Luxed:

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

Hmmm.:. Eleyi gidi gaan! Lemme talk 2 u as my sister( I'll be real wth u o so forgive my mouth Abi fingers). U were so lucky u saw d handwriting on d wall, still, u did strong head and fell 4 his tricks. Wat made u feel he was gonna change those attitudes wen u guys get married. I could remember wen I was still single and my old man was on my neck to get married cos he tot age was not on my side, I didn't answer him. I really tested nerves in the guys I dated so dt I'll knw d one dt can tolerate and understd me. once I see coma I'll jst tell d guy I no do again (mind u, time was not on my side buh I knew dt once I put head inside marriage, I cannot run out so I took my time and played deaf ears to everybody( nuclear and extended family members) dt was on my case to settle down). Now my advice is u need to report the case to ur pastor or imam who joined u both in holy wedlock and u shd try n forgo(farshi) some issues dt r nt worth ur sleepless nite. Go out, visit places or friends( if u r blessed wth gd and sincere friends). As far as there's no violence, there's still room for reconciliation. Take gd care of urself and try to be happy cos this life is too short for you to be stressing ur life.

Luxed:
Story of my life. Already thinking of ending a marriage that is just over a month old. I'm so unhappy. Sadly there's no one to talk to. The worst thing in life is marrying out of pity.

Why are you so unhappy?

@luxed, him playing the suicide card should have been your biggest red flag. That there is the symptom of a master manipulator. He definitely would not have killed himself if you insisted on breaking the relationship.

I guess no need flogging a dead horse by telling you what you should have done.

Best of luck

OP,
Not to sound like I don't have a soul, but what is the essence of this thread if you won't give the back story on how you ended up where you are. All I see is how this woman has treated you bad. You may not believe it but two people contribute to the destruction of a marriage.

I hope you have taken time to evaluate your contribution or lack of to the destruction of the marriage. Without a sincere reflection on your flaws, you may just be jumping from frying pan to fire. It's hard for me to pat you in the back about your decision when you are being very sketchy about what caused your marriage to come to this extent. However you are quite good at pointing fingers. Just my opinion....

Luxed:

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

You are not responsible for someone else's happiness. It's not fair to have that on you and for you to put that on anyone else.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I'm not saying divorce but maybe time apart to think is what is needed.

Take the time out to figure out what you want for yourself and encourage him to do the same. Emphasise that no decisions are being made as yet, it is apparent that he needs time to find himself and what makes him happy(obviously the fact that he has associated life being g meaningless without you indicates that he has issues that he needs to figure out independent of you. Codependancy isn't healthy.)

In all, whatever you decide whenever you feel you are certain that it is the best course of action, stick to it and don't second guess yourself. Whether it is to rebuild together or forge ahead separately. You have one life, live it for you and not what others would think.

Cococandy, I sight you. How's Bubba and hubby? Hope you guys are all doing fab. Xx

Luxed:

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

Hehe.... is this a joke? You actually married a man that threatened to commit suicide without you? Why? What issues or insecurities do you have that you feel you deserve such a person!? Even if you succeed in leaving him because trust me you are in for it on this one, you really need to work on yourself and why you will end up trying to please someone at your detriment. To get away from such people you will first have to ghost for like 6months before filing for divorce. Goodluck to you o.

shaybebaby:
Cococandy, I sight you. How's Bubba and hubby? Hope you guys are all doing fab. Xx

Yes darling we are. Thanks
And you guys?

Ahn ahn @baby124.. are we fighting ni?

If you read through well, I have never said anything negative about my ex. It's not about her being a bad person... I think it's more about me not being introspective and genuine enough. I mentioned how I over-estimated my capacity. I highlighted some differences that I had overlooked. I even said that I don't think I make her happy...

I mentioned that it would have been better if I was her friend and not her husband. I also understand that I've caused damage. I'm not looking for any pat on the back o... habaaa.. .

The essence of this thread is for me to document my progress through this ordeal and then to come back after a few years and hopefully see how far I've come.

I am not a saint and won't paint myself as one. We all make mistakes and maybe mine just has far-reaching consequences. Aye o le to yen... thanks for your opinion.

baby124:
OP,
Not to sound like I don't have a soul, but what is the essence of this thread if you won't give the back story on how you ended up where you are. All I see is how this woman has treated you bad. You may not believe it but two people contribute to the destruction of a marriage.

I hope you have taken time to evaluate your contribution or lack of to the destruction of the marriage. Without a sincere reflection on your flaws, you may just be jumping from frying pan to fire. It's hard for me to pat you in the back about your decision when you are being very sketchy about what caused your marriage to come to this extent. However you are quite good at pointing fingers. Just my opinion....

cococandy:
@luxed, him playing the suicide card should have been your biggest red flag. That there is the symptom of a master manipulator. He definitely would not have killed himself if you insisted on breaking the relationship.

I guess no need flogging a dead horse by telling you what you should have done.

