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Dear Pals Please I Need Assistance With My Writing. Correct Me Where I'm Wrong - Literature - Nairaland

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What's The Correct Usage Of "In Other To" And "In Order To" / (NAME ONE NOVEL AND SOMEONE WILL QUOTE WITH THE AUTHOR). HAPPY SUNDAY PALS / Dear Pals Please I Need Contribution In My Writing. Correct Me Where I'm Wrong (2) (3) (4)

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Dear Pals Please I Need Assistance With My Writing. Correct Me Where I'm Wrong by Victoya1(f): 12:37pm On Aug 25, 2017
Kyle sat quietly as echoes from his classmates engulfed him.

It was "recess", which meant papers flying from every corner of the class, girls gossiping, some others eating it playing, while some searched for whom to pick on.

He wondered what group to fall in as he held a pencil between his fingers, twisting it as he thought on what to do. A slammed fist on his desk told kyle he now belonged to a group.

" What do we have here?" A rough tone asked.

Kyle looked up to a fat boy with a protruding belly accompanied by two lanky boys almost same height as the fat boy.
Kyle knew who they were, few weeks in this school yet Kyle always ignored them as he had done since his first day. Kyle called them Bill & the minions.

"I asked a question little worm!"

Truly Kyle wasn't up to anything yet, & Bill's interruption seemed to make things worse. This angered Kyle but as usual, he kept silent. Searching for ideas seemed to be his priority.

Bill getting frustrated bursted out

"I hope you pee on your pants right now coz I'll pounce on you like a monster!" Bill said grinning wickedly.

Kyle's eyes lit up like a child who's dreams just came true.

"Wow silent puppy, you really love playing dump"
"Let me show you how to talk" Bill said raising his fist on Kyle.

"What's going on here?" A voice interrupted.
Everyone hurried to their seats except Bill & his minions.

"Bill?"

Bill turned to Miss Clara their teacher, standing tall before the class.

"I was just about to leave ma" He said, turning to Kyle,
"I'll see you soon, I hope you liked it".

And he was right Kyle thought. He liked it, he liked " Bill the Monster".

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Re: Dear Pals Please I Need Assistance With My Writing. Correct Me Where I'm Wrong by Kayceenaz(m): 9:36am On Aug 29, 2017
Victoya1, your writing is quite impressive. I suggest you employ at least four paragraphs to structure your short stories, because it adds compactness as well as beauty to them. Also, endeavour to give a more pictorial description of your setting so as to give the reader a clearer insight to the "where" and its surrounding of occurrence.

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Re: Dear Pals Please I Need Assistance With My Writing. Correct Me Where I'm Wrong by Victoya1(f): 1:35pm On Aug 29, 2017
Thanks I'll do my best

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