A friend of mine recently lamented badly how he has been subjected to a mere source of income for his wife's family. Apart from buying things for them during festive periods, he is still been called on every now and then to take care of minor issues that should ordinarily be taken care of the family. There are grown up men in his wife's family but this young man will still be called on to foot medical bills of his father-in-law, support house rent and other funny things such as paying for DSTV subscription. Whenever he complained to the wife about these, she would tell him if members of her family could help, they would have done that. The eldest male in the family who is almost 42 still calls my friend for financial assistance!

Now, my question is: Does it mean if my pal's wife didn't marry him, the entire family would have been wiped out by financial problems? I personally feel his unnecessary kindness towards the family is becoming a huge burden in life. I believe he is been used.

I believe this is a common phenomenon in some families which makes it look as if it is the responsibility of a man to cater for his wife's family no matter how comfortable or not the man may be.

Yr friend is been control by d woman pussy, he should visit TB Joshua

ojun50:
Yr friend is been control by d woman pussy, he should visit TB Joshua

Lol! I think some Nigerian parents feel their sons-in-law owe them financial assistance.

Its because he still renders assistance thats y they keep coming ...the moment he stops and i mean STOP...they would back off

I have been in such situation bfor up to the extent that even bfore my salary comes it has already finish

I would now see myself asking people for tips just to sustain till another month end

But ever since i learnt not to always say yes ...i have remains now

Let your friend do same too

Rapmoney:
Lol! I think some Nigerian parents feel their sons-in-law owe them financial assistance.

all fall down to hw u lay yr bed oh. He should called is wife nd discussed it with her. He should act has a man

BornnAgainChild:
Its because he still renders assistance thats y they keep coming ...the moment he stops and i mean STOP...they would back off

I have been in such situation bfor up to the extent that even bfore my salary comes it has already finish

I would now see myself asking people for tips just to sustain till another month end

But ever since i learnt not to always say yes ...i have remains now

Let your friend do same too

He doesn't want to create bad blood between him and the in-laws and he is suffering for it.

When I have not finished taking care of my own family.

thesicilian:
When I have not finished taking care of my own family.

A man's priority should be his immediate family - that's wife and kid(s).

No, it is not his job, but this is Nigeria, we do the whole extended family thing a lot and this is one of its downsides. He is their son by extension and should help out when necessary _ at his convenience.
The wife should go get a job and fend for her people.

It's not only in-laws that are guilty of this, even direct family members. There should be set boundaries in your dealings with extended family members. This one is paining him bitterly because it's in-laws. He might not complain much if it were his direct family.

When your friend is ready to put a stop to it _he will.

Maybe your friend no pay the bride price finish, na by installment

Or

Your friend had set a bad precedent and they all assume he likes to give.
Why would someone that can't afford to pay DSTV subscription be watching DStv

Rapmoney:
A man's priority should be his immediate family - that's wife and kid(s).

Exactly. Every other person is simply out of the goodness of your heart, not as a right.

His wife's people are not his responsibility and your friend knows it.
How long has he been married? They are probably still in the honeymoon stage and it is easy for him to be swayed by his wife.
When your friend is ready for it to stop he will put an end to it. He is not yet ready that is why he is still lamenting and doing nothing about the situation

It's not mandatory your "friend" has parents as well does he not? Rather than lament about things he need to talk to the wife as she is most likely the ambassador every relationship needs boundaries regardless of culture.

Rapmoney:
Lol! I think some Nigerian parents feel their sons-in-law owe them financial assistance.

That's so wrong on all levels .

No self respecting family will do that.

It's lack of shame, what a terrible family to marry from.

You'll be surprised at how the same wife will not want the man to financially support any member of his own family.
The man is a ....

Let me not use the word I was going to. Afterall, it's not my consign.
Let me comman be going

The longer he continues to give in to their requests, the longer they'll continue to demand money from him.

What is their culture as regards marriage?

OP When your friend is ready to stop, he will. for now he is not..

thesicilian:
When I have not finished taking care of my own family.

I tire o

Yes, if there was an understanding that he would do so.
Stop promising what you can't deliver.

But if there was no such agreement, it is not your responsibility.

Why on earth should I take care of my wife's family?
I made that so clear from the first day of our marriage. Made it very very clear

A man sure owes his in-laws support but not obligation. However, on this case under deliberation, it's obvious that the man's in-laws are opportunists, so he should set boundaries immediately.

Yes, but you are not the man to do so. Don't they have men in their family? Your responsibility is to your wife alone, if you are blessed you may decide to extend that blessing to them, but it is not your responsibility.
If they have problems they should go and hold Buhari or their state government. They are d ones responsible for d masses. Not you.

Am just here to read comments



@hope Naso the family poor reach?

NO!

For Some family especially if u marry our sisters from the east....its ur duty ooo...cos its a like they did u a great favour by allowing u marry their daughter

...infact as u guys are starting the union...if u are fairly financially comfortable .[/b]they will shock u and ur wife with one or two siblings that you will be taking care of steadily....
[b]
If u are very very very financially okay ..haaaaaaa!!....u will build house for them in the village oooo, replace ur father inlaw's bicycle with a car...
Bye regular holanldis for the mother inlaw...(Igbo mother inlaws don't joke with holandis ooo) she won't even be far from ur crib..men still have some shame so u won't see the father inlaw much...u will pay school fees of siblings oooo...

#no offence to Igbos, just stating experience from my elder brother's union....ndo!!!....emabinu!!

But all in all, Igbos are not bad pple..the wife sabi cook anytime I crayfish go my bro side....and they don't cheat like our ijebu afonja women once they are married...I stand to be corrected though

People gotta learn to say no. I mean capital NO

It is a suffering & smiling something. But goes a long way to protect your reputation & respect ( That's contributing & not taking up all of it).


Come to think of it, if you're wickedly broke your wife's people won't even remember your name talk more of pushing responsibilities to you. Lol

See dem with talk

He has to learn to say NO! It is not as if the wife is an only child!