Best of luck

I knew he was being manipulative. It was my dad who he kept calling that put me under pressure. I knew I would regret my actions, but I have always been the type of child that loves to please her parents. I watched our wedding video yesterday and I shook my head all through. There was no excitement on my face at all. Anyone could tell all wasn't right. Let me not derail risingphoenix12 's thread.
I'm looking at travelling out to start afresh. Thanks all

Luxed:

Thank you. We dated for 5 years and he hurt me over and over through those years. I moved on but he played the suicide card and I gave in. I told him my feelings were dead before the marriage. I stay up crying most nights and he knows it's because of how I feel. I stayed to make him happy but I'm so unhappy. I can't spend the rest of my life like this, I have to get out.

Hia shinarlaura comman see op ooo

shaybebaby:
Why are you so unhappy?

Hia Nna eh negodu nu quations-nu

cococandy:

Yes darling we are. Thanks
And you guys?

We good thanks, grateful for life, love and our health. When you bringing yourself and the gorgeous little madam over to this side of the pond? Tell bossman that we are waiting oh.

Martin0:
Hia Nna eh negodu nu quations-nu

But why?

shaybebaby:

But why?

she dey suffer na,abi u want make her husby commit suicides

shaybebaby:
But why?

sur say u get love so? Abeg ooo u go need to the do like that woman is u find urself in such situation

Martin0:
she dey suffer na,abi u want make her husby commit suicides

If he does, that would be unfortunate but still his responsibility not hers.

She would cry, but move on with someone who is mentally balanced.

The husband doesn't love her, he is controlling and using the threat of harming himself to induce her to stay.

Martin0:
sur say u get love so?
Abeg ooo u go need to the do like that woman is u find urself in such situation

Didn't quite get this..
You sound like a friend of mine on here. Same wit.

shaybebaby:

If he does, that would be unfortunate but still his responsibility not hers.

She would cry, but move on with someone who is mentally balanced.

The husband doesn't love her, he is controlling and using the threat of harming himself to induce her to stay.

Didn't quite get this..
You sound like a friend of mine on here. Same wit.

Oh am happy u know that hence the woman is helpless so what can we do


I mean if it was u what will u do?

Martin0:


Oh am happy u know that hence the woman is helpless so what can we do


I mean if it was u what will u do?

I'd get him sectioned and move on. What would you do?

shaybebaby:

I'd get him sectioned and move on. What would you do?

shytt u get him sectioned

Me

Well if I really really love her and I see she don't love me back,I will ask her why she did not love me,If she gives a good reason we split

But after we split aww travel out of the country so I can cut out the feelings with her coz the more I see her it grows

Risingphoenix12:
Ahn ahn @baby124.. are we fighting ni?

If you read through well, I have never said anything negative about my ex. It's not about her being a bad person... I think it's more about me not being introspective and genuine enough. I mentioned how I over-estimated my capacity. I highlighted some differences that I had overlooked. I even said that I don't think I make her happy...

I mentioned that it would have been better if I was her friend and not her husband. I also understand that I've caused damage. I'm not looking for any pat on the back o... habaaa.. .

The essence of this thread is for me to document my progress through this ordeal and then to come back after a few years and hopefully see how far I've come.

I am not a saint and won't paint myself as one. We all make mistakes and maybe mine just has far-reaching consequences. Aye o le to yen... thanks for your opinion.

We are not fighting o. That was just what I noticed. It was obvious to me that you may have hurt your wife who has emotionally checked out of the marriage and she doesn't care anymore. Even if she said she would not have married someone like you. Not everyone has the strength to love a sick person unconditionally. It takes inner strength and if you really did love her, you would not hold on to that as a point for divorce. She was just being honest, because you asked for her honest opinion. I hope you did not make her ill health the center of pity for you and lord it over her.

Also stating that you married her with her medical condition out of pity for her, when it's obvious she did not see herself as a pity case is one of the things getting to you. Why should she pity herself all her life, when she has probably accepted her fate. Did you want someone who was constantly brooding and depressed? Did you use her case as a way to feel you could do what you liked and she will never leave?

I feel you really need to humble yourself and think deeply about what you are trying to do. Like I said earlier, I don't know the back story because you are not giving it. But if you give yourself the time to truly think of your role and what happened in the marriage without being emotional and angry. If you put yourself in her shoes and re-evaluate all you have done. You may just come to a different conclusion. If it's still divorce on your mind then by all means do it.

Sometimes we do things to people because we think it's right, without considering how the other person feels about the said action and if it is right in their own perspective. We are all different people with different opinions and perspectives. So you will never find anyone that will agree with you 100% of the time or you get bored very quickly and run out again. This is my opinion anyway like I said before.

It's interesting how people can read a situation and then infer something completely different. Lol..

Truth is that we don't see things the way they are.. we see things the way we are...

baby124:

.

