still a bit introspective. My mind is working overtime.. Lol.. You?

That's alright, no pressure. Did read about needing a holiday. I'd say definitely go for it. No time like the present and it has a way of rejuvenating the mind without the pressures of day to day living.
I'm going to recommend Cuba, beautiful, rustic and seeing how people live will help put some things into perspective.
I'm alright, it's Friday eh and wish I could say I have a fun weekend planned but no.
Cleaning, updating my linkedin profile, waging war on some animal digging up my turf.. Same old same old I'm afraid.

Great! I'll check Cuba out. Take it easy on the animal
Have a great weekend.

shaybebaby:

That's alright, no pressure. Did read about needing a holiday. I'd say definitely go for it. No time like the present and it has a way of rejuvenating the mind without the pressures of day to day living.
I'm going to recommend Cuba, beautiful, rustic and seeing how people live will help put some things into perspective.
I'm alright, it's Friday eh and wish I could say I have a fun weekend planned but no.
Cleaning, updating my linkedin profile, waging war on some animal digging up my turf.. Same old same old I'm afraid.

crackhaus:
I hold this perception that if ever you're going to do something, then just do it already and do it big while at it...there's no need depressing yourself further by making a journal out of this, but that's just me.

Risingphoenix12:
So I started a gym membership to take my mind off stuff. And we had a yoga session... Sheesh... i am soooo inflexible. Lol..

During the session, Our instructor looks at me and says, I'll send you some images to help you loosen up and she sends this... she must be joking.. Lol..

LMAO

[quote author=Risingphoenix12 [/quote]

Just read till this point. As a physicist, We have seen that this world is so complex, humans becoming very complicated to deal with. Unfortunately, you have sealed yourself in a marriage with evidence of ever been committed. Your choice at this point is the only way out, people contributing is just a suggestion which you might choose to consider.

I suggest taking up some academic program. I don't know your level but I suggest you take up some philosophical courses. One that can make you ponder about life. What is happiness, will you ever be happy even in divorce? or will it lead to a force happiness and loneliness, depression and lots of thoughts to yourself.

I would want you to devote the remaining part of your life to think deeply about life, teach people about life. Take a look at marriages and how they are collapsing day by day and suggest to us the way out.

Its not enough building up diaries of your experience, its only enough when your kids could see the sacrifices you have made for the unity or dissolution of your family. The extent you reached and you couldn't continue any longer.

I look forward to seeing you contribute to marriage and its great success. The sacrifice you could not make might be the turning point of peoples relationship. Even in his state of complete inabilities, Stephen Hawkins is doing enough in his contribution to the technological advancement of this world. You can do so to the family section. Think about this world, the origin, the future, the true meaning of life, what it ought to be.

Just devote your time to think out solutions and not depression.

Thanks.

[quote author=mrphysics post=59149458][/quote]

Story of my life. Already thinking of ending a marriage that is just over a month old. I'm so unhappy. Sadly there's no one to talk to. The worst thing in life is marrying out of pity.

Luxed:
Story of my life. Already thinking of ending a marriage that is just over a month old. I'm so unhappy. Sadly there's no one to talk to. The worst thing in life is marrying out of pity.

Kai, u jst brought me out of my peeping mode. What on heavenly earth is the problem wth this generation? Please, did u attend counseling class and seminars b4 u got married? Did u marry ur wife based on physical appearance? Jst my questions cos it's too damn early for u 2 suggest this. This ought 2 b honeymoon stage n nt regret stage. Abeg brother go n watch war room cos it's nt only meant for women. devil is a liar!

sassyangel1:



Kai, u jst brought me out of my peeping mode. What on heavenly earth is the problem wth this generation? Please, did u attend counseling class and seminars b4 u got married? Did u marry ur wife based on physical appearance? Jst my questions cos it's too damn early for u 2 suggest this. This ought 2 b honeymoon stage n nt regret stage. Abeg brother go n watch war room cos it's nt only meant for women. devil is a liar!

I'm a woman!

Luxed:


I'm a woman!

Awww... So sorry. I'm really short of words. Did u n ur partner attend counseling classes or seminars b4 marriage? All I can say is table the matter b4 ur maker(if u r a believer). It's too early to be feeling such way. Have a heart to heart talk wth ur husband. This is the period to scatter cloth and do all the kpekus styles b4 children starts coming.

Hi Luxed

So sorry to hear how you feel. Not to sound hypocritical, I think one month may be a bit too early to pull the D card. On the other hand, I also understand that no one else knows where the shoe pinches. I'm not a lawyer but are the feelings mutual? I.e. both of you want a dissolution of the marriage? If so, then no need to flog a dead horse. If not, I wont be quick to encourage divorce as it can be a tedious, nerve racking process.

Secondly, please never isolate yourself - whatever you decide to so.That's one of the benefits of forums like this. Always try to reach out and soon enough someone will hold your hand.

Luxed:
Story of my life. Already thinking of ending a marriage that is just over a month old. I'm so unhappy. Sadly there's no one to talk to. The worst thing in life is marrying out of pity.

@Sassyangel1.. . See the difference in the tone of your comments once you heard she was a woman.. habaaa.. . Lol... so not fair.. .lol

The honest truth is that Not everyone will get it right the first time.. or even at all. I met someone who divorced her first husband after 6 months. The process took 3 years. Today she is happily married to another guy and they've been together for 10 years and blessed with 3 kids. This life is not a one size fits all.

