The transfer window closed 11 pm last night and this is my summary of all the 'top 5' club's activities.

Manchester United: Thug life! That's the only way to describe them. Tied up all their deals long before the season even started. Jose Mourinho could have been in some pub on the last day of the window, smoking a Cuban cigar and taking some shots of Tequila while listening to the glory, glory Man United song. Like a boss!

Manchester City : They once said Pep Guardiola is the master of 'youth development'. That when kids sign for him, they don't even have to play to become world class. They become world class just by gazing at Pep Guardiola. It turns out he is a chequebook manager who doesn't give a fvck about youth policy. Where do i even start from? Sending out a promising youngster in Kelechi Ihenacho, Jando Sancho; a promising lad from the Academy, downing tools and running away to Dortmund, The continuous redressing and papering over cracks with millions since he arrived. His defence alone was touted as being more than the budget of Ghana and several Caribbean nations! The attack? Well why not buy Bernado Silva and add to an already crowded attack. Why not use Sterling (a so-called young prospect who was supposed to become another Messi under Guardiola) as a player plus cash option for the ageing Alexis Sanchez. What a farce! Struggles against mid-table teams with all this talent at his disposal. Let's see what this billion pound-in-2-years manager can achieve as the season goes, but don't ever call the man a genius near me again. His new name is 'fraudiola' Aka the Chequebook one.

Chelsea : Rumors of disCONTEnt all through the window, which reared it's head in a litany of haphazard dealings and player snubbings, the like i have never seen done to a championship winning team before. It started off with Lukaku making a U-turn in the most dramatic fashion, then a late Chelsea bid to match United's bid, to turn Lukaku's head and save face, but when your ex goes, please let him or her go and so Lukaku did. Sorry guys i found love somewhere, ain't coming back. Then they settled with surprisingly the target United dropped. They basically signed a United reject. And that wasn't just the only united reject they signed, they completed a deal for Danny Drinkwater after the window closed last night. Another United reject who luckily for them has an EPL title winning medal, so he can't be that bad. Rudiger, Bakayoko are some names that came earlier in the window and it's looked like a good window anyway bar the series of rejections by average joe's, it was laughable. Oxlade Chamberlain and Ross Barkely are as average as it gets and both turned down Chelsea in spectacular fashion. Crazy!

Liverpool: Great window? Well u'd think so. But for a club that wants to challenge for a title in England and on the continent, they are joking. You CANNOT challenge with Salah, Robertson, Solanke and Oxlade Chamberlain as your transfer in's. You cannot! They play good high pressing football (which will even wear out soon enough as always) but with a Coca Cola Championship defense like that, their days of scandalous losses aren't far from over.

Arsenal: Like they say, save the best for the last. The name Arsenal invokes laughter nowadays. It's that bad! Another $hitty window yet again. A new exciting season 12 of the serie: Wenger and the joke factory. This new season is shaping up to be even more exciting than the previous 11. I once said Arsene Wenger has set out this time to punish Arsenal fans for the way they've treated him in previous years and i don't think i am far from the truth. I cannot wrap my head around the countless errors this club continues to make every transfer window. Lets go like this:

1. You play Oxlade Chamberlain who wants out against Liverpool and get thoroughly beaten. He then moves to a new club after the disgraceful drubbing which honestly is the norm at Arsenal these days. And to where? the same freaking Liverpool. The same Liverpool who won't sell you Luiz Suarez just a few years ago. Small doctor calls that Penalty.

2. You have a player who doesn't want to stay, you mess up his transfer which means he stays but only for a few months after which he can move for free to his desired destination. You could have gotten millions now but no, you prefer to get nothing for a good player who some mugs up at Manchester were willing to to pay top dollar but will get now for nothing. Amazing economics.

3. You weaken your team further by selling a defender, a winger and some couple of 'babies'. You get one free player and another for a so-called club record. One you can't even play against Liverpool away! You fake big bids when you aren't going to truly buy, just so the fans will say "we tried", "we even made a £90 million plus bid" "we are a big club now". Like Ramsey said on an Oxlade Chamberlain picture #shaammbles. Don't get me started on his fake explanation.

The press will have a field day with Arsene Wenger and Arsenal all season, rival fans will be relishing a... sorry! scratch that..Another thumping for them, even their fans are waiting to be walked over like before. It's ground hog day for the 'goners'.

Tottenham? Like i said at the beginning, top 5 clubs. Nobody gives a $hit about some pretenders who bottle it at the last minute everytime like their London brothers Arsenal.

There goes your transfer window. Now the real deal starts.

cc Lalasticlala, Seun