Onegai:
Well, don't let me stop you if both your minds are made up about Divorce. I did see an interesting statistic recently: a huge number of people regret getting their divorces, and upto 60% of men regret their divorce more than women. Which is fascinating but understandable, because most people are too caught up in how bad things feel. And things can feel bad for a very long time.
Here's a blog you may like:

https://mustbethistalltoride.com/an-open-letter-to-shitty-husbands/

He's divorced and he said, he never thought it would happen to him because he didn't do anything wrong, yet was a shitty husband. He also says his wife didn't do anything wrong yet was a shitty wife. And they both regret their divorce. His quote is "Good men and women can make Shitty husbands and wives".

Thanks

Cc: crackhaus & Risingphoenix12

Risingphoenix12:
It's interesting how people can read a situation and then infer something completely different. Lol..

Truth is that we don't see things the way they are.. we see things the way we are...

I agree. You are seeing things the way you are. That is why you cannot see the full picture. Which is what I am giving you as a third person reading your story. I have absolutely nothing to gain from your experience. The fact is if you carry the way you approach things to another marriage, it won't work either because you have to work on you.

If you cannot be honest with yourself in life, you will never get the best. By the way you won't post this in the family section if you didn't want the attention that comes with commenting on your posts. Not everyone reads a story and believes it hook line and sinker. There are holes in your story and I am pointing it out.

Lol.

baby124:

I agree. You are seeing things the way you are.
That is why you cannot see the full picture. Which is what I am giving you as a third person reading your story. Everyone reading this including the writer is seeing the situation from their perspective. Your inferences are also drawn from where you stand and your perspective - i.e. who/ the way you are.


I have absolutely nothing to gain from your experience.Thats great! But there may be others who do and even if there isnt. I have a whole lot to gain from this experience.


The fact is if you carry the way you approach things to another marriage, it won't work either because you have to work on you. Working on me is the whole point of this journal. I thought that I made that pretty clear from the beginning.

If you cannot be honest with yourself in life, you will never get the best. By the way you won't post this in the family section if you didn't want the attention that comes with commenting on your posts. If you read my earlier comments, I've always been open to comments. I think someone had earlier suggested it being a diary. I selected family section cos that's what was most suitable.


Not everyone reads a story and believes it hook line and sinker. Loool.. OMG! And I'll be lying becauusseee?

There are holes in your story and I am pointing it out. Loool... you'll always find what you are looking for...

Risingphoenix12:
Lol.

Lol. I am sorry but I hope you come back and read this post well in future when hindsight is 20/20. It's glaring why you are in the position you are in right now. Goodluck with your divorce process.

LOL.. Thanks ... OMG!

baby124:

Lol. I am sorry but I hope you come back and read this post well in future when hindsight is 20/20. It's glaring why you are in the position you are in right now. Goodluck with your divorce process.

shaybebaby:

We good thanks, grateful for life, love and our health. When you bringing yourself and the gorgeous little madam over to this side of the pond? Tell bossman that we are waiting oh.

I really don't know for sure yet.
Maybe next year. Fingers crossed

baby124:

I agree. You are seeing things the way you are. That is why you cannot see the full picture. Which is what I am giving you as a third person reading your story. I have absolutely nothing to gain from your experience. The fact is if you carry the way you approach things to another marriage, it won't work either because you have to work on you.

If you cannot be honest with yourself in life, you will never get the best. By the way you won't post this in the family section if you didn't want the attention that comes with commenting on your posts. Not everyone reads a story and believes it hook line and sinker. There are holes in your story and I am pointing it out.

I don't think you understand what Risingphoenix12 wrote.
He never said any negative thing about his wife, neither did he say he married her out of pity despite her medical condition.
When he got to know about the medical condition,he felt he can handle it. Many people have made such mistake, love makes us thing we can handle anything but in reality it's not always like that. But then, that's not the sole reason for the divorce.
Divorce should always be the last resort, after one must have exhausted other approach.
Op whatever you do, the kids happiness should be paramount.
Forever is too long, for one to be unhappy.
Me kuku dey read and learn.

Wetin she do gan?

cococandy:

I really don't know for sure yet.
Maybe next year. Fingers crossed

Okey doke, as long as you promise to keep me in the loop whenever you do. Xx

Chommieblaq:


I don't think you understand what Risingphoenix12 wrote.
He never said any negative thing about his wife, neither did he say he married her out of pity despite her medical condition.
When he got to know about the medical condition,he felt he can handle it. Many people have made such mistake, love makes us thing we can handle anything but in reality it's not always like that. But then, that's not the sole reason for the divorce.
Divorce should always be the last resort, after one must have exhausted other approach.
Op whatever you do, the kids happiness should be paramount.
Forever is too long, for one to be unhappy.
Me kuku dey read and learn.

You can leave your comment and move on without quoting me on things that are not clear to you. I am obviously not the only one that said OP married out of pity. What does superman complex and some other words mean?. I won't bother wasting my time to go back and quote the OP on matters that have been concluded. Don't quote me again.