PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) - Literature - Nairaland
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| PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 8:07pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Just wan fain trouble sha. They say, "the fastest way to get a man to marry you, is to cook his best meal and serve it with a chilled bottle of coke. Okay, nobody said that... I just totally made that up. But, if it was true, then PamelB would never get married.  PamelB, was my church crush, in the sense that we attended the same church. And she was in the choir oh yeah, Choir church crush! But you see, she wasn't like any other choir girl you know. Forget those "head-tie wearing, Ankle skirt or Oversized sleeves" girls you're probably imagining. PamelB get class, and ass too not sure which was more, but both were in abundance. Her figure eight ( shape wasn't helping matters, not to talk of her clear American accent. Mehn! Angels had to be made this way. So yeah, we eventually started dating after I broke forcefully out of the deep shackles of friend zone I was submerged in *middle finger village witches*  During the course of our dating, she kept complaining about the money I spent eating out and buying junk food. I never really had a problem with this cause I barely had time to cook for myself. Always busy with my career as an aspiring young Artist. Anyways, she offered to cook and insisted on spending the weekend with me. She was going to "spoil me silly" with different kinds of dishes i had never tasted. I knew right then, that I had found the one. No more Okpa and indomie for one week. Goodbye carbohydrates! Hello protein!! I fell deeper in love. Saturday finally arrived, and I was treated to a huge plate of palatable Egusi soup. See ehn, I'm not much of a Bible story kinda guy, but after first taste, I knew instantly that soup must have been inspired by the story of Lot and the Pillar of Salt and the story of Uncle Moses and egyptian snake in bible. Yeah! That girl prepared my dishe with Snake meat. Dunno where the hell she got that from. i Guess she must somehow related to Lalasticlala or Mynd44. (Daddies, mae una no vex o na joke)  My Egusi soup was filled with the missing parts of the Magician's Snake and the Pillar of Salt. I'm not joking, I might have as well, ordered a salt solution instead. Heck! it felt like it. But I let it slide, maybe she was just nervous cooking for me for the first time. Love, really is blind. By evening, we had Beans or should I even call it that? :-/ Beans used to be my favourite food, until PamelB catwalked or rather still, Dogwalked into my life. Now all I see when I think of Beans is horror and battlefields. You think I'm lying? Okay, picture David and Goliath. Yep, remember those stones David picked before the fight? Yep! those ones. They were present in my dinner plate. Actually, I think I had more stones than Beans for dinner but then again Love prevailed, I let it slide. It was when I saw her washing the rice with soap and sponge the next morning, I knew that I was finished. "Amadioha Chim oo!! ", I shouted! But deep down, I was certain the end was finally here. At that moment, I knew my village witches had won the battle they were probably twerking to a Gospel beat sef at that time. It's been three weeks since that weekend and I've not had the mind to return her calls or texts. Please, how do you arrange your lips to tell somebody you're not doing again without hurting her feelings? Brother zone or friendzone has never felt more perfect to me. I willingly zone myself. I give up abeg, I'm not doing again pikoh. Can't just come and go and die... I jus pray she sees this. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by TANKDESTROYER(m): 8:20pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
| chai.... |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 8:28pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Streetmade(m): 9:17pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Lwkm,u try 4 dis joor |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 10:48pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by bimberry1307(f): 3:27pm On Aug 04, 2017 |
PamelB don finally kill this guy. Lwkmd |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Dessydemmy: 4:40pm On Aug 04, 2017 |
Chai!!! I won't take this, not agaisnt my Pam. I wan die for laugh here my dear brother.@ Pam, you just dont worry i gat your back cos I know this is not the truth nothing but lie. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 8:08pm On Aug 04, 2017 |
bimberry1307: Aunty, abeg, epp me tell her that ayam not feeling fine. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 8:09pm On Aug 04, 2017 |
Dessydemmy: |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by PamelB(f): 6:24pm On Aug 06, 2017 |
Lol. |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Oyindawealth(f): 10:24pm On Aug 06, 2017 |
Wow!!! Dis is one hell of a funny piece!! I luv it!! Lol.......... |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 9:36pm On Aug 07, 2017 |
PamelB:Aunty, Guru even. |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 9:39pm On Aug 07, 2017 |
PamelB:Aunty, Guru even. |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 9:40pm On Aug 07, 2017 |
Oyindawealth: Thanks M'am... |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Galacious1: 9:53pm On Aug 07, 2017 |
Nice piece. Reminds me of NaijaSingleGirl |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 11:14am On Aug 08, 2017 |
Galacious1: thanks broh |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by muller101(m): 11:29am On Aug 08, 2017 |
With that kind of wife. Op u are not just finished. U are COMPLETELY FINISHED |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by PamelB(f): 8:39am On Aug 09, 2017 |
Iamkuttie:pray I don't catch you because this time, na granite and sedimentary rock you go chop. Good morning 1 Like |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 11:41am On Aug 09, 2017 |
muller101: no be lie mhen. |
| Re: PamelB My Wonderful Cook Church Crush (short Story) by Iamkuttie(m): 11:41am On Aug 09, 2017 |
PamelB: abeg ooo. 1 Like |
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