Lol @ peeping mode..

sassyangel1:


Awww... So sorry. I'm really short of words. Did u n ur partner attend counseling classes or seminars b4 marriage? All I can say is table the matter b4 ur maker(if u r a believer). It's too early to be feeling such way. Have a heart to heart talk wth ur husband. This is the period to scatter cloth and do all the kpekus styles b4 children starts coming.

sassyangel1:


Kai, u jst brought me out of my peeping mode. What on heavenly earth is the problem wth this generation? Please, did u attend counseling class and seminars b4 u got married? Did u marry ur wife based on physical appearance? Jst my questions cos it's too damn early for u 2 suggest this. This ought 2 b honeymoon stage n nt regret stage. Abeg brother go n watch war room cos it's nt only meant for women. devil is a liar!

Risingphoenix12:
@Sassyangel1.. . See the difference in the tone of your comments once you heard she was a woman.. habaaa.. . Lol... so not fair.. .lol

The honest truth is that Not everyone will get it right the first time.. or even at all. I met someone who divorced her first husband after 6 months. The process took 3 years. Today she is happily married to another guy and they've been together for 10 years and blessed with 3 kids. This life is not a one size fits all.

Lol @ peeping mode..

Lolzzz... Don't mind me ojare. I understd it's nt easy 4 both parties (husband and wife) nt to be happy in a union. Buh her own case made sleep tear race from my eyes ( marriage of just a month). If I could jst turn back d hands of time b4 I started having children. Kai, we(my hubby n I) could tear cloth ontop kpekus wthout disturbance, have our movie nights, engage in sensual games.... Kai, it's gd 2 marry a GOD FEARING partner and ur friend and last buh not d least, a forgiver. Even wen u hear us yabbing ourselves, u'll jst b laffing. We r completely opposite in d sense dt he's a quiet and disciplined man while I'm outspoken and carefree woman. He loves writing tins down and planning towards goals while I'm a sharp sharp person. Buh, we understd ourselves and try to bring out the comic sides to our every day life and I knw wen to calm my mouth and pet my hubby. We made up our mind dt divorce is outta our vocabulary buh I made it clear 2 him I won't take violence whether emotional or verbal ( I tested his worse case wen we were courting, so I knew he could tolerate my hyperactive mouth and mood). The funny tin of it all is dt he's the more patient partner ( I guess because he's God fearing).

Glad to hear!... indeed I'm happy for you. I wish you many decades of marital bliss. Ayo yin a kale o.

sassyangel1:


Lolzzz... Don't mind me ojare. I understd it's nt easy 4 both parties (husband and wife) nt to be happy in a union. Buh her own case made sleep tear race from my eyes ( marriage of just a month). If I could jst turn back d hands of time b4 I started having children. Kai, we(my hubby n I) could tear cloth ontop kpekus wthout disturbance, have our movie nights, engage in sensual games.... Kai, it's gd 2 marry a GOD FEARING partner and ur friend and last buh not d least, a forgiver. Even wen u hear us yabbing ourselves, u'll jst b laffing. We r completely opposite in d sense dt he's a quiet and disciplined man while I'm outspoken and carefree woman. He loves writing tins down and planning towards goals while I'm a sharp sharp person. Buh, we understd ourselves and try to bring out the comic sides to our every day life and I knw wen to calm my mouth and pet my hubby. We made up our mind dt divorce is outta our vocabulary buh I made it clear 2 him I won't take violence whether emotional or verbal ( I tested his worse case wen we were courting, so I knew he could tolerate my hyperactive mouth and mood). The funny tin of it all is dt he's the more patient partner ( I guess because he's God fearing).

Risingphoenix12:
Hi Luxed

So sorry to hear how you feel. Not to sound hypocritical, I think one month may be a bit too early to pull the D card. On the other hand, I also understand that no one else knows where the shoe pinches. I'm not a lawyer but are the feelings mutual? I.e. both of you want a dissolution of the marriage? If so, then no need to flog a dead horse. If not, I wont be quick to encourage divorce as it can be a tedious, nerve racking process.

Secondly, please never isolate yourself - whatever you decide to so.That's one of the benefits of forums like this. Always try to reach out and soon enough someone will hold your hand.

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

Wow @ suicide card... That can be heart-tugging. Pele. My mouth is heavy, I don't even know what to say again... But know this... I feel your pain...

Maybe the women may know how to comfort you better.

I'm not one for fire and brimstone words. Neither do I believe that one mistake should define you. The decision is yours to make.

As for me, I'm using this as a learning experience - to be more self aware. Getting to forgive myself for the damage I've caused. Redefining my perspectives on life. Questioning my very core - beliefs, values, mindset etc. Though this may sound cliche - but - it is well... even in the well... it is well.

Luxed:

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

Risingphoenix12:
Glad to hear!... indeed I'm happy for you. I wish you many decades of marital bliss. Ayo yin a kale o.

Thk u buh I jst didn't write an epistle. All I'm trying to type is dt no marriage is easy. There r times of laughter, times wen u feel like screaming ur lungs out, times wen u feel like crying on a shoulder(dt of ur partner ni o) et al. There r times wen we'v been rebellious to our parents, fought wth our siblings buh we still come back as a family and didn't go our seperate ways, I guess, we can still apply dt same rule to our marriages and stick together come what may or our differences. Jst view d comic side to ur wife's differences and crack a joke out of it to her and see if she won't Laff @ ur jokes. Jst my 2kobo tho.